[Prot]

I'd understand if the guy was making money and the girl wasn't that the guy would pay, but if both are equal in terms of financial stability (or instability/dependence on parents) I don't know why the girl should be such a golddigger and not even offer to pay every now and then. Sounds like you want to prostitute yourself for free meals (of course figuratively).

[HERMIT]

Even if I'm out to dinner and it's already established that the girl will pay, I still always make the effort to try and pull out my wallet when the bill comes. Not because I'm really planning on paying, but because I have a little post-it note in the inner sleeve of my wallet that says, "Remember to say 'Thanks'."




credit: M. Hedberg

[vvn]

^ lol

In my situation, I understand that guys want to advocate their "masculine" demeanor by paying for the bill, but my boyfriend is not exactly financially stable, for he is poor since he lives on his own. However, I still live with my parents and have the luxury of mooching off of them, so the money I make on the side just goes for my own needs, therefore I always offer to pay, or we go "dutch", and once in a while he'll pay too, for the sake of salvaging his ego. (jk) HAHA

[crayon851]

To those who believe it should be the guy, I think you guys need to come join the rest of us in the present. No offense.
Sure traditionally the guy should pay. Traditionally, the girl should be at home, cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and etc. Nowadays this is considered sexist to even entertain that thought.

Anyway, it should be anywhere form 50-50 to 60-40 or even 30-70 or even 100 either way, depending on what you're doing. Like some people said, if its multiple things you can alternate. Just alternate back and forth. Or it can be based entirely on financial status. Whoever is more broke pays less.

All in all, it should more or less be equal and has nothing to do with providing capability. its the 21st century!

[UoMDeacon]

Actually, to elaborate on your poll idea, I think it should be something along the lines of:
- All of the girls who voted that the guy should pay all of the time, how many of you are single?

All of the longer term relationships I've been in, I've usually paid on the first date (since I was usually the one who asked). Beyond that, it either becomes switching every other time, or whoever has greater financial means (has been me every time, but I can understand.). Of the girls I have dated who had the expectation I would pay every time...well I think a guy will usually look at that as just a short term entertainment type of deal.

I'm kinda curious for a second poll..

For the gals who said they always want the guy to pay.. and the guys who say that we definitely would not consider 'always paying'.

Who has had more successful in relationships? Because I think the first group - that is, gals who would never lift their wallet even once - would start to be more unsuccessful nowadays..

Haha.. just a thought. I'm probably thinkin along the same lines as V12 here..

[CharlotteDarcy]

I say the guys should pay for the first couple of dates and then they should go Dutch afterwards. OR if it doesn't hurt your ego, the bill should be left to the one who's more financially stable (whether it's a boy or a girl).

[qquinto]

for first dates and beyond:

the person who invited. just makes sense to me
if it's really expensive, then splitting would be nice
or taking turns is also okay for me =D
i don't like it when the guy pays all the time.
makes me feel like a gold digger and we wouldn't go on as many dates ahah

if someone isn't financially stable, then the other should pay..
but the one that doesn't pay should do something nice in exchange ; )

[[HyuNi]]

I believe:
it should be the person who initiates,
the person whose better off,
person whose older pays,
paying should be equal,
etc.

All except for dutch, which is a hassle more than anything, I'm all for it.
but I always end up paying. unless the other person is adamant about paying. (usually not the case)

It's alright though. I don't pay because I think it's going to make me look GQ, and think that's what a real man is supposed to do.
I generally pay whether or not the person I eat with is a male or female, young or old, strapped for cash or well off, or how much I have in my wallet, but because I had a meal with good company.

Even if the 'date' was terrible, the restaurant she suggested was bad or expensive; elusively making her pay for the meal as a balance of power tool or using the 'equal rights' scapegoat is a damn shame. It's not necessarily reflective of what kind of man you are, but what kind of person and character you possess.

Labeling women to be golddiggers because they've been taught that men should pay for the first date is unfair. If you felt like you were cheated out of dinner money, then take it as a lesson and don't meet her again.

I think the real issue surrounds appreciation. From experience, I've noticed that I go out to eat more often with a friend or a date who appreciates me picking up the bill than from someone who expects it because of my age or gender.

[LaydeeMel]

Guys always seem to want to be the gentlemen and pay for the girl. My experience is more of a who has the income at the moment kind of thing. When he quit his job I had a good job so when we went out I paid. When I got laid off and he found a new job he paid. When we both had jobs, he paid. He says he feels bad/weird/awkward when a girl pays for him.

[tian`tian]

I believe:
it should be the person who initiates,
the person whose better off,
person whose older pays,
paying should be equal,
etc.

All except for dutch, which is a hassle more than anything, I'm all for it.
but I always end up paying. unless the other person is adamant about paying. (usually not the case)

It's alright though. I don't pay because I think it's going to make me look GQ, and think that's what a real man is supposed to do.
I generally pay whether or not the person I eat with is a male or female, young or old, strapped for cash or well off, or how much I have in my wallet, but because I had a meal with good company.

Even if the 'date' was terrible, the restaurant she suggested was bad or expensive; elusively making her pay for the meal as a balance of power tool or using the 'equal rights' scapegoat is a damn shame. It's not necessarily reflective of what kind of man you are, but what kind of person and character you possess.

Labeling women to be golddiggers because they've been taught that men should pay for the first date is unfair. If you felt like you were cheated out of dinner money, then take it as a lesson and don't meet her again.

I think the real issue surrounds appreciation. From experience, I've noticed that I go out to eat more often with a friend or a date who appreciates me picking up the bill than from someone who expects it because of my age or gender.

Personally I wouldn't label a woman to be a golddigger because they think the man should pay for the first date, but if they initiate the date and then sit there and wait for the guy to take out their wallet, I would think something negative of them. But it's more for continual expectations of the guy paying for meals, outings, etc.

I don't think the real issue is appreciation, but a combination of a lot of things including independence and growing up and still, IMO, the feeling of "owing" someone something which of course, is relative depending on how someone thinks, how they were brought up, etc.

An example. I went out to a nice dinner with 3 friends last night, all boys. One guy was paying for the other 2 because he owed them money from something and then he said that he would pay for me as well. The bill came to about $40 a person and personally I just didn't feel right letting him pay for me for no reason. He wasn't my boyfriend and although we all had a wonderful meal and conversations that lasted way past when the bill was paid, I don't see that as a reason to take a free meal from him. So I paid him back. Does that mean that I don't appreciate the outing/meal or his offer? Not at all. I just did what I believed was "right."

I'm curious what other people would have done..or what they think of my decision.

[IwishIwasKOREAN]

I usually pay on the first dates.

After that, it doesn't really matter. A lot of girls who I've dated that are financially stable will usually want to pay as well, because they don't want to seem like golddiggers.

It also depends, if I go to some places that accept cash only..and the other person wants to pay but doesn't have cash, and I do then I'll just pay.

Usually who pays is not that big of a deal, because sometimes it's not really about who pays if that special person is there for u

[xxctxx]

I would pay my own and they pay their own...
I'm one of those who prefers to pay for my own stuff because I can and he can etc...!
But yeah once we're going steady then it usually doesn't matter - unless advantage is being taken..well that's another story altogether!

[HSuke]

^ It's definitely fair to pay dutch, but it's also nice if one party offers to pay for the other (e.g. alternating payments).

The first way is more noncommittal, while the second gives an incentive for there to be future dates. Just a thought.

[hikki]

Old-fashioned, here... the guy should always pay.

[ayahuasca]

I pay for the first date, then after i play it by ear. tbh though I dont date a whole lot, its a lot of trouble =P

[duykato]

I'm pretty old fashioned. So I pay for everything. =\

However, I've always jokingly said to the girls I've dated "If you pay, that means your my girlfriend." Haha, so I'd let them pay once..., but after that I still don't let them pay. I'd tell them, "I appreciate the gesture, however if my mom found out I let you pay for me, she'd kill me..."

but yeah.. T_T; i always pay. I really... don't see why people put such significance on the issue.

[bb521]

the guys should pay for the first few, then split even after that .

[chairmanK]

I'm surprised by how many people believe that the man ought to pay for the first date. All of my friends (both male and female) assume that everything will be split evenly and always offer to pay. Maybe I inhabit a bizarre social clique?

Once I had a first-date dinner with a woman who left to use the toilet just before the bill was brought to the table. She took a long time, so I just paid for both of us. I assumed that she would offer to give me money for her share (with the usual polite remonstrative insistence) or else offer to pay the next time. When she returned to the table, the bill and the signed merchant copy of the receipt were in full view, but she just ignored it! I was too surprised and felt too awkward to say anything, and for days afterward I wondered whether I had accidentally insulted her by preemptively paying the bill.

[HSuke]

However, I've always jokingly said to the girls I've dated "If you pay, that means your my girlfriend." Haha, so I'd let them pay once..., but after that I still don't let them pay. I'd tell them, "I appreciate the gesture, however if my mom found out I let you pay for me, she'd kill me..."

Lol, Duy. Does your pool-playing mom own you that much?

I've had a few cases in which girls have surprised me by paying for me. And yes, it works quite well, because I'm always left wanting to meet them again so that I can pay them back. It's amazing how even though I'm not very emotional, something like that would affect me so much.

Once I had a first-date dinner with a woman who left to use the toilet just before the bill was brought to the table. She took a long time, so I just paid for both of us. I assumed that she would offer to give me money for her share (with the usual polite remonstrative insistence) or else offer to pay the next time. When she returned to the table, the bill and the signed merchant copy of the receipt were in full view, but she just ignored it! I was too surprised and felt too awkward to say anything, and for days afterward I wondered whether I had accidentally insulted her by preemptively paying the bill.

Iono. It may have seemed like you weren't enjoying the dinner and wanted to leave quickly.

[HERMIT]

Iono. It may have seemed like you weren't enjoying the dinner and wanted to leave quickly.

Well, if it were that extreme, I would have paid the bill and just completely left before she even came back from the restroom. Or hell, if I were mean, I'd just leave the table and not have paid.

Haha, I'm just being facetious.