[qteepiggy2393]

It's a little long..

I guess all I can say is that I've never met any one so amazing. Sweet but honest (sometimes even brutally) Funny and sometimes serious. He's not the most handsome guy in the world but when hes around me I seriously can't focus on anything else but him. I guess I started taking interest in him first and after he found out that I was, he started taking interest in me too. However, he was the first one to confess to me and I guess we naturally came together from that. When we were together we were seriously invincible and we did the most crazy things together. I've had 5 bfs previously but none of them were really serious like this time. He however, only had one which was alll the way back to when he was really young and I guess it'd be more considered as puppy love. So I was his first serious gf.
At the beginning of the relationship he was so enthusiastic and went to the most extreme levels of making me feel happy and being there for me. I could tell he really did like me alot even though he kept telling me he didnt know anything about really liking someone or loving someone and how it was.
Even though we've only been together for such a short period of time I really felt like he was honest and true to me and I guess I gave everything up because I really thought he was worth it. I didn't only give up all of my time and life activities but also my body and virginity and my virginity meant ALOT to me.
Throughout our relationship we've had a bunch of little fights and most of the time like 80%, it was me who would always give in and give him a call to say sorry or to go back to him. However alot of the fights were started because of me being a little oversensitive about him and careless gestures that he did and probably didn't really take notice of.
Then I went to the US for a week. Before I went we were so in sync and I thought that wouldn't change, but after I came back, nothing seemed to be the same again. We still were into each other alot but somehow it felt that he didn't care as much as he used to. He became more distant and I became more desperate and sad. I knew he was having a hard time because his only good friend moved back to Korea and he really had no one to depend on except me. (he told me that several times before I left to the US) So I wanted to be there for him but it was like he was pushing me away a little. He didn't show it but it was like I was always searching for him and finding him and he was never coming to me. It got worse and worse and then I decided to give him space. I left him alone for two weeks straight and he still didn't really try talking to me except calling me occasionally. It was edging towards our 100th day and I couldn't take it anymore so I guess I decided to give him a warning. That night he called me and we talked for a while about normal stuff, then I said "hey..these days I feel like you're taking me for granted..yea..just something to think about" Since his second language was English and my first language was English we naturally had some language barriers. We got into a huge 5 hour talk about "us". We argued alot and I cried alot as well. I found out some things that broke my heart even more and then I impulsively proposed a breakup. He didn't want to and then he asked me why. I told him and then we argued more and then he said "don't act like I don't give a mini cooper about "us" cuz I do" Our phones ran out of battery (sux) so we met in person the next day. I decided to leave the decision up to him even though I started it. I told him that I didn't want to break up but I didn't want to have this thing happen again. And he said the same thing. However he said, "I have no confidence in myself that I can make things go back to the way they were before". He hesitated alot in making the decision and he said it was because he wasn't sure which one would be better for me and which one would let me be happier. He told me that it seemed like these days he was the one who was making me suffer the most.
He wanted a day to think about it so I gave him a day. He told me the answer on msn (he told me he was way too nervous and he knew that he was going to screw up something if he said it in person or on the phone) so it was alright. He said :
"i dont know.. i still wanna be with u
but u know how u told me
u wish if u could start from the beginning
i dont think that can happen
like i have no confidence that i can do like how i did
cuz time passed and i obviously changed and so does everybody
these days i've just been so used to what u do to me and maybe i just got bored... and started to be careless.. hope this isnt hurting you im just trying to be honest
i think i just need some time to recharge
and i love you... it has been so awkward for me to say this to you these days
u know how u've been so sad cuz i didnt say it back.. it's just cuz
even i didnt know what was going on with me and i didnt wanna be lying to you so just kept it to myself"

then after a long conversation he said
"if u think u can be fine with whatever i become u can wait for me... hey i wanna take a walk"

and then we never spoke a word again or saw each other again for another week. When we saw each other we acted like we didn't know each other and just carried on walking. It really hurt..so yesterday I found him and I asked if he still wanted to be friends and he said yea...and we talked a little..and then I asked if I should still wait for him and he said no. That hit me really hard cuz for some reason it felt like it really was over and i still right now can't believe that I won't be able to see him tomorrow and be the same person in front of him. I said alright and I left.
One of my friends tried talking to him and he didn't say anything except that he was really depressed and that she should stop asking and that he was a really bad person. When she asked why he was depressed he said "why do you want know? You should."
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I regret that I didn't ask why he said no.
I'm just wondering now..if I should just let go of him or try again. I feel like there has to be something more than him just all of a sudden losing feeling for me

[simplicity85]

wow. beginning is always lovely dovely, near the end or in the middle of relationship, that is usually where arguments jump in. wow, i really think you'd give him spaces and let him do whatever he wants to do; just be there for him as you always do. if he is meant to be yours, he will come back one day. as for right now, since he said everything, how he felt and all about you, you should just take the times and go with the flow. don't pressure him too much since he said he is depressed at the moment. hmph, but good luck with your relationship.

guys hate to be bother once they said they need to be alone. it doesn't matter how many questions you ask him right now, he probably won't tell you, you just have to play along with it. if you really care and love him, let the time tell you the anwer.

[alo]

i agree with simplicity. You should give him space, you guys went through a lot. At least, he was mature and expresses how he felt during the breakup. Guy have different way of healing and expressing themselves. Don't pressure too much on explanation and answers. Maybe you will find out later what really happens, or maybe you won't care a few weeks or months what did happen.

feel better and take care.