[disfunktional.]

Hi guys, thanks for the help~ i couldn't reply sooner because of the stupid internet.

Fumouffu oh no~ we're definitely not wealthy lol, the money was from my dad's tax money he got back. My mom is unemployed & she's sick so we're really poor actually haha. Well on that day I kept asking her and she would tell me "you can do better things with this money" so didn't say anything afterwards but since i looked really sad she gave me the money reluctantly & I handed the money to my friend. Today I was asking her for a RAM stick because mines broke and she gave me a really long lecture which made me realize that i was being spoiled&selfish ><" like this year i broke my Shadow phone, lost Blackberry, then left my ipod at the beach and it all costed a lot and now im already almost going to disney world but asking for more. And my mother's actually very sick, healthy one day, but miserable the next. She goes to the doctors a lot and today was one of those days she could barely walk and i realized i was selffish so i told my friend to cancel me out. but then my other friend called and kept persuading me, and actually it was suppose to cost even more than $800 but the friend's parents are paying for hotel & food so they might even give me $50-$80 back so i decided to go again! i went to tell my mom and she was just lying in bed like dead tired so i thought "i can't go and have fun while mommy is sick" so i canceled. Which got my friend really mad cause i kept changing my mind. So now it's confirmed that im not going and i cried since i've been having an emotional break down since summer started >______> My original plan was actually to get a job and pay her back but i guess the best plan is just to stay home and save her money :] Besides, I shouldn't try to do the things my friends do, they're really really rich people haha, they went to London last year, Viet Nam last last year, it'scary Xd

blah. yeahh i know it's a bargain considering how expensive Disney World is but it's expensive considering our family budget haha. Even though my mom was reluctant she has always wanted me to go places and like the next day she bought me these new clothes and took out a pink luggage she boguht a while ago so i could look good in Disney World which made me all teary T-T But yeah, i felt guilty so i guess i wouldn't have fun anyways.


Thanks for replying guys =D

[Daylightful]

D'aw.. I'm sorry for you mom... And it's a good thing you realized that you were asking for a lot. I guess that's a huge load off of her shoulders and such! But yeah, if you can get a part time job you should try! Also, help your mom around the house to show that you care about her! Like cleaning around, or cooking for the family one day, or something like that. Sorry you couldn't go but maybe you can go when you are older and can pay for your own way-- and don't let friends pressure you into doing things that you don't want to. o_O but good luck! -Huggles.-!!

[IV00]

Hello.

What do you guys think about friends dating your ex?
One of my very close friends (we hang out together a lot, almost like besties but we don't consider each other as best friends.) once told me that she would never get together with a friend's ex. She was serious about it too. After me and my ex broke up, we were still close and we still had chemistry between us so I wasn't over him yet and he still liked me. Our break up wasn't really serious or complicated so I knew we still have a good chance of getting back together. It was in the point where we could get together again and I had my hopes up but then my ex found out that my friend likes him. So he asked her out and of course she accepted. I've been disappointed for a few days but I know that she can't control her feelings so I guess I'm letting it slide and let them be happy together but I feel so selfish. I'm trying to get over him but it's hard when he talks to me everyday about their relationship problems and it just hurts me because I'm always the one he goes to when he has a problem. When he asks me why I'm hurt, I can't even tell him why because he's involved in it. Should I avoid him for a while to get over him or should I just stay by his side and help him?

[saranghae1234]

Hellooo~

I have a tiny problem here.

Whenever I'm with a certain friend of mine (girl), I'm always compared to her by guys/whenever we're together with some guys, they always seem to brush me off, and I always get left someplace random while my friend is messing around with these guys. For example, I'll always hear "Oh, Erika's (I shall use my name! XD)friend is cute" "Oh, her friend is a lot quiter than her" "She looks too stuck up." "She's pretty, but I like her friend more since she's more girly" "She's pretty, but she's too tomboyish..." and my favorite "Erika's pretty and outgoing and all, but she looks too intimidating. Like she's better than everybody else. Her friend is so cute and nicer than she is. I'd pick her over Erika anyday"

I am sick and tired of being compared to my best friend. I'd rather have guys see and accept me for being me. I don't want to be in my friends shadow anymore.

How can I get my point across?

Please and thank you

[Daylightful]

Hello.

What do you guys think about friends dating your ex?
One of my very close friends (we hang out together a lot, almost like besties but we don't consider each other as best friends.) once told me that she would never get together with a friend's ex. She was serious about it too. After me and my ex broke up, we were still close and we still had chemistry between us so I wasn't over him yet and he still liked me. Our break up wasn't really serious or complicated so I knew we still have a good chance of getting back together. It was in the point where we could get together again and I had my hopes up but then my ex found out that my friend likes him. So he asked her out and of course she accepted. I've been disappointed for a few days but I know that she can't control her feelings so I guess I'm letting it slide and let them be happy together but I feel so selfish. I'm trying to get over him but it's hard when he talks to me everyday about their relationship problems and it just hurts me because I'm always the one he goes to when he has a problem. When he asks me why I'm hurt, I can't even tell him why because he's involved in it. Should I avoid him for a while to get over him or should I just stay by his side and help him?

TT__TT Ooh-- tough situation, tough one indeed..
Personally, to answer your question, no I wouldn't date a friend's ex. Why? Well, you're a perfect example. It would hurt my friend, it's like a slap in a face, and I wouldn't be considering my friend's feelings at all. I think even if I liked the guy, there are other guys out there in the world. I've heard friendships just being broken over things like this and I would rather keep my friendship, AND let my friend stay happy without hurting her then over one little boy.
But your friend thinks differently.. FIRST, you're totally not being selfish in any way, don't think you are. Honestly, do you think being hurt is being selfish? Your friend is dating your ex, a guy you loved (or still love!) I think you have the right to be upset in all ways possible. But your last question is up to you. Do you WANT to stay by his side or avoid him? I guess it's rather if you want to be super kind about it, or just protect yourself. Honestly, if you wanted to avoid him I wouldn't think you are selfish at all. You're looking at a guy you're in love with who is talking to you about being with your friend! Of course that will hurt, and the best way to get over that is if you don't get constantly reminded by HIM about that! Of course there's the other option, where you can stay and help him. And it will hurt you, but you are helping the guy you care about. You're helping a friend(him; and assuming you guys are still friends,) about relationship problems. And that's what friends do, they stay by each other no matter what. But it still hurts you-- which is why that would be the super kind way. Because despite the fact your heart is in so much pain, you still stay by him. Either way, that's up to you. Honestly, if he knows that you are hurt (even without a reason,) he should learn not to talk to you about it anymore. "Talking to her hurts her! So I'm going to keep doing it!"-- no... I hope he's not doing it just to brag or something. =~= Or to purposely hurt you. Do you think you can tell if he's doing it on purpose or is he extremely naive like that? Either way, in the end it is up to you and how you feel about this. Some people would avoid him because it hurts them too much and well, they don't want to be hurt. And trust me, taking that option is okay. You should tell him that you can't really talk to him much anymore, but you'll always be a friend. Just tell him you'll talk again once you get your mind straighten out because you still can't think right over the breakup. I'm sure he has to understand then and is willing to wait. BUT-- I guess some people would be too nice and stay in the situation. You gain nothing over it but more pain, but at least you helped a friend. So-- whichever option sounds best.. but just do know, it's okay to be selfish sometimes. You have to worry about yourself too!! Good luck. TT__TT;

Hellooo~

I have a tiny problem here.

Whenever I'm with a certain friend of mine (girl), I'm always compared to her by guys/whenever we're together with some guys, they always seem to brush me off, and I always get left someplace random while my friend is messing around with these guys. For example, I'll always hear "Oh, Erika's (I shall use my name! XD)friend is cute" "Oh, her friend is a lot quiter than her" "She looks too stuck up." "She's pretty, but I like her friend more since she's more girly" "She's pretty, but she's too tomboyish..." and my favorite "Erika's pretty and outgoing and all, but she looks too intimidating. Like she's better than everybody else. Her friend is so cute and nicer than she is. I'd pick her over Erika anyday"

I am sick and tired of being compared to my best friend. I'd rather have guys see and accept me for being me. I don't want to be in my friends shadow anymore.

How can I get my point across?

Please and thank you

Well, you have a few options here. You can either,
A) Tell them! Tell them that you aren't stuck-up or anything like that and to please see you as who you are instead of assumptions.
Show them! Maybe it's the way you carry yourself? You know-- maybe sometimes you act mean and intimidating without realizing it or something? Or stuckup as in maybe you dress too richy, or act as if you are center of attention. o-o; Or well, they may think since you are quiet that you are too good for them to even talk. Sometimes people don't realize their actions! But it's sometimes the impression you may give off.
C) Don't hang out with your friend. If it bothers you and nothing changes, you could always leave.
D) Tell your friend, of course! Maybe she could talk to them for you.

I mean, these are just a few suggestions. But I think maybe you should talk to your friend about it, and maybe the two of you can talk to the boys that you aren't really any of those things.
And if they are judging you by appearance.. Like being "prettier" and whatnot, you should just let that slide. Honestly, looks isn't everything.. and I think it's kind of rude that they compare you to your friends by looks.. TT__TT I wish people just accept people over their personality more than looks.. And I mean, if you LIKE acting more tomboyish and not so girly then you don't have to stop. You can be yourself too. Like I said earlier, it could be since being quiet and such they may think you think you are too good for yourself. Why not try and speak up a little if you want to? Or smile sometimes in conversations and show that you are interested and you do care and not being stuck-up seeming like you don't. D: But good luck.. I hope that helps. TT_TT

[pepprmint]

PROBLEM!
how do you turn down your best friend when he asks to be 'more than friends'??? T-T

now the problem is, normally id be really straightforward and just say no straight out, but he's a special case. besides being my best friend who i love to death, he's a pretty sensitive, emotional guy. and besides that, his self esteem and self confidence is the size of a pea. so i always have to tread very lightly if im saying anything negative to him. (therefore, if i just flat out tell him i dont like him that way, whatever little self confidence he managed to hold onto will go *poof*..and...i cant do that to my best friend..)

that being said, how do i turn such a guy down???! what am i supposed to say?! T-T

[Uverstar]

my friend invited me to her 19th Birthday at a club and I REALLY dislike clubs but she want's me to go because we haven't seen each other since Uni started, um to be honest I'm really shy and I don't know any of her friends

my question is... 'what am I going to do when I enter that door of sweaty people dancing and drinking their faces off? and how do I go about talking to a girl who is um..out of my league) and when I say 'out of my league' I mean girls who actually take care in making themselves extremely pretty and wearing nice dresses while I wear anything that's comfortable like skinny jeans, a pair of kicks and T-shirt guys wouldn't wear because it's just strange lol

put it this way..a lot of people mistake me as emo when I'm really punk which isn't a difference..but..yeah I have a lot of doubt girl's in clubs won't want to talk to guy's like me..(I'm quite the negative person) lol

if anyone could help..I'ma internet hug you lol thanks

[Daylightful]

PROBLEM!
how do you turn down your best friend when he asks to be 'more than friends'??? T-T

now the problem is, normally id be really straightforward and just say no straight out, but he's a special case. besides being my best friend who i love to death, he's a pretty sensitive, emotional guy. and besides that, his self esteem and self confidence is the size of a pea. so i always have to tread very lightly if im saying anything negative to him. (therefore, if i just flat out tell him i dont like him that way, whatever little self confidence he managed to hold onto will go *poof*..and...i cant do that to my best friend..)

that being said, how do i turn such a guy down???! what am i supposed to say?! T-T

Well, you're going to have to tell him. You can meet him and be extremely calm and nice about it. Why not start explaining to him how you will always be his best friend, and that you love him as a best friend and that you'll always be there for him and support him.. Otherwise you may feel like you HAVE to be with him whhen you don't even like him-- which could be worse. Just be nice and be a good friend to him. Good luck!

my friend invited me to her 19th Birthday at a club and I REALLY dislike clubs but she want's me to go because we haven't seen each other since Uni started, um to be honest I'm really shy and I don't know any of her friends

my question is... 'what am I going to do when I enter that door of sweaty people dancing and drinking their faces off? and how do I go about talking to a girl who is um..out of my league) and when I say 'out of my league' I mean girls who actually take care in making themselves extremely pretty and wearing nice dresses while I wear anything that's comfortable like skinny jeans, a pair of kicks and T-shirt guys wouldn't wear because it's just strange lol

put it this way..a lot of people mistake me as emo when I'm really punk which isn't a difference..but..yeah I have a lot of doubt girl's in clubs won't want to talk to guy's like me..(I'm quite the negative person) lol

if anyone could help..I'ma internet hug you lol thanks

Well, you can do two things.
One) You could not go. Apologize to her. Tell her you are sorry you can't go but you feel uncomfortable around clubs and you feel it isn't you think. Tell her that the girls are a bit too much for you (or whatever is wrong with them,) and wish her a happy birthday and give her a gift! Tell her maybe if she wanted to after the club she could come over your house and sleep over or do it the next day! Something like that.
Or
Two) Go anyway. Go even though you don't enjoy it. You could always be open and more social and try talking to the other girls. Why not ask her to introduce you to some of the people? Maybe even ask her to dance with you and help you get in the mood!

It's up to you, but those are pretty much your two options! I hope that helps, though. Good luck!

[IV00]

TT__TT Ooh-- tough situation, tough one indeed..
Personally, to answer your question, no I wouldn't date a friend's ex. Why? Well, you're a perfect example. It would hurt my friend, it's like a slap in a face, and I wouldn't be considering my friend's feelings at all. I think even if I liked the guy, there are other guys out there in the world. I've heard friendships just being broken over things like this and I would rather keep my friendship, AND let my friend stay happy without hurting her then over one little boy.
But your friend thinks differently.. FIRST, you're totally not being selfish in any way, don't think you are. Honestly, do you think being hurt is being selfish? Your friend is dating your ex, a guy you loved (or still love!) I think you have the right to be upset in all ways possible. But your last question is up to you. Do you WANT to stay by his side or avoid him? I guess it's rather if you want to be super kind about it, or just protect yourself. Honestly, if you wanted to avoid him I wouldn't think you are selfish at all. You're looking at a guy you're in love with who is talking to you about being with your friend! Of course that will hurt, and the best way to get over that is if you don't get constantly reminded by HIM about that! Of course there's the other option, where you can stay and help him. And it will hurt you, but you are helping the guy you care about. You're helping a friend(him; and assuming you guys are still friends,) about relationship problems. And that's what friends do, they stay by each other no matter what. But it still hurts you-- which is why that would be the super kind way. Because despite the fact your heart is in so much pain, you still stay by him. Either way, that's up to you. Honestly, if he knows that you are hurt (even without a reason,) he should learn not to talk to you about it anymore. "Talking to her hurts her! So I'm going to keep doing it!"-- no... I hope he's not doing it just to brag or something. =~= Or to purposely hurt you. Do you think you can tell if he's doing it on purpose or is he extremely naive like that? Either way, in the end it is up to you and how you feel about this. Some people would avoid him because it hurts them too much and well, they don't want to be hurt. And trust me, taking that option is okay. You should tell him that you can't really talk to him much anymore, but you'll always be a friend. Just tell him you'll talk again once you get your mind straighten out because you still can't think right over the breakup. I'm sure he has to understand then and is willing to wait. BUT-- I guess some people would be too nice and stay in the situation. You gain nothing over it but more pain, but at least you helped a friend. So-- whichever option sounds best.. but just do know, it's okay to be selfish sometimes. You have to worry about yourself too!! Good luck. TT__TT;

Thank you so much for your help, Fumouffu! I really appreciated it!
I talked to my ex about why I've been hurting all this time today. I told him that I won't be talking to him for a while (maybe for weeks) so I can get my mind straight and off of him and he understands me but he seemed a bit disappointed because I won't be talking to him for a while. I hope I'll be over him pretty soon! Thank you so much again!

[Daylightful]

Thank you so much for your help, Fumouffu! I really appreciated it!
I talked to my ex about why I've been hurting all this time today. I told him that I won't be talking to him for a while (maybe for weeks) so I can get my mind straight and off of him and he understands me but he seemed a bit disappointed because I won't be talking to him for a while. I hope I'll be over him pretty soon! Thank you so much again!

Glad I could be of help then! I'm sorry again. I hope you manage to get your mind straight and can be able to talk and hang out with him soon again!

[saranghae1234]

Well, you have a few options here. You can either,
A) Tell them! Tell them that you aren't stuck-up or anything like that and to please see you as who you are instead of assumptions.
Show them! Maybe it's the way you carry yourself? You know-- maybe sometimes you act mean and intimidating without realizing it or something? Or stuckup as in maybe you dress too richy, or act as if you are center of attention. o-o; Or well, they may think since you are quiet that you are too good for them to even talk. Sometimes people don't realize their actions! But it's sometimes the impression you may give off.
C) Don't hang out with your friend. If it bothers you and nothing changes, you could always leave.
D) Tell your friend, of course! Maybe she could talk to them for you.

I mean, these are just a few suggestions. But I think maybe you should talk to your friend about it, and maybe the two of you can talk to the boys that you aren't really any of those things.
And if they are judging you by appearance.. Like being "prettier" and whatnot, you should just let that slide. Honestly, looks isn't everything.. and I think it's kind of rude that they compare you to your friends by looks.. TT__TT I wish people just accept people over their personality more than looks.. And I mean, if you LIKE acting more tomboyish and not so girly then you don't have to stop. You can be yourself too. Like I said earlier, it could be since being quiet and such they may think you think you are too good for yourself. Why not try and speak up a little if you want to? Or smile sometimes in conversations and show that you are interested and you do care and not being stuck-up seeming like you don't. D: But good luck.. I hope that helps. TT_TT

Okay, I'll try that! Thank you so much for the advice!!

[Daylightful]

Okay, I'll try that! Thank you so much for the advice!!

No problem~! Good luck to you!!

[Uverstar]

thanks for the help on my previous question Fumouffu haha I got like a week left so I'll think about it hard

um here's another question...

um there's a girl I'm interested in but..she's already said 'I don't think we should but we can still be friends?' and I guess for awhile I accepted it but my mind is saying 'hey don't give up cause you'll never find a girl like her' so I said 'stupid brain' and ignored it but those feelings are still there..after all these months..

There's this event this weekend and I think it'd be something that would be interesting for the both of us but..not sure if I should try..make this more..than just friends..since she's already um..showing signs of not wanting that like hardly talking to me or when we all hang out we don't..get as close as we used to..

oh one more question and I'm sure this question has been asked like a million times but..

where and how do I talk to girls?..

1. I don't attend uni and the tafe class I'm in have people like.....twice my age..
2. I mostly hang around book shops, comic shops, arcades, do that shopping thing for clothes, music shops lol

do I just see a girl and go 'hi I'm steven nice to meet you' lol i dunno i've never picked up a girl...yeah it's sad lol

[Daylightful]

thanks for the help on my previous question Fumouffu haha I got like a week left so I'll think about it hard

um here's another question...

um there's a girl I'm interested in but..she's already said 'I don't think we should but we can still be friends?' and I guess for awhile I accepted it but my mind is saying 'hey don't give up cause you'll never find a girl like her' so I said 'stupid brain' and ignored it but those feelings are still there..after all these months..

There's this event this weekend and I think it'd be something that would be interesting for the both of us but..not sure if I should try..make this more..than just friends..since she's already um..showing signs of not wanting that like hardly talking to me or when we all hang out we don't..get as close as we used to..

oh one more question and I'm sure this question has been asked like a million times but..

where and how do I talk to girls?..

1. I don't attend uni and the tafe class I'm in have people like.....twice my age..
2. I mostly hang around book shops, comic shops, arcades, do that shopping thing for clothes, music shops lol

do I just see a girl and go 'hi I'm steven nice to meet you' lol i dunno i've never picked up a girl...yeah it's sad lol

Good luck~! Do what you want to do!

And hm.. If she doesn't like you, and you've been friends for some months, and feelings haven't change maybe she just well,-- doesn't like you. Maybe you should try and get over her and meet other girls. You two can still be friends, after all! So it's not like you are losing her or anything! She's still there for you and I'm sure you are there for her! As for other girls, why not go to little clubs at the library? Ask and see if the book/comic/arcades have any events going on. Attend the events and then talk to girls! If you are at a comic event or a book event or get together then you could always start off asking the girl their favorite comic/book. Also, why not ask any of your friends if they know any girls and to do a huge get together. Like asking your friend to invite all the people he can, and they can invite people, and so forth! Then all hang out at the movie and go out for dinner, and do a little chit-chatting there. I guess just try and join as many social events as possible!! I know here, our library has events ALL the time of all sorts-- from videogames/anime to just coffee time! So I suggest looking up or asking what you can find around your area! Ask the girl how they are doing, their interest, or things like that-- start a conversation!! But good luck!!

[FreeSpender]

Hiiii Fomouffu!

It turned out this girl found out that I liked her and she was not interested! I was not by any means touched or heart broken because we do not really known each other well and thus I have not really developed any feelings for her.

As a result of she not being interested, I just want us to be friends. But these last few days I have tried to talk to her but it seems like she is trying to avoid me. But all I want for us is to be friends and I am not interested in her at all anymore!

My male friends tell me that I should just act normal around her like nothing happened thus not tell her that I don't like her that way anymore, now that the feelings are not mutual.

BUT I'm really stuck between two things: I'm stuck between telling her that I just want us to be friends or just acting like nothing happened. If I tell her that I don't feel that way about her, I am afraid it would turn even more akward between us, because she might feel that I am just trying to defend myself.

My male friends tell me that I should act like nothing happened and do not pay any special attention to her.

My female friends tell me that I should tell her, I just want us to be friends.

I'm confused.

What shall I do??????

[Daylightful]

Hiiii Fomouffu!

It turned out this girl found out that I liked her and she was not interested! I was not by any means touched or heart broken because we do not really known each other well and thus I have not really developed any feelings for her.

As a result of she not being interested, I just want us to be friends. But these last few days I have tried to talk to her but it seems like she is trying to avoid me. But all I want for us is to be friends and I am not interested in her at all anymore!

My male friends tell me that I should just act normal around her like nothing happened thus not tell her that I don't like her that way anymore, now that the feelings are not mutual.

BUT I'm really stuck between two things: I'm stuck between telling her that I just want us to be friends or just acting like nothing happened. If I tell her that I don't feel that way about her, I am afraid it would turn even more akward between us, because she might feel that I am just trying to defend myself.

My male friends tell me that I should act like nothing happened and do not pay any special attention to her.

My female friends tell me that I should tell her, I just want us to be friends.

I'm confused.

What shall I do??????

Hm.. this is a toughy. I think this really depends on the girl.. if I was in that situation, I would feel a bit odd if the guy said that they just want to be friends and let's forget about it. But then again, I wouldn't want to avoid them either. So her and I are most definitely different.
I guess in her situation, since she is avoiding you, the best thing may be to tell her you just want to be friends and nothing more. But don't sound desperate or anything. Just say it calmly and sincere. The reason why I think you should tell her that is because she is already avoiding you. So not talking to her won't exactly fix anything unless she is secretly into you and gets jealous. If you don't talk to her, and she doesn't talk to you-- then there is no conversation going and therefor not even a friendship. I think you should tell her you just want to be friends calmly. After that, then I think you don't have to pay any special attention to her. because paying special attention = trying to still pursue her. So it's kind of a bit of both of what your friends said. Of course if she is still avoiding you then let her be, and just leave her alone. I'm sure in due time she'll come around and talk to you again. I really hope it works out for you!

[FreeSpender]

Hm.. this is a toughy. I think this really depends on the girl.. if I was in that situation, I would feel a bit odd if the guy said that they just want to be friends and let's forget about it. But then again, I wouldn't want to avoid them either. So her and I are most definitely different.
I guess in her situation, since she is avoiding you, the best thing may be to tell her you just want to be friends and nothing more. But don't sound desperate or anything. Just say it calmly and sincere. The reason why I think you should tell her that is because she is already avoiding you. So not talking to her won't exactly fix anything unless she is secretly into you and gets jealous. If you don't talk to her, and she doesn't talk to you-- then there is no conversation going and therefor not even a friendship. I think you should tell her you just want to be friends calmly. After that, then I think you don't have to pay any special attention to her. because paying special attention = trying to still pursue her. So it's kind of a bit of both of what your friends said. Of course if she is still avoiding you then let her be, and just leave her alone. I'm sure in due time she'll come around and talk to you again. I really hope it works out for you!

Thanks for your answer Fomouffu!

I have a question more in my mind. Wouldn't she think I like her, if try to talk her just as a friend? So would it not be the best to tell her that I just want us to be friends?

Because as a male, if a girl I knew liked me, tried to talk me, and I did not feel the same way, I would, everytime she writes to me or talks to me think "oh she is just trying to score me" and I would not feel "oh she is trying to get to know me better and just be friends".

Because the girl has not told me she is not interested in me but I heard it through a friend of hers and she has kept avoiding me since I confessed directly to her that I liked her.

I hope you can give me another fantastic piece of advice, Fomouffu.

[Daylightful]

Thanks for your answer Fomouffu!

I have a question more in my mind. Wouldn't she think I like her, if try to talk her just as a friend? So would it not be the best to tell her that I just want us to be friends?

Because as a male, if a girl I knew liked me, tried to talk me, and I did not feel the same way, I would, everytime she writes to me or talks to me think "oh she is just trying to score me" and I would not feel "oh she is trying to get to know me better and just be friends".

Because the girl has not told me she is not interested in me but I heard it through a friend of hers and she has kept avoiding me since I confessed directly to her that I liked her.

I hope you can give me another fantastic piece of advice, Fomouffu.

Again, it could depend on the girl. I honestly can't read her mind or how she is so I can't say. I've seen a girl who was just upset when the guy who tried to pursue her stopped talking to her and such. She found it as if maybe he didn't enjoy her anymore, and even had low self-esteem because of it. So, again it really depends on the girl. But I mean, it is up to you! I think if a guy asked me that they just wanted to be friends, I wouldn't think they like me anymore. And heck, I'd still love to be just friends with them. But I'm different from her, too.
But if she is avoiding you because if being so direct then I guess you should try and be less direct as well. How about this, why not try and give her a break for a few weeks? Being less direct as possible. Give her time to calm down and think for herself as well. Then maybe afterwords you guys can talk as just friends. Anyhow, I really hope it works out! I'm sorry if I'm not exactly being helpful. >~<! but maybe she'll come around and talk to you too.

[heegie]

LONG story >_<" sorry, you guys<3

** before you read this:
-DON'T get mad over what i've done in the past, because it's the past and it's over with =___=" i just want to know what to do now, for my future -__-" Don't say stuff like "Well, you should've broken up with him once you found out your parents didn't like him, blah blah blah". That's done, over with.

-------

So i've only been in two relationships throughout my lifetime, which is definitely a lot less than most of my friends ^^" the first guy wasn't really "sweet/romantic", & even though he was known as a "gangster" type of guy, he had his soft side, every now and then. he could make me laugh and he knew how to joke around (: he was ALSO known as a player though, which is one of the reasons why we broke up (the reason, him being a player & talking to other girls, blah blah)

But the second boyfriend (my current boyfriend now) is the exact opposite; he's a "korean fob" (lolol) & he's super sweet/romantic, and we've been together for about 6-7 months ^^, while me and the last boyfriend were only together for 3 months, maybe? Me and my current boyfriend now have also been on a ton of dates, and we have great communication, etc etc. definitely not the "perfect" relationship, because we have argued a few times before, but i would say we have an okay relationship (: he gives me everything i want (even if i tell him NOT to get me something -- like, one time my ipod broke, and i was SUPER upset about it, but he went out and bought me one the next week -___-" i got mad at him... but he made me keep it /:)

However, my parents really don't like my current boyfriend =__=" just because of things they've "heard" about him (the korean community in my city is really... close -__-" so we hear mainly everything that goes on in my city that's related to koreans >_<') so it's been super hard to meet him and hang out with him, and even talk to him on the phone throughout the months that we've dated, but i've always figured that it was worth it in the end, which it was! But one time my parents caught me and my boyfriend meeting, which basically destroyed their trust in me for awhile.

Anyways, he's been in korea for three months (staying there for four months total, though; he's coming home in late august) & right before he left, i was so sure we'd stay together -- & for these past three months, we've been talking on the phone/internet, etc. So of course, everything's been going great ^^.

But just recently, i noticed that i'm much more happier without thinking of ways to "meet" my boyfriend for us to go on dates (because i've always had to find ways to go around my parents), & also, my parents have started to regain my trust SO MUCH more, because i haven't had to find ways to lie to them to meet my boyfriend (since he's in korea and all...), and honestly, even though he IS a great boyfriend, i'm just tired of lieing to my parents and i don't want to take the chance of ruining their trust in me, once again. & i know i said that the past times that i HAVE lied to my parents, it was worth it (which i still believe it was), but i just... don't feel as if it'll worth it anymore. Especially because i'm starting to realize how great having my parent's trust is. So, i've been seriously contemplating on breaking up with him. i understand that i should've broken up with him RIGHT when i found out my parents didn't like him, but it's better realizing this later than never, you know?

Anyways, recently, i was talking to him (today, actually) & he was talking about how he's going to buy me a present, & i kept on trying to talk him out of it, because he's already gotten me enough already & if i do break up with him, i don't want him to have bought me a present, you know? but i think that everytime he FEELS like we're going to break up, he always says "i miss you, i love you", etc etc. or he brings up the iPod, which makes me feel like i owe him something =___="

So... basically:
1) Do you think i should break up with my boyfriend?

If no... :
1) Why not?

If yes... :
1) do you think i should just wait until he comes home to make sure it's not the "distance" that's making me feel this way?
2) if i shouldn't wait for him to come home in late august, how should i break up with him? (we MAINLY talk over the internet now, just because calling overseas got kinda expensive...but i would HATE to break up over the internet -__-" but i don't want to lead him on for another month, either... ugh.)
3) should i give him back the ipod and everything he's ever bought for me when he comes home/after i break up with him?
4) when i'm breaking up with him... how should i initiate it...? how would you initiate? how HAVE you initiated it, if you've ever broken up with someone before?

Ugh... i've never really broken up with someone before -__-" the last relationship i was in, it was more of a mutual thing. So i'm so confused on how to break up with someone... -__-" & i know it's inevitable, but i don't want to hurt him /: because i still care for him as a friend -__-" blah, ohwell...

[Daylightful]

Hm.. Well, this is YOUR decision after all. May I ask how old are you? And if you LOVE him, why break up with him, y'know?
Okay, so there's your parents trust. And probably the reason why you don't feel worth while over it anymore, is why? Because you haven't been doing it. You have no need to now and you like the way it is. But hey, love is something a little more than that, it goes beyond. If you honestly feel like your parents trust is more important, then end it with him. It's really up to you and your feelings. Personally, if I really loved the guy, despite that my parents I would still would love to be with him. He's been so kind to me already, and I love him ever so much. Why not try and calmly talk to your parents about it? Do they not like Koreans or something? Tell them how they're being unfair, and how they are listening to rumors over their own child-- not even giving him a chance. But if he's not even that important to you then there is no bother.
I guess if you do want to break up with him,
You should just tell him as soon as possible. Tell him that you really can't be with him.. I guess. And that your parents trust is more important and nothing is worth while anymore. He doesn't deserve to be led on. And if he is telling you about the iPod then just apologize to him. Tell him if it makes him feel better you would give it back to him, but you're going to have to put your left foot down and just tell him straight no. It's best to probably call him and tell him all of this, texting break-ups are the worse.

Like I said, personally if you really love the guy then I don't see the point into breaking up but it even crossed your mind so maybe you don't as much. Whether it's the distance or not. A relationship is about commitment AND understand. He understood and been there and supported you even WHEN his family hated him. But he's away and you want to break it? But I guess if that's what you want. He seems like such a kind guy, but don't let that stop you. like I said, he doesn't deserved to be lead on by the least bit. He's already doing so much for you, and if you could really not care as much about it then it is time to go. Either way, I hope things go well for you. Just know that there will probably be distance in other relationships-- and there needs to be understanding. You have to work out through your hard times, because if you just throw them away like that then it may just never work out for you. If you feel that your parents trust and such is more important again, then break up. Just know that relationships will have responsibility such as these, and it can get tiring, but that you work them out in the end. I hope things go well again with you!