[&LETitgo]

Umm I think I have an issue with attachment. And I don't mean I'm often too attached but too not attached. As in, whenever I get close to someone I kind of try to keep some space inbtween us so we are not like together all the time.
This had actually cost me a lot of relationships and friendships to end. No matter how hard I try I just, without thinking, create excuses to keep a space. I'm not sure if it's because I'm too independent or I have trust issues because I feel like I am neither.

My most recent ex broke up with me a week ago (we dated only for a month) because of this. To him, I was too umm... In his words, "seperated." he says he feels we could be closer and I could be more out there with my thoughts and feelings but I don't really notice this problem when it's happening. He's not the only one either! "/

I only realize it when I look back and think, maybe I shouldve done this and that and said this and that more to keep the affection there.

With friendships, they tell me that I don't tell them a lot of my feelings and what's on my mind or what's bothering me. I've never really had that "best friend" to lean on now that I think about it. I consider most of my friends really close but eventually I end up drifting from them because of this problem.

The really pathetic part is that I don't quite mind it all the time. I enjoy meeting new people and im very socialable for the most part. But lately I've been feeling sortof lonely "//

Anyone else have this problem
or am I just an outlier?

[Kitty07]

Don't be too hard on yourself . There's nothing wrong with you . (:
I am personally like you , prefers to keep to myself most of the time and needing that space to think . I also prefer not to share 'personal' things or my feelings with my close friends etc. It's like the feeling of always having to put up a wall between yourself and others . The thing that I learnt is that .. I don't have to change who I am for more people to be comfortable with me . If you are as defensive as I am , there is nothing wrong with it . As time goes by .. perhaps we'll just start breaking down that wall but for now it's what we feel comfortable with .
Your ex breaking up with you was probably a good thing because if he doesn't like how you are and how you need space then your relationship wouldn't have gone far . My current bf is somehow like me but he encourages me to open up to him and he helps me break down this wall . You should find someone that would help you and accept you for who you are .
Just be happy with yourself , and remember you can't please everyone .

[Shikabane Hime]

Ever heard of compatibility? Ya, some people think "it must be me" when everyone else simply doesn't approve of your ways.
No, that's complete BS. Someone that follows set of beliefs "A" befriends someone that goes with "B". A contradicts B, and therefore there are problems in this relationship. Of course, A can wonder why B doesn't like him, and will change accordingly such that they are compatible.

But logic aside, you just haven't met people that think similarly.
If you have reason to distance yourself, then sure. However, if your reason is "I don't want to get hurt again" wow then you might as well stick to online relationships.

[Lie]

You're only going to get out of these relationships what you put into them, and to me it seems pretty apparent that you're not willing to put very much into them. I'm not scolding you, but what I am saying is that if you have any desire to be in a close, emotionally honest relationship, you have to make the effort to be forthcoming.

[_xmadison]

You're not the only one. I feel that way whenever I meet new people now. I guess part of me dont want to get hurt again if they leave me. I got too attached to my high school friends told them a little too much guess what they dont like my personality. So what do they do? Start avoiding me, ignoring me and leaving me out for any events instead of telling me the truth. I got hurt real bad and I dont think I have ever gotten over it until today. During my birthday recently, they completely forgot about it since we are in different college now and are no longer in high school. It really hurts to be too attached because I remember every single of their birthday and do bother to take time to know whats happening in their life by browsing at their blog. I have no life.

So now I mostly keep everything to myself. No strings attach anywhere. I used to enjoy meeting new people last time and always like to be popular or at least the girl people will always talk about. But I realised my personality isnt cut out for that a little too late and I lose alot of friends because of that. I will be better off doing what I want to do. Like shopping by myself and all. Being lonely doesnt bother me anymore because I'm sastified at the end of the day because I dont have to put on a fake face to entertain and socialise.

Like what Shikabane Hime said online relationships are better. You could still have real friends to talk to your problem and could actually relate to them. And you dont have to worry about the space between either, cause theres always a space in between for online relationships and each party understands it well.

[AresJK]

don't think, just do
be natural with yourself
go with the flow
people will come who will suit you,
you don't need friends that you need to work so hard for

[littlejade]

You're only going to get out of these relationships what you put into them, and to me it seems pretty apparent that you're not willing to put very much into them. I'm not scolding you, but what I am saying is that if you have any desire to be in a close, emotionally honest relationship, you have to make the effort to be forthcoming.

ditto. If you want to keep a friend, u have to be a friend. Being a friend requires effort, they are apart of your life. It depends what type of friend you want "hello...bye" friend, or a close friend.

Like what Shikabane Hime said online relationships are better.

Online relationship can still create emotional damage if you break up. Just because the relationship is online, doesn't mean the person don't feel anything. they do have feelings you know. Eventually, people who met online, plan to meet in real life anyways.

and online relationship only works out, if your chatty.

[_xmadison]

Online relationship can still create emotional damage if you break up. Just because the relationship is online, doesn't mean the person don't feel anything. they do have feelings you know. Eventually, people who met online, plan to meet in real life anyways.

and online relationship only works out, if your chatty.

Yea I know. But if you dont click with the person, I'm sure they can feel it so. In that case you just chat less. But as for friends or college mates, you are facing them practically everyday whether you like it or not. I rather not attach to a person whom I cant stand talking and have to resort to putting a fake smile so it doesnt make life so hard for you everyday.

[littlejade]

Yea I know. But if you dont click with the person, I'm sure they can feel it so. In that case you just chat less. But as for friends or college mates, you are facing them practically everyday whether you like it or not. I rather not attach to a person whom I cant stand talking and have to resort to putting a fake smile so it doesnt make life so hard for you everyday.

Then its not an online relationship then, if they don't click, its just chatting to a net friend. Eventually, if chatting blossoms, they become internet couples.

Well, no one told u to be fake, everyone should be honest & true. If you don't like them, then be real. You can mingle with your own kind of peeps. U said u have this strong attatchment to friends, i know wot u mean. But i dnt understand is, the type of friends u was making, not everyone can be a good friend. so u got to b friends with ppl who u feel is a friend, n not fake, fashionista type etc.. theres different types of people out there.

You can't really control what others do, but u can control yourself.

[colloquy]

Are you sure it's not because you're kinda lazy/just don't want to put in the effort it takes?

Relationships are give and take, you need to open yourself up. If you dont, you will probably be a lonely person.

To me, there's no point to have casual friends just for the sake of having casual friends to make yourself feel popular. Making good friends that you can go to with your problems, they come to you with your problems... this is ideal and probably what you're looking for. Why keep the space? I often think that people are too scared of life... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. There are things you can do to 'test' people to see if they're trustworthy or not... idk. I'm good at reading people, so it's kinda hard for me to explain that. I'd just open up. I've been betrayed by close friends, and I probably did the same once or twice. But even though I moved a bit when I was younger, I still have a Korean friend that I've been friends with since I'm 5... another when I was 11... several from middle school,. My point is that relationships take effort on your part, and most people will appreciate the fact that you're trying.

[ShadowMax76]

i typed up a killer reply before but eash. it got killed before maintenance. -sigh- the irony..

the reasons i see people being distant from people is
1. they don't know how to be intimate
2. they fear for their pride when they're vulnerable
3. they fear affection or being close, due to some traumatic experience..
4. they have a rather pessimistic view on relationships. and decide not to be attached. [there's typically some denial/self-esteem issue..]
5. they don't trust another person with their vulnerable side.

_ some people can only make friends with people they know will like them,
others can talk to anyone, even if they know they'll probably get stabbed on the train station for it. lol.

i think you're over thinking what you should and shouldn't tell a friend.
o-0' how else can you make a best friend out of a friend.. ? _ but i 'spose it takes someone that's interested in your life story..

. like the above said, "it takes an effort on your part."