[Cakeyism]

My ex boyfriend and future roomate have decided to be "friends".

My Roomate: "I'm so glad you introduced us, now I have a bar buddy!"
My Ex Boyfriend: "(never tells me because he's trying to hide it)"

What bothers me is that my roomate asks him if I get mad that they hang out. My ex bf and I have been friends..but things are getting very edgy.
I want to ask my roomate how she would feel if I start hanging out with her ex bf that she still has sex with on a regular basis.

My ex bf tried asking me out again but we are def not right for each other. I am just so upset at my roomate..

NOTE: My roomate introduced herself to 2 guys after I turned them down last year
Am I out of line here?

[JeSuisMoi]

I can definitely understand why this would bother you; most girls (and guys) tend to live by that unwritten rule about not dating an ex of a friend or something.

I, personally, don't believe in that rule. You can't help how you feel. I haven't actually been in a situation like this before where I dated my friend's ex, or vice versa, but I know people that have done it or are doing it and they (are) get(ting) reprimanded just cause they can't help their feelings, like being shunned or talked about behind their backs.
I won't deny the fact that yes it is a little weird, especially if you're really close to that friend that's dating your ex (or in your case LIVING with the girl {even though she isn't dating him or anything, but who knows, they might get close or hook up; being that theyre 'bar buddies' lol}), but its something that I think you eventually push past. If you can't push past the initial weird feeling that you have about your friend dating your ex, maybe you still have feelings for that guy. I mean if you don't like/love them anymore, I don't see why them dating your friend would be an issue. (It being awkward is just an excuse &/or a phase I think. It passes eventually, wouldn't it?)

No, I don't think you're out of line. You have your reasons for being upset. And it sure does seem like your roommate likes to have your (for lack of a better phrase) sloppy seconds. But hey you know what, if it makes her feel good then whatever. Least you can say they went for you first LOL (although it does sound a bit spiteful)

I know my advice seems to be all over the place (I apologize if I'm not making any sense) but maybe if it really bugs you, talk to her about it. You don't want no animosity when you guys are living together, right?

[Cakeyism]

I can definitely understand why this would bother you; most girls (and guys) tend to live by that unwritten rule about not dating an ex of a friend or something.

I, personally, don't believe in that rule. You can't help how you feel. I haven't actually been in a situation like this before where I dated my friend's ex, or vice versa, but I know people that have done it or are doing it and they (are) get(ting) reprimanded just cause they can't help their feelings, like being shunned or talked about behind their backs.
I won't deny the fact that yes it is a little weird, especially if you're really close to that friend that's dating your ex (or in your case LIVING with the girl {even though she isn't dating him or anything, but who knows, they might get close or hook up; being that theyre 'bar buddies' lol}), but its something that I think you eventually push past. If you can't push past the initial weird feeling that you have about your friend dating your ex, maybe you still have feelings for that guy. I mean if you don't like/love them anymore, I don't see why them dating your friend would be an issue. (It being awkward is just an excuse &/or a phase I think. It passes eventually, wouldn't it?)

No, I don't think you're out of line. You have your reasons for being upset. And it sure does seem like your roommate likes to have your (for lack of a better phrase) sloppy seconds. But hey you know what, if it makes her feel good then whatever. Least you can say they went for you first LOL (although it does sound a bit spiteful)

I know my advice seems to be all over the place (I apologize if I'm not making any sense) but maybe if it really bugs you, talk to her about it. You don't want no animosity when you guys are living together, right?

No, my friends have said the same things...thank you for your reply.. I just need to figure out wtf I should do. I have tried putting myself in my roomate's shoes, and my ex boyfriends...I can't help how other people feel, it's just hard for me to tell myself not to give a john tesh. I think and dwell on things way too much >_< Thanks for your post!!!

[lisalee89]

it's totally normal to feel this way. My so called friend, did this to me. It was just plain gross. not that I still had feelings for him, bc I didnt, but still, The whole point is, you just dont do that kind of stuff to people who you consider close to you. It's true also that you cannot help your feelings.

[daehanminguk1345]

Well, if you know you guys aren't right for each other, why should it bother you? I know, I know, it's hard to overcome, but eventually you get past it. I honestly could care less if a friend of mine decided to date my ex - I have no feelings for him whatsoever; it's not like he was a bad guy, he was just too immature for me, kind of annoying at times.

If it really bothers you, though, you could try talking to your roommate; just let her know how you feel, but also make sure she knows that you're not controlling her love life / who she becomes friends with.

[kneekey]

"Bros before hoes"

-Still applies to us girls.

[kireisnowtenshi]

Naw you aint out of line. Its perfectly legit.

First off its 2 separate relationships that you need to separate in order to function in them.

If they choose not to respect the fact that you want a relationship that doesnt require boundaries or choosing between them, then they are just being selfish and inconsiderate of you're feelings.

Its understandable that you would not want your friends to chill with your ex..first off it could lead to other things...and second its rude...third thats not a friend you want around.

Everytime a friends breaks with an ex no matter how well I get along with them the relationship I had with them is over. Plain and simple.

Its just common sense.

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

life isnt always as you expect them to be. you cant control that. i would prefer that wont ever happen to me but its not up to me. why dont you go get yourself a bf so you can stop worrying about it. and...if you do happen to have a bf and is STILL upset about it, i have nothing to say. just move on

[tirahbunny]

My ex boyfriend and future roomate have decided to be "friends".

My Roomate: "I'm so glad you introduced us, now I have a bar buddy!"
My Ex Boyfriend: "(never tells me because he's trying to hide it)"

What bothers me is that my roomate asks him if I get mad that they hang out. My ex bf and I have been friends..but things are getting very edgy.
I want to ask my roomate how she would feel if I start hanging out with her ex bf that she still has sex with on a regular basis.

My ex bf tried asking me out again but we are def not right for each other. I am just so upset at my roomate..

NOTE: My roomate introduced herself to 2 guys after I turned them down last year
Am I out of line here?

so does that mean that you are still sleeping with your ex bf? if you are, then your roommate should know better than that and show more respect by not being so close to him and hanging out with him separately. it doesn;t have if the two of have broken up, if you're still talking to each other or hooking up then it's the same rule, so your roommate should try to stay away. if shes really just friends with him then thats fine, but if you see a different motive and if there's flirting then you def. have a reason and a right to be worried. i think you should talk to her about how she thinks of the situation, and what she thinks of him, and if she says she likes him or whatever then thats when you have to tell her how YOU feel. i dont think shes doing anything totally wrong...yet. theyre just hanging out now but it might lead to more.

err sorry, i just reread your post, you meant to say that SHE still sleeps with her ex bf on a regular basis. nevertheless, my advice still applies (just not the first sentence hehe). if there's no more feelings whatsoever with your ex bf, its still understandable that you are upset, because you have a history with him and im sure if any of your friends or esp. someone you are living with is dating him it would be really uncomfortable and awkward. i wish you the best of luck.

[SHINEjaejoong]

I kind of would beat the living sh!t out of her.. OR atleast confront with her and ask her why the hell she is dating guys that you have broken up with or rejected. She's acting like a b!tch and you the right to be upset over that. Friends/roommates do NOT go after each others ex-s and admirers and blahblahblah...

[heheimawesome]

i think the whole ex bf/gf are off limits to friends is stupid.
you guys broke up. as long as both of you are completely over it it should be alright. if one of you still has feelings for the other, okay sure. then you just wait. but if you're both over it then it's fine. why get in the way of your friends happiness for no reason? it's not like it's going to hurt you if you see him, because you're completely over it.


my BEST FRIEND dated my ex girlfriend while i still liked her. and i still didnt hate him or her for it. i just walked away and pretended i didnt see anything when they were being intimate infront of me. love is uncontrollable you can't control who you like.

[Swtess]

There's a limit to how far you can stay mad and 'restrict' them. Frankly, if you broke up and you already rejected him again and again then what gives you the right to be pissed off that he found someone else? Yes as a friend you feel betrayed that a friend is going after your ex but quite frankly go think it over. Your letting your feelings do the talking instead of your brain. You're over him so you should not be all high and mighty that your friend/room mate is hitting it off with him. Sure she's being a bit promiscuous but that's her life.

It would hurt if a friend went after my ex, IF I still had feelings for him but if not then go right ahead. When they're single, its fair game. He's not your's no more and you certainly can't dictate how your friends feel.

[Painterlyy]

I believe in the rule to a certain extent. I think if your friends just go right ahead without confronting you, then that's just wrong. But if they do ask you about what you think...then there really isn't anything wrong with that.

[Cakeyism]

Thanks for all the responses.. I should say that I feel jealous because when we broke up he started hanging out with another Asian girl a week later and would study with her right in front of me at the library....My roommate is also Asian..and he's not. So I think he has a thing for Asians (who doesn't XD)

I talked to him and he said it's basically up to me (he didn't apologize for trying to hide their new 'friendship' from me, even though I found out, and acted like nothing was wrong or why anything should bother me)

There's 3 weeks left of school (thank God) I need a break from this stupid high school crap. I think I'll just be friends with him and try to be peaceful before summer. I just wish my roommate wasn't such a ditsy air head >_< But I still like her... blah