[terrorist]

close please11-----------------------------------

[zoo]

be more assertive and tell her how you feel. chances are, she yelled at you because you laughed louder.

usually when my friends disrespect me, we have a small, but friendly, argument out of good fun. they're all asian though (not all viet though), so maybe ethnicity has something to do with your problem.

[AnthonyKkoKko]

I'm going to summarize this quick as possible.

My friend who is a girl was on the phone with her mother, she was speaking Vietnamese.. and her friend (a guy) made fun of her mocking her language.
it made him and I laugh. I was laughing a little bit more louder than he was.

I'm sure she didn't mind He mocked her. but as we were both laughing she screamed "shut up!" directly to my face.

Now I understand i was disrespectful to her first out of inconsideration, but why does she have to face towards me to "shut up"? and not to the other guy? Now I'm not trying to sound immature and whine like a little b^tch because she didn't say "shut up" to him too. etc..

maybe she wasn't expecting that from you D:
because since you say you're a nice guy and everything, she probably thinks you're a good person.... and for you to laugh at her is kind of unexpected for her maybe
and does she know the other guy?
anf you said you laughed louder
if she doesn't know the other guy who made the joke, then i can understand...

THE REAL PROBLEM ---
But i assure you i have a reason why i'm "whining"
Because it wasn't the only time that happened.
It happened to me all my life, now I can't stand being the nice guy.

I've been called an "idiot, stupid, i'm going to effin punch you in the face, shut the eff up, etc" so many times (even by girls). i never said anything back because I wasn't going to cause a scene just for that and i'm a patient guy.
i NEVER or RARELY called my friends any name calling
I held my honest opinion and made sure i respected every single one of them. (never called the names direct or indirect)
I'm not trying to sound like a mother effin saint, but i gave some effort to treat them the best that i can.

wait.. how can you be a really nice guy and have people call you idiot, stupid, etc O__O
if you're nice to them, then why would they be saying those things to you o.O
and... why would your friends wanna punch you in the face or something if you give some effort to treat them the best you can?
maybe i'm just dumb...

Maybe I'm starting to finally understand nice guys finish last?

Now I'm starting to wonder if i was too kind to them.

Maybe i did say things that might of offended them in some particular way, and i apologize afterwards most of the time.


So here is the question, My intuition is telling me to spit fire in their face and forever leave them in peace. which is wrong. (i think)

So logically and intuitively, i need a good advice from experience, or a wise person.. but as of now i don't have that, so i ask you soompiers.
What should i do?
What would you do if your friends disrespected you?
How do/did you react when your friends disrespect you?

thank you for your generous 1-2 minutes reading and responding

^ SEE HOW NICE I AM....

I'm just joking, i'm not that nice... but seriously, Thanks.

maybe you're just outspoken or something... because some people (like tiffany of SNSD ) say things, or act in a certain way when they're not aware that it might offend somebody. if you apologize... do you mean it? like, your tone of voice... some people might be sensitive to that too... like the tone of voice that you speak in might sound like you're pissed or it might sound like an insulting tone... and people might be sensitive to that kinda stuff..
i don't think you should swear at them... if you were a truly nice person, you wouldn't do that, right?
i am not wise at all.. i don't even know why i'm responding to this thread. but since i already typed something out, there's no point letting it go to waste...
what should you do? er.... try to be more sensitive to other people's feelings. you have to take their possible reactions into consideration
what would i do if my friends disrespected me? well.... if they disrespected me, they wouldn't be my friends, would they? unless it's flirting, fun teasing, or something like that, i don't mind. but disrespecting means seriously offending somebody... er... yea. if somebody did that to me, they wouldn't be my friends. ^^''
how do i react? again, if my friends disrespect me, they aren't truly my friends... real friends only play tease xD or they admit they're just joking or go like "jokes, jokes i love you!" after, or something. O__O
if one of my friends did disrespect me... well i wouldn't just stand there and give them a blank stare... it would make me seem mental or something. i would say something back... oooh maybe like this:
friend: you look really strange. i've never told you that, but you're ugly. maybe your parents are just really ugly.
me: SUCK IT UP PRINCESS! who do you think you are, talking to me like that! you whack-job!
ex-friend:.....
me: that's right! *walks away and never talks to that person again until he/she apologizes sincerely*
that's.... somewhat of how it would go.

as i said, i'm not wise... but i hope i helped in at least 1 way... if not, i just wasted my life.... but thanks for sharing!! ^^

God bless~
-Anthony

[bonitagirlx]

yea she might have been mad cuz u laughed louder

but its not fair ur always the scape goat

next time, call ur friend out and dont let them get away stuff so easily

maybe thats why they see u as an easy target.

[chopstick^^]

What should i do?
I think it wasn't your fault. Sometimes, we can't control our laugh, because it's too funny. I have tried holding my laughter while watching "Stich" with my sister, while my mum was sleeping on the sofa. It was so difficult to bare.
It was tooo funny, and i was suffering from not laughing out loud, coz i didn't want to wake my mum up. I kept covering my mouth. I think you didn't mean to disrespect her, n was actually laughing at the funny sound, so thats different. You should tell ur friend that, n let her know.

What would you do if your friends disrespected you?
I tell her/him that thru giving an example. N hoping they get the hint. I like to hint things...
but there was this 1 friend who didn't respect me, so i had to draw the picture out - tell her how i feel, and why it's making me unhappy etc... but i would say it nicely, trying to get her to see how she making me feel. And if she think's of me as a friend, then she should care. i think thats what friends do, they care for each other. (real friends)

How do/did you react when your friends disrespect you?
I was upset, that she didn't get the point. She continued, until i told her again.. she's very stubborn type, but finally she respected me. If she want to keep my friendship, she has to be a "friend"

Lol @ AnthonyKkoKko .. your reply made me laugh.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

You see I'm the same like you.
Well Used to.

Well there's just this particular group of friend who I hang out with. They always call me names and bla bla.
And yeah, it all end up because I was too nice.

So then I made new friends and not be too nice to them.
and well yea it's just different.

That being said, I realised many things.
Firstly, being nice gives you nothing, and yes you will not end up anywhere.
Secondly, name calling is kind of common. Of course it depends on what kind of friends you have.
Quiet/shy ones tend to not call you names, but still tease you anyway->as long as he/she is sociable.

The more braver ones tend to call you names more often. Like for example, my friend call me fu*a
Of course I know he's just joking, coz he's a good friend of mine, so I just simply call him names as well.

It all depends on the type of friends you're with I guess.
But yea, definitely being Nice gives you nothing.

But honestly, if girls dare to call you those, you're seriously getting stepped over

[ShadowMax76]

i get what ya mean. o_O' i'm at the end of a lotta unpleasant comments/'commands'. and i'm the silent guy [though, i do make fun of some lol]

_ they probably think you can take it , since you're not really reacting against it.
some girls i know hate being called short, but... o_o' i always thought their reactions were just too cute to actually be serious. ['spose some just like pretending it doesn't affect them]

it's sorta the same with you, right?

but. -shrugs- disrespect? _ some people just think it's a role playing thing. lol. >.>' you know how some characters in anime are kicked around, and somehow the friendship is still functional?

[Regrets]

yeah
be more asservtive and tell her how you feeel

[xxdis0riental]

Like others in this thread, I used to be the same as you. I had a "best friend" for four years who I admired because she was really fun to hang out with and a hilarious person, but she took advantage of my kindness and passive, timid disposition. She was the kind of person who would not STFU if you even dared expressing anything that you didn't fancy (even if it was something that she didn't do, it was usually the "get over it" line). She'd physically hurt me for her own amusement and I felt like one of those battered wives (excuse me if this sounds like a distasteful joke--I really did feel like it).

Anyway, I think the fact that you're passive and act like the "nice guy" as you said, gives her the upper hand in the friendship. If you let people do these things to you, they will feel more inhibited to do it later. It won't stop until you say something, or do what I did (which was cowardly): ignore and stop talking to them once you're tired of it.

If you get tired of something, and I mean really TIRED, you'll do something about it. It doesn't matter if you end up punching her in the ovaries in the end--you won't feel scared anymore. Trust me, and I mean really TRUST ME, don't pick out what you want to hear in this post and pass over everything else. Sometimes people like to ask advice just for free praise and fish out what they want to hear/read, so I hope you're not doing the same. I've been in this situation before.

If you want to just let it keep going until you finally snap, then do it. I can't tell you, "tell her how you feel" and let it be, which isn't really ideal advice because if you let it get this far, how are you supposed to magically turn around and find the courage to stand up to her? It might be sound simple, but it isn't.

You can wait, contemplate and let fate decide, or you can really follow the general advice of "tell her how you feel". Your call. If you don't do something about it, it'll keep going. Unless you're doing something to deserve these comments, you should take a look in the mirror and/or decide that you need a new group of friends. That or you end up being like me: dropping out of public school and going into home schooling. Ruining your social life for something that could have been fixed with just a few words and a glare that made their legs quiver--in a bad way.

This is probably not easy advice to follow, but it's late and I don't really know you well enough to mold my advice to something that would fit you. But either way, good luck. I hope you end up better than I did.

[RYUUSEi]

How is it funny to hear a person speaking to her mother in Vietnamese? I don't understand why any of you would laugh at that in the first place, but yeah anyways, maybe she's extremely sensitive to such things and she considers you more of a friend than that other dude so she got more upset over your reaction. Don't go and make yourself the victim in this situation because she's the one that got laughed at and mocked by her "friends". You didn't mention that she's been mean to you in any way in your post so why would it matter to her if you've been nice to people all your life? It still doesn't change the fact that you joined in on the mockery.

Anyways, what do I know, maybe she was just making a big deal out of nothing. But then again, maybe you are too right now.

[PhuongNguyen]

What should i do?
Grow up and respect people the next time they're having a phone conversation? I understand that it's your friend that made fun of her and you were just laughing along, but nevertheless... when someone is on the phone; especially when they're talking to their parents; you don't go and laugh at them. You deserve the "shut up" I would've told you the same thing.

What would you do if your friends disrespected you?
Lets not play the victim card here. Who disrespected whom? It was you and your friend who were rude and mocked her. Not only were you disrespectful toward her, you obviously show that you lack respect to the person she's talking to; which is her mother.

How do/did you react when your friends disrespect you?
I'm going to put myself in your friend's position (the one you guys were laughing at), and you know what... I would've told you to shut up also. So that is how I'll react when my friends disrespect me.

Yes, it's wrong for her to direct her anger only toward you... but when you're on the phone and trying to have a conversation; yet you hear someone being loud as hell... of course you're going to direct your attention toward the person who's making all of the noise. In this case, that's you.

Also... making fun of someone's language makes it even more rude than just disturbing their phone call. Honestly, if I have some ignorant friends who made fun of the way I talk, I wouldn't just tell them to shut up; I would've slap them across the head and tell them to grow the eff up and to go learn better manners.

I find it absolutely ridiculous how you claim your friend is rude to you; when you fail to see that if anyone is rude... it's you. Don't expect others to give you the respect if you fail to give them any. No matter how "nice" you think you are to them, that may just be from your perspective. My friend think she treats other people well, when she treats them like crap. From your story, it's pretty clear that you don't treat your friend as well as you believe you do.

[maharu.]

Sorry but laughing at a person's language isn't funny at all...it is disrespectful.
I would tell you to be quiet and be considerate as well. But I'm the type to say that to anyone.
But that girl may have been more comfortable with expressing her feelings about how she felt about the issue more than the other guy.
Sorry I sound mean but that's just me being blunt with you.

Nice guys really don't finish last unless you, personally WANT to finish last. Does that make sense?
You can be nice and considerate but still be assertive and express what you personally think is wrong.
Being blunt and honest with people who you trust can be a act of 'kindness'.


But, seeing that you're calling your friend the rude one there...idk if you're such a nice guy.
You may think you're a nice guy but if you don't treat others differences with respect, you can never be a true kind person.

[choot]

just say it straight to their face how u feel. There arent any other solutions. if they're truly ur friends, they'll consider what you have to say. since you DID admit that u had some fault in those situations, you should apologize but tell them how u feel.

i just dont get why a "nice" guy would get comments like that?

for me, sometimes i do get the "shut the eff up" responses but i say sorry alot. u wont believe how strong the word sorry is >=]

[auroralbutterfly]

I don't understand how it is funny either. Maybe it's because I speak another language at home and have friends who do too.

Your friend might have:
-- been discussing an important issue and needed silence immediately at that time so she didn't have time to patiently wait for you and your friend to quiet down.
-- noticed you were much louder than the other so she turned to you.
-- just turned to you because you happened to be right there.
-- not expected you to laugh that much so she said it to you.
-- thought you two were closer friends and needed silence immediately so she turned to you hoping that you would understand.

Anyways. No matter what the reason was, I think you and the other person laughing was much more disrespectful than the girl.

What should i do?
Let this pass and continue on like normal.

What would you do if your friends disrespected you?
If it just happened without them knowing, then I would give them a glare and let it pass. If they disrespect me more I was just tell them straight up when they do it and give reasons.

How do/did you react when your friends disrespect you?
I did as I described in the previous question. I tend to give glares when someone does something I don't like and they understand it... sometimes... well, they get it after awhile x)

Btw..
Why would people say "idiot, stupid, i'm going to effin punch you in the face, shut the eff up, etc" to someone who's nice?
I'm not saying you're not nice, but maybe you have good intentions and they just come out wrong in the other person's point of view.

[Phosphate]

I personally have no respect for those kinds of people.
My boyfriend is exactly like you.
Last week this girl hit him at the back of his head because he was
laughing along to an insult someone else said about her. I was so pissed
because it was the head.
It was clear that everyone was laughing at her
but I guess people see him as a "push over" which makes him easier to target.
It makes me mad.

I told him if it happened again he should embarass her more.

If a girl is intimidated by a guy she won't make fun of him
because she would be scared of him making fun of her 10x harder.
Thats my advice to you.
Be upfront to her and call her what she is...
call her a b*tch next time see what happens.


I don't know why people are blaming you because you were just laughing along. FFS..
laugh if you think its funny. Its not like you actually said the insult in the first place.
All languages are funny any way. *cheers*

[chinkboye22]

cuz a lot of humans are sensitive vaginas and are naive, and can't take jokes
u need to be more assertive and if someone says something bad about u, u needa say something back cuz you used to sound like me
they know you aren't going to say anything back, u might understand if they have a bad day, but its not your fault they can't control their emotions

[hippiehop]

Maybe she didn't mean to say it in your face like that.

[colloquy]

She was probably pissed off - not really thinking over whose the instigator. Probably because you were the loudest douchebag laughing, so she looked directly at you during her snap.

I doubt you're as perfect as you write here. If you're going to act like a saint, aka a pushover, then people are going to treat you like a pushover. It's your life, stop making other people the central focus of it. I don't really know what else to say, because I'm pretty sure you deserved to be snapped at. Other people's languages aren't something you should joke around about.

[ミ★♫윤아♫☆ミ]

If you're a jokester and no one takes you seriously, that's probably why.

[super cool snail]

because you've been passive all your life
you're probably that kid everyone takes advantage of because you don't respond to their remarks
because they know you won't throw back anything at them, they can say whatever they want to you
and now you just realized that you're a man
so what chu gonna do now? are you still going to take that crap from you friend? Or will you step up to the ball and tell them to go to hell?

The choice is up to you.