[chemistryandmetal]

So I posted a topic a while back, and this is a continuation of that topic. Here's the background info: I am 18 years old and I dated my first boyfriend (who is the same age) for a year and a half, but we broke up because we were driving each other crazy and kept breaking up and getting back together. I was devastated when my friend broke up with her boyfriend of two years, and then started "doing stuff" with my ex boyfriend. I was very hurt and I did try to get him back, telling him I had changed and grown up, and wanted to try again. He rejected me, saying he wanted to be with my friend. There was even a night I had called him to come take care of me because I was drunk, and I left the party because I wanted him to follow me so we could talk... instead he stayed and talked with my friend all night. His excuse was that he said he thought I brough my car with me. After all of this I picked myself up and totally did a 180: I was feeling great single and very happy with myself.

Then at a couple of the past parties he was with my friend, but kept coming up to me, trying to talk to me. Last weekend, out of nowhere he called me to tell me he saw someone from our class (an excuse to call me I guess?). Last night I saw him, and this is where I need advice:

He told me he wanted to talk, so eventually we did, and he told me that one night a week ago he called my friend and told her to call him later at night (she was going to her ex boyfriend's show), and she ended up calling him way later then he told her to call him... basically he wanted to hang out and she "freaked out", saying she didn't know he wanted to hang out. He told her to call him during the week if she wanted to hang out. She never called. He said during last week he had alot of time to think about things... he concluded he didn't want to have all of our friends hate him (alot of people in our group were upset because he betrayed our friend.... my ex was super close friends with my friend's ex), and he said he made a mistake and he doesn't like her. I asked him if he wants to be with me and he said "maaaaaaaybe?". He told me he just "wants to take me out for bubble tea sometime".

What do you think you guys? Is this guy a total douche? I really question if she hadn't rejected him, would my ex be coming back to me like this? Could you guys forgive this? He justifies it saying people make mistakes. I told him to call me and that I wouldn't be calling him, so I will see how things go. But I wanted advice. Is it true that if he made these realizations while things were good with her then it would be acceptable, but since he made these realizations after being rejected, it isn't ok?

Thanks, and be nice.

[Tayl]

You should know your ex more than us, and you should know what the answer should be..

I think you still like him, and that is why you want to get back with him; but the way he treated you was not right.. I say you should just move and find a better man.

You know he did all these things, so why do you want to get back together?

[scatter_me]

Well, to me it sounds as if he's just trying to scrap what's left off what the plate. Sounds more like he likes taking peoples ex's and then getting back together with them. IMO you should't get back with him, with what he's done, but if you really do love him, and you feel it, then why not? Maybe you should try hanging out with him and see how he is, don't go straight for it, you may fall. It's the end all about what you feel in your heart.

[eugene]

Honestly, I wouldn't get back with him. I feel like he's only going after you because your friend semi-rejected him and you're all he has left...so I guess he thinks you'll always accept him back no matter what because look: even right now you're thinking about getting back with him.

Be strong and move on. Tell him it's too late and he had many chances to be with you but he ended up just sticking with your friend. Just because he made a mistake doesn't mean he can always fix everything. Teach him a lesson that he lost someone good and make him regret it. Let him realize that you were "the one that got away." Why is your friend even called a "friend" anyway? That's some shady business. I would totally cut ties with my friend if she went behind my back and hooked up with my ex.

You need to make new friends that won't backstab you and find a partner who will love you. Don't make yourself look weak by taking him back. You're worth more than you realize...so know your worth. And most importantly, love yourself before anyone else.

[chemistryandmetal]

Thanks everyone for the posts. This really does help. I just called her my friend for time's sake... she is NOT my friend. I have cut her out completely and I don't speak with her anymore. Friends do not do that, and I couldn't do what she did... never.

I still do love him and that is why I am thinking about this. If I didn't love him I wouldn't care at all. I do believe that he is just "scared" right now, and since he has been sort of rejected he is coming back to me because I am familiar. I will most definetly not be taking him back anytime soon. I deserve someone who wouldn't hurt me like this... and things are way too fresh to distinguish what his true intensions are. He is most certainly very confused right now. Hopefully this won't play on my mind for too much longer... it only is because things have changed so suddenly!

[MISS-xaxa]

In situations like these, this quote comes in really handy:

If love becomes painful, then it is time to let that love go and save yourself. You got to keep this in mind “you’ll be able to find a new love but never another self.”

I hope that helps.

[myxo]

Sometimes people deserve second chances, in your ex's case, he doesn't deserve your time or love. You can't put yourself in a position where you're readily available for him to come and go as he pleases. You're only hurting yourself more by giving him the option of returning because you'll never know when he'll bounce again. He's really incongruent, and it's clearly obvious he might not want you back permanently, but he doesn't mind having you on the side. It's hard knowing that you love someone you shouldn't, but learn to follow your brain instead of your heart.

[heheimawesome]

its all what YOU think. do you have too much pride to take him back?
in MY eyes its like this:

you guys broke up and he had fun with other girls. you wanted to get back with him but he didn't want to. then after he had enough fun, or he couldn't have more fun because he got rejected, he went back to you because you're like his "backup" girl

i wouldn't take someone back if thats what they did to me. i have too much pride.

when i first read this thread i thought it was gonna be one of those "should i give him another chance? he still loves me" and i was just going to simply say "if you like him why not." but i guess its more complicated than that.

[_ambrosia]

Don't take him back? It's clear that's the answer, you know it yourself or else you wouldn't be posting this, but you know everyone will say not to take him back, and that he is just choosing you now because your friend rejected him.
So this question is rhetorical basically.
If you were to take him back you are risking another heartbreak. Plus you said it yourself that you are happy being single, and that he broke your heart. Why take someone back who has broken your heart?
Think of it like this, you know that IF she wasn't to have rejected him he wouldn't even think about you, and just keep going after her.

Also this is what I think: By taking him back he sees that you can't live without him, and he can keep toying with you. You know what I mean? When he has the girl he likes reject him, he will run to you to fill in that void. But at the same time he sees that you can live without him, so he wants you back because you aren't depressed anymore, and he sees you aren't hung up on him, so he is desperate to get your attention back?

Either way-don't take him back; he broke your heart, and he will do it again.

[plegend2007]

YOU ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT HISTORY, IF YOU DON'T LEARN FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES.

[Tuxedomask]

This is an easy one.

Your boyfriend was the rebound, he got rejected and now he's trying to back pedal to get you back so he doesn't feel like such a dumb ass.
In other words he's a douche and you should tell him straight up. He got rejected and should feel rejected. Sounds harsh but what he did to you was worse.

Not to be a jerk about it but don't take him back. This isn't even about pride this is about self-respect. Do you want to pick up you're friends scraps? Because that's all your ex is.

Edit: I just read what I wrote...I sound like a comlpete jackass but I mean it in the nicest way possible.

[chemistryandmetal]

Thanks to everyone for your replies! I have alot to ponder over. I know in my heart if I did "take him back" things wouldn't change. At this point I am planning to just keep my distance... I may love my ex but he is far too confused for me to be involved with him right now. I never realized he is so needy. I really do hope I have enough strength within myself to resist going back to him. I had enough to pick myself up and move on with my life, so with some positive thinking, hopefully I can get through this Much love to all