[joongielove]

ARGH!

So I've known one of my best friends for about...4 years now.

I noticed that as of last year, she started bailing on plans. I tried not to say anything, because well, I thought it was just a temporary thing, because she had too much going on in her life. But she's been doing this more and more often, and today was the last straw.

Just for reference, she has two mental illnesses. I don't want to disrespect her by listing them, but they're there.

We started texting this morning about making plans. We agreed on plans for tonight, but neither of us were sure where we would go. She wanted to go window shopping, I was working a 7 and a half hour shift, and had been up since 5 a.m.

I texted her at 3:30 when I got no news from her. This is how it went.

her: idk i cant think of anything im not in the mood
me: okay whatever then. Bye.
her: i just figured out someone's been using me...sorry ive been crying all day.
me: ....sure.
her: You don't believe me. Okay.
me: Only because you've bailed when we made plans so many times. I tried not to say anything, really, but it's irritating. I'm sorry that that person used you but that's not an excuse to blow me off yet again.
her: i made suggestions and you did too...we justcouldnt pick somewhere we both wanted that's all.
her: i dont want to go out with puffy eyes. no one wants to see that.
Me: What about the other times? This isn't the first time ______. And at least let me KNOW if you don't wanna go, don't make me have to ask you. Don't make me the bad person in this, because I know damn well I'm not.
her: i did want to go...but just didnt know where. now if we decided on something then cancelled itd be my fault. im not trying to make you the bad person.
me: yes you are. i know when I'm being blown off. We agree on plans, maybe not the exact location of said plans, but we did make plans. Then something happens and you don't even say 'sorry I know we made plans but something happened, sorry I can't make it.' I had to ASK.
her: I know what you mean..but we didnt make exact plans thats the thing. i thought since they werent full on that we werent gonna do anything so i didnt say sorry

I feel like I'm being taken for granted right now.

Opinions?


EDIT:

So I found out today she deleted me as a friend off Facebook... and didn't even say anything after she did, after we had conversations in which I gave her advice, in which I helped her out, and in which all the conversations revolved around her. I seem to have the worst luck with friends. I'm going to just give her a piece of my mind and leave it at that, because this is honestly all bull. I'm giving this friendship my all and I'm getting absolutely nothing in return. Friendship should be about sharing and communication and trust and honesty. I'm not getting any of that.

[마법EYES]

Maybe instead of going out and doing something , you could go over to her house and talk with her? It seems she has been going through something that's pretty big, if it can make her cry. She needs a best friend right about now, not someone telling her her wrong doings..
I mean yeah, plans get canceled, and forgotten.
But are there days where she wants to do something, and 'something comes up' for you?
.. You said she used the 'using' thing as an excuse to blow you off . . Maybe she just wasnt thinking. Who wants to go out when they're feeling like crap? They wont have a good time . . AND you most likely wont either.


Go talk to her - .. Not through text(s) but face to face. Work things out. She just needs a best friend right about now. & When things are cleared up I'm sure you two would go out and spend time together :/

[muffinx3]

^ I disagree with what you're saying. The poster stated that the friend has mental illnesses so that could be a source of why she's so emotional. I'm also pretty sure that if the poster had something come up after they had made plans, she would atleast have the decency to tell her friend ahead of time that something came up and that she can't make it. Her friend didn't even bother to tell her. Honestly, who wants to stay home and feel like sh*t? I'd rather go out and try to have a good time and forget about whatever happened. If anything, I'd rather go out and talk to my bestfriend about it rather than staying at home isolating myself.

But I think that you should talk to her face to face about it. I'm taking your side on this because I know how it feels when your supposidly best friend bails on you. Tell her how it makes you feel and that you feel like you're being taken for granted. If she still thinks that she shouldn't apologize for bailing on you all the time, then she's probably not as best of a friend as you thought. A person like that isn't worth your time, illness or not. You could probably find someone else that wants to hang out with you and such rather than just randomly bailing on you all the time.

[cutiek028]

It seems to me that your not fed up with her standing you up....your getting fed up with having a friend with so many problems...

But that's just me. Sorry if I'm wrong.

[forgottenmemories]

I actually have a friend who's exactly like this too. Except she's not someone I'd call a best friend, and I've only known her for 2 years. But everytime she makes plans she would cancel them. And it's always her that always wanted to make plans and go out. And then last minute, she would call me and make up some dumb excuses like, "Oh sorry. My parents said I can't go out today, so I can't make it." Its gotten to the point where I've called her out for it many many times and all she can say about it is, "Sorry. I'm not used to hanging out with school friends. My parents raised me to go to school and come home right away." And this girl is 20 years old, I find it hard to believe that she can't hang out with her friends. It drives me crazy that she always leave me hanging... so I stopped making plans with her.

I don't know what to say about your situation, maybe try to talk to her about it? Like in person, not text. You can't solve any problems via texting, you need to talk to her face to face. Good luck.

[AHLEENA]

Ask yourself what you want from her.
[you don't want her to cancel on you, you feel used, but telling her this isn't going to do anything if she still continues to cancel.]

She's stressed, has emotional problems, has 2 mental illnesses, feels that people are using her, was crying, and is isolating herself from others.

Do you not want to be her friend anymore because she has a lot of problems?
^* anyone who feels this way probably isn't a good friend lol. but if you feel this way, please leave the poor girl alone so she can find better friends elsewhere when everything she's going through gets resolved.

Or do you want to spend more time with her because you miss her?

-

If you want to spend more time with her, just go over to her house on your own.
Her parents/siblings or she herself will open the door and let you in for sure.
(Her family must be really worried about her if she's going through all this and there's a high chance they wouldn't turn any of her friends away *uninvited or not)
And if she is really isolating herself, there's almost a 100% that she's at home.

There are lots of things you can do- play board games, cards, make food/drinks (smoothies, sushi, cake, cookies, jello etc.), watch movies, etc. etc. Or you can bring something over to do with her, whatever it may be.

Ok.
Remember, no one knows what you want to do except for you.
So whatever you choose to do- good luck~
edit: i write a lot so I changed the font, but yeah, all you had to read was the bold text

[joongielove]

Thank you everyone for responding, I read everything and took it into consideration.

^ I disagree with what you're saying. The poster stated that the friend has mental illnesses so that could be a source of why she's so emotional. I'm also pretty sure that if the poster had something come up after they had made plans, she would atleast have the decency to tell her friend ahead of time that something came up and that she can't make it. Her friend didn't even bother to tell her. Honestly, who wants to stay home and feel like sh*t? I'd rather go out and try to have a good time and forget about whatever happened. If anything, I'd rather go out and talk to my bestfriend about it rather than staying at home isolating myself.

But I think that you should talk to her face to face about it. I'm taking your side on this because I know how it feels when your supposidly best friend bails on you. Tell her how it makes you feel and that you feel like you're being taken for granted. If she still thinks that she shouldn't apologize for bailing on you all the time, then she's probably not as best of a friend as you thought. A person like that isn't worth your time, illness or not. You could probably find someone else that wants to hang out with you and such rather than just randomly bailing on you all the time.

No, she apoligizes, just does the same thing again next time. It's getting on my last nerve.

It seems to me that your not fed up with her standing you up....your getting fed up with having a friend with so many problems...

But that's just me. Sorry if I'm wrong.

No, I think you got it about right.

EDIT:

I can't be best friends with her anymore. It won't work.

[lupe]

I think you guys should talk about it face to face if you ever have time.
It's better than just texting each other. You should try to clear everything that's bothering you.
If that doesn't work out. Then your friendship was not meant to be no matter how close you were.
People change and there is nothing that can stop that from happening.


I sorta understand how you feel. You hate having to cancel or stop planning what you were anxiously wanting to do.
It would suck to have a friend bail on you specially if she is considered your BFF.
I know because I used to do that, but it was only because I was really shy. (there's other reasons why but that's another story)
There must be a good reason why your friend does this to you.
On this occassion she was feeling sad but what about the other times? Do you know why she said no?
You really need to talk to her and clear things out, even if you both agree to never speak to each other again.

[Clix]

I've been in this kind of friendship before. Believe me, it pisses me off just as much as it does you.

You need to confront her about it, give her one final chance and if she blows, she blows it. Move on, get other friends.

[Nine]

People change over time.
I've been through something like this.
Try talking to her and ask her what's been going on?
Ask her why she cancels the plans all the time.
I just find it funny how she blames you when you clearly did nothing, but that's what they do..
Blame n' ditch.

[mintcracker]

what a beech. Okay deleting you without a word??

next.

[Kathee<3]

^LOL

but yeah true. You seem like such a nice friend and you deserve someone who cares for you as well, not only for herself.

I was in a situation similar to this, i just let it go and moved on. Sure, it was a hard cause we were such close friends and i missed the person but after a while i'm glad i moved on and now i have great friends.

You deserve someone better

[*reminiscing.soul.]

This is really similar to what I went through with my now ex-best friend. Basically she made plans with me, and with some other girl on the same day, around the same time. Well, she left my friend and myself for this one other girl, she never apologised and the last time I spoke to her, she got what she deserved.

ANYWAY lols, I don't think your friend deserves another chance. She's had plenty of chances, and if she just keep repeating these things, she's not worth it

[xoxoknlove]

maybe she's being emotional because of her mental illness
BUT this is no excuse to cancel on a friend and not even tell her (i mean what if you just stood there forever and she never came?) + deleted you without a word is just sh*ty


so i don't suggest being friends with her anymore

[JazzyMina]

Find her and ask her whats wrong and talk things though.
There might be a reason for this if shes got illnesses and all.
Understand from her point of view that something might be upseting her.

If shes just blowing you off because she doesnt like being with you or doesnt like you as a person anymore, then maybe find new friends?