[faerie87]

so what do you think of chivalry? is it really dead? =(
i personally love it. hehe. a guy who opens car doors for me = hottt, unfortunately no one really does it anymore =/

ONE OF MY MAIN QUESTIONS IS THAT, who do you think should pay in a relationship?
this is how i think it should be:
boy asks girl to date, boy pays for first month or so
then they can take turns paying.

ideally i think the guy should pay for the more expensive meals, and the girl should pay for cheaper meals. also the guy should pay more in general, like a 3:1 ratio

however, with my bf we're pretty even.
we split some times tho, but i try to make it one pays, i think splitting is kinda ugly =/

with my ex, he paid most of the time.
i don't mind that either =p

btw we're college students.


what about later? after college? etc.


anything else? my bf always opens doors for me, he only started shortly after we started dating though. he doesn't open car doors.
my ex was the same. i've briefly dated 2 guys who opened car doors for me. some guys from hk also open car doors for girls.
what else is chilvarous?

stuff like, guys should always help girls carry heavy things, my bf doesn't do it =/ i dun remember my ex, but i think he did.
guy should hold umbrella

moving the chair for the girl, is kinda old, but it's nice, and rare.
my bf also gives me food first some times, so that's nice.
i think the guy should also get utensils for the other person, or clean up. but it's 50/50 most of the time. i think it's ugly if they each get their own.

also i think a guy should offer his jacket to a girl if she's cold. my bf never does that cause he gets cold easily. once his friend offered his jacket instead, i thought that was kinda T_T

hmm anything else

OH and one more, waiting in the car till you walk into your house safely. i think this is important but a lot of guys don't do it and just drive off, like my bf sometimes does it.
esp since i live in the ghetto south central....
but it'd be even nicer if the guy walks the girl in or something.

[Seraphyx]

What else is chivalrous? Taking off your jacket and putting it over a puddle? I only do that for my car though (J/K I was referring to a commercial).

[moot11]

I'm for equality. No one should have do anything, rules and regulations are stiffening to me.

There is a difference, for me at least, from being chivalrous because someone is a woman, and being kind because he/she is a person.

[missxsmiles]

Why do men have to open doors for women? Women can't open doors for themselves or what?

[mintcracker]

alittle bit of it is good

but seriously...this is the 21st century
We as girls don't need to be so dependant o_O

[faerie87]

it's not about dependence or not imo. i'm kinda traditional i guess.
just like, a guy should always ask a girl out, or make the move. etc.

of course i can open my own doors and stuff...
but it's like, it's nice to open doors for strangers too if they're behind you

[Lie]

I have a hard time reconciling my views. On the one hand, I'm sort of traditional, and I prefer to pay for my girl regardless of the situation. I like to open doors for my girl. All that goes along with being mannerable. I also love girls that cook. On the otherhand, girls who are independent, and don't NEED me for anything financial (sometimes even that aren't really needy emotionally either) are a BIG turn-on for me.

[Cγиσsυяε`]

My boyfriend opens doors for me all the time, and he asks to carry things that may be too heavy for me. Even if it's not heavy he always asks if he could carry my things. I always say it's okay and that I could do it but he refuses to let me. <3 He also pays most of the time, but I always try to stop him. I have to take charge if I want to pay LOL. I think if your S/O has chivalrous traits it's definitely a bonus. But it's not a requirement for a relationship.

[moot11]

it's not about dependence or not imo. i'm kinda traditional i guess.
just like, a guy should always ask a girl out, or make the move. etc.

of course i can open my own doors and stuff...
but it's like, it's nice to open doors for strangers too if they're behind you

Interesting. I'm do have a couple of questions if you don't mind answering . I'm sincerely apologize if these questions are offensive, as I am not trying flame.

Wouldn't it be better if women could ask out men, and have it be socially acceptable? Without her being seen as precocious or desperate? I do realize chivalry is a gesture of kindness, but these actions limit the mobility (perceived in a emotional, mental and physical sense) of women. I mean wouldn't it be better if women were treated like a person instead of a girl, to be coddled and held delicately, as if glass?

I guess why question to you is, after 3 waves of feminism, the sexual revolution, and the ongoing work of gender equality, is chivalry sill applicable in the 21 century? And if so, how has it changed, and should it solely be directed towards women?

Very interesting topic btw, thanks for starting it.

[tian`tian]

Lol this topic is all over the place now!

I stand by non-traditional, especially when you get into a more serious relationship. My bf and I usually switch off paying or split the bill, mostly switch off. We're both post-college in graduate/professional schools and we don't have full time jobs, so I don't expect him to be paying for everything. Later on, depending on who's more stable (probably my bf) I'd say they should pay more. The point of long term relationships is to stay together becoming partners living together or getting married where expenses are pretty much joint anyways, so I don't see a problem with splitting/switching off.

I don't believe in the guy paying for everything. Don't like the feeling of "owing" someone something or being perceived as a gold digger. Plus I get a sort of satisfaction with treating my bf sometimes. ^^

Whoever asks the person out for the first date OR the guy should pay. It's kinda strange if the girl asks the guy out and then expects him to pay for the outing.

He does do "chivalrous things" like holding heavy bags or making sure I'm not cold, stuff like that.

[and i sayd]

I think guys should pay some of the time but women these days want everything they want to be independent but still want us guys to pay and crap? Im for equality also I also hate it when a girl wants to go out and then ask if your paying that's some cheap sh*t

[c0lap1nada]

I'm traditional.

And there's already so many old topics about this... Just contributing to the pile, are we?

[faerie87]

Interesting. I'm do have a couple of questions if you don't mind answering . I'm sincerely apologize if these questions are offensive, as I am not trying flame.

Wouldn't it be better if women could ask out men, and have it be socially acceptable? Without her being seen as precocious or desperate? I do realize chivalry is a gesture of kindness, but these actions limit the mobility (perceived in a emotional, mental and physical sense) of women. I mean wouldn't it be better if women were treated like a person instead of a girl, to be coddled and held delicately, as if glass?

I guess why question to you is, after 3 waves of feminism, the sexual revolution, and the ongoing work of gender equality, is chivalry sill applicable in the 21 century? And if so, how has it changed, and should it solely be directed towards women?

Very interesting topic btw, thanks for starting it.

hmm, i'm not sure, i'm too stuck up to the belief, that i don't like it whent he women is too aggressive. nor do i like it, and i personally like the idea that girls should be chased, and not the idea of an overly flirty female who always make moves and stuff with the guy. but i dunno, i don't mind not making the first move. i hate being rejected myself anyways.
i consider myself to be pretty delicate too, sooo. i like it that way =p haha

and i disagree with some things about feminism, personally. i think it's great we have made great strides. but i'm content with guys making the big decisions and stuff. i kinda agree with someone who once said chivalry is contradictiory of feminism. i just think there shouldn't be any abuse of it, but i'm perfectly content if i became a stay at home mom, making all the food, taking care of all the house stuff, while my husband is the breadwinner.
although i am a college student and i do have a career goal in mind.
i might also be taking all these strides society has made for granted since i've never really experienced otherwise. i sometimes wish i experienced life back when women didn't have as many opportunities and stuff. i think family is first, and a mother with a career takes away a lot of those experiences. but then again my mom was never home cause of work, so it might not be so bad.
plus i personally still view as a man with more competency than a female, in general, given that it's a very high position. not that i think no females are capable, just that there are more males that are capable than females that are.

i don't view myself as that capable, i'm not really a good leader, i prefer to be led. soooo these are my views.

[plegend2007]

Besides the obvious like opening the door, paying for the date, etc.......

I have been taught by my mom ever since i was little.......ALWAYS PUT DOWN THE TOILET SEAT!...now it is a habit.

Also being chivalrous is about the little things that most oversees, such as being considerate, allowing your gf to have the first taste, cook for them once in a while, do your own laundry, etc...without being told or mentioned.

But the most overlooked chivalrous thing that guys always forget to do is.......LISTENING!!!

One of the things that i like to do, that i think is chivalrous.....Before my gf comes to visit me and i know that she had a tough day, i like to set out a bath for her with bath salt, her favorite scented candles, and put in her favorite CD .

[faerie87]

everyone should close the toilet LID, so it doesn't even matter if you put down the toilet seat or not. it's pretty even and gross if you don't =p

but you sound like a really sweet bf...awwwwwwwwwww

Besides the obvious like opening the door, paying for the date, etc.......

I have been taught by my mom ever since i was little.......ALWAYS PUT DOWN THE TOILET SEAT!...now it is a habit.

Also being chivalrous is about the little things that most oversees, such as being considerate, allowing your gf to have the first taste, cook for them once in a while, do your own laundry, etc...without being told or mentioned.

But the most overlooked chivalrous thing that guys always forget to do is.......LISTENING!!!

One of the things that i like to do, that i think is chivalrous.....Before my gf comes to visit me and i know that she had a tough day, i like to set out a bath for her with bath salt, her favorite scented candles, and put in her favorite CD .

[severstal]

I'm a girl and I think it's really respectful when a guy walks through a door that I'm holding open rather than standing there awkwardly or telling me to go first. Sometimes, the girl just happens to be closer to the door handle, there's nothing wrong with politely saying "thank you" and letting them hold the door for you!

I also think it's so sweet during "intimate activities" (not sure how to phrase this...), when a guy slow down and ask you if you're okay and comfortable. For me, it doesn't kill the mood at all, and I think it's very chivalrous when guys can be considerate even if they are really aroused.

I think it's fine for women to ask out guys. I've done it before with people I was well-ish acquainted with and when I was 95% sure they'd say yes, even then it was nerve wracking. Men are so brave! I don't think it's desperate if girls ask guys to go on a date, I wouldn't mention the word "date", just suggest some random activity with just the two of you. If he says "yes" then that's great, and if he says "no" then there's no need to waste time on someone who's not interested in you.

[hiswendy]

I'm also a bit more traditional, but I don't agree that men should pay more. There are two people in the relationship, both should contribute equally. For instance, when I went on a date with someone, he paid for the movie tickets while I paid for our snacks. I think that kind of arrangement is good.

When it comes to door opening, I think whoever gets to the door first should open it LOL. Well, duh. I won't stand in front of it & wait for my bf to open it for me. I have hands, don't I? But I really like it when even after I've yanked the door open, the/a guy would still reach out & hold it open for me & those after us. (Those doors at my school can be freaking heavy & my balance is not good x_x)

When it comes to carrying things, I'm not saying girls are weaker, but I would hate a guy who picks up the stick while I have to carry four cinder blocks. Okay, exaggeration. I just mean that let's say bf & I were both carrying 3 cinder blocks each (who knows why), I would appreciate it if without even me asking, he reaches for one of the cinder blocks so I only have to carry 2 while he carries 4. Killing 2 birds with one stone-- a] showing off his muscle power (LOL what come on y'know it's true!) & b] preventing my uterus from dropping a few cms down (...is that true or is that a superstition?).

If I'm cold, I don't expect my bf to strip off all the clothes on his back. The compromise? Just embrace me xD Body warmth is the best warmth anyway, haha. ...Or go into a building where there's a heater.

I guess what I'm trying to say is girls shouldn't expect this "chivalrous" treatment from guys, "just because they're girls." (Come on, that's trampling over all the fight women have put up against gender inequality!) At the same time, a guy who knows how to pull open chairs, open doors, carry the heavier things, etc. will definitely be more appealing than a guy who doesn't.

[colloquy]

No. I don't even like men opening doors for me. I'm actually taken aback and slightly embarrassed when they do. I can open my doors, please and thank you. I can pay for my own meals. While the sentiment ofpaying for a meal may be nice every now and then, I like being financially independent. I'm a free spirit, I don't like being tied down in that manner, and I'll probably start feeling guilty for my boyfriend. While he is not poor, we're both college students and not exactly rolling around in dough. The only time I'd expect someone to open a car door is a chauffeur or an escort, not my boyfriend.

[joongielove]

so what do you think of chivalry? is it really dead? =(
i personally love it. hehe. a guy who opens car doors for me = hottt, unfortunately no one really does it anymore =/

ONE OF MY MAIN QUESTIONS IS THAT, who do you think should pay in a relationship?
this is how i think it should be:
boy asks girl to date, boy pays for first month or so
then they can take turns paying.

ideally i think the guy should pay for the more expensive meals, and the girl should pay for cheaper meals. also the guy should pay more in general, like a 3:1 ratio

however, with my bf we're pretty even.
we split some times tho, but i try to make it one pays, i think splitting is kinda ugly =/

with my ex, he paid most of the time.
i don't mind that either =p

btw we're college students.


what about later? after college? etc.


anything else? my bf always opens doors for me, he only started shortly after we started dating though. he doesn't open car doors.
my ex was the same. i've briefly dated 2 guys who opened car doors for me. some guys from hk also open car doors for girls.
what else is chilvarous?

stuff like, guys should always help girls carry heavy things, my bf doesn't do it =/ i dun remember my ex, but i think he did.
guy should hold umbrella

moving the chair for the girl, is kinda old, but it's nice, and rare.
my bf also gives me food first some times, so that's nice.
i think the guy should also get utensils for the other person, or clean up. but it's 50/50 most of the time. i think it's ugly if they each get their own.

also i think a guy should offer his jacket to a girl if she's cold. my bf never does that cause he gets cold easily. once his friend offered his jacket instead, i thought that was kinda T_T

hmm anything else

I really don't think you can argue that you have traditional standpoints, more kike stubborn ones. It's the 21st century. Those things might have been normal in the past when women were seen as more dependent, but seeing the progression women have made in society and politics lately, I can say that us women are pretty much equal now.

I don't agree guys should pay more. It really depends on who he is, his finiancial situation, etcetc. A lot of factors. If he's out of a job, and you expect him to pay whenever you go to a high end restaurant, well, then that's kinda 'ugly' of you. If you have a job and he doesn't, it only makes sense that you pay more often until he gets a job. Don't pay for EVERYTHING, or else he's taking advantage of you, but don't pay for nothing.

Carrying heavy things is a 50/50 for me. For me personally, my boyfriend has back problems, so I try not to have him help me carry anything I can't carry myself. If it's really heavy, I carry it with him. My ex always offered to hold things, etc. and I found it quite annoying really, because it made me feel like a damsel in distress.

As for the jacket issue, really, to be TT over him not giving you his jacket is rude of you. You said he gets cold easily. Would you rather him be cold and chivalrous at the risk of his health? When you sound like you're perfectly fine without his jacket. My bf does always offer me his jacket because I have abnormally low body temp, but when it's really cold, he'll keep it on, and I don't mind. Plus, shouldn't you also dress for cold weather? Why dress for warm weather if you know you're going to be freezing later on?



Sorry, just realized this was more of a rant.

[grainsofrain]

i'm not used to guys holding car doors open for me or anything and one of my guy friends does that every time.. and it's a nice change for me.

i open doors for both guys and girls and i don't really think that guys should always open the door for me/girls.
with the changing times, yes, there's less chivalry going around, but it's okay for me because when there is somebody being chivalrous, it stands out.