[Burberry]

So..to put it simply, my boyfriend and I are total opposites.
I graduated with honors and went to college. My bf got kicked out of school twice and then finally just dropped out. He basically just works now.
I don't really like to go party every night, and I don't smoke or go to karaoke bars or anything. My boyfriend LOVES drinking and partying, etc.

Besides those main noticeable differences, we actually get along REALLY well. There haven't been any major problems, and I don't really care about our differences.

But his guy friends keep saying that he is totally "whipped" and I have him wrapped around my finger. His girl friends say they don't like me cause I am trying to control him and what he does with his life.
MY friends keep reminding me that love will never change a person and I will never be able to change him for the better, etc, etc.

The thing is.... I am NOT trying to change him. We have never fought about me being too controlling.
Recently I have been trying to convince him to go get his GED, and maybe go to community college.
And I told him that I wish he drank a little less. (Which he took well. He was like, yeah I know.. I just hang out with people who drink a lot, but I'm going to cut down now.)



We are really in love.. and I think that eventually he may be able to settle down a little, and stop partying so much. But I don't have a problem with it now.

Am I actually being a controlling girlfriend without even realizing it? Or is it okay to push him a little bit? Because it's not like I'm pushing him to do something bad.

[X~Midnight*Snow~X]

not really.. just ask him if he thinks you're being too controlling. i just think you want the best for him and if he does say you are being a bit too controlling, just tell him how you really feel. i think it really matters that you talk to him about these things because it might change his life ^^

so the answer to your question: no, i don't think you are being too controlling but consider his feelings as well and don't push him too far.

[Swtess]

No you're not from what you stated.
He may be using you as an excuse to drink less and party less.
Let his friends talk all they want since its not your duty to please them.

[IATEYOU]

^I agree. He might be using you as an excuse because he doesn't know how else to ease off something he has always been doing.
From the info you posted, I don't think you're being controlling at all. Just looking out for someone you care about.

[ShadowMax76]

controlling would require force.
love.. sure it's perhaps, as said, the strongest force..

but the way you put in, no.

i'm wondering how your bf portrayed you to his friends. "haha . i gotta stop drinking, i've got a gf, ya know?" _ and they took it the wrong way. "aws. no. he can't drink with us no more. but we only see each other at drink ups! DDD: how will we have fun with him??"

and your friends were just regurgitating the wise words of love _ but eh . we should care enough for a person to..not so much change.. but.. help them develop into a better person. to have it easier in life. _ sure.. some girl can love an alcoholic smoking party-going guy.. but we can't see her intentions lasting longer than that phase of 'fun'. _

'controlling' always seems to be irrational. just for the sake of having power over someone.
but there's always a reason. ..it's just a matter of conveying that reason. x_X' it's like how teachers give homework. most kids think it's sick humor. others very much appreciate the guide from someone who graduated through uni and dedicated their life to helping students - grateful or not.

[squishybear]

No you're not. But you need to understand that he won't change unless he wants to change. And he may not *really* want to change for a long time so he may be this way for a couple years.

[lovexlovexlove]

your not being controlling at all
its good to tell your boyfriend that he shouldnt be partyin all the time
and its not like ur pushing him too hard
tell his little friends to stfu

[xjuiiccy]

You're being the good kind of controlling .
I mean, you're trying to help him go back to school
& you're helping him live longer by cutting down his alcohol .
His friends are just jealous that he has a gf like you .

[Azngel]

you are telling him to do good things while his friends pressure him to do things that dont lead to a bright future. i think you are good influence.

[sus]

i dont think ur controlling
just that ur his gf and u want wats best for him
i guess u got diff level of standards then him

he mite aadjust or he mite not... old habits die hard~~

well good luck

[starstrukk]

No I don't think you're being controlling either.

You're just wishing the best for him so he can change into a better person.

Also it doesnt sound like he minds anyway.

[C4Y [[Crazy 4 YeongSaeng]]]

it doesn't sound like you're controlling him.
you're just suggesting things (for the better, i might add)
and he's agreeing with you, so i don't think you're controlling.

[Storm121693]

ask HIM if he thinks you're being controlling. who the hell cares what his friends think?? they're not the one in the relationship. we all know you're just doing that about college and drinking because you're worried about him and his future. there's nothing wrong with that.

[last love.]

I don't think you're controlling him. I think it's more like you're suggesting things he could do to make his life better. In all honesty, I think you're just trying to be a good girlfriend and look out for him. ;]

[kivvi]

from what you said, you're not being controlling at all. i agree with the people above. as long as you just suggest things to him and don't FORCE him to do anything (not necessarily with actual force, but with ultimatums, etc.) that he doesn't want to I'd say it's fine. especially since you're encouraging him to do things that will lead him to a brighter future! you sound like a good gf, and it's hard for other people to judge their friends' relationships since they only see certain aspects of it.
good luck!

[Teaaheart]

But his guy friends keep saying that he is totally "whipped" and I have him wrapped around my finger. His girl friends say they don't like me cause I am trying to control him and what he does with his life.
MY friends keep reminding me that love will never change a person and I will never be able to change him for the better, etc, etc.

Ick. Don't listen to these people who tell your boyfriend you've got him 'whipped' and that you're being controlling and what not. I kind of had the same situation back when my mutual friends with my boyfriend (I'm not friends with them anymore cos of what happened..) started saying a load of crap about me, because they were terrified of change and what would happen when if/when we officially start dating *rolls eyes*. They told him the same thing, that I might be a b!tchy person, and that I might turn out to be controlling, and that it even seems that he's already whipped (see the stupid use of language here? Ugh.) Thing is, they didn't know who I was at all, but my boyfriend did. All that matters is that you and your boyfriend know eachother well and have good communication to dispell these things about you being 'controlling', cos you know you're not and I'm sure he does too : ).

P.S you're not being controlling at all~

[JJ no Baka]

The thing is.... I am NOT trying to change him. We have never fought about me being too controlling.
Recently I have been trying to convince him to go get his GED, and maybe go to community college.
And I told him that I wish he drank a little less. (Which he took well. He was like, yeah I know.. I just hang out with people who drink a lot, but I'm going to cut down now.)

No, you are not controlling. A controlling person would say "You better get a GED and you better stop drinking" instead of what I just bolded. You're convincing him to get a GED. What harm is that? His friends must be stupid if they think he shouldn't be getting his GED. Also, you also expressed that you "wished" he drank less. You didn't demand him to be. So overall, I don't see anything that would suggest that you are controlling.

[hiswendy]

I don't think you're controlling him. I think it's more like you're suggesting things he could do to make his life better. In all honesty, I think you're just trying to be a good girlfriend and look out for him. ;]

[bonjour tristesse.]

if your not trying to change him, dont be offended by what that friend of yours is saying. dont worry, youre not being controlling at all. like the people above me have said, your just trying to look out for him and make the best out of him .

[LoveJiyong]

you ARE so controlling.!!! haha J/K J/K
no you are NOT at all...seriously this time.
cuz if you were it'll be more like "You CAN'T go, You CAN'T do this, You CAN'T do that.!!! etc."
but just asking him NOT to do things or asking him to do something that would actually benefit him in his life is a VERY GOOD thing.

& if you both really love each other then the stupid things ppl say to you two should have no affect in your relationship...
unless you find it that your bf's starting to think so...
then talk it out w/ him otherwise things will go wrong.
besides if others tell you, you're controlling, just tell them that "bcuz you care & worry about his life, you are helping him" instead of making him waste his life away.!!! haha i'm j/k i wouldn't know...;;