[Xian]

Thank you so much everyone who took the time to read and/or reply to my problem. I've done what I needed to do now. I have never been so direct with a person before in my life and it feels really good. I was lacking self-determination and self-confidence for the longest time, but I will be able to stand up for myself from now on. Thanks, and take care. <3

[Swtess]

Simple. You have many things you want to say to her that has been pent up all those years.
What you can do now is either tell her all of your thoughts and what a horrible person she has been to you all those years or forget it all and treat her like a stranger. Since you're abroad it wouldn't really be much of a problem forgetting her since I bet you have already made quite a bit of friends and people that you can trust. If you can't talk to her face to face to let it all out, write her an email and save a copy for yourself. She's the type that comes and go, more like an acquaintance in your life. Either then old bitter memories, she doesn't hold any else.

When hanging out with your old group of friends, you shouldn't let her bother you much, since you're there to hang out with people you consider as friends. Treating her as a mere acquaintance is good enough during those situations. It sucks having someone like that in your life but we learn and move on from those childish memories. I'm sorry that my reply doesn't help you much.

[Xian]

Simple. You have many things you want to say to her that has been pent up all those years.
What you can do now is either tell her all of your thoughts and what a horrible person she has been to you all those years or forget it all and treat her like a stranger. Since you're abroad it wouldn't really be much of a problem forgetting her since I bet you have already made quite a bit of friends and people that you can trust. If you can't talk to her face to face to let it all out, write her an email and save a copy for yourself. She's the type that comes and go, more like an acquaintance in your life. Either then old bitter memories, she doesn't hold any else.

When hanging out with your old group of friends, you shouldn't let her bother you much, since you're there to hang out with people you consider as friends. Treating her as a mere acquaintance is good enough during those situations. It sucks having someone like that in your life but we learn and move on from those childish memories. I'm sorry that my reply doesn't help you much.

Yes, that's exactly it to be honest. I kept letting things slide until something really drastic happened in my life and I suddenly couldn't help but remember all those horrible undeserved things she did to me, when I was supposed to be her "friend." I'm mostly upset at myself for not having put her in her place all these years. I've known her for too long. And it's actually beyond my comprehension how horrible someone who used to be close to you could be. I have never done anything bad to her.

No no, I really appreciate your reply. It is helpful! It was such a long read, and I thank you for taking the time to actually go through my lengthy post heh.

P.S. I'm actually back in North America again, away from my boyfriend and all the new friends I've made while abroad. So I guess that's why it's a bit hard for me and I keep thinking about this problem again.

[fizzl3]

Wow! Can't believe I read all of that. Sorry to hear about the fire! That must have been really painful. It kind of sounds like she did it though, but that's just me >.>

I think now that you're more stronger, if you get a chance, speak to her and let her know the hell she has put you through out of her selfishness. If she ends up hating you, ignoring you, there really isn't much difference anyway is there? You'll definitely feel better once you deal with the source lol

But doesn't any of your other friends notice?

I had a friend sort of like this, she just hated me for no reason. It doesn't make any sense. She would treat me "nicely" but I can always feel a sort of resentment in all her actions. But when I think about it, she was loud and bossy just like your friend. I think she may have been jealous that you get attention and draw the spotlight away from her.

But, really it is all in the past now. You're a lot happier now so it should be easier to move on. Hope all goes well with you and Kevin!

[Xian]

Wow! Can't believe I read all of that. Sorry to hear about the fire! That must have been really painful. It kind of sounds like she did it though, but that's just me >.>

I think now that you're more stronger, if you get a chance, speak to her and let her know the hell she has put you through out of her selfishness. If she ends up hating you, ignoring you, there really isn't much difference anyway is there? You'll definitely feel better once you deal with the source lol

But doesn't any of your other friends notice?

I had a friend sort of like this, she just hated me for no reason. It doesn't make any sense. She would treat me "nicely" but I can always feel a sort of resentment in all her actions. But when I think about it, she was loud and bossy just like your friend. I think she may have been jealous that you get attention and draw the spotlight away from her.

But, really it is all in the past now. You're a lot happier now so it should be easier to move on. Hope all goes well with you and Kevin!

Thanks a lot for your input. lol, yeh, I was going through my original post and I even scared myself. I didn't know it would end up being so long. >_<

I actually have been envisioning opportunities where I'd get to lash out at her and tell her everything that she is lately. I don't think I'll be able to be like the old me and pretend that nothing was ever wrong. It's just too hard. Especially when she is obviously treating me very differently and hatefully. You're right, there's not much of a difference if I tell her the truth or pretend to still be alright with her. Either way, she's still going to treat me like crap.

I have wondered why the other girls in our group never seemed to take notice. But I think I know the answer. Despite knowing each other for so long, I can't really say any of these high school friends are "great" friends. Last time, when Deana acted really cold towards me on MSN before we hung out with my boyfriend, I told Ginger, a mutual friend of ours, about it. I had always been there for Ginger, giving her advice and comforting her, so she disappointed me a lot when she said, "Maybe Deana's still mad at you for not going to her b-day party." A long while ago, after my 19th birthday incident, Deana invited me to her b-day party but I said I couldn't go. It was just because I couldn't bring myself to remember how she made me feel on my own b-day. But for some reason, I couldn't tell Ginger that. It just seems like everyone else likes Deana and are close to her so they'll defend her.

I'm really sorry to hear that you had a "friend" like that too. It must have felt suffocating at times. You couldn't blatantly tell her off because she still acted "nice" towards you.

I have been feeling for the longest time that she is jealous of me. I kept thinking back to when she once said, "My dad keeps saying how smart you are, Xian." And, when she first heard that I had met a guy from the UK, she sounded really enthusiastic. Most of my friends find British guys to be really appealing. She also joked about having to search him to see whether he was a guy or girl after seeing his pic. So I thought she might have found him attractive. But as I told her more about him, she started becoming really negative about the relationship. And she went from being just her annoying self to targeting me. But at the time, I tried to brush off this possibility because that would have seemed just too petty and immature of her. I couldn't bring myself to think that I was friends with such a horrible person for so many years. That she couldn't just be happy for me. She had, and still has, the same boyfriend during the time she found out I was seeing mine. So I didn't see any reason for her to be jealous.

Thanks a lot.

[xXChristyOo]

she is just jealous of you
i know my bff had a friend that was only like mean toward her
but was ms. pincess towards everyone else, including me.
And i would have liked her a lot if my bff didnt tell me how she was acting towards her.(so try talking to your other friends who are close to her about it too)
but in the end when by bff talked to her and her other friends about it, she found out that she was jealous of her.
-__- i feel bad for her cause she put up with it for so long and didnt say anything shes kinda like u
like pretty much the same because sometimes she would be nice and then mean. but it was pretty obvious that she was doing it on purpose to get her like anxious and stuff like that
but i think if you tell her to stop talkin to you (because idk, not trying to put you down, but there is a very TINNY percent that your friendship with her will get any better) shes all talk.
Like reading about how she doesnt talk to your bf but she is talkative normally, (does she like ur bf or something and is shy towards him 0_0) cause thats not normal. she seems like she would go all talk and bossy towards him too.
OO another thing that shows she is jealous is that like she was asking ur bf all those questions that pertained to you also, and if she really didnt care bout ur friendship with her and she just wanted to know why people like you... then that shows shes jealous (if u understood what i just said)

[DovesFlock]

Is she a horrible friend? I think you (and I) know that answer already!

I think you are in this major turning point in your life, where certain interests change or are discovered. These so called friends will most likely be strangers to you in a couple years, perhaps they will say hi or pretend they don't know you or care. You are better off anyway. You most likely had to deal with a lot of their crap, but don't let it pull you down just be damn proud that you want better in your life and you can do better.

I had an old friend (or ex?) who could be great one moment then the next want to bite my head off for no reason. I put up with it for the reason that I would focus on the good times and believed I had to be patient with her because of her stress. I couldn't attend to her as I became more focused on a theater workshop, when I got back I greeted her and she just acted coldly. I thought she just had a bad day, so I msn her and she types back, 'i'm g2 block u so stop messaging me. k thnx bye.' Seriously, terrible spelling and all. Man I was so pissed for weeks! Although I sometimes have to find the humour in it. When I look back on it I sometimes think, "Why did she treat me that way? Why did I let her treat me that way?".

[spixder]

I've taken the opportunity to read everything while listening to "A day to remember - You had me at hello", i've come up with a conclusion...

Ur being BULLIED, it's as simple as that, ur a pushover, an easy target. I think its time u grow some "balls" and let her know that this friendship is over if she continues.

[asianpanthers]

weird. don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that you're acknowledging her in the future. just cut her out and ignore this person. it sounds as if she wasn't interested in being friends in the first place...it's like racing in the kentucky derby with a dead horse. you wont win...or even finish. just stuff this dead relationship into a body bag and move on.

[Meenuh]

You know, if I were you i'd atleast want to tell her everything that i've kept inside for so long. I'd ask her why the hell she's so cold all the time and so forth. It's a possibility that she's a pinkberry and just doesn't know it. She's probably living in her own little world sitting on her high horse thinking she's all that. You need to drag her off that horse and back into reality. Speak up! Ask her all those questions you've been dying to ask her for all these years. Say all the things you've written here. Then, you can leave in peace knowing that you've said all that you could say or you can try and rebuild your friendship from the ground up.

Sometimes people become closer through confrontations. No joke. In your case, there was no room for confrontation because you were just being a pushover. Don't get me wrong, i'm that way too. I wish I would be more asservtive in life and take charge of the things that are bugging me. I mean, of course you aren't supposed to throw a fit about every little thing someone does wrong but there is a limit as to what someone should take and ignore from friends. Your so called friend has clearly crossed that limit AGES ago. If you don't do it now, you'll have to just forget about it. So the next time you bump into her or talk to her and she's being cold just ask her straight out "what is your problem?".

[SweetsLove]

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about the fire and I hope you're doing good now. Secondly, I think you should just cut ties with her. I understand that when you hang out with your friends, she might be there, but you can just keep it at a "hi" greeting and then just talk normally with your other friends and kinda ignore her. You seriously don't have to deal with her behaviour and from my point of view, she does not deserve your friendship. If she's going to act the way she is and make you feel awkward and uneasy, then don't even bother. Why should you have to deal with it?

You feel hurt because you've been friends for some time and high school moments that you guys spend together will always remain in your memories. The happy memories will never go away and the whole thought that you and your friend Deena are now in this situation hurts a little. I understand how you feel because I have a sort-of similar experience with a friend of mine. As for what went wrong... sometimes people just change. Maybe she's jealous of you or some feeling that she hasn't expressed. If she's unwilling to talk to you sensibly then honestly just leave her alone. You seem to be enjoying life and that's what is important.

[Xian]

I really thank you for those who took so much time to read my post and for your inputs. I was contemplating whether I should tell anyone about this anonymously because I was in denial of actually how bothered I was by her disgusting behavior and character. I tried brushing this off so many times, but my mind would wander back to this situation. It makes me feel so much better knowing that I can get help from people on S00mpi. You guys don't even know me, but are willing to listen and help me out. Thanks.

she is just jealous of you
i know my bff had a friend that was only like mean toward her
but was ms. pincess towards everyone else, including me.
And i would have liked her a lot if my bff didnt tell me how she was acting towards her.(so try talking to your other friends who are close to her about it too)
but in the end when by bff talked to her and her other friends about it, she found out that she was jealous of her.
-__- i feel bad for her cause she put up with it for so long and didnt say anything shes kinda like u
like pretty much the same because sometimes she would be nice and then mean. but it was pretty obvious that she was doing it on purpose to get her like anxious and stuff like that
but i think if you tell her to stop talkin to you (because idk, not trying to put you down, but there is a very TINNY percent that your friendship with her will get any better) shes all talk.
Like reading about how she doesnt talk to your bf but she is talkative normally, (does she like ur bf or something and is shy towards him 0_0) cause thats not normal. she seems like she would go all talk and bossy towards him too.
OO another thing that shows she is jealous is that like she was asking ur bf all those questions that pertained to you also, and if she really didnt care bout ur friendship with her and she just wanted to know why people like you... then that shows shes jealous (if u understood what i just said)

Yeh, I can't really see another reason why she would act so differently towards me compared to the others in our group. It wasn't as if I was the most quiet and reserved one either. There are two more girls who are a lot more quiet than me, but get along fine with her. So that's when I started to wonder if she was that jealous of me. I never really purposely flaunted anything towards her either. I wish I could talk to our other friends about this, but knowing them, they would try their best to make us friends again so everyone would be "happy" again. Thinking back to my high school group, none of them could be considered a good friend. But I had no other people back then. It wasn't until I started making friends on my own in university that I realized, despite being able to get along with my high school friends and having so much fun with them, they really just fit the description of acquaintances. I know what true friends are like now. You're such a good, true friend and your best friend is really lucky to have you.

Yeh, it wasn't until I got a boyfriend that I realized how weird and scary she was. I had never seen her look so nervous, uneasy, and even a bit unhappy when everyone met my boyfriend in person. She obviously had wanted to meet him, so why did she act the way she did? We all hung out for an entire day almost, and she said absolutely nothing to him or even towards me as an initiative. She wasn't herself at all. It's so ridiculous that the other girls didn't notice, and my boyfriend also didn't seem to find anything wrong with it because he didn't know Deana that well. He thought she was just quiet, and that was her personality. But it's really not. She is usually the loudest one. My boyfriend did say that she was really loud and bubbly when she spoke to the other two girls. Technically, Deana had spoken a lot with Kevin during that 2-hour long MSN conversation, and yet, had nothing to say at all when they met in person? She really is abnormal. She did seem shy.

Yep, the questions she asked him on MSN didn't seem to be those out of concern for me. More like, she was the nosiest b**** ever, she was so intrusive. It's like, she couldn't believe why he would even like me. She probed so far into his dating history too. My boyfriend has never dated, but he did like a girl for 4 years from when he was 14 to 18. We have the same name. And Deana kept asking him if he was SURE that he didn't like me because I simply had the same name as the other girl. That's so not fair, because Deana had a boyfriend by then, so she should have been happy for me. Her boyfriend is a really nice guy and I wonder what he ever saw in her as a person sometimes. She has expressed so many times how she didn't like him at first but he kept pursuing her and there was no one better, so she took him in. I feel so sorry for him. I remember jokingly asking once, "If I ever do find a more handsome and rich guy who I think will match well with you, should I introduce him to you?" And she turned serious and said, "Yes, you should. Xian, you should okay?"

Is she a horrible friend? I think you (and I) know that answer already!

I think you are in this major turning point in your life, where certain interests change or are discovered. These so called friends will most likely be strangers to you in a couple years, perhaps they will say hi or pretend they don't know you or care. You are better off anyway. You most likely had to deal with a lot of their crap, but don't let it pull you down just be damn proud that you want better in your life and you can do better.

I had an old friend (or ex?) who could be great one moment then the next want to bite my head off for no reason. I put up with it for the reason that I would focus on the good times and believed I had to be patient with her because of her stress. I couldn't attend to her as I became more focused on a theater workshop, when I got back I greeted her and she just acted coldly. I thought she just had a bad day, so I msn her and she types back, 'i'm g2 block u so stop messaging me. k thnx bye.' Seriously, terrible spelling and all. Man I was so pissed for weeks! Although I sometimes have to find the humour in it. When I look back on it I sometimes think, "Why did she treat me that way? Why did I let her treat me that way?".

Yeh, she's not only a horrible friend, but a horrible excuse for a human being. I have never met anyone like her before except one girl, but I was smart enough to cut ties off with that other girl before getting myself into any situation that was similar to this one. I guess, I am upset at myself, at how stupid I was to be friends with Deana for so long, when I'm not a dumb person. I'm just so shocked how evil she turned out to be. If I had only known from the start....

Thanks a lot. Your words are very comforting and encouraging. What happened between your "ex-friend" and you, is exactly what is happening between my "friend" and me. They sound like the same people, except even your ex-friend was more direct than mine. At least she was willing to show how immature she was by blocking you. She gave you an excuse to completely cut her off. Deana just hides her pettiness, she's really indirect. Was that the last time you talked to your ex-friend?

I've taken the opportunity to read everything while listening to "A day to remember - You had me at hello", i've come up with a conclusion...

Ur being BULLIED, it's as simple as that, ur a pushover, an easy target. I think its time u grow some "balls" and let her know that this friendship is over if she continues.

I should look that song up lol.

If I were bullied by strangers, or people I didn't see as friends, I would have no problem standing up for myself. But this is just so different and weird even. Bullied by a "friend" in the most subtle of ways. I don't know how to bring this up so I can take a good yell at her.

weird. don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that you're acknowledging her in the future. just cut her out and ignore this person. it sounds as if she wasn't interested in being friends in the first place...it's like racing in the kentucky derby with a dead horse. you wont win...or even finish. just stuff this dead relationship into a body bag and move on.

Yep, I have been trying not to acknowledge her at all. To the point I really didn't want to write this post on S00mpi because that would only mean I am bothered by her. I am just so angered at the fact that she was never ever even close to being a good friend to me, and yet, she expected me to be one, and fumed when I didn't meet her expectations. Went as far as to talk about it behind my back to our other friends. Like how she told Rudy I was hiding my boyfriend from her, and yet, she had just finished a 2 hour conversation with him? Preposterous.

Thanks. I definitely will never even hang out with her again. I do know what I should be doing, I am only having trouble with coping with my emotions right now. *sigh*

You know, if I were you i'd atleast want to tell her everything that i've kept inside for so long. I'd ask her why the hell she's so cold all the time and so forth. It's a possibility that she's a pinkberry and just doesn't know it. She's probably living in her own little world sitting on her high horse thinking she's all that. You need to drag her off that horse and back into reality. Speak up! Ask her all those questions you've been dying to ask her for all these years. Say all the things you've written here. Then, you can leave in peace knowing that you've said all that you could say or you can try and rebuild your friendship from the ground up.

Sometimes people become closer through confrontations. No joke. In your case, there was no room for confrontation because you were just being a pushover. Don't get me wrong, i'm that way too. I wish I would be more asservtive in life and take charge of the things that are bugging me. I mean, of course you aren't supposed to throw a fit about every little thing someone does wrong but there is a limit as to what someone should take and ignore from friends. Your so called friend has clearly crossed that limit AGES ago. If you don't do it now, you'll have to just forget about it. So the next time you bump into her or talk to her and she's being cold just ask her straight out "what is your problem?".

Yeh, there really are only two options for me. Speak up, or forget it and move on. I think I should do both, though, actually. I'm just having a hard time trying to think of how I should bring this up. I don't want to give her the satisfaction that I am bothered by her because I know it'll just make her feel more important. Hopefully a few opportunities will arise and I can sort this out soon. Thanks a lot.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about the fire and I hope you're doing good now. Secondly, I think you should just cut ties with her. I understand that when you hang out with your friends, she might be there, but you can just keep it at a "hi" greeting and then just talk normally with your other friends and kinda ignore her. You seriously don't have to deal with her behaviour and from my point of view, she does not deserve your friendship. If she's going to act the way she is and make you feel awkward and uneasy, then don't even bother. Why should you have to deal with it?

You feel hurt because you've been friends for some time and high school moments that you guys spend together will always remain in your memories. The happy memories will never go away and the whole thought that you and your friend Deena are now in this situation hurts a little. I understand how you feel because I have a sort-of similar experience with a friend of mine. As for what went wrong... sometimes people just change. Maybe she's jealous of you or some feeling that she hasn't expressed. If she's unwilling to talk to you sensibly then honestly just leave her alone. You seem to be enjoying life and that's what is important.

Thank you. That sounds like a good start. I shouldn't have to avoid my other friends just because she's friends with them. I really shouldn't care at all when hanging out with them again. Why be so bothered by someone who doesn't really make a difference in your life except to be a b**** towards you? I can be so stupid like that sometimes heh.

It's those stupid "happy" memories that have made me forgive her and let her off time after time. I really can't understand how horrible someone could be until now. You understand me well, thanks a lot.

[rectitude*]

I only read the short part so I don't exactly know the whole story, but anyways, she's such a horrible friend indeed. She doesn't even deserve to be acknowledge as a 'friend'. Well, I think there's something about you that she may be jealous of. Maybe she's just trying to be better than you and acting the way she is to make herself feel better. I think you don't have to like her, of course, but you can just ignore her. There's really no point of trying to make your friendship better if she's been like this for all these years. Probably because you're too nice to her, she's taking advantage of it, too. I know how it is because some of my friends used to be like that then I sort of change & stand up for myself now. Sorry about the fire, too, hope everything is going well. (:

[Xian]

^ Thanks so much.

Good news, I now have an opportunity to speak my thoughts because apparently, she's pissed off at me for not adding her to my new Facebook list. She has no consciousness whatsoever.

[cowsie]

She looks jealous from my point of view when you're describing the whole situation. Why don't you try to confront to her? When she replied you a long message about how you are so called hiding your boyfriend, you should have defended yourself. If you don't reply back to her words or even try to defend yourself, then she'll think that you're wrong and she's right. Let her know what's going and what's been bottling up for these past several years.

[Xian]

She looks jealous from my point of view when you're describing the whole situation. Why don't you try to confront to her? When she replied you a long message about how you are so called hiding your boyfriend, you should have defended yourself. If you don't reply back to her words or even try to defend yourself, then she'll think that you're wrong and she's right. Let her know what's going and what's been bottling up for these past several years.

You're right. Because I didn't stand up for myself, she pushed it even further by thinking that I was the one who was wrong.

I've been given an opportunity to express how I feel about her today, though. She provoked me again by PMing me rudely when I didn't bother to add her to my list of friends for a new account online. Couldn't she have added me if she really did want to be my friend? I can't believe I'm actually taking the time to write a letter for someone like that, but now she'll know the truth about herself.

[OMGitzYOU]

You're only picking out the negative side of her. If you're able to remain friends with a person suck as her for ever so long, I'm sure there were those good ol' times.

[Xian]

You're only picking out the negative side of her. If you're able to remain friends with a person suck as her for ever so long, I'm sure there were those good ol' times.

Yep, there were good times we had together with the entire group. That's why I held on for so long and brushed aside all those personal things she would do to me and moved on. They were little things, although upsetting. But she really crossed the line this past year or so (after I started dating) and I can no longer be friends with her because I know our friendship has forever been changed with the way she is treating me right now. It's just getting colder and colder. All the bad times are outweighing the good ones by a lot.

[5880]

my condolences regarding the fire

otherwise all I have to say is, drop it and let it go, life is too short to waste your time on people like her

[Ugly/Beautiful Me]

you know what you do? You tell her to eff the eff off. She isn't your friend. She obviously believes in the saying "keep you friends close, keep your enemies closer" I personally think that saying is bull doodoo. Its for people who are fake. I don't have time to deal with people like that and i'm actually pretty well without those people in my life. You would be so much better off without her too. I think she's what some people call...a frienemy? (friend/enemy)

You don't need to confront her about anything. Just tell her she's a b_____, plain and simple and then completely cut her out of your life. Hang out with your group of friends or make time just for them, not her.

I honestly do think that she's jealous that you have a bf from the UK. She's just trying to 1-up you by showing you all the pictures of her having a great time. She's trying to make YOU jealous of HER. Leave her alone. She's only bringing you down and as you can see, she's trying to bring you down on purpose.