[asdfdsdaf]

Okay this will be long... so if you actually take the time to read this and answer, you have my upmost gratitude :/

So I went out with a girl, the first love of my life for 4 months+ and then we broke up. She was the only girl I ever liked and ever pursued. I have 2 best guy friends. These 2 best guy friends liked her as well, well before I met her. Before I even started to pursue a relationship with her, I asked these 2 guy friends if they were alright with it/are they over her? They both said yes, go ahead. So I asked her out and we became official. Near the end of our relationship, she grew distant with me and seemed to be bored/annoyed of me. She broke up with me and we went on a break from talking for 2weeks. We started talking again and became good friends. My feelings died down a bit and I was content. Few days later, I find out one of my best guyfriends liked her the WHOLE time and lied to me that he was over her. Turns out he flirted with her when we were going out and she even asked me at one point "does X like me?" She refused to tell me why and i found out later it was because she didn't want me to get angry and take it out on my friend or her. So I decided, well that's the past and as long as he doesn't make any moves on her it's alright. WRONG. He starts to flirt with her like crazy and I confront him about it. He tells me he won't flirt with her anymore but he's still going to talk to her as friends. I really appreciated that and thanked him for understanding me cause I was really hurt after our breakup. One thing I forgot to mention was my two bestguyfriends are really good friends with her as well since they got close. Turns out my ex started flirting back with him, I approached her and asked her about it(since we are really good friends, like very close) she told me that she didn't like him and knew he liked her. She was just playing along with it and said they are both aware that they know he likes her. So I find that incredibly strange and I'm wondering if she's just toying with him, and I'm still upset that my friend turned back on what he said and went back to flirting with her. Today we went to a basketball tournament with friends and all those 2 did were flirt. They practicaly ignored me and I was really pissed. They didn't know I was pissed until a few hours later but still decided to ignore me and keep flirting, laughing with each other, holding hands, and resting on each other's backs, etc. I approached her once again and she said she didn't have ANY feelings for him and that she was just acting like friends. The guy refused to acknowledge he was flirting with her even though EVERYONE around us knew they were.
Also, after the tournament I had plans with just the girl to prepare for a fundrariser that we had to manage together. Without even telling me, she bailed out on it at last second and I was just left there by myself. She wasn't put in charge, she was just someone to help me with it, so she had no obligations while I on the otherhand, did. The guy then offered to go to her house and drop off the plans that we made so she could hand it in even though I WAS the one who worked on it and I should hand it in. She did NOTHING. He's just trying to get on her good side or something.
After, we also had to prepare for a performance (breakdancing). It was me, the guy, my other bestguyfriend, and some random good dancer. I really was SO pissed today that I dropped out of it and quit. I couldn't possibly dance or work together with the guy friend who totally betrayed me.
This girl always finds someone to follow her, in this case, my bestguyfriend. When he isn't there, she tries to get me, if not someone else, etc. She's a person who really needs attention and somehow finds it. (She has this cute charm appeal which she takes advantage of)

Background on friends:
guy friend1: 8 year friendship, very strong, been dimming in this period of time
other guy friend: 7 year friendship, our friendship is stronger now than before
ex: 4 month friendship, very close friends. she considers me her permanent bestfriend and confides in me her deepest secrets, sometimes only written in her diaries. for some reason, she treats me extraordinarily well online/phone/text but in person, she totally just ignores me and hangs with other people. And i'm not the type to follow someone around like a dog. (which my guyfriend totally does)

so.... help? I have no idea what to do. I feel like mini cooper.
Why are they doing this to me?

I'm sure I could've handled it better, so that's why I need help.

I feel so hurt and betrayed by those 2 and idk what to do. they honestly don't think they are flirting or anything when they are practically touching each other 24/7. and she's the type who really doesn't like touching. she promises me that she has no feelings for him and I know she's the type that hates lying. then why the hell are they doing this?



ON MSN:
sarah says:
be my permanent friend
sarah says:
no
sarah says:
you dont get it,
sarah says:
you are
sarah says:
a permanent friend
sarah says:
and have to treat me like one
sarah says:
and even if
sarah says:
i say mini cooper to you
sarah says:
you
sarah says:
are
sarah says:
a
sarah says:
permanent friend.

This is yesterday.
Seriously wtf.
HELPPPP

[onhotwires]

Ah, what a tough situation. You confronted them both, and still they are like this.

If this was a drama, I'd say flirt with someone else.


Well, if you see it this way, your guy friend obviously doesn't care about his pride when it comes to this girl. Maybe he's just one of those dumb people who don't know how to prioritize and choose their crushes over their close friends. A lot of people are like this unfortunately. The only thing I can say to you is that you'll just have to take him for who he is, and expect that he'd probably treat any other of his close friends the same way he's treating you if it meant getting attention from his crush.


As for the girl, well, it seems that she seems to be dependent on you for confiding and etc. You can use that and say, no, I just don't want to talk to you right now b/c the way you're being inconsiderate is annoying me. Or something along the lines. The thing is, it'd probably only work if you yourself don't enjoy that closeness to her.

[asdfdsdaf]

Ah, what a tough situation. You confronted them both, and still they are like this.

If this was a drama, I'd say flirt with someone else.


Well, if you see it this way, your guy friend obviously doesn't care about his pride when it comes to this girl. Maybe he's just one of those dumb people who don't know how to prioritize and choose their crushes over their close friends. A lot of people are like this unfortunately. The only thing I can say to you is that you'll just have to take him for who he is, and expect that he'd probably treat any other of his close friends the same way he's treating you if it meant getting attention from his crush.


As for the girl, well, it seems that she seems to be dependent on you for confiding and etc. You can use that and say, no, I just don't want to talk to you right now b/c the way you're being inconsiderate is annoying me. Or something along the lines. The thing is, it'd probably only work if you yourself don't enjoy that closeness to her.

Haha I have no interest in flirting with other girls. I have pretty high tastes in girls.. in terms of looks AND personality. This girl has lots of guys after her >.> Hence the reason she always has a bunch of guys to replace any guy she takes out from her life. My friend is really clueless when it comes to flirting. Half of his previous breakups were because he flirted with other girls while he had a girlfriend. He is a HUGE flirt and no one can do anything about it. He's pretty infamous for it :/ That's why he has lots of friends who are girls but he never has a lasting relationship. So he has NO idea what he's doing and thinks what he's doing is perfectly fine, normal, and acceptable. He had no idea why I was upset.

If I do that, she either A) Just gives up trying to talk to me and goes to other friends
she apologizes, we make up, and this whole process repeats again.

And I do enjoy the closeness to her, it's just that she practically kills it every time we get it back.

Alot of people tell me to just give up on the friendship since it really isn't working, but I really valued this friendship. We know SO much about each other, secrets, which buttons to push, when something is wrong, etc.
But she has a tendency to take life just as it is. If something happens, deal with it. That's her philosophy.
Mine is to work it and solve it out.

Ugh, I really don't know what to do. And she's friends with like ALL of my friends. All our friends are basically mutual friends. Which is kind of sad... Most of them go to her since most of them are guys. All of them just want her attention.

[angels.disguise]

dicks over chicks man.
you guys already broke up
& therefore have no say in whether
they can flirt with each other or not.

you guys are friends.
you cant stop her from liking someone else

[asdfdsdaf]

dicks over chicks man.
you guys already broke up
& therefore have no say in whether
they can flirt with each other or not.

you guys are friends.
you cant stop her from liking someone else

Yes I can. He's my best friend. She's my best friend.
I can say what I like.

I can say I don't want to be friends with them if they do that. They say they'd rather have my friendship. But they continue.

And i know for a fact she doesn't like him 100%. I asked her bestfriend and she just thinks of him as a flirt, and thats how he is.

[_dax_]

Know your place when you are stepping over the line
It is none of your concern to be angered or even controlling of your friends actions.
Your connections with her is the past so you should be respectable.

As your friend he told a white lie: that he was not interested in her, so you could pursue your relationship.
It takes a lot of courage to hand over your love to another. Why you saw this as negative is confusing.

Even if he had feelings for her prior, it is personal, why should he tell you?
He could have had an interest in her, but at the same time not wanting to commit to a relationship status.

Overall you need to chill and let things play out, without getting too involved since their flirtations have nothing to do with you.
Remember you are only the spectator, the friend, not their parents.

[asdfdsdaf]

Know your place when you are stepping over the line
It is none of your concern to be angered or even controlling of your friends actions.
Your connections with her is the past so you should be respectable.

As your friend he told a white lie: that he was not interested in her, so you could pursue your relationship.
It takes a lot of courage to hand over your love to another. Why you saw this as negative is confusing.

Even if he had feelings for her prior, it is personal, why should he tell you?
He could have had an interest in her, but at the same time not wanting to commit to a relationship status.

Overall you need to chill and let things play out, without getting too involved since their flirtations have nothing to do with you.
Remember you are only the spectator, the friend, not their parents.

Lol chill?
I'd rather not be friends than deal with this crap.

[_dax_]

Lol chill?
I'd rather not be friends than deal with this crap.

Well then I suggest you continue holding your grudge and dismiss being friends.
Why bother asking for advice when you have your mind made up?

[asdfdsdaf]

Well then I suggest you continue holding your grudge and dismiss being friends.
Why bother asking for advice when you have your mind made up?

I'd rather solve this crap out and keep friendship that I worked hard to attain together with them.

Not just give up.

I'm just saying if nothing gets solved, I can't be friends.

[onhotwires]

In all honesty, I'm surprised that you enjoy being best friends with a person who finds people so replaceable. (in reference to "Just gives up trying to talk to me and goes to other friends." Just saying.


Anyways, while your motto is to go work things out, this issue sounds more deep rooted for the both of them and their personalities, as opposed to some lapse in judgment. I don't know if there's anything you can control aside from your reaction to everything and maybe your feelings for her.

[asdfdsdaf]

I confronted my guy friend again.

I asked him if he remember me telling him not to flirt with her.
He said no. (somehow he forgot, which is kind of sad.)
I said can you not flirt with her?
He said how am I flirting?
I told him just basically dont touch her.
He said "john tesh you I do that to everyone"
I said wow you're really not even a friend, let alone a brother. Bye.
He said john tesh you bye

end of convo.

really pointless.

[_dax_]

In all honesty it seems you are not understanding the feedback others are posting here.

By you pursuing him yet again - this reaction was expected.

Realize you are demonstrating your jealousy and inability to accept people the way they are.

And therefor giving your ex and your ex-friend more reason to question their friendship with you.

This entire situation is quite ridiculous for me to comprehend making me question your maturity level.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

dicks over chicks man.
you guys already broke up
& therefore have no say in whether
they can flirt with each other or not.

you guys are friends.
you cant stop her from liking someone else sleep.gif


Yes I can. He's my best friend. She's my best friend.
I can say what I like.

I can say I don't want to be friends with them if they do that. They say they'd rather have my friendship. But they continue.

And i know for a fact she doesn't like him 100%. I asked her bestfriend and she just thinks of him as a flirt, and thats how he is.

errr this is pretty funny.
No you can't control them.
Yes you are best Friends, but does that mean you can control him and her?
you can't lol. It's not your choice.

if you hate it so much, then just break off the friendship.
you're the one who said that they prefer the friendship over this, So I'm sure that if you threaten to break the friendship they will prevent you.

I'm just saying if nothing gets solved, I can't be friends.

Exactly. You can't control what other people do, it doesn't look like they will stop.
Either you
1)get over it
2)break off the friendship
You can't put a third one in the list saying "they should stop flirting" because that won't happen. Yes I'm sure you know that won't happen after all your convos.

[colloquy]

Wow...

Do you seriously expect them to stop, even after they didn't after you asked them a couple times? IMO, these people may be your real friends - but you guys are lower classmen in high school, don't expect maturity. Guys that age tend not to think with their brains, but with another part of their body. I already knew from the beginning that your girlfriend seemed odd from your description and I had the feeling that it wasn't going to last. You seem to think that this girl is perfect, and you take everything she says as the truth. As for that MSN conversation, I am now a hundred percent sure that she takes you for granted. You will always be there for her, but she will probably not be there for you.

You just can't expect people to stop doing things just because you ask them. Nothing you say or do will change their feelings or your ex-girlfriend's attractiveness. If they are set on your ex-girlfriend, and if your ex-girlfriend continues to go along with them, there is simply nothing you can do. And if you do something, you'll be seen as the bad guy. Yes, they tell you that they prefer your friendship. Come on, what else are they going to tell you? That they're going to ditch you? You need to realize that actions speak louder than words. If their actions are telling you something else, then usually that's the truth - not what they say.

Never giving up? Never compromising? Both are extremely bad mantras, especially in the game of love. You have to know when it's good to chill out, when it's a good time to just let go. In my honest opinion, the best thing you can do is let go of the feelings that you have for your ex. Your girlfriend may be beautiful and charismatic, but she's definitely not perfect.

[Emerald Snow]

It's over between you and her. Why should you care if they flirt with each other? Sure, they're your bestfriends, and you feel betrayed because they went against what they said. But really, who are you to control their behavior? You're not her boyfriend anymore. They have no obligations toward you in that aspect.

Also, you said that the girl has both great looks and personality. From your numerous threads created about this girl, I really doubt she has an awesome personality. She comes across as an annoying, spoiled attention rainbow who's used to getting her own way. If that equates to a great personality, then I really question your definitions. And why you still want to hang out such a person is beyond me. If I were you, I would have dropped this girl a long time ago. The world does not revolve around her.

[asdfdsdaf]

It's over between you and her. Why should you care if they flirt with each other? Sure, they're your bestfriends, and you feel betrayed because they went against what they said. But really, who are you to control their behavior? You're not her boyfriend anymore. They have no obligations toward you in that aspect.

Also, you said that the girl has both great looks and personality. From your numerous threads created about this girl, I really doubt she has an awesome personality. She comes across as an annoying, spoiled attention rainbow who's used to getting her own way. If that equates to a great personality, then I really question your definitions. And why you still want to hang out such a person is beyond me. If I were you, I would have dropped this girl a long time ago. The world does not revolve around her.

Yeah I realized her personality isn't that great.
She can be a total pinkberry sometimes, but other times she can really be a sweet friend who's there for you.
The girl didn't come to church today, and no one knows why. I'm thinking it's because I was going to be there.
The guy acted like the fight never happened and he tried to joke and stuff with me. He doesn't understand that I'm pissed off.
I'm not her boyfriend anymore but she told me she has no interest in him and the guy told me he wouldnt flirt around with her cause we had a similar problem before. He totally forgot about making that agreement (which was 2 weeks ago) and told me to john tesh off.

.......

[hishari]

Are you serious? Everytime I see your posts it's ''my girlfriend this my girlfriend that'' and now it's ''my ex this my ex that PLZ HELP"
It's obvious she's using you because you're pretty naive and also someone who can easily be taken advantage of.

GET OVER IT. 4 months is nothing, big whoopin deal

[_dax_]

Remember this girl is only portrayed through his explanations.

It's not fair to judge through only one side of telling.

She may or may not have a good personality but that is not of concern.

The fact is that he wants to stop his friend from dating her, which of course is unreasonable.

And so I quote a more straight-forward response:

GET OVER IT

[nubbie]

Sorry to say but he's really not your best friend, let alone a friend at all.

[asdfdsdaf]

Remember this girl is only portrayed through his explanations.

It's not fair to judge through only one side of telling.

She may or may not have a good personality but that is not of concern.

The fact is that he wants to stop his friend from dating her, which of course is unreasonable.

And so I quote a more straight-forward response:

She admits her personality is bad. She used to tell me how she felt upset that people only became friends with her mostly cause of her looks or status rather than her personality and that she had very few real friends.

And for the record, she kind of drilled it into my head that she has no interest in the guy. We got into a final argument today consisting of:
1) NO I DONT john teshING LIKE HIM GOD DAMNIT SHUT UP. DIDNT I TELL YOU 999999 TIMES ALREADY?
2) We're not fit to be friends.
3) Lets end this friendship.

So with her the friendship is over.

Now with the guy... I just want to take a break from talking/chilling with him but he refuses. Idk why he refuses to give me a break. Like I really can't stand him flirting with the girl so I need this break until he stops? It's troublesome.

And yeah I probably am naive. But I can't suddenly gain some newfound wisdom and foresight can I?

Eh :/