[missxmoody]

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way ...

I came back home for the weekend to spend some time with my mommy, for Mother's Day. Like a lot of people I wanted to leave my home town and never come back, which I do a decent job avoiding. However, I did have a group of friends from high school who I still consider my friends but I just can't seem to have any conversation with them. Everyone in my town was/is too reliant on their parents money so they either went to work for/with their parents or just settled at some community college and an associate's degree. All of my friend's in my group did go off to college but maybe only one or two didn't end up dropping out, all of them have ended up back home in our small little bubble town.

It's awkward whenever I see them, because my friends and I are only completely different levels .. in life in general. I went off to college, studied abroad, saw the world the best I could, and am now in graduate school ... I have friends from all over the country and a lot of places around the world. Where as I can't help but see that these people I grew up with as the same home town friends who never went anywhere.

I feel bad, but I can't help but think that we're only completely different levels. In no way am I trying to be pretentious, but a part of me honestly does think I'm better then them .. at least we're totally heading in different paths.

I just feel bad coming home and not calling my friends who are asking me when I'm going to be home to hang out.

[Prot]

If they are your friends, you'll have something in common. If they were your friends simply because you went to high school together, they weren't really your friends to begin with. All of my friends have varying pursuits yet we remain friends because we all have something in common despite our job preferences (IE: doctor, lawyer, med tech, corporate slave, teacher, comp programmer) and our religious beliefs, music/clothing taste and the many other things that differentiate us.

Anyway I think what you're trying to say is that they don't talk about anything outside of your town. They don't expand to other topics.

[derrek]

I have a question for you. If they don't talk behind your back about being better than you, and are still inviting you out to have fun and talk to you out of kindness, is it possible that THEY're better than YOU?

[zeram]

I don't know that you can say your better than them but it seems as if you've outgrown them and the town. It happens. Maybe they look at you as someone who can't seem to settle down? We all have our own perspective on the world and yours have been changed by the people around you that you met in your schooling and life experience.

[mstar]

I spent a part of my life growing up in a little bubble city in the OC. You know, the real bubble city that's in there. Most of my friends there had the usual "my parents can pay my way through life with or without college, yerknow?" attitude. And the parents treated them as such. Majority of them hit up the CCs or low-mid level four year colleges.

Myself personally have a hard time communicating with them. I went from a upper-class bubble city to white suburbia to inner-city. It's almost like we're from two seperate worlds at time. Course, we still have our fun, but it gets akwards at times. (The way they burn money is insane too)

[sushiwhore]

its kind of mean to bash them like that i think they just chose thier way of life o_O

not everyone may have the same hopes and aspirations like you so you dont really have a reason to act like how yyou are?

[Amber Jayne]

I guess my experience has been a little different because I've moved so many times. I'm used to going away from old friends and still keeping touch. It's never the same as it used to be, but if you really were friends with them at one point in time, you can be friends again despite different aspirations.

All of my friends have different views on life and different things we want to do. My best friend is extremely conservative, shy, and is majoring in computer science to work at businesses and stuff. I'm liberal, out-going, and I'm majoring in literature and I want to travel the world and write. I still love her as though she were my sister.

That being said, there are some people that I don't still keep in touch with from high school. I find, though, that they're the ones I didn't have a very deep friendship with in the first place.

[AngieK]

Just because you've gone down a different path in life and explored the world a little more doesn't make you any 'better' than your high school friends. It's what makes you all different individuals.

I moved from Colorado to California during my senior year of high school. So I have friends I have known since middle school, and friends from senior year of high school and friends from college as well. Out of all these people I know people who are lucky enough to have their parents there to support them through college, friends who've never traveled out of their hometown and friends who's lives are completely different then mine. Does any of that matter? No. Not really. Sure we've all changed, our interests have grown and whatnot but the fact is, we're still friends. And we don't really let anything get in the way of that. If we get uncomfortable silences we both work hard to find something to talk about or just enjoy the friendly silences. Sometimes we need the awkward silences, to remind us that our friendship is something to be earned, cherished, not taken for granted.

Relationships, yes, even friendships, are hard work. It takes effort on both sides to make it last long. It seems as if your friends are still trying to make an effort to keep being friends with you, yet you are the one finding excuses not to make it work. I have to agree with derrek here, I feel like the ones who are on the higher level here is your friends, not you.

[Tuxedomask]

I'm going to have to agree with a lot of people here. Friends aren't based on your level of education and how much income they bring in, they're based on how happy they make you feel when you're around them. How can you even call them friends if you think you're better then them simply because you go to graduate school. It honestly seems like you're running away from something since you dislike your hometown so much you don't even want to go back to visit. You shouldn't judge people so quickly especially your old friends. They may have their own reasons as to why they didn't continue on with education. I put off school college for almost 3 years and moved to the US to start a business with my family and now we're pretty successful with over 40 employees from just 3 employees before. Now...just because I put off school for 3 years am I not as good as you are? Because I'm now in my 2 year of college, so does it really matter how quickly you get your education?

OP I hope when you visit your friends, you don't pass judgment and pity them because they have their own reasons to live.

[shotamerican]

interesting... very interesting thread.

[terrorist]

Jesus the most high showed humility by cleaning their disciples feet.

Jim morrison, 149 I.Q, was an amazing musician.
O.D'ed on drugs and died at the age of 29. different level than most human, definitely.

here is a quote that my mother told me
"we all live different paths of life, but we all end the same way.

you are unique in your own way, but no better than anybody else.

[Viviennebaby]

I actually agree with missxmoody, there's no need to berate her just because she said what's on her mind.

In a way, i feel like this way also.
I changed and matured once i graduated High School and entered into college. Traveling around the world was one of life's many gifts that i took part of. My friends that i had back in High School, on the other hand, just took the backseat on life.
I felt that they were going absolutely nowhere, where were they going to end up after constant drinking, immature parties and constant sleeping around? Do they act their age? Are they taking their responsibilities on what they need to accomplish in life or set an example for others?

I came back home only realizing they were doing the same things since High School, a bit sad; yes.
But i felt that i have changed too much since leaving high school and we were totally different people. I was a completely different person and no way was I the same girl back then.
People change, we lose touch with friends, and friendships can go cold. This is a simple fact of life.
But there was no way that i could even label myself better than them, maybe successful at achieving life's goals, but not better.



I mean don't get me wrong, i still keep in contact with a handful of great friends back in high school, but a majority of the "others" seem to be heading down a dead end road. But i guess, people make their life how they want it.

[hikki]

^Still doesn't change the fact that she said she thinks of herself as better then (not than) them, deep down. Besides, everyone is just stating their opinons, as well.

This is probably the 4th time I tried to type a reply in here stating pretty much what everyone else has written... I just kept deleting the posts as I didn't really want to be the first to say "it".

So, some of these to you all:

[derrek]

hahaha!! YES!! *respek knuckles* fo sho!!

[phoenix rise]

of course its awkward cause your better than them and you are a snob.

[[HyuNi]]

I can relate to you missxmoody.

I had a tight group of friends back in high school and after college, grad school, and pretty much every job on campus to pay for school, I started my career and lead a TOTALLY different life than I did in high school.

I still live at home and a few of my friends still do, too... but we have't been meeting up. It's kind of like a silent exodus. We had so much in common in high school. We had the same classes, had similar hobbies, hung out at each others places and the whole nine yards.

I can say that I changed a LOT in college. I had an opportunity to experience the world and used it to my advantage. I was timid and soft spoken before, but through those difficult 5 1/2 years of college and grad school, I became a lot more assertive and confident in myself. Because of my experiences, I've become someone entirely different, and since they weren't there to see my transformation, they obviously don't understand. They aren't to blame, neither am I. It just... happens.

In their minds, I'm still the quiet, nice, passive guy. That's who I was... not who I am now. When I hung out with them, I could tell that they thought it was wierd how much I've changed and I felt like I had to 'act' like how I was in high school. It just wasn't comfortable anymore and the more I hung out with them, the more I realized that we are different people, living different lives.

I'm going to be really blunt: everyone has relationships whether it be friendship or romatic because they benefit from it. Some of those reasons include money, status, physical appearance... but there's also reasons like how that person makes you want to become a better person or you feel like you can open your heart and mind to them. Every good relationship exists because both parties benefit from it. If you don't, then I personally don't see the need nor desire to force a bond.

OP, I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think you're being snooty or judgemental. If they don't understand you or how you've changed, why should you feel obligated to them?

[carebear]

you (or anyone else for that matter) should do whatever it is that makes you happy. I don't believe that anyone should live by someone else's standards; that definitely doesn't do it for me. Perhaps someone's ideal way of living life is just to keep things simple and relax for all their years, but that doesn't put them on any lower of a level than someone else that has deemed themself very successful in life. These "levels" are merely as much as you allow them to be. I don't know about how anyone else feels about this, but I don't enjoy being judged every step I take (and also having people determine whether or not they want to be friends with me by whether or not I'm high enough for them).

I think everyone is on a different path.. and honestly I really appreciate my hometown/high school friends for the diversity and the differences we all have in life and goals.

you shouldn't feel bad about not calling your friends when you are home.. however maybe you should be happy that they consider you as their friend regardless of what level youre on.

[Lionheart]

I don't agree with anyone attacking you here, you have a right to post what you feel earnestly and detailed without the fear of being called names. Your post is NOT about if you are a snob or not, you specifically posted to see if anyone feels the same way and everyone in soompi decided to jump on the 'you're a snob' bandwagon because they don't comprehend the jist of the post and feel it was an opening to 'state their opinion'. State your opinion within the context of the post, please. Clarification aside, I have felt this way too (surprise surprise).

I don't think of myself on a different level, but I understand and embrace that people CHANGE over time. Education aside, you and them might just have different interests and opinions. I knew kids in high school who were in their emo phases, then turned into preps. I know jocks who became metal heads. I know people have different scenes, interests, and ambitions. I think that for old time's sake, it's great to be cordial, but even in relationships over the span of a few months people can change and you have to really weigh in whether they're worth it or not. Best of luck!

[Tuxedomask]

^ No one is attacking anyone and I'm sorry but Soompi wouldn't be as popular as it is now if no one gave their opinions. I think it was common knowledge to know that before you click "New Topic" you had better be prepared for everyone's opinions.

I don't think she's a snob at all, I don't even think anyone called her a snob. So before you start attacking everyone else please understand the situation. Also if you read your response own response you yourself aren't staying on topic because she want's to know if everyone "feels the same way" and obviously you don't. So according to yourself you shouldn't be expressing your own opinion right?

Sorry I had to call you out but everyone is entitled to share their opinion unless it breaks Soompi rules.

[Grumpelstiltskin]

OP, I don't think you're being a snob. You and your "old friends" have grown apart that's all. Learning when you can still adjust to that and when you can't is a difficult life skill to learn. You may feel like it's difficult to relate to them because your lives have diverged. This doesn't mean that you should stop being friends with them though. Assuming that your friends are nice people, I would still hang out with them and try to understand what's been going on in their lives.

I to have spent a lot of time doing things that not a lot of my old friends from home did which makes me feel disconnected/out of the loop sometimes. For example I have a friend that went to culinary school after high school and loves to tell me about all the things he's learned. I don't know diddly squat about cooking in comparison to him, and our lives have definitely diverged but I enjoy chatting and learning from him about what he loves to do. Although our lives are very different, we still respect each other and most importantly take the time to listen and genuinely take interest in what the other person sees as important.

Hope this is helpful.