[anjuu62]

goneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[aznsweetie143]

Even though I can see my friends more, my boyfriend laid out some 'rules' for me -

...rules?
dude, he's not your keeper.

if you wanna chill with your boys, he should respect that.

[heheimawesome]

let him come along, and make sure your friends make it obvious their not flirting.

or let him talk to your guy friends.

or say "ive been hanging out with them for 2 years. if we were going to fall for each other, we would have already. but none of us did and i fell for you"

you know, something cheesy like that.

[Mryanhon]

rules is going a bit too far ~ but you need to understand him too ... a guy could be your friend for 20 years, and still, your husband/boyfriend wouldnt be 100% comfortable with you being around them too much

[anjuu62]

...rules?
dude, he's not your keeper.

if you wanna chill with your boys, he should respect that.

yeah.. I've tried telling him that he doesn't own me, and he tells me something like "you just killed a part of my feelings" and I feel horrible after. X_X

let him come along, and make sure your friends make it obvious their not flirting.

or let him talk to your guy friends.

or say "ive been hanging out with them for 2 years. if we were going to fall for each other, we would have already. but none of us did and i fell for you"

you know, something cheesy like that.

I would, but all my them epicly hate my boyfriend so I know that they would purposely be obnoxious a-holes around him. I should probably talk to them about this too eh
and that line.. I've tried it too T_T he goes "awww" and forgets by the next time I want to go chill.
Thanks though!

[justanothergirl]

Have you introduced your boyfriend to your guy friends? I'm sure once he gets to know them and sees that they have no alterior motives, he'll be more lax about it.

Bottom line is that your boyfriend should not control who you hang out with/who are you are friends with. He sounds very controlling and insecure IMO.

[Seraphyx]

There is no trust in this relationship. He doesn't trust you, simple enough. A relationship needs trust, communication, and compromise; the components of a functional relationship are missing in your relationship. You've tried talking to him and he won't accept your answer, which proves a lack of trust.

The relationship isn't going to work like this, either change it or break up with him.

[ShadowMax76]

i didn't read it. i've heard the story many times before. [myself being the jealous character..]

[once again shows off newly attained evolutionary knowledge]
_ males don't like sexual rivals. females don't like emotional rivals. [mainly]
jealousy is irrational, and overpowers reason - eg. Othello.

jealousy is a proof of love. that one cares _

even if it is a little primitive when society tells us "love is not possession" "love is the happiness of another to our own"
it's a feeling programmed into humans. you can't stop that entirely. most of us have done something drastic due to jealousy.

perhaps you could try an empathy exercise on him - make him play by his own rules. perhaps a feminine/emotional jealousy type; no befriending/emotionally attaching to other girls, just acquaintances and strangers.

_ what helped me understand? ..eh. i never found a way around it actually. i fell out of love with her [started with hate..] because i couldn't stand the thought of her cuddling with other guys.
"how can you love us all?"

"what am i to you?
am i just another guy you get your affectionate-fix from?"


she was always a rather touchy girl haha.._ i had thought if i couldn't change that. then maybe she wasn't the girl for me. she should be happy enough with her guy friends. "why does she need me?"

_ i had never really told her not to go around doing that. communicating my problems were probably what could've saved us from parting in a nonsensical rage of silent goodbyes when i couldn't take it anymore.

_that was before i read some explanations on jealousy, etc. x_x' but even then, even scholars were helpless when the green eye'd monster came.

[AHLEENA]

^Please at least read her post if you are going to give advice even if you've read stories with similar situations. Thanks.



Anyways girl, you don't need to play by your boyfriend's rules or whatever he makes up.

He obviously doesn't trust you and is really insecure.

I agree about what someone else said about introducing him to your friends. Or when you hangout with your friends- bring him along. He can't seriously think he can ruin your social life and be in charge of it just because he's feeling jealous. But maybe your friends have good reasons to hate your boyfriend- maybe your boyfriend is a jerk. (His rules are plain stupid by the way- is what I think)

"You just killed part of my feelings." Is he trying to say you are upsetting him? Or is he saying that he's liking you less and less? Whatever it is, tell him that HE is upsetting you as well- since he obviously is. And this is not really about him- this is about you.

Do you want to stay with a guy who demands you not to hangout with your friends? Seriously, I think you should have a talk with him or break up like someone posted before.

Good luck.

[Makaveli]

...rules?
dude, he's not your keeper.

if you wanna chill with your boys, he should respect that.

I completely agree with this. Are you supposed to be his pet or his gf? lol.
He sounds like a control freak. He needs to grow up and get over it or you need
to find someone who's not so immature.

[virtuosorosiny]

Dude, I so get you. I have two best friends who are guys and I pretty much hang out with mostly guys. I can understand that your boyfriend doesn't "get" your friends or even want you to hang out with them. Personally I am a very independent kind of girl. I don't like to be held down and I would not tolerant your boyfriend's behavior, unless you require the same policy for him to go out with his girl friends.

The best way I know is to find some common ground between everyone. If he isn't willing to trust you with your friends, it's hard to persuade him otherwise with even less familiar guys. It's a trust issue and if he's not ready to deal with it, he's not worth the trouble.

[ebolainmemphis]

Well first of all him not trusting your words is understandable. Isn't this the common situation, "oh he doesn't like me, so don't worry about it!" because even if you've known someone as a friend for years, that doesn't negate the possibility that they've been holding something for you for quite a long time. Trust is the issue in that you would take a good friend's love over his own, which seems pretty strong since you've known one for so much longer.

I think there's a Chris Rock video that could be related to this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuUhwFXM6Gg (it has "bad" language, so if you're offended by such, don't watch)

Anyway, if he's that obsessed about it, let him see your friends.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

If any of my guy friends lays a hand on me, he'll beat them up regardless.

This has got to be the funniest thing I've heard today.

anyways, i'd rather pick my friends over him. He's certainly not a very good person.

[wonderfulyou]

not letting you hang out with your boys is a no-no. he must be feeling like he can't trust you but let him hang with you and your friends. let him put his hands around your waist to let them know dam!

[angels.disguise]

obviously hes really insecure.
its not that he doesnt trust you,
its that he doesnt trust your guy friends.

i do agree though that he is not your keeper
and whatever "rules" he have for you, he
should just shove it.

talk to your guy friends and tell them not
to be such obnoxious a holes around your boyf.
if they cared, they would act like civilized humans.
just let your boy hang with you guys, you never know
he might actually like them since they are around the same age.

[MOOVERDOSE]

When I ask to hangout with my friends,

Since when does anyone need to ask for permission to hangout with their friends? I understand your boyfriend is protective, but this is just ridiculous.

Make sure you also acknowlegde the fact that you know your boyfriend cares about you, but tell him in relationship there should be trust. Let him know how it upsets you when he doesn't trust you with your friends alone.

I hope things get better between you two.

[EGLx]

he's probably paranoid cause he's insecure or he's probably out doing stuff behind your back which would conclude him to assume that he knows what the "deal" is

[xkrn4lyfx]

those are some pretty rather infelicitous rules, i can't seem to agree with even one of them... except maybe rule number 2 for the lulz

o and fyi, this is a rule that's pretty much absolute: a guy doesn't hang out with a girl unless he's attracted to her in some way or form. i dun care what reasonings you've got, it's true

my advice is that you gotta make him learn to chillax, he's way too possessive at the moment, being jealous is a normal healthy emotion, but it's clouding his better judgment. so tell him to stfu and listen, you've got friends and they're not going away so why bother with pointless fights

if that doesn't work, try out the same rules on him. literally the same rules, meaning if a guy touches him, he's gotta kick his ass. he can't hang out with guys he doesn't know. week in advance. see if that works out well for him

[eximius]

I've had this exact same problem with my most recent ex.
I did everything he wanted, and I lost 95% of my friends for it.
He refused to let me hang out with my guy friends and I "loved" him enough to do that for him...

Eventually, it took me 13 months, to realize that he was smothering me. I had no one else to talk to or hang out with because all my friends WERE guys, except for one (my best friend, and she works hard in school and whatnot so we hardly ever hung out)... So my only outlet of stress and whatever I felt was her, and I felt bad that we barely hung out and when we did, all she would hear about is how miserable I am.
I had to lie to him to hang out with my guy friends because I knew he'd get unreasonably upset, which he has done countless times...
I got tired of the routine, got tired of him smothering me... and I broke up with him.


Sooo yeah.
If you cherish your friends and you don't want things with your friends to change because your boyfriend wants them to... then your boyfriend either needs to understand you AND your friends better... or he needs to go.

[AHLEENA]

^thank you :0 i love your post.

And a boyfriend seriously should not even attempt to control a girl's social life-

what happens when their relationship ends for other reasons or what if there were different problems in the relationship? The girl's social life would have been messed up- and she'd probably feel alone- perhaps someday, with not many close friends to talk to or receive comfort from. She might even find it hard to do something when her boyfriend is not around (like maybe her boyfriend had to go on family vacation or something) and she'd be all alone.

I just hate stuff about how one person tries to control another person in any way whatsoever. There's no equality in that.