[hwarang61]

[UPDATE ON POST #7]

SHORT VERSION:
Would you be offended with your sexual opposite's friend of theirs (girl or guy) whom you do not know, joked to your sexual opposite by saying "Hey, I want to have sex with you."? [Sorry. This question was made unclear (because I didn't show in what context), so I provided more details on this question on post #7 point number 1]


STORY/LONGER VERSION:
My girlfriend and I had a arguement tonight. I got really angry, and highly offended when a guy (my girlfriend's friend) said a joke to my girlfriend. The joke he said to my gf was "Hey, I want to have sex with you", and I was highly offended with this "joke". And I don't like this guy at all, because he has a girlfriend back in Asia, and he is a exchange student to Canada now but says he wants to have sex with other girls in Canada without his girlfriend knowing. So obviously I was really offended by this when he joked by saying this to my girlfriend.

So I told my girlfriend that I was highly offended and angry. And she responded by saying I have no right for being angry and offended and that I'm over reacting! Then I said that I think the guy is a player because he wants to hook up with other women even though he has a girlfriend. Then my girlfriend replied:

Her "So I'm not allowed to talk to my own friend?"
Me "When the he** did I say that?! I just said I think he is a player and I'm offended by his joke!"

Then once again, she said I am angry for nothing and that I should relax, and that nobody would take this kind of joke offensively. So I asked a lot of my friends on MSN, and ALL replied they would be offended. So I copied and pasted my "survey" to my gf, and she replied "So? Everyone is different, everybody have different opinion" and it goes etc... etc... etc... I give her proff, she still rejects and thinks I am wrong.

We still love each other, but during our whole relationship, there was NEVER a time when she was on my side. She always defended her guy friends, and never admit when she is wrong. There are times when I start a fight, but there are lots of time when I said I was wrong, and that she is right, and I apologize. Even in certain arguments between my friends and hers and etc, I am on my girlfriend's side. As for her, she always defend her guy friends and never me, and says I'm always unreasonable for being angry or offended. I am also always the one who says "I love you", because she stopped first saying this a month and half ago. I am always the one calling, I'm always the one texting, emailing, etc... I'm so frustrated, I feel like she is not on my side, and I don't feel the love at all. So, I'll stop here, since I'm not as well good in English, so I think I might confuse some of you with this story.

Anyways, I don't really need hints, or tips or whatever. I just needed someone to listen to me. Thanks Soompiers. ^___^

(Edit and correction: Oh yeah, sorry guys, for making my emotions and feelings unclear. Ok. How I feel is: 1) I am offended at the joke 2) I am not angry at my gf, but think that it was inappropriate to make a joke like that 3) I am angry because I feel relationship is one sided, and she is never on my side)

[McCartney]

What is it that offends you? Is it him being a player, or do you think she'll go off and cheat on you?

I wouldn't be offended or angered by something like this. I'm just going to take a stab in the dark and assume that you're a little insecure.

[Ayame-chan]

Well, I guess for me it would depend on the tone of voice of the person--or it really depends on the person who says it. I mean I know guys who say that--but they're really joking (during that moment) so I'm not offended. I wouldn't think too much about it. If he didn't do anything else besides say that, then just let this go. ^^

[Malice_Kaiser]

If I were you, I'd worry more about that last paragraph than the original story. Friends, no matter the gender, can joke like that (saying the thing about having sex). But the way you described her later seems bad to me. If you're the only one who calls, who admits you're wrong, who says sorry, who is a "team player," and who says "I love you" then there's a problem. Logic and rationality are really important in a relationship, in my opinion, and so is being on each others' side. She's not really being logical, or rational, and she's not acting like she's on your side.

[akira53]

If I were you, I'd worry more about that last paragraph than the original story. Friends, no matter the gender, can joke like that (saying the thing about having sex). But the way you described her later seems bad to me. If you're the only one who calls, who admits you're wrong, who says sorry, who is a "team player," and who says "I love you" then there's a problem. Logic and rationality are really important in a relationship, in my opinion, and so is being on each others' side. She's not really being logical, or rational, and she's not acting like she's on your side.

yeah I would be more worried about that rather than the joke.
As for your original question I guess it would depend on how close her relationship with the guy is. But either way I think that statement is sorta crude even if it is a joke =/

[Srey Mao]

I'm not gonna talk about the last paragraph, because I feel you aren't really looking for advice on that part as much as the general question.

Honestly, I wouldn't be offended. Unless you really think she has a high chance of actually cheating on you.. Someone's a bit insecure and too uptight. Friends joke all the time. She just might be more closer to her guy friends. Whether he's a player or not, it doesn't make your girlfriend a cheater.

[hwarang61]

Oh yeah. Sorry for clearifying, from reading your responses so far, you guys are not sure what I am angry at. I will correct this, but this is it:

1) Not angry at the joke overall, I just thought the joke was offensive and inappropriate to make (some types of joke just should not be made). And also, I forgot this detail, the time when the joke was said was highly inappropriate. One night, the guy and my gf talked about sex, and he told her that even though he has a gf, because he is doing a exchange program to Canada, he wanted to have sex with another girl who is also a international student to Canada. And he bragged how good he is at sex, and how big his... you know... was... He then told my gf that many girls are after him and that they all want to have sex with him. Then he told my gf "Hey, one day, you know, you want to have sex with me?" Then my gf thought this was strange, and just laughed. And then they both declared it as a joke or something... wow... so strange and confusing for me... -.-

So in this context... this is why I found this highly offensive.

2) I am not angry at my gf directly, I still love her a lot. I'm just angry at her behaviour because relationship seem very one sided, since as mentioned, I am always the first say I love you, always the one who sets up a date, always the one to first call her, text her, email her, etc. I tell her that I wish sometimes she can be the one who starts something, or be first to say I love you. She admits she never starts it, but she sees no problem doing nothing, and gives an excuse saying she is lazy (it is an excuse right? =.=).

And whenever I argue with another guy, she never sided with me, but always says I am the wrong and unreasonable one. Yes, sometimes I was unreasonable, but I apologized and admited... But whenever she is wrong, when I give her evidence and proff, she still say she is correct and I am the wrong. I think every argument or fight I had with another guy, she always defended the other guy and not me... sigh*

[gisbiz]

how is that even a joke? and why would a friend say something like that, to a "friend"?
in my opinion.. i would feel very uncomfortable if my guy friend said that to me.
and maybe even avoid him for a while.. and reconsider thewhole "friendship thing".

i think there's a lot more to your girlfriend then you know.

btw, i wouldn't be offended.. but rather PISS! lol

oh! and one more thing, i don't think he wasn't joking, but more like offering?

[hwarang61]

how is that even a joke? and why would a friend say something like that, to a "friend"?
in my opinion.. i would feel very uncomfortable if my guy friend said that to me.
and maybe even avoid him for a while.. and reconsider thewhole "friendship thing".

i think there's a lot more to your girlfriend then you know.

btw, i wouldn't be offended.. but rather PISS! lol

oh! and one more thing, i don't think he wasn't joking, but more like offering?

Yeh, In my opinion, it really did sound like offering and to me, it feels like he turned it into a joke after my gf thought it was weird and funny. But because they both say it is a joke, I'll just label it as a joke here instead as an offer. Sorry... my english wording suck doesn't it... T.T'

[chilovesjj]

The other guy is a complete douchebag. He wasn't joking, he was OFFERING and then pretended it was a joke to save face when your gf laughed at him. I'm not surprised that you don't want a twat like that around your gf. I wouldn't want my bf to hang around with some slag who was only interested in one thing and wanted to sleep with him with no regard for my feelings at all.
It's even worse that the guy has a gf, and is still going around boasting about having a big penis (uhh.. so what? If you're rubbish in bed and only last 3 minutes, a big penis isn't going to do anything for your gf is it, loser) and trying to get laid with anyone who'll take him. He's pathetic and I don't know why any self-respecting girl would even go NEAR him. So it throws up a few interesting q's about your gf if I'm honest. (Fiercely defending her friendship and right to speak to him- why? o.0)

The fact that your gf is so pissed at you for 'overreacting' suggests she doesn't have the same ideas that you do, about what is and isn't reasonable (even when you proved to her that people agree with you, she won't change her mind about it, as you've seen). And tbh if she's hardly even trying in the relationship, and is siding with a cheating scumbag over her own bf, then I really think you should ditch her. Just my view on it though, I know I'm pretty harsh. But I hate people who cheat and sleep around when they have a partner, and I think to side with someone like that, over your bf who loves you, is just stupid on her part.

[Malice_Kaiser]

Well since you re-explained everything that happened, yeah, this guy's a complete bubble gum. In that situation I'd be offended.

[gisbiz]

Yeh, In my opinion, it really did sound like offering and to me, it feels like he turned it into a joke after my gf thought it was weird and funny. But because they both say it is a joke, I'll just label it as a joke here instead as an offer. Sorry... my english wording suck doesn't it... T.T'

he was being disrespectful against you.
your girlfriend could of defended you by letting him know his place, but she didnt.
which shows the other guy that, she is some what interested in him as well.

[hwarang61]

The other guy is a complete douchebag. He wasn't joking, he was OFFERING and then pretended it was a joke to save face when your gf laughed at him. I'm not surprised that you don't want a twat like that around your gf. I wouldn't want my bf to hang around with some slag who was only interested in one thing and wanted to sleep with him with no regard for my feelings at all.
It's even worse that the guy has a gf, and is still going around boasting about having a big penis (uhh.. so what? If you're rubbish in bed and only last 3 minutes, a big penis isn't going to do anything for your gf is it, loser) and trying to get laid with anyone who'll take him. He's pathetic and I don't know why any self-respecting girl would even go NEAR him. So it throws up a few interesting q's about your gf if I'm honest. (Fiercely defending her friendship and right to speak to him- why? o.0)

The fact that your gf is so pissed at you for 'overreacting' suggests she doesn't have the same ideas that you do, about what is and isn't reasonable (even when you proved to her that people agree with you, she won't change her mind about it, as you've seen). And tbh if she's hardly even trying in the relationship, and is siding with a cheating scumbag over her own bf, then I really think you should ditch her. Just my view on it though, I know I'm pretty harsh. But I hate people who cheat and sleep around when they have a partner, and I think to side with someone like that, over your bf who loves you, is just stupid on her part.

Maybe it is a bit harsh, but I completely agree with you. But ya, it really felt like he was offering in a way..

Well since you re-explained everything that happened, yeah, this guy's a complete bubble gum. In that situation I'd be offended.

Ya sorry. I'm quite sucks at explaining things... and I don't like making long post... but I guess I had to explain a bit more...

[xwinnie_lovex]

most girls dont like to admit that theyre wrong when they are so they'll always think of something to say to back themselves up.

i dont really think it was a JOKE
it seems more like hes just having fun and flirting with the girls
i do believe hes wrong for cheating on his gf but you should learn to trust your gf
since you guys love each other
there must be trust and honesty going on
only the guy said something
but she didnt really respond right?
so you have nothing to really worry about
just forget the guy
you dont want this silly phrase to jeopardize your relationship with your gf

[Tayl]

Ask her, "If some hot single girl told me, I want to have sex with you, Would you even not care at all?"

btw, I think she felt that "joke" was a compliment to her, girls like to hear compliments alot.. So just maybe, your taking it too seriously.. After all, Its not like your girlfriend would have actually had intercourse with him right?

[OMGitzYOU]

If someone other than my bf said that I would completely freak out even if it's my best guy friend. That's if... I didn't have feeling for my best guy friend. ahem.

[ny-sw / ny_sw.]

Wow, that's a realllyyy awkward thing to say. o___o
I'd be pretty offended 'cause it's disrespectful to you, ''joke'' or not, namean?
That's just crossing the line, regardless of how close they are because they bothhh should respect your relationship. -shrug. molla..

[yawningtigress]

I think you should tell the guy, if you haven't already, that you don't appreciate comments like that being made about/to your girlfriend, and would he please refrain from doing so in the future. If he's okay, he'll understand and do what you ask.

And I think the whole thing about you being the only one texting and calling first might be a warning sign. And her always defending her guy friends, well, that's a little weird, if it's always happening. Or maybe she just sees things differently from you. I think you should definitely sit down and talk to her about everything that's been bothering you or you're just going to have to keep dealing with more of the same stuff.

[MNLV27]

Your girlfriend doesn't seem to appreciate you. So you should just dump her and find another girl that will cherish you the way you want to be.

[jonogunn]

Did you do anything to him when he said that? Show you didn't like and and mean it? I hope you don't look like a pushover and which was why he felt he could get away with saying that. You should show him you mean business to ensue he respects ur position and backs off.