[C4Y [[Crazy 4 YeongSaeng]]]

Okay here's the background.
I am currently 18 years old, turning 19 this year.
I am enrolled in a university.
I am in a steady relationship with my current bf, and we're doing well :]

When I was 14 years old, I met a guy, lets name him Y.
Y went to my church. He was 19 at the time.
So he's 5 years older than me.

When he came to church, I guess he was a loner?
So I approached him and we became somewhat friends.
He was my oppa (older brother).

All my best friends at church thought that he had a crush on me, because he was so sweet to me.
But I ignored it, thinking it was stupid since he was much older.
And I only saw the relationship as platonic.

But one day, I started dating this other guy (who is now my ex).
My friends were openly talking about my new bf, and Y overheard.
A couple days later, Y emailed me.

The email was basically a confession letter.
Saying how much he cared for me, but he was much too shy to approach me in person.
He said he was hurt by me dating another boy, because he thought I was interested in him as well.
I was friendly ... but I never meant to flirt with him.

At first when I read Y's email, I thought it was a prank.
But, he approached in person the next day at church, so it was him.

After I broke up with my bf at the time, Y started to flirt with me.
I did at one point consider it, but I realized that I really could not see him as more than a oppa.
I wanted to be nice and let him down easy, so I told him I saw him only as a friend.
I told him I wanted to stay friends because I liked the relationship we had.

But Y was .... a very unstable person.
He grew up in a broken home, had drug/alcohol problems ...
And he blew up at me.

He swore at me for wanting to stay friends.
Called me harsh words.
And then the next email, was a sincere apology.
Saying that he was high or drunk and didn't know what he was writing.
Bipolar much?
This went on ... for years.
I began to ignore him in church.
I turned cold to him, because he was being ridiculous.
On and on ... Till I was 16.

He kept sending emails full of vulgar language.
Then the next one would be apologies.
Over and over again.
Once he even blamed ME for him getting addicted to drugs :[
He said I broke his heart so bad that he turned to drugs.

I've had enough.
Finally, I told my parents.
At the age of 16, my parents told him to leave me alone.
And so he did.
He left my church.
I haven't seen him since.

--NOW.

I have a myspace.
But I NEVER check it. Never.
Today, I randomly felt like checking it again.
And I received two messages from him. (from like april last year)
I'm not sure ... if I should try to patch up this messed up relationship we have.
Or leave it as is.

Here's message one: (I changed some words around for privacy)
No Subject

Chanel....

It's been over 2 years since the last time I saw you, I've never regretted anything more than deciding to leave church. You were the only reason I kept going to church, no one cared that I was there and after you started to ignore and hurt me I thought that leaving would be the best for the both of us.

I know I was too needy, but my life is hell and when you were happy with me I was happy. so naturally I became attached and emotional. I wanted to be a part of your life and when you rejected me I didn't know how to respond.

You were probably right when you told me that I didn't know what love is. and I will probably never know what love is, my perception of love and of life is completely distorted from (i deleted this part out, stuff about his past)

I don't expect you to understand or to pity and have sympathy for me. Just don't forget me... If there is such a thing as heaven and God if somehow I was able to make it to heaven, please don't deny me your company.

I would love to see you again and be able to be your friend and have conversations over lunch and diner but I know that is asking too much of you. I only dream that you want to see me again as much as I want to see you again...

I am truly sorry if I have caused you any pain. I know I shouldn't be writing this and I know that this just makes me more pathetic, but just remember for future reference that the guys who flirt well and talk smooth are the ones who will use you and the emotionally crippled and not so smooth guys are the ones who will love you for a lifetime.

take care of yourself


Message 2:
Subject: holy crap im sorry i was really drunk

i dont know why i sent that to you, i was just being a stupid drunk, it was all a lie and you mean nothing to me


----

He still seems unstable ... still the same bipolar person I knew from before.
But it was the past ... and I've been living life well.
I feel terrible for hurting him.
I don't want to like ... lead him the wrong way again, or hurt him more.
Having a bf is good, because that means the relationship (if I do create another with Y) will be strictly platonic ...
But I'm scared history is gonna repeat itself if my current bf and I break up.
Or I'm scared I might hurt Y because I have a bf.
Yet ... If I didn't have a bf, I would less likely patch things up with Y, because I'm worried he might take it the wrong way.
GAHHH ...
Any light on what I should do?

[.flyhigh]

Oh...I really dunno what to say =X I'm usually just the reader and cuz I'm so used to stuff like these never happening to me ><; And OMG seriously what a bi polar man >> I'm sure he must just be trying to get your attention and maybe you should just ignore him? 0.0 I really don't know ><;
I'm un experienced and only 13 so...but I know this guy thats sorta like him. He goes and says stuff like how much he likes me and misses me etc. THEN he goes and says he has a gf (ok maybe its not so similar haha xD) But you must have been really nice to this man =\ It would be risky and he might hit you =O so yeah...just ignore him? it seems to have been working for you right?

[Javus]

I think it would be very risky. You haven't seen each other for awhile. The last time you had a bf he kinda freaked out on you, so theres a chance that may happen again if you try to patch things up.

[kinein]

are you trying to get with him? or are you going to be faithful? honestly this is a choice only you can make. Decide on whatever makes you happy. If you want to do your bf right ~ end it break up and say it isn't working out. Or don't talk to the loner guy from your past. The past should be the past unless you are willing to revisit it and if you want to dive into it and leave no baggage behind to carry.

[fizzl3]

Wow, what a scary guy. Well, if he really meant the second email as the truth, then why bother? You mean nothing to him apparently ;p

And he was totally not drunk if he had better grammar when he was drunk hehe.

[sallyen]

I don't think you should contact him. He sounds unstable and scary.
If you like him, contact him. If not, don't do it.

It's not your responsibility to take care of him.

[1nspiration]

I have a friend similar to your friend.
It's really hard because I would like to get mad at him when he does mean things to me, like standing me up when he called wanting to hang out. ???
Or txting me really mean txt, but then txting to apologize next time?
><;;
I don't think you should go to the guy and patch things up.
You're just someone he goes to when he's having a bad day.
He doesn't seem to want any kind of real relationship with you.
He knows when he does wrong and apologizes, but it doesn't change the fact that, he'll do it again.
>>>When someone is sorry, they mean it and don't do it again.
You have a bf to think of, so I really feel, you should just let your "friend" stay a distant friend.
Either way, when he's ready to be a friend, he knows how to contact you.

[可愛い]

the general rule is a female should never contact any dude. thats the guy's duty. if he hasnt contacted you then perhaps he's just not that into you. besides, 4 years have passed. its a closed chapter.

[xoxdumkrngirlxox]

Have you even told him how you've felt about him and his bi-polarness?? (lol)
Maybe if you haven't you should tell him that you feel uncomfortable and that he is making you unsure of your feelings toward him because of it.
But ultimately it is YOUR choice whether you want to talk to him or not. But don't let him take advantage of you though by making himself look useless/pathetic.

[donporkuloin]

Just leave it alone, because you're not going to be happy with the result if you mess with it.

[tomatomato]

don't contact him back. i'm sure you have learned your lesson by now.

[Lie]

I wouldn't contact him. It doesn't seem that he's changed at all, I wouldn't subject yourself to more of his behavior.

[e00z]

wow dude sounds likes the same old creep from before. ignore him.

[YESUNGHWAITING!]

Ahhh, I know how it feels to be stuck in this kind of situation, it's not fun.
But you can't be the nice girl all the time.
That's where girls like us get screwed over.

I know it will be hard, but put him in the past, where he belongs.
You are happy now, don't let him affect that happiness.
He will be all right and so will you.

I hope everything turns out well!
(:

[sushixlovesu]

he seems sorta scary =x no offense >__< as for what you should do... i dont know... ive never really dealt with people like that... but i hope you resolve it soon! Good luck!!

[C4Y [[Crazy 4 YeongSaeng]]]

oh just to clarify.
I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND.
I'm not looking to get with this guy.
All I'm looking for is a friendship, like the brother-sister relationship we had before.

[CAprd]

Dude sounds like a weirdo. I would just ignore him.

[jiwoneex3]

yeah, ignore him.
although he claims that he was drunk when he wrote that message,
it still shows that he has feelings towards you, even though he denies it.
and that is how it will ruin your current relationship.

if i were you, i wouldn't risk it :X

[hmong_lubpaj]

leave well enough alone. it think it's just gonna create more drama for you if you should contact him again

[maru]

Hey chanel,

I had a bf just like him very recently. He would abuse me (with words) and then apologise, break up with me and beg for me back. It was craziness and it went on for the whole relationship. I strongly advise you not to contact this guy, he'll only cause pain. I know you might be curious as to whether he's changed, but i'm telling you, HE HASN'T. Gluck matey.