[5bchm]

I usually don’t ask for advice for these matters but I am in a situation where I just need some people to talk to. My SO and I have just recently come together just last month. We’ve been friends since October. My SO had liked me for quite awhile and had a very bad breakup with an ex in November. I didn’t want o fall for my SO then, because I thought of us as friends. But my SO was very caring towards me, always being there, giving me comfort, liking me and seeing me as a priority, ensuring I was okay even when ever I was grumpy and such that I eventually fell for my SO. My SO had also told me they were in love with me for quite awhile. I confessed my feelings to my SO and we decided to go together. We went away for a trip together and I really enjoyed it. But my SO right afterwards went home (overseas) for our school break and will be back in like just less than a week now. It is hard to be away from my SO whom I really miss a lot and my SO feels the same. But this is where my problems have come in just these past few days.

My SO was feeling that I wasn’t making an effort to calling them. Feeling like I don’t bother about them or care at all. My SO has said that I did a lot for them already, but my SO felt that they were the one making the initiative effort to phoning and wanted me to.

And right now we have a 7 hour time difference. I’ve been staying up late these past few days to greet my SO for their morning, but it does take a toll on me because I’ve been tired. My SO got extremely angry at me one day that I was multitasking by talking to a friend of ours while I spoke to my SO. But I was planning a surprise for my SO and was seeking our friend’s advice, and I told that to my SO but my SO was mad that I wouldn’t reveal what it was. My SO got so pissed saying that maybe we should just be friends because my SO doesn’t want to bother with me anymore. It really hurts to hear that and I was crying all night. I stayed up all night to my morning to talk to my SO. I thought we patched up. Because we figured I just need to make an effort to take initiative in phoning or texting, which I have been.

But again today, my SO came back home late after meeting friends saying they were going to sleep. I said that I was planning on going to bed early (since I had been up all night waiting for them to get up so I can talk to them). Then my SO got mad at me again, saying that they wanted me to wake them up in the morning and that I would be asleep and wouldn’t be able to. Then continued on saying that I don’t bother, to forget about it and that they were much happier when they were single. I seriously do not understand what I did wrong. I said, I’ll wake up to wake you up, it’s no problem. But my SO continued to be cold towards me and my SO was never like this to me ever; was always kind. It hurts because I didn’t treat my SO badly, unlike my SO’s ex.

I really don’t know what to do now? Like what more can I do to show that I care. I’m feeling depressed, anxiety and down now.

[chilovesjj]

Honestly I'm not sure what his problem is but he's being pretty unreasonable towards you. Maybe he had unrealistic expectations of how often you would call while he was away or something, but he should have been more understanding that it is difficult with the time difference etc. o.o

He sounds very highly strung and easily angered, which makes me think he's probably a kinda bad match for you if you're quite emotional yourself. I'm quite overemotional but my fiancé is calmer and laid back and chills me out, so it works better. If both people are over emotional it's like a recipe for disaster :x

You need to try and catch him when he's not having a hissy fit and tell him how upsetting you're finding this. Tell him that you're sorry if you're not doing what he wants, but.. he just has a go at you, he doesn't actually tell you what his expectations are, or how you can meet them, so he's not really helping things either. Ask him what exactly he wants from you, what he wants you to do differently. Unless he actually tells you what he wants, you can't change anything so. Yeah. Talk to him

And while you're at it, you can tell him to be a little more caring and considerate towards you, himself. Comments like "that they were much happier when they were single" are thoughtless and hurtful, and completely uncalled for. Let him know that he's being unreasonable, and that he needs to learn to control his temper. Maybe there is something else on his mind, has something bad happened to him recently? Anything that might be stressing him out?

[ShadowMax76]

spill the surprise. o-o'


_ a guy's weakness is a girl. sometimes we love it. other times we hate it.

there's not much point talking to an angry person. the only thing to do is be mad at them when they cool down. aha..

_ we all feel insecure.. your SO was.
it's not so much your fault, but it did struck a nerve in a vulnerable place.

x-x' didn't know guys could be this dramatic...

[Apple.Mint]

how did you guys know the S/O was teh guy and the poster was the girl? i read the whole thing and there was no indication such as his/her. Well anyway, i'll just assume that since everyone is
and the person one up from my post said, the boyfriend feels insecure or is now starting to show his true color. He was being kind to you so he could get with you, now that he has you, he wants you to try harder. Also, because he tried so hard in getting you, he now feels unappreciated, like he's better than you. And it's a bit ridiculous how he gets so mad at every little thing and can't even compromise with you. He doesn't even think about how you feel and that's not right. A few times of that, i guess you can be generous and let it go but continously getting mad and unable to talk with you for a solution is not healthy. My last relationship was filled with things like this. I felt like my ex didn't do much, and iw as doing everything, which i was.. lol I would always get mad/jealous, it was really unhealthy therefore i'm glad we broke up hahah. with my current relationship, when stuff like this happens, i confront him and if he try to run away [he hates arguing xD] i would force him to stay until we fix our problem. We only fight like two or three times a month so it's all good, we all needs that little spice to keep things alive. Anyway my advice is you should try to talk to your S/O one more, letting him have a piece of your mind. DONT BACK DOWN and dont compromise right now, just let him know that you're trying, you love/like him so much, yet why is he different now? Why is he being harsh and etc. And if this continue, please let it go. I know that's so much easier said than done but i know you can do it. I went through it all and i'm amazed at the strenght i had to go through the hardest break up so far.

[grainsofrain]

The boyfriend is really insecure and you need to be upfront with him about how you felt (ie. what you just told us).
And how he's expecting too much esp with the time difference and apparently he doesn't really care if you're feeling tired or not.

[5bchm]

Thank you for your replies. I did have a talk. I guess like how some of you said, I should have let my SO cool down a bit. But we did talk and I found out why he'd been acting like this. Its that he's been thinking about the future between us. Because we live in opposite sides of the world, so after we finish school we will be apart, which would be hard. Like he wants to be in a relationship that will last. And there is a bit more complications, which is hard for me to explain here. I can understand what he is trying to say. So the reason why he's been acting so harsh its because this idea of not lasting is taking a toll on him. He thought he can handle it, like accepting what we have now, but the thought of it is causing him to become a bit tempermental.

There's a part of me that feels that I dont' want to let go because he means a lot to me. Then I start thinking about being apart and it seems like we want different things in life eventually. This is quite hard for me to just think about the future and not having him there with me. There's a lot of thoughts in my mind now that I need to work through.

[JASON;]

He is being unreasonable. since the time difference is so long, leave a msg through text or email is enough i think.