[webmagine]

okay, hello. sorry, this is kinda long. I'm looking for opinions from people who go clubbing, people who have an S/O that goes clubbing or just opinions from anyone in general.

first of all, I'm not into clubbing (not against it, just don't go) so yeah, I guess that's why I'm after opinions from those who DO go clubbing, lol.

My girlfriend has been clubbing lately lol, and she's been telling me about people "doing things" and all this stuff (feeling her boobs, trying to kiss her ear, dancing with her from behind I guess rubbing their willies on her, and I have a feeling more but all she said after I asked was "i danced.. and then some stuff happened"). It makes me feel really uneasy and I'm not sure how to deal with this. I don't want to be controlling or anything, eg. telling her to stop going clubbing (that's going a bit overboard lol) but still, what am I supposed to do, seriously? She tells me it's nothing and not to worry, so am I just supposed to treat it as such, "nothing", and be completely fine with people touching her and whatever else whenever she goes clubbing? You tell me.

Anyways yeah.. I tried asking her if I could go with her next time aswell, so I guess I've atleast tried to do something about it, but still.. has anyone been in a situation like this? What can I, or what should I do? Or what's the best way to deal with it? She's not really making me feel much better about it, just telling me not to worry, lol. How would you deal with this situation?

MSN:
ME: mmm >< LOL by the way.. uhh i dono if its weird to ask.. but um.. if & when possible.. like i understand you wanna just go with friends sometimes.. or you'll be with maybe relatives or something.. but uhhmm just like whenever possible.. or when you dont mind.. can i come with you when you go to clup? i dono lol ever since you've been talking about those people doing things.. it's kinda been on my mind..
ME: yeah i dono.. just thinking of people uhhmm touchy in there... err hitting on you.. make me feel really uneasy .. >< i never really thought about it much until you told me about it
HER: dw but
HER: noone was hitting on me
ME: hmm ok
HER: they just wanted a dance
ME: hmm alright lol
ME: oh you danced with them lol?
HER: but yeh sure yu can come
HER: i danced
HER: and then some stuff happened
HER: but like
HER: nothing major

Um we've been together for about 10 months now. met her parents and relatives and she's met mine, so it's not really some random 2 months relationship where we're still getting to know each other and stuff. I'd like to think we're really tight and all.

So yeah.. thanks in advance, whether or not you go clubbing or anything, any advice at all is appreciated.

[lisalee89]

I am sure that she is flattered. Just to let you know, stuff does happen but it all depends on how far she goes and they go. If she knows her limits and you trust her, then it's all good. No worries. Dont wory too much. In the end if she comes home to you and is faithful, its ok. But if she starts acting weird.. iono.. I have seen relationships where the sig. other goes out alone with the girls or with the guys, some turn out cheating, or simply straying and leave thier other, soem stick together and are faithful.

Im sure that there is a little talkng, like " hey, wht ur name, u got a man.. etc.." Just depends on what she says. First of all, you must ask yourself if you trust her? Does she seem like she is straying from you? You know her, think about it.

[chilovesjj]

My fiancé and I tend to stay in, neither of us goes clubbing so I guess we're kinda lucky. And for me personally...
I would NEVER let guys be all 'up on me' and touching me etc. If you're with someone and you're serious.. you don't do that. :/
I think it really shows a lot of disrespect to the person you're with, to let guys touch you and act like you're single.

My fiancé's best friend.. his gf went clubbing and it sounded a lot like your situation, messing around, talking about stuff happening etc.
Not to say everyone who clubs is like this.. but a lot of them get drunk and they let things happen but 'it was just the alcohol' and they think that makes it ok. She cheated on him and he took her back, but they recently split up permanently after yet another 'drunken mistake'. -.- Sucks so much because he was a really nice guy and deserved so much better.

Anyway, back to your situation xD If I was on the receiving end of that, I think I'd tell him 'you're my boyfriend so why don't you damn well act like it and stop feeling up other girls?' Some people can deal with this kind of behaviour, some people can't. If you can't then.. it's unlikely that you'll learn to accept it. And you shouldn't have to.

You're clearly not happy with the situation, and while you don't want to compromise her and be all controlling etc, it's not fair that you should have to put up with this when it's clearly not working for you. However much you love her, it's going to cause problems at some stage. Do you know anyone that she goes clubbing with who could tell you what actually happens, since she's a bit sketchy on the details? When you go with her she'll probably deliberately tone down her flirty behaviour etc so it will be different to what it's like when you're not there.

v i know a lot of girls who back up what you say, but not every girl who goes clubbing is a slut ^^;

[Painism]

I say break it off with her before she cheats on you...Girls tend to do that. Girls that go to clubbin, are quite s|utty, all they do is grind on random stranger dude that they don't even know...rubbin their butt on the guy crouch.

Chances are, your girlfriend is grinding on other guys, maybe she even getting sandwiched grind on by 2 guys from the front and back while dropping down low low low in her apple bottom jeans. I mean is all those crip walking improvement worth it? While she doing all the free style grind on other man? Food for thought.

[nubbie]

^
^ Don't listen to this guy. He's still emo because his girlfriend took away his virginity and dumped him.



Anyways, you've got to understand that's how they dance when they're clubbing. You're dancing real close and yes there's grinding. But to be honest, it really means nothing.

HOWEVER, other guys trying to touch and kiss her is a no-no. Last time i heard, when some guy slapped my boyfriend's friend's ass and all the guys LAID. HIM. OUT. Fights are pretty common btw.

[cowsie]

In the end if she's faithful to you and honest to you about what happens then it's okay. But, if I was in your position I would also be uneasy about this whole thing. She's like saying how guys "(feeling her boobs, trying to kiss her ear, dancing with her from behind I guess rubbing their willies on her" then why would she still go? If she finds that uncomfortable and nasty then why does she still go? But anyways, I think you should go with her the next time to see for yourself on how it is. I have a boyfriend for around 11 months now and we both don't go to clubbing. He would just chill with his friends and go drinking and that's okay. I wouldn't like it if he goes to clubbing, and I know I shouldn't go clubbing because it's like unfair to him. If I go clubbing then I would definitely bring him along.

[kerpao]

wth. i would not let some other guy rub up against me when i go clubbing. her friends or the ppl she goes with should know that she has a man and tell ppl to back off or pull her away ya know? but i gotta admit, ur pretty nice. my bf didn't want me to go clubbing and got really clingy at the idea =\ so yeah xD good luck to you.

p.s. how would she feel if you went clubbing and girls tried to kiss your ear or grinding ur willie?

[nubbie]

girls and girls
girls and guys
guys and guys

they both dance facing each other or one directly behind the other really close. Cause clubs are crowded. Go out to the club one night with your friends (and without the girlfriend) and just take a look around you. Dance with someone too and you'll see that its normal. Its not a big deal to be dancing up on someone. It IS a big deal when they're feeling up on you. But its probably not her fault either because its the guy that's trying to make a move on her.

[jhealizzie]

this thread is mine!
haha!
it's perfect for me, because i go clubbing, every week.
but anyway, well yea', some really happens when you go to club, BUT i think, just i think,
she's just making you all jealous( she might making stories about touching her by other guys) because she wants you to that to her, you know, more touching.
because when a girl says something, it always has a meaning, for example, when you both saw a couple, the guy giving his gf a flower, and she(your gf) reacted, "oh, how sweet", it means, she wants you to do it with her also.
well, that's a girl instinct.
but please, don't rely to what i've said.

anyway, if not that,
well, she just want to dance.
or, why don't you come with her?
she invited you right?
it means, nothing really happens.
or not more than grinding happens.
just try, at least once.
i am sure you can do that.
you love her right?

oh.
and it's good that you told her what you felt about her, going to clubs.
it is very important to a relationship.

and, you can forbid yer girlfriend going to clubs, jokingly.
it's a hint, that you really want to stop her going there,
because if you didn't say anything, she might think yer not concern.
so yea.

i hope, you will not feel bothered anymore.

[GloomyPookie]

It is crowded, so when someone secretly dances behind you won't notice unless your friends tell you or when that someone suddenly dances against you.
However, the real issue here is... how does she respond to it? Have you ever asked her what she does when it happens?
It's not her fault when someone dances against her or quickly touches her BUT she should react to it. By giving them a glare and/or pulling away or say something about it.

If she lets them dance with her etc. then it's not ok. She can have plenty of fun dancing with her friends in a normal way without some stranger.

So ask her how she reacts/what she does when it happens. And if it doesn't feel right then ask/tell her to be honest with you.

[RYUUSEi]

When I was dating someone and I went out with my girlfriends without him, I would always move away if someone was trying to grab my ass or feel me up. I just instantly squeezed my way through the crowd to dance somewhere else with my girls. I didn't just stand there like a fool and let it all happen because "it's a dancefloor and there's no helping it".

Nobody was hitting on her? Isn't grinding against her or whatever a sign that someone is flirting with her? Ask her how she would feel if you were out with your boys and girls were all over you while dancing and then "stuff happened" but oh, it's no big deal. Why would she even dance with random guys if she's in a serious relationship with you?

I don't know you or her so this is just what I'm saying based on your post, I could be wrong, but honestly to me it seems that she loves the attention boys give her when she's in the club so it's up to you wether you can handle a girl like that or not.

[thenshexsays]

A certain level of touching and intimacy is expected of clubs - people are crammed in there, of course they are going to be all over each other. There is a difference, though, between typical club behavior and inappropriate behavior. Feeling a person up and/or kissing is definitely a no-no, but comes with the club package. But if your girlfriend is letting people do that to her and positively responding to it, that is sort of sketchy (keep in mind, though, that a guy trying to make a move is very very different than a girl accepting a guy's moves).

I'd say come with her to a club, see how things are. If she want's you to go clubbing with her, though, there is probably not a whole lot to be suspicious of.

[Painism]

A good way for your girlfriend to go have fun, and not have you worry is to recommend her to go to a gay bar with all guys on guys grind.

[wr3ck3dd]

...

I join in this opinion, except for the last portion where she agrees with painism. I am not in agreement with the idea that all girls who go to clubs are slutty. Case in point, that would make many of my friends and my best friends sluts. But, their demeanor is anything but this way.

...

I join this opinion as well. There ignorance shouldn't be an excuse--"Oh, I didn't know"--or any other excuse that could account for the other clubbers' actions. You tread on ominous ground and I hope that you will be more careful.

After all, we can't control the people we love; however, we are allowed to voice our concerns and our opinions or else this would not be a real relationship. Best of luck.

[Painism]

I join in this opinion, except for the last portion where she agrees with painism. I am not in agreement with the idea that all girls who go to clubs are slutty. Case in point, that would make many of my friends and my best friends sluts. But, their demeanor is anything but this way.



I join this opinion as well. There ignorance shouldn't be an excuse--"Oh, I didn't know"--or any other excuse that could account for the other clubbers' actions. You tread on ominous ground and I hope that you will be more careful.

After all, we can't control the people we love; however, we are allowed to voice our concerns and our opinions or else this would not be a real relationship. Best of luck.

Thank you for blessing this topic with your opinion, oh great one.

[Lie]

Some guy rubbing his wiener against your girlfriend is definitely not cool. I'll be honest, I've dated a couple girls that were clubbers, and I go to the club occasionally (not very often), and to me it's a pretty big turn-off unless they just go to dance with their female friends. Ughhh. If a girl I was dating was going to the club and grinding with guys, I would break up in a second. Not at all comfortable with that.

[Painism]

Some guy rubbing his wiener against your girlfriend is definitely not cool. I'll be honest, I've dated a couple girls that were clubbers, and I go to the club occasionally (not very often), and to me it's a pretty big turn-off unless they just go to dance with their female friends. Ughhh. If a girl I was dating was going to the club and grinding with guys, I would break up in a second. Not at all comfortable with that.

But "it means nothing". It is completely okay, since we are all wearing clothes which provide a barrier between the guy crouch and the girl booty. So drying sex humping/grinding; i mean "dancing" is acceptable. Cmon, everyone is doing it! Lets all hump each other, i mean dance.

[Tuxedomask]

I don't know but my girlfriend doesn't grind with anyone but me. I can understand random guys just walking up and grabbing her ass but she is never cool about it. She has slapped a guy for grabbing her from behind and trying to grind with her.

It sounds like your girlfriend is just loving the attention she's getting. I'd just talk to her about it and try to go clubbing with her and see what's really going on.

[Cin De]

did u tell her u felt uneasy??? u should tell her how u feel.
or u can go clubbing with her
tell her she can only club with you.
shes probably trying to make u jealous and u want to go club with her

[koneee]

Ok, well I go clubbing. But I know when something is wrong. Clearly, if a guy wanted to dance with me, the first thing he would do is to grab my hips and start dancing, NOT GRABBING MY BOOBS, NOT TRYING TO KISS MY EAR, ETC ETC.
I have a boyfriend too, so whenever a guy tries to dance with me, once he lays a finger on my body, I throw his hands away from me and run away from him. I'm not cool with dancing with guys who are not my boyfriend, sorry, but that's just me, I don't like to dance with people I don't know.

From what I've read, it seems like she's actually enjoying all of this... I think you seriously need to talk to her.