About a year ago, my only friend left, because of her aunt, who wasn't happy about her being friends with me. She would call my friend's parents and start lying to them about her being a "slut" in here, so her parents told her aunt to send her off to them. This affected me a lot, because we used to do almost everything together. We shared a lot in common ( not living at home with our own parents, problems, etc) We went to gym, dance classes, school, shopping, karaoke, even work...everything together. At the moment, my brother was having a big surgery and i was at the hospital taking care of my brother. My cellphone didnt have service at the hospital, so after 1-2 days I went home to rest and checked my phone and found out that she left. Her aunt took away her phone and didn't let her contact me, so i didnt have any chance to get in touch. When i was in the hospital during those days, she tried to contact me via phone, mail, other friends....but my phone was off, so she couldnt do anything, so she snuck out during the night to meet this other friend of ours to let him pass her letter to me. I got it after few days and found out that her aunt made her go back. I felt like i lost everything. Family in hospital...bestfriend who left...i felt awful :'( and it was my birthday. I started to smoke and lose myself. and i felt really lonely. everyone would be hanging out with theirs friends and have fun, i didnt have anyone else to count on. I just found a job and starting working. I would go to work and come home, work and home, work and home, etc. On the way, i would listen to music and smoke...and sometimes sob :'(
Now...its been almost 7 months ...I am a college student. i used to work full time, but my boss just fired me. I am still smoking. I wanna quit, but I just feel that I am not strong enough to quit. ( stupid me
) I am still sad and so hurt deep down. When i try to be friends with other people, there is no one that i can trust like i trusted my bestfriend. No one knows that I smoke, because I cant trust them at all. My bestfriend's aunt is going around and telling people so many bad things about me. I hear them from people time to time. People who heard them are telling their kids not to be my friend. I am so hurt. Trust me. I wasn't a bad influence on my friend at all. Her aunt was weird, because she grew up that way. Anyways, i just wanna be a strong person. i dont want anyone to hurt me emotionally again. And i am so stressed from everything. I am learning as an international student and my tuition is like crazy high. I don't even understand myself. Because i feel soooo lonely, nothing seems interesting to me. I feel like no one understands me or everyone is not good enough to trust. I am like living in an invisible cage or something. I don't see my purpose of living, going to school, or doing anything. More than anything...i wanna quit smoking, but its just hard. I am becoming really cold-hearted( you can say). Before I wanted to help others, be nice to others, etc....but now..i dont care. I dont even care about myself. Please help me
and also...how do you guys become a stronger person? motivation, dreams, etc....anything would help me.
