[ledolce]

I think this will be long...

He suddenly changes his attitude not only towards me [sister] but also with mom.
We didn't know he was dating this girl at first ... He kept it a secret and I noticed he is changing in a bad way.
He is always hanging out until the morning ... When my mom clearly said he has a curfew.
We have somewhat liberal but conservative parents… complicated but … they are good people.

Whenever I ask him or tell him that I'm noticing he is being unfair to my parents...
He suddenly tells me these bad things that I never imagine he will say it because he was always the 'good' one.
He didn't tell us that they are officially a couple … I saw it in his profile in the networking site.
Which made me even sadder is he was lying not only to me
But to our parents, who has always been so proud of their perfect son… [I'm over it. ]



Do you think She is the cause of all this changes in my brother?
She does not even care to contact me ... When I am also in the same networking site.
She keeps on viewing my page. ><
What should I do? I don't want to see my mom hurting.
because eversince he is going out with that girl, It's like he has forgotten my mom.
For example my mom is currently sick, he did not even tried to call or leave a message
but before he always do.


Please give help me ...
Thank you!

[小甜密]

Is your brother like this with his ex-girlfriends? Perhaps it is. If I were in your shoes, I'll want to have a talk with my brother. And ask him what's up with his life. Show him that you're concern about his attitude. If he really cares, then he'll change for the better.

[ledolce]

^ Actually this is his first girlfriend and she is 4 years oder than him.
Do you think she is using him?
I've been talking to him and still he hasn't change.
I'm really worried about my mom because she is really hurting.

[Seraphyx]

Well, you should probably talk to your mom and let her know this is just a phase. Your mom is the victim here, not your brother. I'm sure the fact that his girl friend is 4 years older than him may influence him into doing "bad" things such as staying out late. She has more freedom so she may act wild and I'm sure that influenced your brother. Just give your brother time and I'm sure he'll eventually come around

[ShadowMax76]

suddenly an outside girl took a higher standing on authority/priority
so now everyone below her is somewhat... in the dirt.

_ i remember when i fell for an older girl. she was really good. but i snapped when my dad pulled the plug on my computer when i was talking to her. haha...


It's a storm.. just hide, and wait till it's over. .. i think he'll come back once he realizes that older girls always use you. ==' one way or another... Lol~

[ledolce]

Seraphyx. Thank you!
I will give him time, I hope he will realize it sooner.


ShadowMax76.
Your post took a big stone on top of head... lol
Thank you so much for the advice, Maybe I should do that to him
if he will not realize it.. haha
But seriously, Thank you so much!

[mal3ficum]

its probably because of the girl. sometimes you can get carried away with being with your partner and may neglect your family/friends.
i know for me that ive been coming home later than usual (not like extremely late but yeah, 7pmish?..maybe that is late LOL) and i find that i might need to rush a little to do hw.
so i guess for himmm...he's putting his girlfriend as his first priority? which obviously isnt right. but yeah you should talk to him about it and tell him that the only people that will be left for him if she leaves him after the fun is over, is you and your parents.

[hippiehop]

If its his first girlfriend, he probably just doesn't know how to balance things. A lot of people when they first start dating block out everything else around them. He's young... he'll learn eventually. I'm not sure how to help the process along.

[aubrei]

it might not even be that girl.
maybe its because he hasnt had a gf in awhile and kept a lot of frustrations boxed up.
now that he has someone he feels that he can share his problems with, hes letting it all out..

just a possibility

[Kraka]

Let's hope he doesnt change for the worst and remain like that. I can't give much advice on this but I know it's hard to revert back after you change because your thoughts and perspectives change too. For me, I changed towards my family... I think for the worst and I know the situation. (Of course I'm not oblivious to it) Ever since I started acting differently to my parents (acting irrational, etc), I kind of just developed the behaviour and can't change because it feels really awkward trying go back to how I used to be towards the family. They also kind of jsut adjusted to my behaviour too. I wish I wasn't such a klutz.

[ledolce]

UPDATE:

So After reading your advices ...
I told my mom that I think it's the time for her to talk with my brother
since He is not listening to me..

It is not his 1st girl after all
With that I was in doubt about him.. He was lying even before? What for?
But anyway ... I think the talk lasted for an hour.
I think my mom said everything she wanted to say.
All in all the message was Mom and Dad does not support their relationship or like the girl.


Thank you for all the advice.

[The Red Shoes]

The exact same thing happened with my family. He was the favorite, the good person who did everything without being asked. She was older. Parents didn't like her. He changed so drastically we argued. We used to be so close. Our relationship is forever severed. He dated her for 7 years and eventually married her. Not that this will happen to you. But after a while me mum and I realized we needed to step back. He felt very strongly about it and no matter how many times we talked to him about it he didn't listen. It was his life after all. She changed him so drastically that he is even less than a stranger to me now. He acquired a new group of friends through her, friends mum and I did not like. They drank, smoked and gambled all the time. But what could we do? Mum was unhappy but she gave up. He hurt us so much because his views changed and became a completely different person. I don't even talk to him anymore. I don't know how to. How long has your brother dated this girl? If it's in the early stages, things may change. Keep close contact for now just to see how he changes progressively, and to keep him grounded. Keeping him in touch with family may bring him "back to reality." When my brother started dating her he never came home anymore during holidays. He stopped coming...until they were getting serious and he brought her home to formally introduce her, and ...for family holidays now that she's part of my family. Maybe try to get to know the girlfriend? I can say that it's a very difficult situation to deal with because my brother changed for good...but maybe not your brother. Wait and see.

[ShadowMax76]

x_X' now he just sounds like he's saying "you know nothing about me, and this is how i'm going to prove it -grabs girlfriend and list of exes-"

you know how it is.. everything expected of you. when you get 100%, no one is happily surprised.
so how do you get people's attention? be bad. then people notice. x_x' but eh... in those cases..

[AHLEENA]

I think you should give your brother some space. Maybe he feels smothered- doesn't want to be known as the perfect one, or just wants to have more time to himself? I don't know. Give him a house key? Since, him coming home in the morning is a problem- perhaps, just give him a key so he can let himself in?

I think that even if you and your family disapprove of who he dates- he should be allowed to decide for himself. I know that the family would be worried if they believe whoever he's dating is influencing him in a bad way but... don't you think he lied to you and your family because he knew you wouldn't approve? Also, it's his life- yes, you are worried. Yes, your family is worried. But he's the one who's living it- not you. It is very sweet of you and your family to worry about him though- but he might not want the family worrying about him.

I think I would start swearing too (even though I hate to) if my family and siblings pestered me constantly about my love life. It's irritating. Especially IF the person knows that the family/siblings have nothing nice to say about it but complaints/disapprovements.

Okay. So far I have been coming on too strong and pessimistic-ish.

I think you should let him know yourself that you are worried about him, the honest truth of your feelings, and tell him that if he ever has time to talk that you want to talk to him... in a civil way.

I feel bad for your mom though. He should at least voice his concern over her health but yeah.

Just don't smother him or he'll actually attempt to leave your lives forever. Some family relationships actually ends over something that seems really small / not worth it when a person looks back.

Good luck.

EDIT. If things somehow do end badly (like he decides to cut contact from the family for whatever reason), just try to let him know that you and the family will always be there for him (even if you disapprove) and that he always has a place to return to (home). Hopefully, this will never happen =) (and sorry, my post is so long ~_~)

[jhealizzie]

well, first, talk to your brother, what's wrong.
next, be close with his GF.
know her.
she might not be the reason, maybe his new friends.

anyway, i think he is maturing.
is she the first gf of yer brother? ~ answered.

well, i guess, you guys have to have an open forum.