[yummielove]

So I have a boyfriend, & we been dating together for almost 2 years. But it would have been 6 years by now. We knew each others as kid around the project neighborhood and it started in this park kids use to play. We went to the same elementary school and started liking each others in the second and third grade. Yes, I know we were sooo young. Maybe we are made to be.

But his family is really traditional... Who likes people who are not lazy, knows how to cook traditional things, knows things by heart, smart and intelligent in talking, someone who will be able to be their daughter-in-law who will wake up at least 5 or 6 in the morning, someone who would love to clean 24/7, and someone who does not shop on useless things.

We been together for the longest.. and I had only been to his house only three times. Weird huh?... I am Hmong, which my traditional is very very strong.. I'm not sure if this is strong to other Asian traditions. But yeah.. I really need advices.. Please help me or share your experience. Thanks for taking your time to read this (: Have a wonderful day!


EDIT: By the way, I understand most of all the soompier's comments on this forum. I mean, I think that the "hmong" culture is the most traditionalist culture in the world out of all cultures. If you don't know who the "Hmong" are. I recommend you to look it up and know who they are. I rather recommend people to look up videos on youtube. I have a strong history of my people secretly. Although.. My boyfriend is the youngest son and he plans to get engage with me. I am the oldest daughter in my family.. & you will never know. That the youngest son will be stuck with his parents forever! I mean "forever". & the traditional thing.... I'm having issues with. I got goals in other things & I am a well educated student that's always stuck with school & medical stuff besides traditional. Thanks for all of your comments anyways.

[Shikabane Hime]

Sounds pretty traditional from ANY standard lol

The people that I knew that were in relationships with traditional people, ended up giving up cause they couldn't handle it.
Don't know about you.

[_dax_]

You love him - who cares about his family?

I'll be glad that no one associates with my family who are equally as messed up

[starlight68]

well.. that is, do you think you can handle all that traditional stuff? Me, I wouldn't be able to. I want my own career, my own life even after marriage. But that's just me haha. What about you? Would being with him be worht all that? Especiallly nowadys I think traditional families like that are decreasing and it would be haarder to live in a family like that. I don't know you personally so I cant tell you much but just that. Do YOU think YOU can live like that?

[littlejade]

Well, its normal. I think they expect u to be their daughter in law.

They just want u to know how to cook, clean, whats wrong with that?

some people already know this without any training.

But if u do end up marrying him, your be having your own family.

So his parent's can't expect u to wake up 5am... bcoz your b living in a seperate house.

But if u love him, then love conquers all.

You have to realise when your married, lifestyle will change.

My friend .. her boyfriend mother used her as a cleaner in the house. It was funny. She didn't like it though.
But at the end, they married, their life is normal. She still works, and he work's too. Ocassianly, she cleans the house.
But if the house is always clean, then u dont have to clean 24/7. Be realistic.

Coooking, just means when u cook for urself, u can cook for him 2. Don't u want to cook him a meal?
& u don't have to cook him a meal all the time, this is something for u both to negotiate.. he could cook himself.

not shop on useless things - wots wrong with this? .. shouldn't we all not waste money on useless things?

[princesspoppy]

I knew you were Hmong when I read the wake up at 5am crap. LOL.

LMAO!!! Oh littlejade....so funny. LOL!!!

His family is traditional. So that means when they marry, the OP will move and live with him and his family. It is just tradition. When a Hmong man marries, he is basically showing and telling everyone he is mature and responsible. And so when he marries, he becomes 'more involved with the family.' He has responsibilities to take care of his parents, his siblings, his wife, and his children. No worries, they can move out. Its just that they will be living their first years as a newlywed with his parents.

To the OP: I think if your bf's family wasn't really traditional, you will still be expected to be a nyab. If you marry him, I guarantee you, you are going to live with his family. UNLESS, he is in his mid-twenties and has a career. Because usually from what I see, if the couples both have a career, good paying job, and etc..they can live by themselves. Even if the parents are very traditional, if the guy can show his parents that he is responsible and mature, they would let you live by yourselves....unless he is the only son, then that's a different situation.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and your boyfriend?

[blissful*sin]

i've had some hmong friends back in high school
they got married soon after they graduated
one of the girls couldnt handle her in-laws
da cookin' cleanin' etc
so she left her hubby
but funny thing was her own family disowned her
cos her parents thought she brought shame to the family
da two families were hella traditional
if u think u can handle all da stuff expected from u
go for it, if not then think about it
all da best!

[littlejade]

wow, Hmong family are really strict.

I don't think it nessasarily to wake up 5am.. for no reason.

I mean, what is there to do so early in the morning that u cant do at 7am?

[Mik0u]

For me, it's my boyfriend who's dating the person with the traditional family.
There are times when it pisses us BOTH off,
but we've learned to deal with it.

He still respects my parents, and respects their wishes and opinions.
He's willing to do almost anything, as long as he can stay with me.



It's adorable.
And I love him to death for that.

Because as much as I hate when my parents get all old-fashioned and strict,
I probably couldn't date a guy who couldn't respect my parents.
Or at least be polite.

[MNLV27]

littlejade: Lol, Don't we all wish things were as simple as you put it. Hmong parents are strict
and gossipers soo if you don't do well then the old mothers will go and gossip about you to others.


OP Aww man,it really sucks when the traditional parents are strict like that with their daughter in laws.
All you have to do is just think that it's only temporary and soon you guys'll move out on your own.
My bf's parents aren't as strict and traditional but my s/o is. He's told me what he expects out of
his wife. It's kind of similar as yours except I don't have to wake up that early.

I'm sure you can do it because in the end it'll only benefit you. You wont be a lazy person who
barely cleans the house and stuff. That's a plus. lol.

[Seraphyx]

Traditional Hmong? Does that mean you sacrifice chickens?

[littlejade]

littlejade: Lol, Don't we all wish things were as simple as you put it. Hmong parents are strict
and gossipers soo if you don't do well then the old mothers will go and gossip about you to others.

That's pretty funny. because why will they shame their own family? .. since its their daughter-in-law.
Isn't that just inviting people to talk badly about them? Unless, she doesn't think of her daughter-in-law as
part of the family. hmm...

does that mean, they have to be housewife and not work?

I thought people like to talk about the positive, like my son got A* .. not my son failed etc..
well, at least Hmong parents are honest.

[STAR_x.]

wow when i read the title, i thought you meant dating a family member! x____x
it kinda made me O_O lmao
cus you used who's [who is] instead of whose @_@

but yeah, i dont know how to help you :/ but i hate traditional families like that
so scaryyy D:

[heartnet]

Traditional Hmong? Does that mean you sacrifice chickens?

GRAN TORINO!?!?!

[msupky]

Wellllll.. I guess if I were the in-laws, I'd expect my daughter-in-law to be somewhat "traditional".. I wouldn't want my son having Hamburger Helper everynight :||| LOL well I guess I am kinda traditional. As long as you can cook, clean, and take care of the kids, your in-laws would be okay. All that 'smart/intelligent' stuff is like.. the cherry on top!

In-laws are pretty hard to please. They're almost always never satisfied. Not satisfied = not too happy. So yea, it's normal in a sense
The only way "traditional" in-laws would love you is if you make $3000K annually, have 10 sons, IQ greater than 250, EQ greater than 500, can fly, and is partially a robot.

[YunHo]

I am hmong too and I know what you mean! I hate how things are still so traditional these days and I think Hmong people work there daughters in law to the death!! I've seen many of my cousins go through it all. It is VERY hard! I think if you really love him then you should go for it totally, but only if you love him and you're willing to stick it out for him. I personally would rather marry someone who is not in my culture. I am not very lazy but Hmong people expect too much out of their daughter in laws. They want the girls to do the impossible sometimes. All I got to say is good luck with your decision but I feel ya on this one!

[AresJK]

it all depends on whether or not your bf is traditional
if he wants it to be, then you have hard times ahead of you

[prisonerzero]

I used to like my Hmong "friend" a little before and this is one of the things I was afraid of, heh.

[Aziangurlmoto]

^^ After carefully reviewing all posters' comments, I have come to the frightening conclusion that being a great daughter in-law in a "traditional" Asian family, perhaps more precisely Hmong's, as akin to a Filipina domestic helper without any standard monthly full-time salary

[sweetREDEMPTION.]

I am Hmong and I completely understand where you're coming from in a sense. My boyfriend's family is kinda traditional. I'm scared as heck to become a "Nyab" so I'm staying away from the whole marriage scene for a long time. Anyways, I think that if you love him, then you can handle it. By all means, if you don't want to deal with all the strict traditional stuff, then just wait until you're older. I mean, everyone wants their son to marry someone who can cook, clean, and take care of their children. It's just common sense. If you don't want to have to go through all the pressures of being a Nyab, then just wait to get married until you've got your own place so you don't have a mother-in-law always on your back. But, honestly, no matter what you do... the tradition is always gonna be there. Older Hmong women loveeee to gossip and they want everything their way. (I've come to notice that nothing is ever good enough for them.) I guess they're just like that b/c of how it was for them when they got married. I know you didn't say anything about marriage, but I was just making a point.