[SexyHalfandHalf]

I don't know where else to turn to. I'm 22 years old, half Viet and half White. My ex recently broke up with me at the beginning of this month. She is also 22, like me, and she is Chinese. We were dating for over 3 years now, but recently I've had a string of bad luck. In November, my father passed away in a car accident, and me and mother haven't really recovered. On top of that, mother has had to go back to work, and I had to dropout of college in January (six months before I was suppose to graduate), because we couldn't pay the tuition and I had to help her pay the bills, even though I don't live at home anymore. Recently I have even lost my job at Home Depot, which helped me pay the bills. I've been in a depression since my father died, but since I lost my job, I had to stop taking my Prozac (antidepressant medication), because I don't have health insurance. Because of this I fell into a deep depression and alienated my girlfriend. Every time I would look to her for reassurance, she would push me away. Then finally two and a half weeks ago she dumped me because I "changed", and I was not the man she fell in love with. I admit, our relationship had rough times, her family, especially her father, hated me because I wasn't Chinese and my family was poor (her family is pretty well off). I don't know what to feel, we have been living together for the past 2 years and I was going to propose to her after graduation, but now I'm even more depressed because I lost the one person I thought would help me get through this. At the same time, I'm extremely mad, I thought she would be a little more understanding with me and what I was going through, It's not easy being depressed and off your meds. I remember my father telling me when I was younger that when you love someone, you love them through their lows, not just their highs, and I feel cheated. Just when I thought I needed someone to help me get through this she bailed on me. When her grandmother died last may, I held her every night for a week while she cried her heart out I told her how beautiful she was and reassured her I would never leave her through out the whole ordeal, and now I feel betrayed and with no reason to live. I have never been depressed before and I understand now why people when they become depressed kill themselves, it's the worse feeling in the world, it really messes with your head and your emotions. I lost my father (my past), my job (my immediate), my education (my future), and the love of my life (my everything). The only reason I haven't contemplated suicide is because mother needs me and I don't know if she can handle losing someone else. But I really need help, I don't know how longer I can will myself to live. Why would god do this to me. This my first time here on soompi, my girlfriend would come on here and read a lot, but I never really did, but now I don't know who else to turn to, any advice would be welcoming.

[yabasta]

Keep your chin up buddy.

Time to prioritise the things you have to focus in your life.

1. money - like bills and the 'immediate' stuff (always pay off your credit card bills EVERY WEEK if you can!) Sell stuff you don't need as well.
2. school - only one more semester? FINISH IT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE
3. family - yeah you gotta support your mum, but seriously, she should be as elligible for loan/state support as you. Although I guess you're in the States?
4. ultimately - screw the girl. Can't believe she left you floundering at times like this. You gotta do this alone now, it'll be harder, but ... hell no one else will do it for you, will they?

Some women are like that - just plain selfish punts. Like I can see from her point of view, and I can always take her side; but I'd rather be a wee bit neutral and say, she did a selfish move; she basically saved her skin.

Welcome to soompi by the way.

yabasta

[5.mystline]

Your will to live is by overcoming this problem & support your mother. If you go suicide think about your mother man..how will she cope and feel? she needs you. Maybe you should take out a loan consult with your college finish off your studying and graduate & Im sure finding a new job won't be that hard.

[Dreamer]

my condolences.

i know it must be so hard with the loss of your father, and i know that no matter how much anyone tells you that, they wouldn't know for themselves unless it happened to them.

but you need to keep your chin up.. looks like you're at an all time low. but what other way to go than up?

you should find a new job pronto. and as for school, i think you should be able to get loans if you live in the us. check out FAFSA, but the deadline.. well it depends on your school. but you should check it out. because the sooner you graduate and get your b.a. the sooner you can find a better job you know?

[_dax_]

Life is tough, what more can I say?

Call it insensitive, but you have to understand, you are not the only one to have rough times.
And I don't state this as an outsider view, since I consider my life hectic from the norm as well.

There are those who have it much worse, or even similar to yours - yet they still live on.
Considering to end your life is unthinkable. Don't let emotions get the best of you.

There is no point of holding onto a memory, thought, emotion, or grudge that is dragging you down.
Okay - so you are mad, or sad, whichever, - throw it out the window and focus on something else.
An activity, a distraction of some sort - perhaps a new goal? Use your negativity to fuel something good.

If your girlfriend moved on, it's best to leave it as that. There are many other opportunities out there.
Knowing she didn't accept your "low", why would you want to stay with her?
Would it not be worse if she revealed this to you after or even during your intended proposal?

Overall it seems you value relationships highly. Instead of living for others, you should live for yourself.
How you intend to create this positive outlook in life is up to you.
Change can only happen in those who accept change.

Best of luck

[AHLEENA]

Please don't kill yourself. You will get through this.

I will admit it is a difficult and hard thing to do but trust me, a couple months or years from now- after you get over this (because you will!), you will look back and wonder why you thought it was so hard to begin with.

Antidepressants
Do not depend on these. I know you think they help, and they probably do. I had to take them for a short period of my life as well (just around a month though but we aren't here to talk about me, we are here to talk about you!). I learned from doctors that they can help a person with sleeping, eating, feeling more active and calming their emotions. However, please remember that you never always needed them and that whatever the pill seems to helped you do- you can do all these things on your own. I know many kept telling me not to be suspicious that these pills can be addictive but, many people take them for years and years- and some even for the rest of their life! Do you want to take them forever? Please say no. They may seem helpful, yes, yes, but you can easily eat three healthy meals a day and sleep regularly at normal hours on your own. The active thing... if you want to do something, go and do it! It is really THAT simple. Just go do it! And finally, the emotion thing... do you really want something such as a pill to supposedly control how you feel? I know that it's hard when people depend on pills especially antidepressants (where everyone I know have told me it's okay to take forever and ever and ever) but... they are still pills and the best thing to do is to get off them ASAP (as soon as possible). No matter what kind of medicine, drug or something is- taking too much of something is always bad. (Is what I think)

Ex-Girlfriend
People have said that getting out of depression is easier with the support of loved ones and family. However, you can also get better on your own! You may no longer have the support of the girlfriend but you still have your mom! And your mom loves you, cares about you, and would NEVER EVER want to lose you!

I know you feel cheated. You were there for your girlfriend for an entire week when she had to deal with the death of her grandmother. Deaths are always a sad thing. However, your father died in November, and you dropped out of school in January- and she recently broke up with you this month. Can't you give her a little bit of credit even though she is no longer there? She was there for you for months- but she must have realized she couldn't really do anything since you haven't really gotten out of this depression period and probably do not seem to be improving. But I would like it if you didn't compare a 'week' to 'months and months and months.'

Don't hold a grudge against her. But if you must, hold one and get better for yourself- prove to yourself that you don't need her support to get better. Most importantly, get better FOR yourself. You need to get better for yourself. You need to WANT to get better and you need to put EFFORT into getting better. It won't happen over night, it might not happen for weeks too, but it will happen eventually. Just remember- even though you no longer have the support of the ex girlfriend, you still have your mother. And your mother loves you and she always will.


Your Education
You said you were almost graduating but you do not have the funds. Please try to apply to scholarships or other free-educational-money stuff, consult the school advisors or anyone who works there if you can. There should be a way in which you can find the money in order to help with your education. Don't ever believe it is a lost cause. Never lose hope. There will always be other options. And if you cannot find any, you can always go back to school a year later and finish it then. The most important thing is for you to feel better about yourself, your life, and everything first!

---

I agree about the part where depression messes with your head, not letting you think straight, and screwing up your emotions. I am glad you have realized this.

--

One reason why you should NOT kill yourself:
Please try to always remember your mother needs you. She will feel awful if you passed away. What if you killed yourself, and your mother was unable to handle it- and followed right after? Please don't do anything you know you will regret. This is probably not the best reason, but it is still a reason. Your mother loves and cares about you really really really much. She cares so much that it would be impossible to put in words. So, if you care about her too, you would not, especially not leave her. Just don't leave her- she wouldn't want you to, and I know that you know that you wouldn't want to leave her too.

------------------

Some things you can do.

-Eat three healthy meals everyday.
-Exercise, go outside for a jog? (Don't stay cooped up in the house, and especially do not stay in bed.)
-Sleep at least 6-9 hours a day.
-Remember to shower and try to take care of appearances. Look good for yourself if nobody else.
-Go back to school. Yes. You need to. To graduate- you are almost done! Or you can go a year or so later if you really can't.
-Find unneccessary things in the house to sell! (Organize your home, sell things you know you will never need, have a garage sale!)
-Find a new job. You have job experiences, I am sure, positively sure that other places will want to hire you! Make a new resume, apply to many, MANY different places.
-Talk to your friends. (Depressed people usually try to isolate themselves, so if you have neglected contacting any friends- this is the time to do so now!)
-Go back home. Yes. You can't afford to live in two different places- and you are paying bills for your mom anyways, so just go back and live with her. (Is your college too far away???)


I don't know what else to say. I think I wrote a little too much but I hope I helped in some way, if any at all. I would like to let you know that I think you are a wonderful son. You are helping out your mother with the bills even though you no longer lived at home. However, your education is top priority as well (your future) even if you can't go back to it immediately, just never cross it off your list because eventually you can go back and finish your education. I think you need to find things that you once enjoyed to do (it will be hard to think of things you enjoyed because when a person is depressed they usually think of everything negatively) and just to feel better about yourself and your life.

Okay. I wrote a little too much (and it must have been a pain to read if you did) but yeah. Good luck!

[SexyHalfandHalf]

Thx for the support from people here, but I don't think I would seriously kill myself. I just don't have motivation to live, I'm not suicidal though, I just understand why some people are. I'm in a world of hurt and I wish it would go away.

[Flicksityy]

1. Antidepressants will not get you feeling happy all your life. Depending on them will bring you side effects in the future, which ironically will include being paranoid and depressed.

2. As much as you no longer have anyone to depend on, your girlfriend's leave could be seen as a bright follow up. If you can get through this yourself, you can get through almost any other matters in the future. They will be nothing compared to this.

3. I advise you to sell your items, such as the computer you are on at the moment if not needed. Money flows in, and will continue flowing in later on, think on a brighter note.

4. Keep your chin up high and think of Africa whenever you find yourself dropping. You're not experiencing the worse out there.

[qquinto]

you're still only twenty-two, it'll be okay. just try your hardest to be positive. anti-depressants are nice, i have many friends who are on them, but they are not needed. you're stronger than that. if not, i hope you're able to get ahold of some sometime soon. for money, apply everywhere; you'll land a job eventually. your home situation will get better in time and you can return to college then. imo, you should try to go to school at least part time. after you get your degree, life will be better. hopefully. not a guarantee since the economy is utter crap now, but hey, you'll be in the same situation as most of us.

at least she didn't break up with you after you proposed to her. divorce is ugly. better to break it off early then waste more time. you'll find another person. three years is a long time and you probably don't want to think about meeting someone else, but eh. i believe you will be over to get over her eventually and find happiness once again.

[-TiFFaNy-]

I just cried reading your post.

I have been depressed before and I know exactly how you feel, but please be strong! I know it's hard and it feels like the end of the world, but it is not. Something good will always come with the bad. Also, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Your mother needs you, so please don't ever suicide. You're still young and have so much to live for.

You and your mother should stick together and write a to do list and prioritize what needs to be done first, such as paying off bills, fees, debts, etc. I'm not sure where you live, but you should also apply for money assistance which will help you out financially. But if you can't do that, find a new job. Also, take care of your mum and yourself. Eat healthy, let out your emotions together, don't keep it in.

And finally, try to cheer up. You have so much to look forward to in the future and should not let negative things bring you down entirely. Life is too short to waste your time being unhappy, sad, depressed.

If you need to talk to someone, feel free to add me on msn: babyface387@hotmail.com

Best of luck and I will keep you and your mum in my prayers.

[QtAznBoii]

Hey, I'm sorry about your situation. I went through depression twice before. I was lucky to have my girlfriend and to be on anti-depressants the last time around. Don't listen to some people here, they're not major in Psychology. Depression is a hormonal imbalance in the brain. Anti-depressants are prescribed to keep patients like you from going into a downward spiral. I'm pretty sure that had you stayed on your anti-depressants, your girlfriend would still be with you. Listen, you shouldn't be mad at her, actually you should be sorry for her. There are only two reasons why she left you. The first, being the most likely, is that when you were not on your anti-depressants you said you looked for reassurance, which means you became attached and clingy. You probably lost a lot of self confidence in the process. being clingy and losing your self confidence were probably caused by the depression, seeing as she said you changed. You probably lost the will to do a lot of the things that made you, in the process. You most likely isolated yourself and stopped going out. In extreme cases people stop taking care of their hygiene. This is her fault here for not being patient and recognizing that you would go back to your former self once you got better. This shows that she is immature and probably spoiled seeing as she came from a rich background. I would even venture to guess that she is an only child, or the youngest child. This also shows that even though she is graduating from college, she lacks reasoning skills to think things through. Don't worry this is not your fault. The second possibility is that she is just selfish and use to getting her way. In addition to lacking compassion. But I think its more probable that its the first possibility. She is just Young and Stupid.

Hey if your ever in the Houston Area, just send me a message. I know friends that you probably see, free of charge and maybe give you some Zoloft. If you are prescribed medication, you should take it, there is a reason why people go to school for years to study this stuff. Had you stayed on your medication, I doubt you would have alienated her and caused her to leave on her own stupidity, Which of course will slow down to recovery from depression.

Good Luck. My best wishes. Remember it is not your fault.

[Meenuh]

Just when I thought I needed someone to help me get through this she bailed on me

That is exactly what she did and let's be thankful it wasn't after you two were married. I feel sorry for the person that ends up marrying her. God forbid any hard times befall her otherwise she'll probably leave her husband.

Keep your chin up buddy.

Time to prioritise the things you have to focus in your life.

1. money - like bills and the 'immediate' stuff (always pay off your credit card bills EVERY WEEK if you can!) Sell stuff you don't need as well.
2. school - only one more semester? FINISH IT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE
3. family - yeah you gotta support your mum, but seriously, she should be as elligible for loan/state support as you. Although I guess you're in the States?
4. ultimately - screw the girl. Can't believe she left you floundering at times like this. You gotta do this alone now, it'll be harder, but ... hell no one else will do it for you, will they?

Some women are like that - just plain selfish punts. Like I can see from her point of view, and I can always take her side; but I'd rather be a wee bit neutral and say, she did a selfish move; she basically saved her skin.

Welcome to soompi by the way.

yabasta

I agree. It's time to stop thinking about how miserable you are and everything you've lost and start moving forward. Don't expect other people to pick you up during these times. That's what seperates the strong willed ones from the weak individuals. Learn to comfort yourself and your mother and take everything in as a life lesson. Once you prioritise your life i'm sure that a lot of stuff will settle in place. Good luck to you and i'm sorry to hear about your father passing away.

[donporkuloin]

I go through some rough stuff. Cheer up man!!! But go watch this movie called Running Scared with Paul Walker in it. Pay attention to this character in the movie named Oleg. Once you see what he goes through in that movie. It will cheer you up somewhat, and you'll pity Oleg. Lmao.

[Lie]

You have every right to be a little emo right now. More right than most, but as _dax_ said, there are certainly people who have it much worse. Just try to remember that. What if your mother had been in the car at the time? If your gf was going to cop out on you as soon as times get rough, do you really want to invest your love in her long-term? Take advantage of the time you have left to spend with your mother, appreciate the fact that she's still alive and there to support you. Buck up, find another job. Once things get a little less difficult for you financially (they will, it'll just take some time. You'll need to work your way up in a new job, get some savings together, etc.) and you have the free-time, you can get a student loan if you need and finish school, which in turn will allow you to get an even better job. It might be awhile, but you have the rest of your life to improve your situation, try to take things a day at a time. Every day you make it through is an accomplishment and something to feel good about.

The worst possible thing you can do in this sort of situation is to feel sorry for yourself. Look yourself in the mirror if you have to, and ask yourself, "Am I really weak enough to let this drag me down?" Hopefully your answer will be that your parents made in you someone who's much stronger than that.

[her_heart]

you can apply for financial aid and ask for the "pell grants" that would help you more with school.
you can apply for welfare to get food stamps to help pay for the food on your table.
if you live in an apartment or so there are many aid programs to help cheapen the bills or help pay just talk to your landlord about your situation they may be able to help you.
as for your ex, its hard to be there for someone when they're constantly feeling down and there's nothing you can do or say to help but to let them learn and handle it in their own way. and its hard to see the one you love or care about you constantly like that it hurts the people around you.


like everyone else, start exercising, eating healthy, sleeping regularly and apply to any place you can. it will make you feel better in time especially when you feel good and have things to keep you busy. take care of your mom and yourself.

if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me

[Linnsterr]

I could kind of understand where your coming from. Anti depression can really kill a person, i remember a time where i would sit and think of ways to kill myself - but you know what? i was being selfish, my parents needed me. So think about your mom. she need you the most right now. You don't wanna be just like your ex-girlfriend and just dip out when your mom need you the most right? Haven't you ever heard "god have to bring you through hell before he takes you to heaven"

Girls come and go -- Karma is a b.i.t.a.ch and she will get what she deserve.
You should really try your best to be happy -- if your dad was still alive you know for a fact
that he would want you to be happy and not depress. He's always looking down on you.
just remember that.

I know im not much help but i wish you the best in life. Good Luck.

[iddus02]

Have you considered summer classes? Since you only have a semester of college left, you could finish in the summer which is great for you because a summer semester usually only lasts 6-8weeks. Getting your college degree would then let you pursue higher paying jobs.

[itrayya]

hey hey!
the only way to go from there is up! right?
RIGHT!!

i can't say i understand because i haven't gone through that exact thing,
but i've gone through loads of doo doo too.

it's okay to cry, it's okay to sleep it away.
but in reality, you need to snap out of that sooner or later and physically get your life back on.

TRUE, your mom needs you, why are you so down??
dont you think that she's feeling the same way you are?
she is living for you. you have to live your fullest for her.
dont worry toooooo much about school, you can always go back.

it's not easy to do, but happy positive thoughts,
and go on from there.

FIGHTING!!!

[Terazu]

I lost someone fairly recently to me who I considered a father figure in late Feb. Im still not the same after his loss, so, you are not the only one suffering, and there are still people that care about you too. Wish I could give you a real hug, but virtual hugs are gonna hafta suffice for now. *HUUUUGG**

Find courage and do not give up. And as much of a bish it makes me feel to say this, but its good that you find out now rather than later whether your ex would stick with you through the hard times or not.

And I know right now, everything sorta feels like a burden and you're still sorta frozen in place, while the world keeps spinning in circles around you and you're just trying to keep going because you feel like thats whats expected of you. Its ok to collapse if you need to, so long as you pick yourself back up. Dont turn your back on whats important, do not let yourself falter. . . believe.

[AAAline]

I've never lost anyone that close to me before to even imagine it would be painful. Your 22, no matter how much it hurts you right now to live its better than dying. I know how you feel, losing the love of your life at the time i felt like my world was over and there was nothing else to live for. Don't give in to your temptations. You will always always be able to find a new girl, job, and there's always time to finish school. Do things at your own time, don't rush it. I believe that you can do it don't lose hope, live for yourself and no one else you deserve it . FIGHTING!