[chemistryandmetal]

Ok. So I am 18 and just over a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half..

At first everything was really lovely between us, but after a while I felt like I expected too much from him, and this stressed him out. We started fighting alot and we broke up around Grad, but we got back together. Over the summer we fought alot, mostly because of my jealousy which really pushed him away, and we broke up a couple more times after that... but we never "really" broke up because we ended up being back to normal after a few days each time.

This last time, I was really frustrated with him, and I blurted out "I can't take this! I'm breaking up with you". He was hurt but then said "Fine!". I was really upset for the following weeks and I kept talking to him asking how he was doing and he said he was doing fine since he had his "mind off of things since he was busy". We have a class together and I even said to him once "I think we are both just waiting to see who moves on first, then we will really know when it's over". He told me he was already over me and we aren't right for each other. Now I know why...

Just last week my friends told me he was fooling around with my friend (who just broke up with her boyfriend of two years, a week before we broke up). I was devastated. I couldn't believe he didn't tell me this, and I couldn't believe the girl I confided in for so long could betray me so badly. Although I am hurt... I am tempted with the idea that he is just rebounding (and I guess who he is with is also rebounding).... He said he didn't like her while we were dating... it just "happened".

I still am in love with him, though I wish I weren't, and although I know we fought alot I feel like if I only had some time to work on things we could get back together and work out so perfectly like we used to. I am so confused. They say "if you set something free, and it returns to you, then it's yours".... maybe since he already is with her, he isn't mine? I don't know what to do. I am so hurt and hopeless feeling. Any advice? I feel like I am waiting around for someone who may never come back.

[小甜密]

If you really love him, why did you want to leave him in the first place? If your relationship have a strong foundation, you guys could of work it out by compromisng with each other. But no, you chose to blurt out the wrong thing at the wrong time. Which is understandable, though I wish you could of been more considerate about the relationship. Or perhaps he's tired of all the break up and make up, that's why he wants to leave you.

[chemistryandmetal]

We both were fighting SO much.. it was getting un-bearable. I think we had gotten to the point where we wanted to give each other another chance, and we discussed how we could make it work this time... but the same problems would come up and we would act the same way.

For example... some of his friends went to a strip club, and I really don't particularly enjoy strip clubs. One of the things we talked about is that I would not take it personally if he wanted to go to one, but he told me he really didn't care to go in general so I thought I wouldn't have to deal with it. The week after we discussed this, guess what happens? It's my friend's birthday and he asks me if I would like to come to the strip club with the boys. I couldn't help how I felt and we fought.. it was alot of those little fights...

This is why I kind of wanted us to break up. We just couldn't work it out in the end like we used to be able to. Thank you for your post, this part

Or perhaps he's tired of all the break up and make up, that's why he wants to leave you.

really makes me think. I really question, what do you do in a relationship when little things like that always bother you? Little fights like that. When in the relationship, I had a really hard time wondering if it's just that we don't work, or perhaps I was too controlling and pushing for almost a marriage like devotion. I wish I had been a bit more relaxed! Damn....

[smpilova]

Get over it, you brought this upon yourself.

[mizz_J]

Hmm I guess I can understand why you keep breaking up with him, but then you need to learn how to compromise or else your relationship won't last long. My current relationship taught me a lot about these kind of things. Maybe you should try to talk to him again, but the fact that he's with your friend now irks me a little because one should never go out with someone their friends went out with before. But again, that's just me.

And like what 小甜密 said, maybe he wants to leave you because you keep breaking up with him. It can get tiring because it's either you want this or you dont and i understand that.

Since he said he's over you, you should try to get over him as well, unless he's just saying that to push you away. I'm sure you'll find someone better than him. But it's easier said than done

[squishybear]

The sooner you can accept the fact that you two are broken up and will NOT get back together, the sooner you can get over him. He's probably dealing with his pain by fooling around with people. But even if he's in pain, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to get back together.

It would be best for both of you to not try your relationship again. The fighting won't stop, no matter how hard you try. If you seriously believe that you would like to try it again, at least wait a couple years until both of you have matured. People grow up a lot in their college years.

[naoto]

Don't date the friend of your ex. This is a rule most people should follow. I know it happens but it is way too much trouble. My roommate heard that my ex dated a guy then liked a friend of his after they broke up and immediately he put a rainbow label on her. So I don't really think he is right to do that... but regardless I feel your pain. Knowing somebody you like is dating your friend makes things fifty billion squared more horrible. Just find somebody else. Sometimes mistakes can't be corrected but honestly there has to be another guy out there who loves you. Don't worry about rebounding his feelings onto someone else, you have to move on by trying new things.

[xjuiiccy]

It's ridiculous that your friend and your ex went together so fast .
But I have to disagree with the "no dating your friend's ex" deal .
If two people truly are in love with each other,
who gives "the ex" the right to break them up ?
& plus if YOU TWO are meant to be, you'll end up together in the end .
Hopefully now, you've learned your lesson to calm down & compromise .

[C4Y [[Crazy 4 YeongSaeng]]]

i honestly say move on.
im not trying to be mean, but try putting yourself in your friend and your ex's shoes.
even if they are rebound, if they find healing together, then why stop them?
he's not your bf anymore, and if you love him, you have to be able to let him go.
if things are meant to be, things will find it's way back together.
but i say your relationship with him sounds unstable.
it was makeup and breakup with a lot of fights.
it's not a very healthy relationship, sorry to say :[

it is VERY possible to move on.
you just have to let yourself.
you're the only one holding yourself back from moving on.
:] good luck!

[nubbie]

i'm sorry but you just need to get a grip of what happened. He fooled around with your friend WHILE you two were still together. He cheated on you with your friend. How could you ever want him back?


Its a good thing that YOU'RE the one who broke up with him and not the other way around. Don't regret what you've done. Just don't.

[MNLV27]

What's happened already happened, it's in the past, so leave it in the past.
You broke up with him on a whim, if you wanted him back, you should of made a move sooner but it's too late now,
he's with your friend, as much as you want him back, if he doesn't want you back, then suck it up and wish them both well, he's found someone whether it's your friend or not so be happy for him, you want him to be happy don't you?
Learn what went wrong and make sure to not do the same for the next relationship you have.

Like what you said, if you set something free, and it returns to you, then it's yours, obviously, he's not yours otherwise the both of you would be together again by now.

[MaryMagdalin]

my bf and I took a year to understand each other`s tempers.
now we know how to handle each other
i used to be the one who always said i wanted to break up with i was really upset ( i had good reason but lets not dwell into that)
and one day he was sick of me always saying that and he broke up with me ( althought later we talked it out)

you know at least your bf asked you to go with him
i know PLENTY of guys who would just go. without their girlfriends.
but, since it seems he`s over you ( and yes your friend is prob a rebound)
i think its time for you to get over him
there are lots of guys out there
it might hurt now but you`ll look back and wondered why you cared so much =)

[chemistryandmetal]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Very great to read them all.

He never cheated on me... we broke up and then he started fooling around with our mutual friend. I realize how this is all my fault, since I broke up with him... I feel so mad at myself. But I'm trying to accept things. As well, yeah, I suppose I could have made my move faster.... but they started hanging out like 2 weeks after we broke up, and I needed time to think things through.

I have had so much time to rethink everything; I was so damn controlling, jealous, and erratic. He was my first love and boyfriend so I made alot of mistakes. Before I was with him I was very independent, busy, creative, open, driven, but fairly carefree... when we started dating I was afraid of being cheated on from the get-go (for reasons completely unknown!)... and I just turned myself into this horrible person I didn't like, and who my ex clearly didn't like either. If I could do it all over again with him I wouldn't question him constantly, I wouldn't be jealous (because I'm single now, and guys are paying attention to me which makes me realize that I am a good catch, I just don't care for those guys..), and I wouldn`t be such a hard ass like I was.... as we are not together right now and sometimes the thought crosses my mind about him and my friend doing things together, which makes me sad, I then realize going to strip clubs really doesn`t matter... as there is no emotional relationship taking place...

I feel pretty stressed out about everything... I wish I didn`t care about him... but I do.. and I feel the weight of time on me for me to present myself to him as the person I truly am and was before I just got too controlling... he ended up calling me yesterday after I asked if he wanted to hang out...

We talked about everything and I asked if he wanted to date my friend... He said he doesn`t know. He said he doesn`t want to think about the future. I slipped up, madly, by revealing by feelings a little too much, and he said we would talk about it on Sunday. I just don`t know what to do... I realize how stupid I was in the past... but I`m worried if we do try again I`ll turn the same way as I was before. I want him to be happy very much, but being how he is, he hides his feelings very well and I can`t tell what he really wants. It`s one of the worst feelings in the world where you can`t say what you want because if you do you might get horribly rejected.

I can be single... I can survive. I don`t need anyone. But I really want him and feel I`ve made a stupid mistake that is now clouded by so much mess.

[daisy]

It's good that you realized what your mistakes are. It does get really tiring when you keep threatening to break up. It shows that you don't really care about the person if you can say it so easily. Next time you get into an argument, think before you talk. Seriously, the guy told you about the strip club, and invited you. He doesn't need to ask permission on stuff like hanging with the boys, but the fact that he did shows he respects you. You've got to be less rigid/controlling and compromise more. Relationships are a two-way street.

[chemistryandmetal]

It's good that you realized what your mistakes are. It does get really tiring when you keep threatening to break up. It shows that you don't really care about the person if you can say it so easily. Next time you get into an argument, think before you talk. Seriously, the guy told you about the strip club, and invited you. He doesn't need to ask permission on stuff like hanging with the boys, but the fact that he did shows he respects you. You've got to be less rigid/controlling and compromise more. Relationships are a two-way street.

I completely agree with you. I realize now that when you are 18 years old, you should probably be in a relationship that doesn't feel like you are married. The next relationship I am in, be it with my ex or someone else, I will take things slower and really just go in with the mindset that life is short, relationships aren't worth it if you fight all the time.

Thanks again for everyone's replies

[Flicksityy]

Just a little side note, it's not considered betraying you if you were the one who had heatedly bought up the subject of breaking up, it was you who had initiated it, it was you who had doubted the relationship first, he just played along.

You used your game of threatening to break up, and I guess you've finally got the taste of how breaking up really feels like. You're the one who initiated it and thought it would be useful in the long run, guess you're just stupid huh? Well better luck the second time round.

[Beryu]

looks like "you dont kno what u have until u lose it" kinda situation where you took ur bf for granted as if he was always there. hmm kinda hard to pick it up from here it seems, but i'm sure if u try hard enough, he might understand since u think the girl is a "rebound". if so, he'll definitely want you back

[chemistryandmetal]

Just a little side note, it's not considered betraying you if you were the one who had heatedly bought up the subject of breaking up, it was you who had initiated it, it was you who had doubted the relationship first, he just played along.

You used your game of threatening to break up, and I guess you've finally got the taste of how breaking up really feels like. You're the one who initiated it and thought it would be useful in the long run, guess you're just stupid huh? Well better luck the second time round.

Prrrrrrrrrobably not best to insult a person's intelligence based merely on one aspect of their life.

[annabananna_]

... Why are ppl here so insensitive.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Give the girl a break, she came here to ask for advice, not read all this stuff saying it's her fault and such.

Sure, she made the mistake of saying what she said, but the guy is also a jerk for fooling around with her friend. She has a right to be upset. That "friend" of hers which is fooling around with this idiot of a guy isn't much of a civil person herself

Eugh.