[Iko.]

I have a problem in socializing with other people. And so sorry for the long post.
When I meet a new person, or try to, or with people I'm not close to (even if I've known them for a very long time) I feel very uncomfortable and awkward and don't know how to speak. This is probably why I have quite few friends. Basically, I'm an introvert. I like to sit home and read and draw and do lots of weird things than go partying. But I don't want to be one.

I would really like to be more sociable, and get to know more people. All my friends know so many people.
I'm kind of shy and quiet in front of new people, but with people I'm comfortable with/close to, I babble like there's no tomorrow. Or places where people can't see me (I can't look them in the eyes). ONLINE I can talk. I'm a totally different person there.
At social gatherings, or at new places, I try my best to introduce myself and get to know the person. But there's a few problems.

1. I don't know what to talk about. There would be a few "how are you?" "How old are you?" and all those normal stuff. I could talk about myself, but doing much so would problably lead the person into thinking I'm a self centered person. I really don't know how or what to do to get to know more about the person. This is why I can never speak with boys I like.

2. I realized that I don't care about much things (I like to lead a simple and peaceful life, period.) to actually talk about it. There's much stuff I didn't care about, resulting in me standing there like a dumb duck while people are talking about stuff everyone knows. I have my weird hobbies and interests, but not much people share much of it. You'll probably say that I should find someone who does share my interest, but I don't think that's the only way to make friends.

3. I stutter/stammer. Like hell. Even if I know what to say, I think I'm too nervous? The words come out all wrong and even affects my presentations at school.

...help? ._.
Thanks.

[lalalaaa]

I have a similar problem and I bet many others do too.

I have a few close friends.
I get really hot when I'm doing some kind of presentation in front of people.
I am very quiet when I'm not around people I'm familiar with.
I tend to stay home more than I go out with friends.
I feel like I always have nothing to talk about.
At least you have your weird hobbies, right? Me...not so much.

I blame it on the fact that I'm a lonely, lonely only child.
But I'm getting better. I'm finishing up my last year of high school and I think that throughout the years, I was able to build up more and MORE confidence in myself. I admit that I'm still an introvert, but you know, occasionally there are bursts of fun.
I think it'll all be better in college (are you in college yet?) because you get to interact with people easily. You're around them practically 24/7. It's easier to meet up and hang out.

I say don't force yourself too hard.
Start talking to people that you are connected to (through school, work, whatever) and if you guys click, awesome. The conversations might lead to another close friend! And just so you know, you don't need to talk nonstop to be good friends (my closest friends and I don't even have the same interests half the time).
If you don't click, then move on. Wave to those people and say 'hi' occasionally. That's a friend, but you don't need to make a million CLOSE friends. It's not possible anyways.
At least you're trying, right?

[RedSunsFC]

Delete.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

Most problems regarding Dont know what to say are usually caused because of your Shyness.
If you are not shy, the things will come to you naturally. of course, there are sometimes where there will be silence, which is fine.

but first, you need to socialize more, and be less shy, and try to be more comfortable with people. That will be your first goal. Then you should try starting convos with peeps. If you're not shy anymore, starting convos shouldn't be hard at all.

[colloquy]

Talk to people that you also see that may look uncomfortable... shy like yourself. They probably want to talk and socialize, just like you. If you initiate the convo, sometimes that makes all the difference.

[kellyalster]

I've been getting counseling for the same thing 'cause the service is free at my college. Haha. And it's been helping me very gradually. Here's what I've learned:

- Keep your sentences short.

- If you want people to talk to you, pretend to care a little. Haha. I'm serious. My counselor told me to keep asking questions and always listen so you can ask more.

For example:
"Hey how was your weekend?"
"Good."
"Cool what'd you do?"
"I went skiing."
"Oooooh where?/Do you go often?/Are you good at it?/How long have you been doing it?"

I know, cheesy, but that's an example. After you break the ice, the person will probably be more interesting. And I guess try to open up something about you like: "Oh man I've never went skiing before, but I'd like to try it." If you don't talk about yourself at all then they won't know what you're like.

- If you ever feel nervous or awkward, just remember that the other person probably feels the exact same way. It doesn't matter how outgoing they are, those people are just better at hiding it and overcoming it.

I hope that helps. Good luck!

[sakuradollie]

I used to have the same problem. I was shy,quiet, and not very talkative.
Now when I got to college I became talkative! I talk to random people at college, stores, and everywhere else lol.

Before, I tried to get my friend to meet new people, so I set up a date for her.
It didn't go well...She hanged out with his friends and met new people while having fun but she stopped after ONE day...
My other friends kept asking her to come with them to bowling,party and etc...but guess what?
She rejects EVERY SINGLE invite every single time!
My friends and I literally gave up on her.
Now she freaking whines that she has no friends and she needs to hang out.

Don't be like this girl!!

If you can't look at their eyes, look at their faces as a whole, or just look at their noses.
Use short sentences, act like you're interested in what they do.
Ask them questions, get to know them, be curious, but not too curious!
Don't be shy or nervous, who cares what other people think.

[XxKhmerBoiXx]

I have a similar problem and I bet many others do too.

I have a few close friends.
I get really hot when I'm doing some kind of presentation in front of people.
I am very quiet when I'm not around people I'm familiar with.
I tend to stay home more than I go out with friends.
I feel like I always have nothing to talk about.
At least you have your weird hobbies, right? Me...not so much.

At least you're trying, right?

Thats how I am I have a lot of friends but no close friends and most of the others listed there. I've been getting better though talking more just before high school lol.

[xKanane]

I get myself into awkward situations with people easily T^T~
I just can't seem to talk to most people, but when I decide to say something, it all sounds weird and then silence follows X__X

[Tuxedomask]

To be honest when I meet someone new I just dive right into the conversation.
This person you just met has also never met you so it can never go wrong unless you or they do something extremely rude.

It's always nice meeting new people because it opens up a whole new door for you. When I meet someone I'm usually the first person to stick out my hand or say hi because it lets the person know that I'm willing to get to know them and I'm open for conversation.

Don't worry about what you say or how you say it as long as it comes out. If end up saying something rude maybe it's what how you really felt about the person, but usually it won't end up being that way.

Try to be open. Since I fly a lot most of the friends I have met randomly have been in the airport, it's nice to speak to someone while you're on a plane so everything's not so awkward.

[emceej]

we're on the same boat.
im shy myself and i feel comfortable only to those people who i know well. i speak well online and know what i want to say, but in real life, im really quiet. ever since high school started, i've learned to become more sociable & open about others. i'm not that shy anymore, but i still am. like i get invited to parties, but i wouldn't go because i don't know how to approach others without feeling so boastful.

the only thing i could say to you, is probably practice speaking?
because that's what i did. like i would talk to myself and eventually, i adapted that attitude when socializing with others.

[영원한 사랑]

I'm naturally really introverted so its tough to open up to people. Only with people I like know really well or with people who make me feel "comfortable", then i'm a little more talkative. but usually it takes me a long time to open up

[MEMENTO]

I could talk about myself, but doing much so would problably lead the person into thinking I'm a self centered person. I really don't know how or what to do to get to know more about the person. This is why I can never speak with boys I like.

You should get past this and really do speak about yourself! Chances are, the listener might have something in common with you and speak up themselves too! It doesn't hurt!

I'm quite introverted too. I'm a lot like you. Let's see, the shy-introverted thing is totally me. I would prefer staying at home and doing other stuff than go to parties. You know, things of the sort. This is just me but whenever I sit with two or more people, I rarely ever speak unless someone's talking to me specifically - I never chime in just because it's eating time for me (and partially because I don't want to interrupt a convo or talk and somehow, no one hears me). I don't stammer, but I'm really bad at finding the right words (I feel like my left brain doesn't work or anything) for anything and end up just making convos super awkward and then feel terribly uncomfortable afterwards!

OK. So, am I self-centered because I just totally talked a lot about myself? Hmm? A lot of people make assumptions. Rapid cognition and not-so-rapid cognition! We judge through looks and then wait to judge again and then realize that somehow, we weren't really that good at judging! Don't worry so much about what others think about you! I see that you want to get out of that quiet-mode shell of yours so I think because of that - your motivation - should keep you going.

In any case, let the boys come to you first. Haha, that's what I do (unless they're younger than me - then I greet them like little brothers). Generate small talk with people then comment about their appearance (like a girl's hairstyle or something of the sort). If you give lots of people compliments, they seem to do the same to you too! So it'll definitely ease up the atmosphere and conversation!

Other than that, I'm a slightly different case than you. I generally don't mind being alone. I decided I needed to make my own goals to not want the acknowledgment of others and simply be content with what I've got right now.

Hope you improve with your socializing skills!

[dr3amgirlinlov3]

Thats exactly how i am too!! it's sad that no one get it. i would try to think of something to say sometime too.. but for most of them, they didnt seem to be interested. n then a death silence follow =.=''. However, i just found out that there is one type of ppl that we (the ppl who are shy like me) would have no problem communicating with. This one type of ppl would be da ppl who are talkative. they would talk about almost everything with u without thinking that ur boring.

[AresJK]

try acting crazy
as in
act not urself
but doing things with confidence
if you don't have the guts, then it just means you are not willing to make new friends
no pain no gain

[princevegetam]

Basically, I'm an introvert. I like to sit home and read and draw and do lots of weird things than go partying. But I don't want to be one.

I would really like to be more sociable, and get to know more people.

You're wrong. The fact that you want to be more sociable shows that you aren't introverted and you are really a sociable person deep down inside.

I have the same problems, I want to get to know more people. I tried some things, but the people I end up knowing seem not that nice.

Also alot of times, it just seems extremely hard to get beyond just acquaintances.

bah!

There should be some sort of club/group for us usually not sociable people to meet each other, I'm sure it'll be easier for us to make friends since we understand each other well

[ShadowMax76]

-sighs- i'd love to tease a girl like you..~

[Pixxel]

Hmmm... people are going to think I'm weird for saying this. And I'm not sure if it works for everyone. It did for me. Sleep deprivation. Yeah, I know it sounds weird.

I used to be just like you. One weekend, I was invited to 3 parties (Fri, Sat, Sun), and even though I wasn't much of a party goer back then, I wanted to go to all of them because a lot of my close friends were going too, and I didn't hang out with them for a long time. So I went and didn't find any time to sleep from Friday morning to Sunday night, and I was reaaally tired, so tired that on Sunday's party, I didn't really care anymore what people think of me. I didn't care about anything, I just wanted my bed so badly. I felt like I don't have anything to lose, the only thing I cared about was going to sleep because I was like dead tired. So somehow I got all crazy and hyper, I ended up joining random conversations with people I have never seen before, and it turned out quite good . Ever since, I can just approach anybody and talk to them, without sleep deprivation of course. I guess that weekend broke the ice. Sounds strange eh... I dunno !

Anyway, give it a try if you're desperate, it might work... lol~

[cherriholicxx]

Ohh, I'm the same. -pouts-
Well, I'm an extrovert, it's just that I don't know how to talk to new people.
From my experience though, I think it's always nice to just smile.
I don't know, it makes me feel less intimidated [and possibly less intimidating for the other person. rofl!]
I usually do what kellyalster suggests.
Ask them stuff about their interests, and then voice in my opinion.
I'd feel really awkward at first, but then after a little, it starts to wear off and I'm filled with confidence again.
I hope this helped. ;;
-and don't worry about it too much, with time comes experience. :]

[starforme]

I do the stutter-stammer thing sometimes too--especially when I get hyped up/excited. My best advice is to just roll it over and continue talking. Attack it and show that you're cool with it - that regardless of your stammering, you believe your words/thoughts are important enough to be shared. Keep talking, talking. Talk to people you're comfortable with to practice conversing.

Nobody's perfect and nobody knows what to say 24/7. Be free and don't think too hard into it. Even if you may feel uncomfortable because you don't know someone, realize that you're just as new to the "stranger" as he/she is to you.

Smile!! Smile to show that you're interested and that you like the person/would like to know more about the person. Don't ask yes/no questions and just travel from one subject to another. Learn little things and pick up on older topics you discussed in an earlier conversation. "So how'd the movie go? ... Oh, so do you watch __ a lot then? I used to really like watching this movie featuring __ from that movie!" etc. <-- very fake convo ._.V but yeah best of luck and just keep going even if you feel awkward and keep stuttering. (: fighting!