[Creamy chicken]

Yesterday, my sister committed suicide. She's a freshman who attends a good, reputable university. My dad picked her up on Friday night because she finished school for the year. My mom's currently in Australia for vacation. When my sister and my dad got home from the university, my dad went to sleep and my sister used the computer since her laptop was broken.

Saturday afternoon, my dad was on the computer and went onto gmail. She was still logged in from yesterday night so my dad accidentally went into her email and saw an email saying that the grades were posted online. When my sister woke up, my dad made her check her grades. Btw, my family is a typical Asian family. You know, grade obsessed and the whole must get A's mentality. Her grades were B, B-, C+, C+ so of course my dad flipped out. He started yelling at her, saying how he's ashamed that he's her daughter, and asking her why she did so bad. He was like "Oh you can't get into medical school with these grades, your future is over."

He was also threatening to make her transfer to a university that's about 20 minutes away from my house, saying that so then she can come home everyday and do homework so my dad can keep a watch on her. I know for a fact that she liked university and really didn't want to transfer. My dad didn't actually mean it, just to scare her, but I think she believed it. My sister was sobbing and my dad was like "if you want to cry, go cry in your room." So then she just went into her room and started crying.

My dad and I wanted to take my sister to a restaurant that night with two other family friends, with the purpose of going just for her. But since he was so mad, he said "Stay at home and think about your future." We've never went out to eat without my sister ebefore. I had a feeling that she might do something stupid, and kept thinking that she would hang herself in her room... I thought I was just being paranoid again so I was just like whatever (since I freak out kinda easily).

We left about 6 PM and went to a friends house. We ate and came home at 10 PM. When we pulled into the driveway, the garage lights were on so we were just like "Did we forget to turn that off or something?" (happens sometimes) We got out of the car, and heard that the engine was on in the garage. By this time, I really start freaking out. We open the side garage door and there's gas everywhere. My dad opens the garage door and we see my sister, sitting in a seat by one of the exhaust pipes. I start screaming. Both cars were turned on. We quickly moved her. She was already unconscious, no breathing or heart beat. We also noticed empty pill bottle in the garage (Aspirin, Tylenol, NyQuil) and a bottle of rice wine.

She also had a suicide note saying how she was sorry and that everyone would be happy without her. She said how she wished she knew the feeling of being truly happy, that she has always hated herself and that she should've killed herself earlier in high school. Also, she talked about the time when she was about seven and came home from piano. She did very bad and my dad was yelling at her saying that he wished she was never born. Of course that isn't true, it was only said out of anger. When my dad gets angry, he's REALLY angry. However, she said she agreed with him.

Then we called 911 for an ambulance My neighbor comes over because he heard the commotion and tried CPR. The ambulance arrived and we went to a hospital. After about ten minutes, the doctor told us she was dead. Then, my dad and I collapsed and were sobbing. Today was the first time I heard my dad cry, I'm 15 years old. Then we saw her body. My dad kept saying how he killed her and that he blames himself. I started freaking out and made him promise that he wouldn't suicide too.

We called some people, and went home. At home, I saw rope in the garbage and I remember seeing a line around her neck area. I couldn't really sleep, neither could my dad. This morning, I heard my dad crying and saying "I killed my daughter" and how much he loves her. Maybe my sister thought that he didn't love her, since he always scolded her. He said that was for her own good so she can have a better future.

My dad blames himself for her death since he was yelling at her before we left. My mom also doesn't know that my sister died yet. In fact, she doesn't really know anything about the whole situation, except for the bad grades part. She's coming home on Wednesday. We don't want to tell her right now since the plane flight is about 24 hours and we don't want her to have a mental breakdown/faint.

I still don't know why she would do this...I don't think it's just what happened yesterday that caused her to suicide, but more gradual and yesterday was just the last straw that broke the camel's back.

This doesn't feel very realistic, it seems like she's just away at college again. I always see on the news about people who suicide, I just didn't know I would be related, but now I am.

I also feel bad that my dad keeps blaming himself for her death, how do I make him stop thinking that?
Has anyone else experience this? How do you move on?

EDIT: Thanks guy for the support! It really helps ^^
I hope that this will be a lesson to everyone

Just some clarification, it was strange because did not have any social issues. She has a lot of friends, just none of them knew. Apparently she has been depressed for a few years, according to a psychiatrist friend. We are still trying to find out the cause. This psychologist also told me a word of advice that probably could've saved my sister. She first asked "Did she seem like she was always tired?" and my sister was. Apparently, this is a sign of depression that is easily cured with medication (the psychiatrist's was depressed but was treated )

SEE SOMEONE IF YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TIRED.
I'm not trying to freak people out, but I just don't want people to die when it can be solved easily

[mizgen17]

omg....i'm truly sorry for your loss.....

it's natural for ur dad to feel guilty about it.....it takes time to get over grief.....sometimes it doesn't even go away...but u cope eventually.....

maybe during the funeral service, i think ur dad should tlk about what ur sister was like....how much he loves her etc...i'm sure she'll understand....even though that won't bring her back.....

i think u shld tell ur mom before she comes back, cuz it just seems wrong for u to tell her late....

i think this story will teach those typical asian parents a lesson.....and those kids to understand tht parents dnt rlly mean what they say sometimes....


good luck 4 everythin...i'll keep ur sis and family in my prayers....

(i'm sorry 4 my bad english btw...)

[jookeulleyo]

woah!.

Honestly, I don't think your dad would stop thinking about it sooner. It would take a LONG TIME.
It's clear that your sister had self-eseem issues and your dad shouldn't have scolded her like that. It's really upsetting. Even though your dad says it's for her own good, it was still the reason why she commited suicide. Words hurt too, you know....

condolences btw..

I hope your sister would rest in peace...

[glamchicdiva]

i've never experience this, cuz i dont know anyone close to me who has died. but somehow i can relate to your sister and ur dad. just like ur sister, my dad always scolded me and said harsh things to me cuz i didn't live up to his expectations, no matter how much i've improved, he still finds the slightest bit of mistake to nag about. when he said such harsh words, i felt very useless and thought my dad really meant what he said. maybe ur sister thinks that with her being gone, it'll make things better for the family. no one says it's gonna be easy to move on, but it's already happened, n we can't turn back time. if u wanna cry, just cry out loud. just take ur time before u're ready to move on. just remember, don't blame it on anyone or push urself too hard to move on. and you might need to find a very nice way to break the news to ur mom..

i offer my deepest condolences to you..

may ur sister rest in peace

EDIT:

i was gonna say that ur dad shouldn't have done that to her. it'll only lower her self-esteem and makes her feel left out and useless. i was quite upset reading this, cuz i feel what ur sister felt and, really, he shouldn't have done that. but then when i read the few last paragraphs, i know that ur dad felt very guilty and blame it all on himself, and that he actually loves ur sister A LOT, that's why he cared a lot about her. if he doesn't love her, why would he care about her getting bad grades n whatnot in the first place, if he doesn't love her, he'll just leave her and won't care about her at all. although it SOUNDS like your dad is the one to blame, but i hope people around you won't blame him for this, cuz he loves her a lot, and this would be the last thing he wanted to happen.

[AHLEENA]

I feel terrible for your father. When your sister committed suicide- I don't think she wanted your dad to feel guilty (she 'believed' wrongly that everyone would be happier without her). Thus, she wanted you all to be happy (even if she's gone.

I think she was under a lot of stress, she just recently came back home (and her university is far away- so the trip must have been long-- she might be missing her friends @ the school too or other school events could have stressed her out). She felt threatened that she would be forcibly removed from a place she wanted to be at (her university), and she felt unloved (since it was the first time the family was eating without her), and also she felt her grades weren't good enough (and being scolded about it by her father) and yeah, she felt generally unhappy.

It sounds like it could have possibly been from a long time- since she talked about high school in the letter, and also about how when she was '7' years old too. >< (but it could also be a tiny stream of thought- in which she remembers all her unhappiest moments at the worst time)

It was a moment thing- or a 'day' thing, if she thought about it a little more, she wouldn't have done it ><. Since she wants to stay at her university and all that- so at least there's something she treasures there.

And there was wine. So. It must've been due to alcohol >< she didn't have the ability to think straight.

Just remember, she loves you and your father a lot- and it can be blamed on the alcohol and stress, and also- she wants you all to be happy even though she's no longer there.


--

I never experienced the death of anyone close to me. But there was someone I knew when I was a kid (elementary) who committed something like that- I didn't know her very well but I felt guilty and even felt like it was my fault or there could have been SOMETHING I could have done to prevent it (since I saw that lady on a daily base because one of my best friends lived nearby her, and my best friend at that time was kind of friends with that lady's child.) She was an adult and she was very nice. I wondered before if I talked to her more, said more thank yous (appreciative things), and somehow if I had been friends with her child and took the child to the right path somehow then she might've been still alive. (her child did illegal (criminal), frowned upon activities...) EDIT: she jumped off a building purposely, and I was ten. And I found out what happened from my best friend at the time. I didn't know her but sometimes I still think about what I could have done but yeah...

But yeah, thinking of 'what if's' isn't really going to change anything. >< But this is a reallyreallyreally big loss to you >< so I hope you feel better soon- and remember to talk to family and friends and DON'T isolate yourself.


EDIT: I found this on wiki: Rice brew typically has a higher alcohol content (18-25%) than wine (10-20%), which in turn has a higher alcohol content than beer (3-8%).

So yeah, don't ever blame yourself- and don't let your dad blame himself either ><;; if you need to blame it on something, blame it on alcohol


Hope you feel better soon. (it might take days, months, or even years >< but good luck!)
Remember she loves you, and even if she's gone- she'll still continue to love you. And she wouldn't want you to feel sad or guilty or any negative emotions at all.

EDIT: okay. i seem to edit this a lot (and it keeps getting longer and longer)- but you have a big, long job ahead of you- that only you can do! You need to comfort your father, and explain to him that it's NOT and can NEVER be his fault that your sister is now gone forever. You need to keep comforting him, show you care, give him hugs, be near him, (dont leave him alone!!), and just keep reminding him that it is NOT his fault until he believes it! this is a really reallyreally big job to do~ so I hope you can do it! Good luck!

[LazyAzian]

I hope your family will stay strong after this :3.

I don't have much experience with these type of things, so I may sound stupid, but I think that maybe your sister just didn't feel like your dad actually loves her. Sometimes, for some people, you actually have to say that you love them to know that you do love them.

Even when there's up or downs, you have to remember to smile and laugh, it gives you hope.

[chungy]

I'm really sorry for your loss.
It's such a hard situation.
Be there for your dad, he must feel really guilty.
But it's no one's fault. Your sister was feeling really emotional, and reacted the wrong way.


I know what its like to be in a household with strict Asian parents, who solely care about grades. When I was in highschool, they pressured me like crazy. Sometimes to the point I would get so upset at myself. Once I got into university, things started to die down. They didn't pressure me at all! I pressured myself because I had this goal I wanted to meet. I definetly think Asian parents really need to relax.

[`faded]

hey there....I'm so sorry for your loss..

I haven't been in that situation where someone has committed suicide in the family..but I know that none of it is you or your dad's fault..however it would be a long time before your dad gets better..no one's at fault here, and he shouldn't blame himself for what he has done..cause I mean I understand it's your typical asian parents that do that to the kids....try to be there for your dad whenever you can, as hard as he might be on you too just try and suck it up and be there for him because losing a child isn't easy

2 weeks ago I lost my mom she had a Brain Anurism.
it's a different situation but I still lost my mom, she was very close to me too..Stay Strong no matter what, your family is going to get through this and you're gonna have tons and tons of support from family and friends dear to you..that's how they're helping me right now..your sister's death is gonna be constantly be in the back of your head..so ya..=) if you need to talk I'm here..

[derrek]

I'm sorry if I seem blunt, but your dad should feel bad. He IS responsible for her death. Dads aren't supposed to treat their children like that, bottom line. I don't a give a john tesh how angry he gets, that is your DADS fault and he can deal with the repercussions.

[AHLEENA]

edit: this post has been cleared o.o

[Shalaa]

I'm sorry if I seem blunt, but your dad should feel bad. He IS responsible for her death. Dads aren't supposed to treat their children like that, bottom line. I don't a give a john tesh how angry he gets, that is your DADS fault and he can deal with the repercussions.

That's not necessary. Parents may say hurtful things to their children to try and help them with their life later on. I'm sure he would never even think about her committing suicide.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[kandybites]

omg.. i just read this and i'm so sorry for your loss.

make sure stay beside your dad at all time and comfort your mom when she gets home.

i'm truly sorry for your loss again.

[derrek]

If anyone want to discuss my opinion privately, I will be more than happy to, I won't push it any further here.

[cowsie]

I am really sorry for your lost and I hope your father and you would feel better. ._.

[maharu.]

Oh wow...R.I.P for your sister.
Loosing a family member is so...hard.

Your dad should not blame himself because he probably was raised that certain way.
Grades, expectations...all that being normal.
When something is so normal, people expect it to be that certain way and we just can't see other options.

But I wish your dad learns something from this.
He shouldn't blame himself but he should recognize what pressure can do to some.

[ninyaah]

First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss.

I don't blame your dad for scolding her; parents are like that sometimes. They say harsh words to us, but they don't do it to hurt us. Actually, your dad reminds me of my dad. I hate it when he scolds me because his words can be really harsh. But I'm close to him and I know that he doesn't mean anything when he said those. About your sister, I think she's depressed for a long time already. The stress just keeps building up, and maybe when your father scolded her, that was the last thing she could handle. She mentioned in the letter that she's been having self-esteem issues for a long time. I haven't dealt with a similar thing before, but I hope you remember that the pain would fade in time. I hope your dad won't blame himself anymore.

[k i m c h i *]

I am deeply sorry for your loss.
To be honest, I am not good with giving advice and comforting people, but I will do my best.

I have never experienced losing anyone before, but I almost did once and it hurt me deeply. Yes, I blamed myself for the situation too, but I am slowly getting over it. I believe that your dad will do the same too. It's only natural for one to blame themself for the loss of another. I think that the best thing to do right now is give your dad some space, but also keep a close watch on him. Like what mizgen17 said, during her funeral service, have your dad talk about how much he loves your sister, have him say what he never wanted to say. Although it will not be able to bring her back, it will help her soul realize how much your dad loves her.
I hope that you and your family will stay strong. I wish you the best in the future, and may light shine upon you and your family.
May your sister rest in peace.

[dlsgp_ckdalsx3]

wow. I've never been even closely related to a suicide, but it's really amazing for you to trust us like this, it's totally serious...

it wasn't okay for your dad to say those things to your sister unless he told her afterwards that he didn't mean it, it's not surprising that she believed that she wasn't "worth it" or something because as you mentioned it's something that happened since childhood, tell your dad that through this experience he has to accept the things he said and make sure he doesn't do anything like this again, and he should raise awareness for other people not to do what he did... my words may seem harsh but I know it's not entirely his fault, but it is really really bad if he doesn't use this event to let other people know what they should and shouldn't do. and just through reading your story it'll help us to speak up if someone, whether they're family or friends, to know what to say, and we'll be sure not to say things we don't mean.

hang in there.

[meiming8]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I feel terribly for you but also for your father. I don't think your father should be blamed for her suicide; all parents have fought with their children before, especially those with asian parents who pressurise them (like me). Even through all the times I've fought with my mother, who has said terrible things to me and treated me badly before, I never once thought of suicide. Your sister obviously must have been feeling insecure and suicidal before for this argument with your father to have affected her so badly, so even though it may seem your father triggered the event, it would have probably happened at a later period if she was feeling like this.

I hope you and your family manage and support each other through this difficult time PM me if you want to talk anytime!

[Lie]

This is horrific. I'm really sorry for your loss.

Though it's difficult, try to look at the situation as one in which she just was in a lot of pain emotionally, apparently had been for a long time, and needed to get out of it. Now she's at peace and she won't have to be in pain again.