[darker than black]

It has been a couple years since last time I cried myself to sleep. I lay in bed, then out of nowhere I started crying. I remembered promising myself that I will never cry again, because crying doesn�t solve my problems�

Why me? Out of millions of people out there in the world, why me?

Does god really, really hate me?

Why? Out there in the billions of people, there has to be people like me? I too, want to live a normal life. What does it mean to be normal? What does it feels like to know that there will be someone at the end of the road waiting for you? What does it feels like to rid of this mental disease of mine? I thought to myself. I�m going to be alone forever, alone. Nine years, isn�t it enough? Maybe there were thing in front of my eyes I didn�t realize, or maybe it�s all my imagination.

I wonder, is it fun to watch me trying to live on like this, god? If you are out there. I want to ask, what is the purpose of creating people like me. What is so special about all those others who live happier lives? What�s wrong with me? Why can�t I be like them, why? Why? Why?
Medication, therapy, nothing helps. I tried, I�m still trying, trying towards change. I thought if I hold on, and live long enough, maybe something good will come out of all this effort. And I�m still trying, really really trying. But things have been up and down, everyday is like a struggle. I tell myself every day, maybe just maybe today something good will happen�If I just hold on a little longer..a little longer..

When I die, will I be remembered? Will I be at least be part of some memory? I�ve thought about it, and tried..you know, It�s scary to die. I didn�t really understand why death is so frightening; perhaps what I was afraid of was dying without being able to do anything. But that�s not really it. I was afraid of dying without anyone remembering that I ever lived. And that still holds true, I�m afraid, when I die, how many people is going to come to my funeral , who will remember me?
I know, one person, out of the whole world is always there for me. And He is waiting for me, waiting with open arms, Death. The only person that will accept me; the only person who truly understands me; the only person who really loves me. He won�t turn me down. He�ll take me in as family..a real family, no lies.

I wonder, when will that day come, come and take me away.

[RedSunsFC]

Wow, what an emo, darker than black as user name, saying death will accept u as family...what the heck?...haha just kidding. Seriously though, the reason you cried is because it's valentines day and your single right? Also even though crying doesn't look like it would solve your problems, it actually would because it's best not to hold in your anger or problems, just learn to let it out, you'll be happier that way. Just don't cry for no good reason.

[lea11]

.......... 'k what's your problem again???


EDIT: Wait, you're a guy?!

[D_K]

Where did you lose your balls? Real men don't cry.....to sleep.

[ShadowMax76]

-sighs for non-specific reason-

i was standing by a pond wondering if i should drown myself one cold night.
the next morning i was living again. another day. another nice breakfast, another lovely dinner from my mother who survived chemo and is living rather more smilingly than i've seen most of my childhood.


All i've ever learned from my short fascination with philosophy [existence, life, death, happiness, loneliness] and thinking 99% of my non-verbal life is that a person can think too much. That to be happy, one must forget, and distract them self.


_btw.. i remember you making a post like this before. i think it's about time i threw a brick at you to stop whining and start walking with your hands up - ready to take what life has in store for you.

[heheimawesome]

Please take my advice to heart.

Nothing will change, if you just sit around being alive. Being alive is NOT enough.

You have to go out, talk to people, only then will something happen. If you do nothing but just live an empty life, then nothing will happen. Therapy and medication will not help you if you don't bother to go out and meet people.

All you need is one kind soul. Even if you don't have a single friend at the moment, if you started talking to someone who was really nice (trust me, there are a lot of them. I'm lucky to have my closest girl friends as those kind of people) you can start to meet more people.

You won't get a boyfriend/girlfriend if you don't do anything. They won't just show up on your doorstep. But keep in mind this doesn't mean you should give someone your everything. If you seem too desperate, they won't be attracted to you. Just have a good time with friends and life in general, and it will come naturally.


edit:
if you're too shy (i know the feeling) then start with aim. msn. icq. whatever you use. i'm hoping you have some people on your aim or msn or icq, start talking to the nice ones out of no where. I've done it before; I messaged her out of no where after not talking for years, and now that person is my best friend. We dated for a while, but we stayed friends because we realized we're better off as friends.

[`Koko]

Others live happier lives because they try to.
You say you're really trying, but are you really? You may think you are,
but if you were really trying, maybe you wouldn't have to post something like this.
Maybe you would have a friend - a great companion, or even a significant other.
And if you find that death is so scary, why are you wondering when the day of your death will come ?
Why are you saying for it to come and take you away?
God doesn't hate you. I'm sure he has given you many opportunities that you haven't taken.
It's not just about living and being alive, or how long you live.. It's how you live.

[Mr_CowBoi]

u should call the title "Come take pity on me"
this is a joke.. right???..... ur obviously an ungrateful and immature boy.
here are some answers to ur questions.


-god hates you....yes he really really hates u
-why?... coz he just does
-and trust me god loves watching u suffer
-you think god created u for a purpose? u are but a mere living organism ....try not to think of urself so highly
-others learn how to live on and deal with life
-u have too many problems
-when u die u will be forgotten (have u done anything to be remembered?)

anyway look on the bright side....at least u have 'Death' welcoming you with open arms as a new family member

[joie.de.vivre]

i remember you made a series of similar posts a while before, and i'm sorry to see that you're not getting any better ._.
every day is a new day, and keep on trying. don't give up your hold on life because you never know what good things the future holds in store.
~best of luck

[iwanabiggal0lly]

I have a gut feeling this is fake. Seriously? Darker than Black? Cmon now, dude you took that name from the anime, DARKER THAN BLACK. LOL. Not very creative, mister. This thread reminded me of the EMO SONG
If this is real and youre really are emo, you should stop watching anime and get outside cuz no one likes emo ppl. Man up. Emo people put themselves in the situation they're in cuz of the way they think. This is life, we all have our own problems to face. If you want change you got to do it yourself. Also, stop crying. sheesh.

[JASON;]

get over it.
you're a guy.
grow some balls

[Regrets]

Awwww.. emo much?
I used to cry myself to sleep coz my ex broke up with me :L

[darker than black]

sorry for posting this, just had one of those episdoes

[k25]

^So people won't make fun of you and if you don't want to look like a emo kid who cuts your wrist.

Xanga.com (or something) and -->set private.

[frog]

what the hel*l is "emo"? Can somebody explains to me because I thought that being emo is you dress mostly in black or something and you get sad easily................is this the right meaning of being an emo........I don't get it.

One of my nephew recently asked, "Can you teach me how to be emo?" I mean, WTF

I

[pinkpuffipillows]

u should call the title "Come take pity on me"
this is a joke.. right???..... ur obviously an ungrateful and immature boy.
here are some answers to ur questions.


-god hates you....yes he really really hates u
-why?... coz he just does
-and trust me god loves watching u suffer
-you think god created u for a purpose? u are but a mere living organism ....try not to think of urself so highly
-others learn how to live on and deal with life
-u have too many problems
-when u die u will be forgotten (have u done anything to be remembered?)

anyway look on the bright side....at least u have 'Death' welcoming you with open arms as a new family member

not going to lie, your post makes you sound as immature as you are claiming the poster to be.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

This is a poem rite?
I mean, we're studyin poems right now in my skool, and Most of them only expresses their feelings.
and all that shiz.
You don't really tell us what your problem is, so I'll just assume it's a poetic message.

If so, well, i don't see much language techniques, Rhetorical questions the most.
So Well good job anyways.

what the hel*l is "emo"? Can somebody explains to me because I thought that being emo is you dress mostly in black or something and you get sad easily................is this the right meaning of being an emo........I don't get it.

One of my nephew recently asked, "Can you teach me how to be emo?" I mean, WTF

Cut yourself and hit yourself. Being loners. Wearing all black clothes, eyes covering eyes. So emo. That's so me.

[ShadowMax76]

eh. i think you should know that we all go through that sort of thing in our lives. even in our happiest times.

_ btw. you had your life sorted out didn't ya? the life we all envy. having a great job, earning great money, etc.

don't focus on what you don't have. just look at what you do have.

freedom from love. LOl. >>' obsessing over someone isn't all it's cracked up to be.

ah yeah.. maybe you should find some medium to vent. _ personally, i go for poems at a site no one knows . lol. well... almost no one.

_ >_>' you better be brave enough to read all these replies mate..

[StridingCloud]

"personal statement....hmmm...I don't know...oh yeah, people like you really get on my nerves."

judging from your personal statement on your profile, maybe that's why, that attitude, it doesn't exactly invite happiness

[diam0nds.]

self-pity's a killer.

i don't mean to be insensitive. that's the last thing i am, because i went through what you're feeling right now, but seriously. you have to recognize the fact that everyone goes through things like that, if not worse. you have to realize that it's not what happened to you that defines your character, it's how you deal with the situation. i just don't see how people can blame their mistakes and shortcomings on the things that happened to them.

self-pity doesn't get you anywhere. if it bothers you so much, go out and do something about it. go out and do something about yourself so you can feel better. and NO, death isn't the answer, because you can't feel better when you're dead. ya dig?