[I.said.hi]

So. Let me make this straight.

This is long. If you don't want to read something long, please back out. Thanks.

First I am a Korean (asian).

This is not a 'ranting' thread where I rant about this "contemplation" of mine. Rather I just want to see it from the perspective of other high school students, college students, to even graduates.


There seems to be this misconception, especially amongst asian values, that going to a Cal state or even community college will doom your chances of being successful in life, compared to those who have attended "actual" universities.
My mom has drilled in my mindset her 'asian' standards that going to a UC is a must, going to a cal state is horror, and attending community college will be the end of your life. I've witnessed first hand as to the consequences of "earning" F's, D's, and C's from my brother's "supposed" failure in education. He was a smart guy, very competitive in academics; yet as he transitioned in to Junior High he transformed to a child without any palatable views of education between my parents and him. He simply lost interest in 'academics.' Thus, he ended up attending a community college and plans to transfer after his sophomore year.

I obviously condemn him for bringing home F's, D's, and C's, and of course I know that it's his fault and he did wrong in ignoring his education. Yet my parents, having the "asian creed", find it necessary to emphasize the difference between a cal state and UC. After my brother's plummet, all the pressure, hopes, and attention was on me to fill the gaps that my older brother failed to do. I have taken rigorous courses, all honors and Ap's necessary. Yet, my junior year I began to slack. I take 2 Aps, all honor courses, with one art class for visual arts (1 year credit). I am currently a junior, and I can guarantee that I will bring home a C, 2 A's, and 3 B's (not impressive scores to qualify to Uc's).

Obviously with my grades turning in course, my mom 'had' to turn her course in the path of education as well. She came to me a while back (beginning of junior year) and told me that all she wanted was for me to "work my best and just get in to college; find a job that you like, and go for it." I, feeling the temptation to test her words (she's sometimes hypocritical; you know asian parents), asked "what if i don't get in to a UC, rather a cal state?" Shockingly she responded with a "I don't care, as long as you try your best and succeed in whatever you love to do."

Now this was a battle for my mind. Was she using her legendary child psychology in persuading me to try my best to raise my grade and average GPA through the power of guilt? Or did she truly mean what she said.
I once again tested her and expressed, "Mom, I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer. I want to be a journalist."
I excepted a lecture from the woman who had preached the importance of a UC, successful job, and money all throughout my life.
Yet she humbly stated "Go for it."

Many would argue that her words are an opportunity to stride and take comfort in life, with less burden than before. Yet, this woman,my mom that truly love, in the past has expressed my 'failure' and her 'disappointment' in me which resulted in my lack of esteem. Furthermore, she being a typical asian mom, has always compared me with her friend's daughter or even my family members, which also led to her common criticism of my work and performance in school. This 'revelation' by my mom through the epiphany that one can actually succeed in their life even if they go to a lower 'college' is truly shocking.

I understand that UC's ARE of higher rank and prestige compared to cal states and definitely community college. Yet, my average GPA (in my opinion) does not match up to the 'average' GPA of the accepted UC students (of course I will definitely apply). I also understand that my mom wanted the best for her daughter, thus resorting to harsh criticism to create a more 'competitive' edge in her daughter. Yet, I believe that rather than the title of a "University of California", one must excel towards the career that one enjoys, for that career will mold one's future.

I, as stated previously, want to be a journalist. Yet, i know that i am definitely capable of being admitted (will be) to Cal State fullerton. However, the UC's are also possible, but the chances are vague.

In conclusion....

You may be wondering why this asian girl is vehemently "expressing" her story of an asian life under an asian mom with an asian creed?

Well, the truth is, although my mom stated that she is 'perfectly' fine with me going to a cal state after all those years of emphasizing a UC, I feel a bit uneasy about attending a Cal State. I heard that the journalism/ communications program at Cal State fullerton is great. Yet, my mom's past continuous criticism of my academic performance, and her preachings of never succeeding in life if I attend a Cal state, still haunt to this day. I know it's ridiculous because the success of one depends on their skills, talent, and determination.

That's why I want to hear your perspective of this situation, as in (although this may sound EXTREMELY RIDICULOUS), I need an assurance that one can succeed even if going to a cal state.

I just need assurance... and your opinion/ personal experience to this situation.

Thanks.

[felinius]

Well, the truth is, although my mom stated that she is 'perfectly' fine with me going to a cal state after all those years of emphasizing a UC, I feel a bit uneasy about attending a Cal State. I heard that the journalism/ communications program at Cal State fullerton is great. Yet, my mom's past continuous criticism of my academic performance, and her preachings of never succeeding in life if I attend a Cal state, still haunt to this day. I know it's ridiculous because the success of one depends on their skills, talent, and determination.

That's why I want to hear your perspective of this situation, as in (although this may sound EXTREMELY RIDICULOUS), I need an assurance that one can succeed even if going to a cal state.

I just need assurance... and your opinion/ personal experience to this situation.

Thanks.

Wow, jeeze ... lol.

Forget what your mom told you. If you go to a Cal State and you work hard, do internships, make connections, then you can succeed more than just going to a UC and not doing any of that.

I also think that one "succeeding" or "failing" really depends on what kind of a job field you go into, not the kind of school that you go to (accredited ones). The big thing is that you can succeed going to any kind of accredited school if you put enough work into it.

[reteP]

it really comes down to what YOU make of it. you can go to a UC and do nothing but go out all day, or you can go to a STATE and study your ass off, do extracurricular, and get internships. its all about what you do!

[onesmartcookie]

I heard that the journalism/ communications program at Cal State fullerton is great...
I know it's ridiculous because the success of one depends on their skills, talent, and determination.

It's your life.
Do what YOU want to do.

Now what are you waiting for? = )

[I.said.hi]

It's your life.
Do what YOU want to do.

Now what are you waiting for? = )

hmm. that's actually right.

I DON'T know what I'm waiting for.

[f0reveralways]

Junior Year:
AP Eng: C / C
Physics: A / A
US History: A / A
AP Chemistry: B / B
Pre-Calculus (H): B / C
Culinary Arts I: A / A

as you can see, my grades weren't the best, but i got into Davis and Irvine for fall 2008. remember, there's much more to admissions than just grades.

-----

Anyway, i remember when i was in high school, i was also under the impression that i absolutely must go to a UC or university. I could not even imagine the thought of going to a community college or cal-state--especially with all the effort i put into high school. Growing up with the same handful of high-achieving classmates in those honors/AP courses since junior high school did not help either. Both my older siblings also directly went to a UC so i felt like i couldn't attend a state or community college or else i'd disappoint everyone around me. Although it was out of my control (financial reasons), I ended up going to a community college.

I am currently in my second semester of my first year of college and I am glad I am where I am today. I feel that by attending a community college, I have transitioned from high school better than I would have at a UC or university. It seems like the opportunities I have here would not even be remotely available at a UC or university.

For instance, the age range of my classmates at my community college is so great that it's quite interesting meeting and interacting with people that aren't your age for once. There are full-fledged adults well into their careers that you may stumble across in your classes at a community college, allowing you to gain insight and knowledge from someone who's already been there, and done that. i'm sorry i can't say much about cal-states but i can, indeed, vouch for community colleges (: the experience here is much different than you would expect


Anyway, I remember sometime in high school (around junior year too, since i was concerned about declaring a major), my mom put on a front about how she, too, was "supportive" of me no matter what career choice i sought; however, it was obvious that my mother encouraged certain professions more than others.. cough dentist cough. I know that the career path i chose (pharmacy) was heavily influenced by my sneaky mother's words of "support" but so be it. I am happy.

But to be honest, should I have chosen another career path outside the math/sciences, i feel as though the support i receive from my mother now would be much different. Although I know that externally, my mom would continue to act and appear supportive of my choice, I believe my mother would be internally disturbed. But i suppose that is inevitable, no? What parent wouldn't worry about their child entering a profession difficult to succeed in? especially with the way the economy is nowadays :/


Um, anyway.. i forgot where i was going with this. lol.


oh right. your mom is probably trying to be sincerely supportive of you. try not to be so wary of her words and hold her past actions to heart. in the past, my mom has said some harsh words to me about my future that i try to forget but things have changed, years have past. both me and my mother have grown.

So try not to think of your mom as a conniving mother trying to shape your life into the putty mold she has sculpted and try to think of her as a supportive friend (..?) just helping guide your way.


oh ok. to answer you question, of course you can succeed going to a cal state. life is what you make of it. the opportunities you grab.. the people you meet.. the experiences you make.. every step you take will get you to where you should be. "life's a journey. not a destination." just like you were saying, success comes from one's skills, talent, and determination.

i mean, look at the big guys like bill gates and steve jobs. weren't they college drop outs? i suggest you take a look at Steve Job's commencement speech to Stanford graduates, if you haven't seen it already. i had to analyze this for speech class and it was especially motivating ^^, He talks about his life journey--all the ups and downs, life, death, everything. It is by far one of the best speeches of the century.




so anyway, go to the college that you think is best for you. don't live someone else's life.


i have a friend who's parents both graduated UCD, loved it there, and wanted her to go there too. despite their insistence and the fact that she knew she would be disappointing her parents, my friend went to UCI instead.
She loves it there.

another good friend of mine is an engineering major and everybody was telling her to go to UCB. But she knows herself best, and knew she wouldn't like it at UCB and so she went to UCLA for engineering instead.
She, too, is happy with her choice to this day.


oh snap. i wrote so much.

..

uh.. THE END!

sorry i got a little carried away. ahah

[I.said.hi]

^ thank you so much. Reading your post.. i am encouraged. When reading what you posted, i could relate. This is a first for me!

Like you mentioned, I'm surrounded by all these over-achieving students in my honors/ ap classes. All they talk about is ivy league, the death of attending a CC, or even the low point of cal-states!

Your words TRULY, sincerely, has motivated me. Thank you so much.

You might remember me asking you about uci and such (grades, c, remember?) You've helped me once me. I hold a gratitude towards your generosity and kindness.

Oh, and the irony is, I though about you today when I was worrying about college!

In the midst of my anxiety, I reminisced what you told me earlier about a c and uci, giving me hope! Thank you so much. You are a lifesaver.

[silentxtears]

I wholeheartedly agree with reteP. It's really what you make out of it. Anyone can succeed anywhere! It should be a great opportunity to actually attend college . My sister, who did pretty badly in high school actually turned her life around by going to a CSU. She has a future career in mind and she has good professors. She's been doing pretty well in school while juggling a job on the side. You can do well anywhere

My mom used to be like that too. Now she tells me just to get a stable job in the future, at least... but all of her words in the past have drilled into my mindset that I HAVE to attend a UC. But I know that it's what I make of the school so that I actually enjoy it.

Even if you go to a community college, you can transfer in the second year! And it might be good for you if you're unsure about things and want to take things slow the first few years.. I know of a lot of people who got into UCs even if they have gotten C's before.. it's very possible! Don't lose hope and have some confidence.. taking 2 APs shows your determination and hard work... it's impressive to colleges. Good luck with everything

[Eunice!]

If you want to be a journalist, or anything rather, your college background really doesn't matter.

As long as you go to college.

I'm an aspiring magazine editor, and I've already done internships and mag stints. Everyone who "suceeded" that I know of didn't go to a fantastic school. Most went to state schools (which where I live have very little prestiege unlike UCs) and worked hard. What really made them suceed wasn't their grades or what not but their writing. Just practice practice practice, do plenty of internships, and get to know people that perhaps in the future can get you a job. Publishing industry is all about connections.

& about your mom... If she really loves you, I'm sure she'll understand eventually, no matter what road you take. Best of luck!

[f0reveralways]

^ thank you so much. Reading your post.. i am encouraged. When reading what you posted, i could relate. This is a first for me!

Like you mentioned, I'm surrounded by all these over-achieving students in my honors/ ap classes. All they talk about is ivy league, the death of attending a CC, or even the low point of cal-states!

Your words TRULY, sincerely, has motivated me. Thank you so much.

You might remember me asking you about uci and such (grades, c, remember?) You've helped me once me. I hold a gratitude towards your generosity and kindness.

Oh, and the irony is, I though about you today when I was worrying about college!

In the midst of my anxiety, I reminisced what you told me earlier about a c and uci, giving me hope! Thank you so much. You are a lifesaver.

lol to be honest, i didn't remember the other topic you posted so i went through the page to find it. so now i remember ahha. i responded to your other topic i found, so yah. check that out if you haven't already. lol.


anyway, i'm glad to be of help to you i think its kind of funny that you think about me -- mysterious soompi member, f0reveralways -- during the day. ahahha.

[I.said.hi]

^ haha. well, not in the creepy sense. I'm not some stalker. LOL.

I was thinking back to what you posted about the c's and uci. Thanks so much though!

[superhumanchichi]

That sounded almost like my life story

My brother also "messed up in life" and ended up going to a community college (then he messed up there too ). My parents didn't want me to be like him so they pressured me to be a doctor or a lawyer. I didn't want to do either so I told them I wanted to go into the field of communication, like film. My mom said to do what you like...even though all her life she pressured me to be a doctor or a lawyer. I thought she was being sarcastic or something

So anyway, people in my high school pressured me to go to a private university so I always felt it was better than a public city college or public state college. In the end, my parents ended up dishing out tens of thousands on the private college, thinking it was somehow better, when in reality it wasn't. Chances are that graduates from these private universities will end up in the same places as the graduates from the public ones. Prestige generally does not matter in the real world, unless you're going into law or business (even then, I still think it doesn't really matter). From experience, I know that where you go to college does not matter, it's what you do with that degree. That's why I believe you should just go with Cal State.

Good luck~

[I.said.hi]

^ hmm. thats actually reassuring to know that you're not the only one living this life

[ohchells]

At first I swear I feared my mother so badly. She kept shoving the mentality that I MUST go to a UC. She started to urge me to be a Pharmacist and I gave her a 'wtf' look. Before I used to be really scared about my grades and now getting into a UC because well ... I'm the oldest child so I don't want to "disappoint". It's been a few years and I just don't care what she wants me to do. Simply because I am living my life and doing things I want. It's no shame to go to PCC first before going to a UC. My dad even encourages me to take this path because he knows that I like to change really fast. Sometimes he'll ask, "Oh what do you want to major in?" Last year it was psychology, but I know myself and I know I will not able to be a psychologist at all. I'm too blunt and I'll probably end up telling someone to jump off the building. Now I'm considering CIS and I probably will change again before junior year ends.
If grades were all that mattered, I don't think I'd even try out for UCs, but it isn't. There are many things that colleges consider before making a choices. Don't be too paranoid, maybe your mom really wants you to do your best. Don't freak out too much, just do your best and apply to UCs that you are interested in. Going to a Cal State or a Community College first is not the end of the world. I always keep that thought in my head as a motivation for me to try in school. I'm like your older brother, I've sorta lost interest in education. It doesn't mean I don't try, I just don't try as hard as I know I could. Gah I'm horrible. Dang why did I just HAVE to be a Type B personality. Why couldn't I be A?

[watcher]

going to a prestegious school potentially makes life easier and opens up more opportunities in general. it doesn't mean you can't succeed. if you're good at what you do, you'll be fine. no use in worrying about what couldn't be. just focus on what you got going and give it your best. play to win.

[LOOOeee]

You can rationalize all you want, the fact remains that you will get a much better education from a better school, and that school's name recognition will better help you get a job or into graduate school later on.

And let's not even get into the pride factor.

[simply korean]

WOW i can totally relate to you i'm korean and my parents tell me that all the time.
that whole you HAVE to go to a UC and my grades really aren't the best either. i mean
i do take hard cources 5 IB and 1 AP but idk about the whole UC thing so far the only UC i got
into is Riverside. in the end it doesn't really matter what ur parents want as sad as that sounds
because right now you know what you want to do. i mean say u do what they want but end up being
totally miserable. i know parents want what's best for you but at this time no one knows better than you
espeically when it comes to college. because we just know more about college than them. my parents
just know abotu college from what they read in the newspaper.
going to a cal state and or comm college is your choice. i know someone who went to fresno
then transferred to yale. and there are plenty of ppl who succeeded going to cal states just look them up
college is just a part of your future. it's drive and motivation that makes it.
but i'm saying i can totally relate to you and if you want to talk
just pm me good luck

[xiaowen]

My parents use to say you have to get into a UC but now they're like "I'll be happy if you get accepted into Cal State LA."

Sometimes I feel like they have given up on me because of that. Except I know that when I applied to colleges I chose them based on my major. I told my mom that I applied to CSUs because they had Nursing programs and not that many UCs have that program because they dropped it. So I only applied to 3 CSUs and 1 UC, even though I regret not applying to UCLA right now. My parents understand that because I explained it to them and my cousins explained it to them.