[Ichiaru]

Hello. o __ o;
I never really posted here before. (I'm usually lurking ) but .. I really need some advice..
I don't know what to do anymore.. I'm so confused.
So, my best friend .. She is kind of different from the rest. She tends to get really emotional and poetic like.
So we are always close and I devote most of my time to her. She's definitely the clingy type, but I still love her. =)
We would always laugh together and mini cooper. One of the downturns is that she flirts a LOT and she gets really selfish and stuff.
I've been with my boyfriend for only two months, but my best friend still hasn't accepted it..
She says she feels that I'm just withering away our friendship and stuff.
But in reality.. my boyfriend and I barely spend time with each other.
At school, I don't do anything with my boyfriend, because I know she'll be there and watching. Everytime I just talk with my boyfriend.. She just butts in and pulls me away. Everytime I hold hands with my boyfriend, she'll just slap his hand away and hold mine and walk away. OR she'll storm off and I'll have to go after her to explain things. and when we go to this 'break dance' club after school, there are a bunch of guys there.
She'll just leave my side and flirt with the guys, so then my boyfriend would always try to scoot over to me and just talk to me. But then when she's finished flirting with them, she looks at me and storms off just because i was talking withmy boyfriend. AND when i just wanted a little time with him, spending like 5 minuets we went to this private place at school, and my boyfriend's friend said that she was spying on us. So I spend so much time with her, that I'm risking my relationship with my boyfriend. He's getting sick of her and is really pissed at her. She told him on msn like "DON'T EVER KISS HER WITHOUT MY PERMISSION" and stuff. My bestfriend is really protective, but.. she's taking way too far. Then she keeps making me do these promises like "If I don't get into university and you do.. will you ditch it and just bet here for me?, or when we're older we're going to live together, right? etc." she makes these promises that are hard for me to promise, because her promises always goes against my life .. Like, if it actually happened, it would be okay for her, because that would lead her to greater things, but she would be asking me to go 'down' just to be with her. She knows I would do anythijng for her.. but she'sreally taking it too far.
Today she asked me if I would do anything for her. Even if it hurt me. . I hesitated because I knew she was asking me to break up with my boyfriend. But in the end I said yes.
She didn't believe me though.. She said that she wants the old me back.. where I was with her 24/7, always there for her comforting her and stuff.
BUT I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR HER. I BARELY SPEND TIME WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR HER. ; __ ; I'm seriously stuck..
She acts so selfish and stuff.. but I really need her in my life, but she's just taking advantage of me and doesn't know it..
I've told her that I barely spend time with my boyfriend, but she just kept denying it and said I spend ALL MY TIME with him.
What should I tell her? What should I do ?

[muffinx3]

Confront her. That's the best thing you can do in this situation.
Have a serious sit down talk with her. She's your best friend, she should be understanding if you.

[rainn]

That was a loooong post[x
You really can't change what she thinks but you can try to help her understand what you're going to.
I really think you should just tell her that you and your boyfriend need time for each other.
She's your best friend and she should understand and respect your wishes.
Please don't rush here though with accepting . . . It'll take more time for her because you've always been around with her.
It's going to take her awhile to accept it though . . .
Overall, I believe you should tell her that you're serious about wanting to spend a bit more time with your boyfriend and ask her to understand that.
I hope it works out[:

[GloomyPookie]

You need to stand your ground. She doesn't own you...
She acts like you are her bf or something and no-one else can spend time with you etc.

When she runs off when she sees your bf and you holding hands. Let her. Don't run after her. She needs to know the world doesn't only revolve around her.

Tell her that if she really is your friend she would want you to be happy. And for you to be happy is when you can even out your time with whom you spend it. I know you don't want to lose your best friend, but like you also said, she's taking it too far. She acts as though she claims you.

Where you go wrong is this that you let your best friend have control over you. You run after her, you try to spend as little time with your bf at school etc. etc. it's ridiculous.

Tell her how you really feel about it. And let her KNOW that you won't put up with it. Don't do everything she asks of you. But don't try to push her away, but even the time with whom you spend it to equel. If she won't accept it then she is a bad friend.

I think she's afraid of losing you, but she's taking it too far. What if new people approach you and want to friends with you? I wouldn't be surprised if she would act that way against them too.

Tell her you care about both her and your bf and that you want to spend equel time with both or more with you boyfriend and if she can't accept that tell her that she doesn't care about your feelings, thus is a bad friend. You also care about your friend, it shows by the way you adapt your life to her liking. She just needs to understand that she can't have it all.

[Ichiaru]

Ah, thank you for the responses.
Sorry that it was long, it was in my mind and I had to let it all out. = 3 =

But I've tried confronting her about it.. She would always say that I was wrong and that I've never been so far away from her.
The problem is, she's a really good person.. but she's really hard to tell to because she'll always have something to say. :\

Thank you though, I'll just keep talking to her about it.

[GloomyPookie]

You should not only talk to her about it.

Show it.

She won't accept it until you let her know she can't control everything. Just because she's a good person doesn't mean she is allowed to control what you can and can't have. You own your own life.

Like I've already said about the holding hands with your boyfriend issue:
Don't run after her to console her. Don't let her slap your bf's hand, that's disrespectful.

You really need to show it, or she'll never accept it. As harsh as it may sound... some people need to FEEL it before they can change... (and of course I don't mean physical hurt!)

[muffinx3]

Ah, thank you for the responses.
Sorry that it was long, it was in my mind and I had to let it all out. = 3 =

But I've tried confronting her about it.. She would always say that I was wrong and that I've never been so far away from her.
The problem is, she's a really good person.. but she's really hard to tell to because she'll always have something to say. :\

Thank you though, I'll just keep talking to her about it.

Try pulling out the "If you were REALLY my best friend... blah blah" card, like someone had mentioned before.
And don't take her excuses, say that her actions are really hurting you and that a true best friend wouldn't hurt you like that.

Or you can try asking HER if she would do anything for you.
And depending on her answer, you could say "Then I want you to understand that I want to be with my boyfriend sometimes and I can't be with you all the time." And if she says no to the if she would do anything for you question, then she's just a hypocrite and you could call her out for that.

If she tries to make some excuse, tell her that you need time apart from her. Sometimes you really need to break it to them to make them realize.

Hope that helps.

[LOVE&FREEDOM_beautyofX]

She honestly seems super jealous of you. Ditch her, you don't need a friend like that. Tell her if that she was actually a good friend to her then she would be a bff and let your bf be with you too. She'd be happy for you.. not take you away.

[naito]

It sounds like she's telling you that what she's afraid of happening is actually happening, when it's really not (is that confusing? XD). She's afraid you'll spend all your time with him if she doesn't butt in, so she butts in all the time to stop you from spending all your time with him. She's trying to prevent what she's afraid of, I think.

If I were you, I would tell her that you aren't spending all your time with him, but if she keeps being so controlling, your only choice will be to create some distance between you two. I know you're attached to her too, but her side of the relationship does not seem healthy at all. If you care for her, even though it's hard, it's best for her to have a healthy relationship, right?

Maybe mention by her backing off a little, it'll bring you closer, since you won't feel so stressed by her over-the-top needs.

[Ichiaru]

Omg, that's probably what she's thinking! D:
; __ ; Thank you so much everyone !
I really have to tell her.

[MNLV27]

You are spoiling her. You're like her mother and she's a spoiled selfish little child who wants her mommy with her at all times. She doesn't seem like a good friend, why do you need her in your life when she's constantly controlling you? Tell her that your life doesn't revolve around her and that what you do is your business and that you don't tell her that she can't do things. Like someone said when she runs off, let her. When she slaps your boyfriends hand away, slap her hand away and go back to holding your boyfriends hand.

[kerpao]

o_o ur bestfriend's a b**** wow. like other ppl are saying she's spoiled and waaay to selfish. i say break up with her (sorry she seems like a jealous bf to me) i'm sure there are other nicer ppl out there who are more understand and will have ur back =\ gosh. what a creeper..

[cowsie]

Would there be a chance that she is lesbian?

[lemoncake0910]

Sounds like she's a controlling-friend type of person.
Don't make promises and don't do something silly like breaking up with your boyfriend when she tells you to, because it will only end up upsetting your boyfriend.
A friend and a boyfriend are two different types of people and you can't compare them and say that one of them is important that the other.
Anyway, watch out. She's trouble.

[chopstick^^]

Why are u best friends, if u complain about her so much? .. strange.

U should of known her well before claimin her as a best friend. Actually do u even feel she is?

[ttris]

wow.. long post.. but i know how your best friend feels too.. i was just like her... but cancel the storming away and slaps his hand to hold your's and all.. i am not that.. yeah..

anywaysss you just need to have a talk with her... that is what i did with my best friend... and you kno what... if she is truly your best friend... she would want you to be happy and all... cause that is what i learned.... best friends share things and all.. and also the most important is that they would always want to be happy for each other too =) so talk to her and tell her that... even if she is selfish and all... she would understand... unless she is super selfish... :S then i don't kno what else to say...

but best of luck k! and make sure you update us!

[OMGitzYOU]

After I finished reading, it sounds like she wants you all for herself. Do you know her sexual orientation?

[plegend2007]

Just tell her this.....

"Friendship without self-interest is one of the rare and beautiful things of life".

That is what a true friend should be like.

[iloveyellow]

just tell your friend straight out how you feel..if shes a true friend she'll change her annoying ways.

[nubbie]

I'm going to be blunt okay? You're friend is really clingy to the point where she's a little psychotic. She needs to understand that no matter how good of a friend she is, she can't fill that void the way a boyfriend can. I have friends whom I love and will always be there for but my relationship with my boyfriend is a whole different level and you honestly can't compare the two. But i love my friends and boyfriend all very much.

I think she needs to learn how to comfort herself for once. From what you've written, she doesn't seem like a very mature person. I wouldn't be surprised if she was only 13 years old because she seems like one. I think its a little outrageous how she slapped away your boyfriend's hand and messaged him online and telling him not to kiss you without her permission. She's not your owner. She's not your mother. You already have one of those and you don't need another one.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she has a shrine of you in her closet. She's coming off as the kind who would. lol Especially when you told us the part where if worst-case scenario, she wanted you to ditch university and be with her instead. I take it that she doesn't have too many friends, which is why she's sticking to you that much? If you think about it, she cherishes you. Its kind of endearing when you think about it like that. But she needs to learn her boundaries or else she's going to push you away.