[kipper]

where do i start??

- known my hubby since 8th grade
- got together at 10th grade
- married at age 18 (me) and 20 (hubby)
- had a son at age 18 and 20

let me jus cut down my life story! =/
we been arguing since i was about 4mnths preggers
cos he always going out late, never at home with me
and baby, he hates working, never helps around d house.

i got fed up with him and his "buddies" always going out,
they are bad ppl and do bad things. im concered bout
my relationship and my husband and family! so i
told my husband to leave .. (ok when ur angry and fustrated
you yell and say things u dont reallie mean) my husband left
me and the baby to live with his parents for 3 weeks..
i told him take some time to think about waht u want in life, to
be a father to our baby or to be a clubhopper every day?
and we were working things out but now i dont kno waht to do cos

i jus found out he sleeping with this girl thatsd been after him
since we were in high school.. ( a girl who my hubby once liked, but
was rejected by her) nd shes been telling me she convincing my hubby to reunite
with me and my baby... nd im thinking - was she trying to help
or jus help steal him away from me.

but the thing is my hubby
thinks its my fault that he slept with her cos i asked him to leave.
i told him we were working things out and we jus needed to be alone but
i didnt ask him to go and find a new gf... i dont kno waht to do
im so confused i cant think ... =/ why would he do this? i mean we
are married and we have a son, everything was good except the fact
that he liked going out - i understand qhy he goes out hes only 20.
thats still young obvisouly i didnt ask him to not go out i jus wanted
him to realise hes a dad and take responsibility abd grow up.

pls tell me waht im doing wrong, i wan to fix my marrige but
i duno waht to do or say to him....

[l3oosh]

That's kind of a good reason why marriage isn't recommended for younger people :/

I think a good place to start would be telling him everything that you told us, but try to reign in any anger you might be feeling or else you might say something else you don't mean. Ask him about that affair he had. Actually, just ask him if he's still interested in saving the marriage. It's going to take two, and if he's not willing, there's nothing you can do about it.

With a family comes responsibility and I'm sorry he doesn't seem to have realized that. Good luck though.

[Onizuka]

^ Exactly like what she said.
If there is nothing you can do about it.
You will have to leave him.
Find someone else you will come to love and will take full responsibility of you and your child.


I can be your husband and the kid's father if you want. (Just joking.)

[hippiehop]

There's nothing that you did wrong.

It's definitely his fault. Did he recently turn 21 or something? I definitely went into PARTY MODE when I turned 21. (Of course that is no excuse for him) You need to talk to him about this. It's not okay for a married man to leave his wife and child at home while he goes out. It's even worse that he has slept with another woman. Is there no sanctity in married anymore? john teshing bubble gum. I have no tolerance for people who cheat... and it's even worse when they are married. You made a commitment to someone. It's not that hard to keep it in your john teshing pants. I don't understand how someone is about to MORALLY commit an act like this. It would eat me alive from the inside. john teshing asswipe.

And I agree with l3oosh that this is the prime example of why getting married so young isn't a good idea. Men tend to stray if they are tied down too young (at least it's what it seems like)... but of course this isn't your fault. It's just me agreeing to l3oosh.

[aznxbabiii]

Its 100% his fault for not taking life seriously.
And that girl obviously wouldn't sleep with him if shes trying to help you.
Cheating is unacceptable.
And with a wife and child?
Thats disgusting.
I believe its over.
If you two get back together he will most likely cheat again.

Its 100% his fault for not taking life seriously.
And that girl obviously wouldn't sleep with him if shes trying to help you.
Cheating is unacceptable.
And with a wife and child?
Thats disgusting.
I believe its over.
If you two get back together he will most likely cheat again.

[swtxcupcake]

Ugh what a butthole .. he too young to take the responsibly of a father. But i think you guys should work things out for the sake of your son.

[chilovesjj]

I'm sorry that you are married to such a douche, I really am o_o It's not over unless you decide it is but if I was in your position.. yes I'd end it.

To be really honest with you, I think it was a pretty terrible lapse of judgement on both of your parts, to marry and have a child when he is obviously still so immature and nowhere near ready to settle down and take responsibility >_< I would never have a child with a guy like that.. Conversely, my fiancé and I are a year old than you (19 and 21, I'm the older one though) and are planning to get married and have children in the near future but.. we don't go out clubbing, don't go drinking, we're sensible, pretty mature and are saving up some money to build our future together. To the people using this to slam young married couples, age doesn't determine the success of a relationship, it's maturity, and people mature at different ages. Some never seem to mature.. ._.

The fact that he was so quick to jump into a bed with another girl, says a lot about him. He has a wife and a child for goodness' sake, it's completely unnacceptable, disgusting behaviour (I don't care how mad he was, people argue, it's not an excuse to go out and cheat!). It shows how much he cares about you, if he thinks nothing of sleeping with someone else. You deserve better than that. And that girl is a ***** for sleeping with him when she knows he's married and has a child, but is having a rough patch. Being a single parent is a daunting prospect but if your husband is such a selfish, ignorant, immature ***** then maybe you (and your baby) are better off without him :/

I would say, though, that my parents married young and my dad was a bit of a douche to my mum. She threatened to leave and take us (the kids) with her and it was the wakeup call he needed. He apologized and tried really hard and he became a much better person after that, took responsibility and actually helped my mum with the housework etc. So it's possible but only if he is willing to change, willing to make the effort. From what you've said so far, I'm afraid that I kinda doubt that he will.

[Meenuh]

but the thing is my hubby
thinks its my fault that he slept with her cos i asked him to leave.

He's an immature little boy. You should have married a man. It's laughable that he is blaming you for his actions.

[XlYesterdaYlX]

Let me guess. you got pregnant first and then got married right? This thread makes me sad.

[jhealizzie]

well, i guess, they just said the best advice for you.

Good Luck to you & your son.

[colloquy]

Okay, it's time to stop being nice. I can't believe you're so passive, you have a son. Although, this seems like the type of dude that skips out on child support.

You have to hit below the belt now. Since he cheated, you definitely have the upper hand.

And you married way too young, but it's too late now.

Also, this is the wrong forum to ask this kind of question. Very few people are actually married. I think you need to take your question to a forum about marriages or something.

[maharu.]

Oh wow you married at my age? That's WAY too early...I can't imagine having a kid at my age.
Seriously, it's that early. You should be out having fun, not be tied down a family at your age...(Okay I sound like a ranting mother lol).

If it's young for a girl, how can it NOT be young for the guy as well? Guys do mature later than girls and his age...definitely still a kid.

And anyway, def. the girl your husband has been sleeping with, is not helping you.
Helping, is helping...it should be nothing sexual. You should have been strict with her and not believe in anything she says.
Excuses are excuses...how could a girl sleeping with a married guy help a situation?

But you have to be honest with what you want to say. Seeing that you understand that he's still young and wants to go out and have fun,
say that but also say that he should not neglect his duties as a father and as a husband in return.
It's really a give and take.


If he still hurts you no matter how much you tried, he wasn't the right person for you I guess.

[and i sayd]

ask him if he even want to save the marriage

[AHLEENA]

Some people marry early.
Ignore everyone who tells you that you shouldn`t have married early or any comments similar (since you are already married, none of these types of comments would help you out anyways)

First of all, you are not in the wrong. He`s the one who cheated on you and slept with another girl- and trying to blame the fault on you? Seriously, who does he think he is?

That girl who you thought 'might' be trying to help you, isn't. She's trying to steal the guy you are married to- like she has always been trying in high school like you said. She slept with him even after knowing he was married to YOU. This girl, the way she is talking to you, is all a lie. She just wants to make you believe she is trying to help you, and get more time with your husband with your approval even though you wouldn't know any better.


You are NOT doing anything wrong. Personally, I don't know if you should leave him or not. I agree with "and i sayd," in which you should ask him if HE wants to save the marriage. After a while (maximum time I believe should be a month), if nothing improves- I really believe you should leave him. But you are the one who has to decide everything in the end. Good luck!


EDIT: please ignore the poster `hallokitty`below.

[hallokitty]

You was wrong from the beginning. Too young & immature. Anyways, i thought girl's like bad boys? .. Well, then let him be.

[hippiehop]

You was wrong from the beginning. Too young & immature. Anyways, i thought girl's like bad boys? .. Well, then let him be.

Do not listen to this person.

[and i sayd]

You was wrong from the beginning. Too young & immature. Anyways, i thought girl's like bad boys? .. Well, then let him be.

your wrong and stupid

[damyoungji]

The age people get married at and have children doesn't really affect whether the relationship will last or not. However, there is a greater chance that there will be more problems between young couples in comparison to older couples since they are in the process of growing up (maturity, etc).

I know this is really none of my business, but if you don't mind telling us, did you two get married because you were pregnant, or did the two of you get married and then you got pregnant? It seems like your husband does not want to be tied down and face the responsibilities/challenges of raising children (while fulfilling the duties of a husband). It is very common for a couple to argue when they get married and have children at a young age. You should definitely confront him about it though. Don't be afraid to talk to your parents about it, too. I am sure that they will be willing to help out and if not, they have experience, so I am sure that at least one of them will hear you out.

By the way, I'm on your side about your husband's stupidity. "Kicking" someone out does not mean, "get lost and go sleep around with people".

[anthonymarie]

Let me guess. you got pregnant first and then got married right? This thread makes me sad.

yeahh. just go with whatever you think is right.

[aiyan]

This situation is really sad.

It's obviously his fault for not staying faithful. If he agreed to getting married, he should have known the circumstances and his responsibilities. I suggest you really sit down and have a talk with him, saying that you have HIS BABY. He has 1/2 responsibility for that and he needs to make up for it NOW. You're already very forgiving for not pinkberryslapping him for sleeping with another girl.

You guys should've waited to married but who am I to say. Good luck.