[mrskimjinho]

I always thought it would be better to move in with your s/o before getting engaged/married because of that saying about not truly knowing a person until you live with them. But today, I was talking to my best friend about this, she thought it would be better to save that for after marriage as an opportunity to explore it together and be able to cherish it.

I don't know... I'd much rather get married after getting a grasp of what it'll be like to live with my s/o. And I know some people will be like "well you've got to save something for marriage" but I always thought of that something as raising a family together.

What do you think?

[daulism]

Well, yeah. Get to know to each other even more; the ugly flaws and habits and see if you can both deal with them. If you're sick of each other, then you don't have to deal with divorce papers.

Personally I think getting married before living with each other first is a rush.

[xorgasmxmachinex]

If you and your s/o want to move in together, then move in together. If you guys don't want to, then don't. Either way, in the end, you both will end up living together.

[choochootrang]

What a coincidence; I was discerning this earlier.

You see, because I'm going to college out of state, I was wondering whether or not I would live with my boyfriend if he and I were involved in a serious relationship, especially if I chose to move back to my state ( because this is my imagination at work, I am assuming he wouldn't mind uprooting out of his love for me haha ).

I like to think I am a traditional person, especially when it comes to marriage and etc. So, to live with your significant other would require self control, and lots of it. The downside of living with your boyfriend or girlfriend is the temptations, among other things - but on the upside, you get a taste of what living with them would be like. I think it would be nice to give marriage a trial run ( one similar to the television show We Got Married haha ) so you aren't overwhelmed and etc.

So really, I don't know whether I would live with him or not. We'll see in a couple'a years haha.

[jhealizzie]

so it's cohabiting.

well, i think it's better to live together first, to know yer partner more.

agreed to hybrid_marionette

[viviians]

i agree with the OP.

ill much rather move in with someone before getting hitched to them.
then again.. im not much of a marriage person~

[darae]

i want to live together before i get married. because i want to see my guy in his natural habitat. does he clean up after himself? does he do the laundry? does he leave all this for someone else to do? is he going to expect me to do everything? is he a lazy butthole? lol

[muffinx3]

I think it's better to move in with your s/o before marriage because like you said, you get to know them better and such.

I also think it's a really good way to test if you're really willing to marry this person or not because it allows you see all aspects of them.

A lot of people break up after moving in together right? Because some people realize they can't stand living with their s/o or they find out things that they dislike and things like that?

So it'll decrease the chance of divorce most likely.

Test the waters before going into the deep end.
Or something like that. >___<;;

[uh-ohxev]

When I'm older, and my relationship with my s/o has lasted for a long period of time, then yes, I would. Unless of course he doesn't want to, then I suppose theres nothing I can do about that. But, I think its very important - you get to know how they they act and if they clean up after themselves, etc. I think its better then to get married and find out your bf/gf is a dirty slob, with no manners, and annoys the sh.. out of you, & that maybe after all it isn't exactly worth it. Sure you can talk to them about it, and work things out, but that doesn't gurantee anything.

[ny-sw / ny_sw.]

Agreed, cohabitation is def. beneficial. If you have a relationship that fails 'cause.. you can't deal with living together, then maybe you shouldn't get married, namean?
I'm def going to live with my bf before we get married... and he better want to! ahahahaha.

[remmy]

I actually think that officially living together should be saved for after you're married. There's nothing wrong with spending the weekend or a couple days at your s/o house but living together is an entirely different story. After you're married if you're bother by something little your s/o does you're forced to compromise... which you guys will most likly be doing a lot of during marriage. If you're just living together there's nothing stopping you from just getting fed up one day and just ending the relationship. This is what I think anyways...

[chilovesjj]

I actually think that officially living together should be saved for after you're married. There's nothing wrong with spending the weekend or a couple days at your s/o house but living together is an entirely different story. After you're married if you're bother by something little your s/o does you're forced to compromise... which you guys will most likly be doing a lot of during marriage. If you're just living together there's nothing stopping you from just getting fed up one day and just ending the relationship. This is what I think anyways...

So it's better to wait til you're married, moving in, getting fed up, and getting divorced?
If you two find you can't stand living together, I think it's better to find out before you get stuck in a marriage to that person.
You think only married people compromise? ^^ Living together is actually about learning to compromise, finding out whether you could really make it work.

I'm planning to move in with my fiancé (we effectively live together 50% of the time anyway, I spend about half the week at mine, half at his) before we marry because frankly, marriage is expensive and time consuming to organize, so we'll do that when we have more money. We just need to save up some more money and hopefully get a flat soon We don't need a marriage certificate to be able to live together xD But we have the commitment there, and the plan to marry and have children. Many people living together don't but then... not everyone actually wants to get married, like, at all. I don't think they should have to live alone all their life just because they don't want to marry!~

People seem to think waiting til marriage for sex and for moving in together is a guaranteed way to make things work out, but it's not.
It's a pretty old fashioned mindset, and it has no real benefits that I can see.
I'm making an informed decision to get a place with him, whereas someone who waits is.. jumping in blind and hoping for the best o.o

[hippiehop]

Live together after getting engaged is a must IMO.

[ltnd.]

I think moving in together is great in the sense that you get to see your partner's habits and what not. Even if you were in a serious relationship, there may or may not be things that you've seen in your partner..habits..lifestyle etc. So moving in together allows both people to be more comfortable together because really..your partner is very likely going to be the person you spend your whole life with and start a family with. You MUST be comfortable living together and being with each other.

And I agree with hippiehop's post =T

[lea11]

LIving together is a good idea but.............. don't most of us have strict Asian parents who forbid that before marriage???

[pinki]

Moving in together is not a good idea i think ur friend is right also.
many people say that living together b4 marriage will help...or make ur marriage life better or easier
but its not true. And im not sure if this goes for you too im not saying it does but i believe in sex after marriage
and IF for some odd reason u do too, moving in together wont help it ...haha before i thot yea im gonna move in with my fiance or something but not have sex....i thot about it...thats not possible hahaha
anywhos u shud think about it!hehe

So it's better to wait til you're married, moving in, getting fed up, and getting divorced?
If you two find you can't stand living together, I think it's better to find out before you get stuck in a marriage to that person.
You think only married people compromise? ^^ Living together is actually about learning to compromise, finding out whether you could really make it work.

I'm planning to move in with my fiancé (we effectively live together 50% of the time anyway, I spend about half the week at mine, half at his) before we marry because frankly, marriage is expensive and time consuming to organize, so we'll do that when we have more money. We just need to save up some more money and hopefully get a flat soon We don't need a marriage certificate to be able to live together xD But we have the commitment there, and the plan to marry and have children. Many people living together don't but then... not everyone actually wants to get married, like, at all. I don't think they should have to live alone all their life just because they don't want to marry!~

People seem to think waiting til marriage for sex and for moving in together is a guaranteed way to make things work out, but it's not.
It's a pretty old fashioned mindset, and it has no real benefits that I can see.
I'm making an informed decision to get a place with him, whereas someone who waits is.. jumping in blind and hoping for the best o.o

most people think of it this way but there are alot more people who move in together and never get married or get married and get divorsed so...

and having sex after marriage is NOT an old fashioned mindset. if you think about it there are so many consequences when you have sex before marriage: unwanted pregnancies and STD's ( even if you use protection u WILL get some kind of STD unless both of u never had sex with anybody else, but then if you didnt why can't u wait till marriage)
sex is not love and love is not sex. and its something you can't ever take bak.

and your not jumping in blindly if you know the person you love and you ACTUALLY LOVE that person it'll turn out great.

[mrskimjinho]

LIving together is a good idea but.............. don't most of us have strict Asian parents who forbid that before marriage???

Hahahaha, my parents are definitely one of those parents. When I told my mom that a lot of couple here tend to move in together before marriage.. our discussion:
her: I'll kill you if you do that, you understand?
me: What? Why? What's wrong with moving in first?
her: It's your responsibility to save your vuh.. vuh.. what's that thing called?
me: ...Virginity?
But I guess it's not unreasonable for them to automatically think moving in means you'll be having sex.
Imagine how she would have reacted if I had told her that there aren't a lot of people who go into a marriage as virgins.

and having sex after marriage is NOT an old fashioned mindset. if you think about it there are so many consequences when you have sex before marriage: unwanted pregnancies and STD's ( even if you use protection u WILL get some kind of STD unless both of u never had sex with anybody else, but then if you didnt why can't u wait till marriage)
sex is not love and love is not sex. and its something you can't ever take bak.

I have to disagree with you here. Unwanted pregnancies and STDs aren't strictly premarital problems. There are a lot of couples who just aren't ready or want kids, yet it happens. And I have to ask where you heard that you "WILL" get an STD even if you use protection. That sounded like that sex ed teacher in Mean Girls who was like, "Don't have sex because you WILL get pregnant and DIE." And it's possible to have an STD even if you've never had sex (HIV, for example) and getting married won't create some magical STD barrier. And yes, sex is not love and vice versa, but one can't exist without the other, IMO.

[chilovesjj]

and having sex after marriage is NOT an old fashioned mindset. if you think about it there are so many consequences when you have sex before marriage: unwanted pregnancies and STD's ( even if you use protection u WILL get some kind of STD unless both of u never had sex with anybody else, but then if you didnt why can't u wait till marriage)
sex is not love and love is not sex. and its something you can't ever take bak.

It's not the wish to not move in and/or abstain from sex before marriage that is the problem, but the assumption that doing so will mean 'everything turns out great'. Because that's not always true. That's all I was saying. ^^ (And I never said sex is love or that love is sex, so I don't know where you got that from. If I had to comment I'd say that sex is an important part of most adult relationships and in my view, should be an expression of love between 2 people who are commited to each other. ^^)

And as mrskimjinho said, having sex before marriage does not guarantee you'll get STDs. (Sounds like the typical kind of thing that controlling parents would try to make you believe in order to discourage premarital sex o.o). Condoms effectively prevent the vast majority of STDs if used properly. The only one that CAN be transmitted even with a condom, is herpes (and you can usually quite clearly see the open sores either around the mouth and/or genitals if they have herpes. Maybe pubic lice as well, not sure on that one though). I never had sex before I met my fiancé but he'd had sex before. But we're both clean, we've never had any STDs. Married people can have unwanted pregnancies (maybe they don't have enough money, or just don't want kids at all, but accidentally fall pregnant) and they can get STDs too. Waiting until marriage doesn't guarantee faithfulness, and there are also issues of infected blood when you need transfusions, etc etc.

Anyway, the comment about sex was just a passing reference to a similar ideal that some people hold (and those who think they should wait til marriage for sex, tend to be those who wait to move in too, so they're sort of related) and I feel like we're going off topic here xD

and your not jumping in blindly if you know the person you love and you ACTUALLY LOVE that person it'll turn out great.

Your last comment is.. really rather naive. I imagine you'll realize when you get a bit older, that life is a bit more complicated than that. Love isn't always enough, and people splitting up doesn't mean that they never 'actually loved' each other.

[Painterlyy]

I always thought the same as you. Because what if the person isn't really who you think they are? Their true colors really come out after you guys have lived with each other. I agree with you.

[remmy]

So it's better to wait til you're married, moving in, getting fed up, and getting divorced?
If you two find you can't stand living together, I think it's better to find out before you get stuck in a marriage to that person.
You think only married people compromise? ^^ Living together is actually about learning to compromise, finding out whether you could really make it work.

I'm planning to move in with my fiancé (we effectively live together 50% of the time anyway, I spend about half the week at mine, half at his) before we marry because frankly, marriage is expensive and time consuming to organize, so we'll do that when we have more money. We just need to save up some more money and hopefully get a flat soon We don't need a marriage certificate to be able to live together xD But we have the commitment there, and the plan to marry and have children. Many people living together don't but then... not everyone actually wants to get married, like, at all. I don't think they should have to live alone all their life just because they don't want to marry!~

People seem to think waiting til marriage for sex and for moving in together is a guaranteed way to make things work out, but it's not.
It's a pretty old fashioned mindset, and it has no real benefits that I can see.
I'm making an informed decision to get a place with him, whereas someone who waits is.. jumping in blind and hoping for the best o.o

I guess thats just how I feel. I've come to feel this way because I've seen way too many couples who seemed perfect for each other break up after living together. I'm not the only one who has noticed this trend either. There's been numerous reports on it. And no I definitely dont think that compromise is only for married people, any relationship is built on it however I think that there is a greater need for it after marriage. I also don't think that living together is such a traditional mindset. I'm not saying that before marriage people should never spend the night, have sex, or whatever, thats their own choice. I have absolutely no problems with my boyfriend spending a week or two at my place or vice versa. I just think that for me personally it would be better to wait until marriage to officially live together. I have no problems with couples doing it, whatever they do with their relationship is their business. This is just the way I feel.