[hyunkyung]

I don't really know if this topic belongs in here, but if it's wrong, someone please move it

So what's been happening is...
I got into a really good school, plus a few scholarships, so I'm basically going on a full ride right now. I love my school, but I feel so lonely and angry and depressed... I don't really know how to explain it.

All I think of is high school.

I mean, I was never bullied or teased or anything... but I was just basically a loser.
I had friends... but they only lasted a year, and they would move on. Or I was just "classroom" friends with them and only talked to them in class, we never hung out outside of school.

My roommate went to my high school, and she was kind of popular, I guess.
She always talks about all the fun times she had, and she always talks about "her girls" and calls them and hangs out with them. Which is NORMAL.
I have no one to call, no one to talk to, no pictures or fantastic memories.

And I just keep thinking about my prom, since it's prom season for the seniors now.... I had to go to prom with these girls that I hated, that EVERYONE in the whole school hated, because I didn't have anyone else to go with.. and out of those girls, who everyone thought were annoying as hell, I was the only without a date.

I never had a boyfriend... I never had a lot of close girl friends.
I don't have a lot of pictures from high school.


My mom always asks me why I stay home on the weekends.. and I just tell her that I like being at home with my family, when it's actually because I don't have any friends to go out with.

I mean, nothing specifically BAD happened to me, like people bullied me. Everyone was nice to me, I guess, but I was just never that close with anyone, and I never kept in touch with anyone.


Everytime I look at other people's pictures... I just feel like, this pain in my chest, cause I know that I have never had friends like that, and I don't have any memories of good teenage times. I just remember staying at home.
I feel like crying. I mean, even at college... I don't have a lot of friends. I don't know what's wrong with me.


I just can't get over high school. It's not that I was a loser. It was that I was something even worse- I was just nobody, nothing. I can't start over, even though I know other people who have experience MUCh worse have been able to move on.
What should I do? Sometimes, I am really tempted to just do something really crazy so people will remember me for that, instead of just being... forgotten, I guess?

(I'm sorry if this all sounds really dramatic and stuff, but I'm depressed, I think. I mean, I know I am.. but I don't really have anywhere to vent. )

[AngieK]

College is a clean slate. Stop wallowing in self pity and get out there.

I had no one when I went to college. No 'girls' or high school friends to chill with and feel comfortable on campus because I moved to California during my senior year of high school so I knew very few people.

One year later I've met the most amazing people in college and am creating life long friendships.

You were a loser in high school. Okay, you've established it. That's your past, that's your history. Now if you don't want to keep being a loser then you need to stop reflecting on the past and move towards the future.

Who you are is who you strive to be. So if you don't want to be a nobody then make yourself somebody.

When you wake up, stare in the mirror and smile. Smile at yourself. Learn to love yourself before expecting others to love you.

Edit -
I realize I may sound way harsh. But I was extremely lonely all through my younger years like you. And it wasn't until late high school/college that I began to realize that the only thing holding me back was myself.

[jollyrancher]

You should be more outgoing!
College is a time to make lifelong friends and to make important memories--don't mess this chance up.
And since you sound like a freshman in college you should try and make friends now...since
everyone sets their official cliques before sophomore year of college.
don't be stuck in the past.
you're not a loser at your college, and only you have the power to change your own life.
so go out and make friends

[Aloe]

well, Are you a shy person? Are you the kind of person that people need to talk to first to have an actual conversation??
if so then there may lie the problem. College is beautiful and to make it a great experience, yes you need friends.
During college you will find yourself and right now you are asking yourself....why am i still a loser?
You might need to open up a bit more and let people see the real you. I don't know how you are but there are
lots and lots of people in college. Easy way to make friends would be those at your classes and every semester changes
but you will know who are your friends when they still keep in touch. And there is nothing wrong with having acquaintances.
It only takes a few friends to have to start talking to others because they will introduce to their friends too.... I hope
I helped...

[i_4got]

Instead of thinking about not having friends in high school, make some new friends in University. There are so many clubs to join and so many more people to meet. Sounds to me like you're too hung up on the past. Seriously, there is no shortage of people to meet in University. Get out there and have some fun!

[supa'Wanki]

Hey, I can sorta understand. Like I never had really good friends back in high school. Sure I had a lot of acquaintances, but I was never really close to them. You talked about Prom, and heh.. I didn't even go to prom since I didn't find someone I was interested in at that time. I don't regret it though. I'm in college now, and I don't have any friends to call up or anything either. I don't take it too hard on myself, but I do think that if I got closer with my high school buddies, things would be more "alive" in a sense. But right now, I've come to realize that friend's aren't going to be there for me in the long run. Everyone will be busy trying to be successful in their own life. High school was chill forsure, but this is just a beginning. We're not kid's anymore. Lucky for you you're dorming while I'm commuting to a community college. It's harder than ever to make friend's right now. But hey, keep your head up alright? Think of this as a new beginning.

[hyunkyung]

Well, college is much better than high school, I admit.
It's just that... I hate that I have no good memories from high school. While everyone is talking about how in high school, they went to Miami for Spring break, and remember that time we got drunk at Matt's house?, and I went out with this guy or that guy... I have absolutely nothing to talk about. I don't have any friends.

I know I'm going to get responses like- GET OVER IT... but some people aren't going to understand what it's really like. It's not that easy to just say, f*ck it, I'm going to start over and have a million friends from now on..

Idk. I'm not pitying myself. I'm just in depression. I have been for a LONG time.

[kimchee1]

aww its okay. but get over it. look past that and start meeting new people. mend your friendships that you've had with people in the past. maybe you just need to find people that will relate to you or that you'll get along with, be open to and trust.

[Lie]

Not trying to give you a hard time, but I really think that you ARE feeling sorry for yourself. There are people who had a considerably worse 4 years of high school (I have a couple friends who lost siblings, one whose gf committed suicide, one whose dad died and who dropped out of high school because of it), and I rarely hear them complaining about how awful that period of their life was the way you are. You honestly have a choice: either having realized that period sucked, suck it up and devote your time from this point onward to making life better, or continue letting it get you down.

[AngieK]

Well, college is much better than high school, I admit.
It's just that... I hate that I have no good memories from high school. While everyone is talking about how in high school, they went to Miami for Spring break, and remember that time we got drunk at Matt's house?, and I went out with this guy or that guy... I have absolutely nothing to talk about. I don't have any friends.

I know I'm going to get responses like- GET OVER IT... but some people aren't going to understand what it's really like. It's not that easy to just say, f*ck it, I'm going to start over and have a million friends from now on..

Idk. I'm not pitying myself. I'm just in depression. I have been for a LONG time.

Friends are for the present, the future. The whole point of having a friend is to create memories with them. So what if you have no memories of high school? Now you can meet people and make memories in college.

No. It's not easy. But that's life. Life's not easy. I'm not going to claim that you can just turn around and be happy starting from here on out. But take one step at a time and you can do it. =)

A lot of my close friends now I met only a year ago, when I started college. I had no history with them, no high school memories but we are hella close. We've gone out and did what we could to make memories together that we can reflect on later on in the future. Cheer up. College is only at the beginning of your life. You have plenty of time to make all the memories you need.

[AngelCherry]

Honestly, this may sound harsh, but the majority of the people who goto school is to LEARN, not to make friends or make themselves stand out. And there are no such thing as popular kids, just people who are more louder and wilder. And because people like you who are less energetic notice them which is why it makes you feel like they are popular. Only you and some other people would be concerned about their popularity status at school. For all I know, the "popular kids" that went to my school became crackheads when they came out now. The people who studied hard are rich and famous now. Really, in the real world when you get out of college, being on the front cover of a famous magazine, being on national television, starring in several movies, discovering something new and become well-known for it is the true meaning about being popular. Trust me, if you focus on your studies now and get good grades, you'll be a lot more respected and well known i when you're in the working field.

[AngieK]

Honestly, this may sound harsh, but the majority of the people who goto school is to LEARN, not to make friends or make themselves stand out. And there are no such thing as popular kids, just people who are more louder and wilder. And because people like you who are less energetic notice them which is why it makes you feel like they are popular. Only you and some other people would be concerned about their popularity status at school. For all I know, the "popular kids" that went to my school became crackheads when they came out now. The people who studied hard are rich and famous now. Really, in the real world when you get out of college, being on the front cover of a famous magazine, being on national television, starring in several movies, discovering something new and become well-known for it is the true meaning about being popular. Trust me, if you focus on your studies now and get good grades, you'll be a lot more respected and well known i when you're in the working field.

I respectfully disagree.

Education is important, mind you, but having a social life and enough self confidence to meet people is as well. If all you do throughout college is study study study and make no effort to maintain friendships/relationships then you will get no where in life. Sure, you may be well respected and well known in the future but ultimately you'll feel lonely.

Life is about balance. You need to learn how to balance school, a social life, having fun etc. That's what college is about. You start to learn how to balance those things out. So yes, education should be #1 but that doesn't mean you can't work to have a decent social life either.

Your social skills get you pretty far in life. Networking is the primary way to land good jobs nowadays so one needs to know how make friends and interact with people. Sure, your skills are what will keep you the job and earn you the respect but you need social skills to get your foot through that door. And that isn't something you can learn simply by focusing purely on your studies and get good grades.

I don't see why she couldn't focus on school AND still work on making friends.

[junsujunsu]

i'm worse than you, im in highschool now, and my prom?...im going to have to sit by myself in one lonely corner with strangers cus i don't have friends

[hyunkyung]

I don't see why she couldn't focus on school AND still work on making friends.

Well I never said I was that smart lol. I'm just average, I guess... and I DO have social skills.. I'm just feeling pretty sh*tty these days about high school in particular.
Yeah I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself... but I don't see why that has to be SUCH a bad thing. People are allowed to feel sh*tty sometimes, aren't they?

And for the person who says they never heard of people worse off than me complaining so much.... Well, I don't complain to anyone in real life either. No one knows any of my problems or issues or feelings, cause as far as anyone else is concerned- I'm a LISTENER not a TALKER. I don't tell anyone anything in real life.
It's because it's Soompi and I'm anonymous that I'm b*tching so much.

[AngieK]

Well I never said I was that smart lol. I'm just average, I guess... and I DO have social skills.. I'm just feeling pretty sh*tty these days about high school in particular.

Ahaha well that's not what I meant. It doesn't matter how 'smart' you are. =) I was just trying to point out to angel that it isn't about picking one or the other (education or social life). Ultimately you need both later on in the future. The key is balance!

[xl0v3juicy]

Honestly, this may sound harsh, but the majority of the people who goto school is to LEARN, not to make friends or make themselves stand out. And there are no such thing as popular kids, just people who are more louder and wilder. And because people like you who are less energetic notice them which is why it makes you feel like they are popular. Only you and some other people would be concerned about their popularity status at school. For all I know, the "popular kids" that went to my school became crackheads when they came out now. The people who studied hard are rich and famous now. Really, in the real world when you get out of college, being on the front cover of a famous magazine, being on national 0television, starring in several movies, discovering something new and become well-known for it is the true meaning about being popular. Trust me, if you focus on your studies now and get good grades, you'll be a lot more respected and well known i when you're in the working field.

Wow, aren't you generalizing a little too much??

School isn't just about learning from the textbook. Infact, it's a place you go to in order to make friends and have fun. At school, you're given the chance to meet new people, develop socializing skills, and establish relationships. It's also at school where you spend the majority of your youth making mistakes and learning from them. It's teaching you how to grow and mature through your experiences there. It's living your life. Life doesn't begin after you graduate... you're living it right now. This may sound cheesy, but you have to make the best out of life from the moment you were born. You can't keep on waiting for it to "begin", because it has already started.

And so what if you study all the time?? How will you know how to socialize with people? What happens when you get into the real world? How will you be able to land a job or make a good impression without knowing how to present yourself? Numbers don't mean everything in the real world... it's all about whether you can do a job or not.

Oh, and just because someone is "popular" doesn't mean they'll end up doing drugs and going no where in life. It also doesn't mean that the people who study all the time will become rich, successful, and famous. That is a really ignorant way of seeing things.

Anyway, I agree with AngieK. Life is all about balance. You need to know how to balance your grades, social life, etc. in order to be successful and live happily.

Phew.

As for the topic starter, you really do need to get over it. So what if highschool was not all that you wanted it to be? You're in college now. Make new memories. Since you're so hung up about highschool, shouldn't you be trying your hardest right now to avoid making the same mistakes again?? Don't dwell on the past, because time waits for no one. Before you know it, college will be over and you'll be dwelling over that too.

[screamxlove]

If you're a freshman, then in a way, it's understandable to feel that way. When I was a freshman, all I ever thought about was high school because I was so lonely but things have changed since then. College is, as someone stated earlier, a clean slate. These are the 'years' and it's up to you to make your college life count. High school is high school. That is the past. Now is the present and it's your job to work for it in the future. Cheer up, put a smile on your face and stop wallowing yourself in self-pity (:

[heheimawesome]

Well, don't let it happen in college
you have a roommate who has a lot of girl friends right? Doesn't she ever ask you "hey why don't you come out with us for once"

If she doesn't, then just talk to other people who might be in your shoes who seem quiet. I know its intimidating to talk to big groups when you're all alone, so talk 1 on 1 until you establish your own group.

Also, you could tell her that you never really had that kind of experience the next time she talks about all of her highschool times. Then she should get the hint and take you out. Hell, I know I would for guys I know.

[vectorzz]

I know exactly what you mean!!

This loneliness!

I didn't have any friends either in HS. When I did make friends in my last year, they were mean and really superficial ppl!

Now I'm in College, I've slowly made a few more friends but still I don't have many friends.

Right now I have a horrible roommate who I try to avoid and I'm always feeling lonely since he's always talking to his high friends on the phone none stop really loudly, makes me feel even more alone (I'm interning in a new city right now and I basically know no one...)

All I can say is try your best to talk to people whenever you can to improve your conversational skills
Also try to focus on school so you can forget about your loneliness

it's hard I'm still trying to figure it out

[greenana]

high school stinks. college will be so much better, and stop sweating about the tiny stuff in life. High school is done and over with, move on.