[nyc88]

How did you become interested in Boston University, and why do you think you will be successful here?

When my college counselor recommended me Boston University, I researched the college by visiting the college website and joining the mailing list to learn more about the school. As I read through BU website, I loved the campus and was impressed by the college’s strong liberal arts education.
I love the Boston University campus. When I found out that BU does not have a traditional college campus, that did not discourage me from applying. It urged me to apply because it’s wonderful that I can embrace Boston both as my campus and a place where I can take advantage of valuable opportunities.
I have my heart set on science. I hope to study biology, chemistry and psychology in college, but with BU’s liberal arts curriculum, I believe it is an opportunity to develop new interests that I may have never been introduced to if not for the Boston University’s liberal arts education.
I am certain that I will be successful at Boston University because I have the motivation and the will to give my best effort to do well at BU. Also, with the wealth of opportunity and experiences that BU and Boston can provide me, I believe I can be a positive influence as a prospective Boston University student.

[ronmexico]

As I read through BU website, I loved the campus and was impressed by the college’s strong liberal arts education.

I would change this to, "As I perused the BU website, I was attracted to the campus and impressed by the college's strong liberal arts education."

[quote]When I found out that BU does not have a traditional college campus, that did not discourage me from applying. It urged me to apply because it’s wonderful that I can embrace Boston both as my campus and a place where I can take advantage of valuable opportunities.[quote]

I would definitely change this, maybe starting it with something like, "Boston University's non-traditional campus is a major selling point for me, allowing me to embrace the vibrant city of Boston as my campus and take advantage of the myriad opportunities it presents."

For the last sentence, drop the word "prospective."

[bLufurBaLL]

Try using better words. Your using "I" and all that other stuff.. make it sound boring and redundant.
One thing though, LOOK FOR ERRORS in parallelism.. I can see a lot of that.

This post has been edited by bLufurBaLL: 05 January 2006 - 03:25 PM