[iyseal]

Umm.... I don't know where to begin. This will be long, but I need to get it off my chest.

A few weeks ago, I made a thread about how my boyfriend and I had a huge fight, involving him cussing me out and calling me disrespectful, etc, etc. Basically, it made me feel so bad, and angry. But in the end, we kind of worked it out so I thought we would be okay.

---


3 days ago, my boyfriend and I went to White Windmill bakery to eat. It was kind of tense because we had an argument about something in the car on the way here. He told me to shut up when we were arguing, and I was like, wtf? are you serious? but I just decided to suck it up and go in anyway. I didn't want to eat anything so I just drank a coffee, and he sat there and didn't eat anything. He was obviously pissed, but he kept trying to get rid of his anger and get over it I guess, but I could tell he wasn't letting go.

When we went out, he said something really mean, not directly to me, but to the side so I could hear, like, "we wasted all that gas just so you could sit there and drink coffee?" And at that point, I suddenly got really mad and was like, I thought you told me to SHUT UP. So a HUGE argument started right then.

My boyfriend is a fob korean, so we only speak in korean to each other, and this time, once again, he was cussing me the hell out in korean. I mean, even worse than before, IMO. I speak korean, but I was born in the US, so obviously I speak better in English.
When we were fighting, first of all, he kept cutting me off, secondly, he was using way too many cuss words, and I didn't know half of them, and finally, I was so mad and overwhelmed that my korean was not coming out the way I wanted it to. So finally, I switched to English and said "Shut the f* up, f* you, don't touch me, f* you, f* off!!" I kept using the f- word repeatedly, because basically I just exploded at him.

At that point, my boyfriend smacked me in the face really hard and pushed me against the wall, YELLING at me, cursing me out, making a HUGE scene, all I remember hearing is 'do you think you're better than me cause you're speaking english? you think i don't know what that means?" He grabbed my face and slapped me in the same place like 4 times, and kept pushing me up against the wall, and hitting me, backhanding me, and when I fell to the ground, he would tell me to get up, cussing at me. All this time, I was screaming and crying and telling him to stop, and finally these employees from the H-Mart next door came running over and stopped him.

SOOOooo.. all that fun business happened.


---
So now I'm dealing with that. It's only been a few days, but I'm locked up in my house, I have nothing to do....

Obviously.. I am not going to be with him anymore.
I don't have any of that "oh maybe he will change" kind of mindset. I'm done with him, honestly. Maybe some girls will learn from me, haha.

I'm just in a really weird state right now. I feel like I'm dead, and I keep replaying that moment, over and over. I think that it's some kind of PTSD lol.

I'm just wondering... (besides all that pressing charges, legal stuff) am I supposed to just wait this period out?
I'm a tough girl, but I feel like this has affected me profoundly.. like, real trauma or something. Sometimes I just sit there and suddenly my face will hurt and I will be reminded of what happened and I just feel my mind go blank. And then I wake up and I'm still sitting there, and it's only been like a few seconds, but it felt like a few minutes or so.

My mom said that I should go to therapy... but I know we don't have money for that. And I am also still in school, currently missing classes because of this.
What do I now, at this point? I feel like I just went through something really bad, but I am just living a pretty normal life. Should I forget everything and move on? I don't really understand what's *supposed* to be going on with me. I feel like I'm walking in a daze.

Any advice or... ideas or anything?

[hippiehop]

Thank God you left him. I can't believe he actually did that in PUBLIC. Can you press charges against him?

I'm not sure how to help you since I haven't been in that situation before. I'd say the best thing is to surround yourself with your good friends. You need to be around people who truly love you right now.

You did the right thing, I'm proud of you.

[Aphrodite]

Omo. I'm sorry you had to go through that mini cooper with that coward.

My best friend went through the same situation as you about two years ago, but he didn't hit her in public. The coward would wait until they were alone at their place and then he would unleash his anger on her. But because my best friend's a tough girl, she hit him back and the two of them ended up getting locked up in jail for the night because a neighbor called the police citing "domestic distrubance." That was the first time. Dont ask me why she stayed with him, but she did. The second time they had an argument because she was suspecting he was cheating on her, he really did beat her up. That was when she called the police, pressed charges, and sent him to jail.

The reason why I'm bringing up this story is because your situation reminded me of her and her situation. I'm glad that you said you don't have the mindset that he's going to change, and I'm glad you're sound enough to end the relationship with him. With what you're experiencing, it's completely logical. I don't think it qualifies as serious as PTSD, but then again you could be borderline. I mean, that was a traumatic experience and you don't just walk away from it not having it replay in your mind or some emotional ties to it. This was your boyfriend, a guy that you liked, cared enough to spend time with, to cultivate a relationship with. So the way that he treated you really impacted you, understandably of course. Who could walk away from a situation like that not feeling anything afterwards? With my best friend, it took her months to get over what happened and from time to time she still tells me she thinks about how he slammed her into the wall, cornered her, and nearly choked her to death with just one hand? It's perfectly normal that you're still feeling the ripple-effect of the event; however, if it really does interfere with how you move on or even function on a day-to-day basis, then you should see a counselor or therapist. If you're in a college or university, they do offer counseling at your school I hope for less cost. Otherwise, my suggestion would be to understand that it is ok to still think about it from time to time because it's a memory (and memories can never be easily erased) but don't let it overshadow how you move on. If you force yourself not to think about it, 99% of the time, you will think about it so accept what happened, lesson-learned, and hope that a-hole will fight with someone his own size one day. Karma is a real b1tch. From your post, I can tell you're a really strong girl so don't ever let some stupid coward like that affect you at all. As corny as it may sound, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger girl =]

[Wend3rrs]

I can definitely understand what you're going through. I'm glad that you made the right decision to leave though, because you deserve better than that. I think you're stressing yourself out a little bit and maybe it's because this overwhelmed you? Take your time and think things through. You shouldn't overthink it though. Move on with life when you're ready

[i_4got]

I'm so sorry to hear about that. This reminds me of my friend when her boyfriend went all apesh!t on her. She brought me to protect her from him when they had to talk, but I never expected that a guy could ever try and hit a girl like that (he's facing a bunch of charges, by the way).

I have to say, it really is a traumatizing experience. The only thing I can suggest is to find some girl friends, rant your heart out, cry if you have to, and eat a bunch of junk food (if that helps). I hope you can get through this and find someone that knows how to treat a girl.

[moot11]

Are you currently in college or a university? If so, most offer free therapy/counseling services on a limited basis. If you're in HS, I'm sure this is something your guidance counselor might be better erupted than us, to help you. Just don't hesitate to seek help, whether it is from your family, friends, or faculty.

You did a very difficult and courageous thing, I wish you the best of luck.

If something like this should ever happen again (which I really hope doesn't), and you really need to protect yourself, I hope you consider taking self defense classes Fighting back may help to alleviate the feeling of helplessness you might be feeling now.

[squishybear]

I don't think you need to go to therapy. Most people who do so realize this after some period of being alone and reflecting upon it. That is, unless you were emotionally or physically abused for a long time in this relationship. But it sounds like (from your posts) that it was just the past couple incidents recently. I think all you need is the support from your family and friends.

What is sounds like is that you are pretty shaken up about the whole incident/break-up, which is perfectly natural.
You're probably very angry, upset, and anxious at the same time. Angry at him for treating you this way, upset at him for causing you this pain, and anxious for these feelings to go away.

When I went through an emotionally abusive break-up, (where we'd cuss at each other during every single fight, which was about every 2 weeks) it was hard because I had become so attached to him. I felt like I was so insignificant and my life was meaningless without him. I missed classes and work, my grades slipped, and I couldn't focus. But I got through it by crying, forcing myself do go out and do things, and writing letters to him. I never sent him those letters, it was to help me get through it. If writing your feelings helps you, then do that. If drawing, painting or exercising makes you happy, then do those things. The important thing to do is to make sure that you don't bottle up your feelings.

As time goes by, you'll start forgetting about him and moving on. But the hardest part is consciously trying to move on and not waiting for it to happen.

[AHLEENA]

-Try to put medicine/ointment or things that can heal any bruises/injuries you have.
-Go to school. (It's hard, yes, but you need to attend your classes- don't let the abusive boyfriend be the reason in ruining your academic future) but I suppose you don't have to go now, but you should try to go as soon as you can. Education can open doors for your future.
-I don't know about the therapy thing. In my opinion, they are just a waste of money but I should give them credit- for they can help sometimes. =[ Maybe you can just talk about the issue with a close friend or two?
-Find a hobby. If you find that you have nothing to do (or if you feel that you just keep thinking about the situation with your ex-boyfriend no matter what you do)- maybe you should read (books, manga, or anything haha), draw, watch movies/TV/something, play games (video games/sports/computer games/I don't know), jog/exercise, sing, knit, origami (Japanese paper-folding), make bead stuff (like those cute little key chain puppies lol I don't know), yeah. anyways. Just find things to do~ but I think the most important is to have fun.

PS. I think you are amazing- most girls wouldn't be able to leave an abusive relationship- and many would try to make up unrealistic reasons for their boyfriends' behaviour. You are amazing.

[shan_mei]

locking yourself in the house is not the best thing to do. Be with people who care about you, family and close frens...have a good cry.

you don't have to entirely forget him and the relationship. if i were you i'd analyze it and see what i should have seen when i was with him. take it as a great lesson; gain wisdom and strength from it. the next time you're with a guy, notice his behaviors; notice some of the signs that shows that he might be abusive (verbally or physically). the smallest sign is a good hint to be cautious. I've just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and , like you, i thought he would change until it came to a point that he said disrespectful things about my mom and said something about my life that made me feel like I'm undeserving.

stay strong!!!

[nubbie]

aww hun i'm so sorry to hear that happen but i'm really glad that you two aren't together anymore. =\ Maybe the reason why you're feeling weird is because you two are no longer together. And the way you guys ended it was pretty traumatic too.

My advice would be to spend a lot of time with friends. And when you spend that time with them, rant, cry, just let it all out. And then stop. After you pour your heart out, let them make you laugh. That's what friends are for.

Keeping yourself busy is key. So think of it like this...now you're free to do whatever your heart desires. Anything that makes you happy, go do it =]

Next time you wake up in the morning and its a beautiful clear sunny day outside, go outside, look up and see the blue, take a deep deep breath and just feel the sun on your face. It'll make you feel so much better. Being kooked up in your house isn't going to help.

As for school, you can't keep missing class forever =\ You're going to have to get back into your normal daily routine sometime (without him in it of course) =\ If you feel like you can't concentrate in class, ask to go to the school psychiatrist. That's what they're there for =] Trust me, they will make you feel a lot better

[naoto]

So we are looking at the avatar you have of yourself. A picture of this beautiful woman who could get guys lining up to care for her. I know looks don't really matter in a meaningful relationship. But why be upset. For what. Go get a perfect man. Go now. The world is waiting for you to take it.

[nubbie]

^
^i know! you're very pretty. Keep yourself fabulous so that when he see's that you're doing perfectly fine without him, he'll feel so much regret =] lol i'm a jerk..

[plegend2007]

So we are looking at the avatar you have of yourself. A picture of this beautiful woman who could get guys lining up to care for her. I know looks don't really matter in a meaningful relationship. But why be upset. For what. Go get a perfect man. Go now. The world is waiting for you to take it.

100% agreed...Don't fret, there is some lucky guy giving praise right now just waiting for you

On the other hand....I would love take that little fobby biaaatch and slap the yellow off his teeth if i could

STAY STRONG.....PUT THAT LITTLE 쓰레기를 IN 감옥 AND LET HIM EAT SOME 콩밥....

Move on with your life, you are still young and take this as a learning experience.

Bless you and take care

[blue_wishesx3]

im glad to hear that you decided to leave him.

no one should have to experience that..

i've been through almost the same thing with an ex...towards the
end of the relationship he was very abusive and thank god it came
to an end. i didnt however, press charges or anything. but
becuase we went to the same school, i had to let the
principals, vps + teachers know to be on the safe side.

eventually summer rolled around a few weeks later,
and so i went on a vacation to clear my head and everything.
i came back feeling a lot better about myself and the situation i was in.
people usually say to hang out with friends or whatever when they're going through
a break up, but i found for me, it was easier to just keep in touch
with one friend and stop talking to everyone else for a while
until i felt that i could face my life again. maybe it might help?

stay strong =)

[Nine]

Wow.. it's a good thing you left him.
Soon as time passes by you'll slowly forget about what happened. Try doing some activities to take your mind off on what happened, go shopping, play video games. Do something to take your mind off the trauma that has happened. Be strong and confident. (:

[chickpeas]

If you wish, you can certainly file a police report (as soon as possible if you want to do this, given it's already a few days after) and go from there.
Occupy yourself with family, friends and things you enjoy doing. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

[nubbie]

yeah...if you wanted to could get a restraining order, you have witnesses (the employees at H-mart that broke up the right) so if you feel bored or vengeful one day...you could really screw his ass over. =]

[Lie]

I kinda want to chip-in on Plegend's plane ticket to go beat this guy up.

[WendiiE]

I'm sorry this happened to you. How could he do that in public?
It's always hard at first when you leave a relationship, even if it's an abusive one. It will take time for you to heal. Don't think about it too much. Try finding things to so you don't just sit there an think. Good luck.

[rago08]

I didnt read any of the replies to here so sorry if any of this is repetitive,

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you went through. It sucks. Trust me, I can relate. I went through something similar with my ex, however it never got physically abusive. He was basically a bi-polar, compulsive liar. I'm usually emotionally strong, I hate crying but he managed to make me so emotionally weak that I would cry ...basically everyday that I saw him. He drove me, my family and my friends crazy.

The best thing I ever did was never see him again. It was hard for me to abandon someone that I use to care about because that's not who I am...but it's definately for the better. I'm glad you understand that, unlike those girls who consistently go back to their ex's.

The best advice I can give you is to keep moving forward. There are so many people out there who love you and so many more people out there who are waiting for the chance to love you and care for you.

I think the biggest regret I have about my ex is that I didn't leave him fast enough (the whole episode with him lasted a year). I felt like I had lost a year of my life that I could never get back. But now, I realize how much stronger I am because of it.

I know you'll feel the same way. We've all heard the saying "Time heals all wounds" and think it's cliche, but it's true. Until then, I would say not to forget everything, but learn from it and definitely move on. You'll feel better before you know it

iyseal, 화이팅! ^^