[Charry]

Which joke is funniest?
They all made me LOLed (x

1.
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

2.
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"


3.
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."


4.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."


5.
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

[BaboJen]

I don't find any of them funny

[Charry]

^
I guess I'm in such a good mood that everything can make me giggle and laugh xD

[aymei]

lol I thought they were pretty funny
I don't get #4 though lol

[mrs.sierna]

haha they're cute : )
especially the "betty crocker' one haha

[mssle]

I didn't get number four either.
They all weren't really funny, but number two got me to smile.

[Charry]

For #4, the hooker was expecting a sexual request from him.

Instead, the guy spent $300 to have her paint his house instead.

Hope it makes sense now ^^;

[tiffanitrix]

...these werent very amusing.
especially the first one.

[clownface]

i didnt really find the first one funny, but the rest kinda were

[kanyewong]

I dont't get the 3rd one. :[ But the 4th one is good.

[dudeilovefood]

i don't get number 3, number 5 isn't funny because really, it could've been but the way it's said isn't, number two-LOL, number one-okayyy?, number 4, - i keep thinking there;'s sexual reasons behind the words he says-but it's still funny!

[&. crepuscular]

number 3. oh baby LOL

^ it means that she'll give him a... an oral sex session LOL
you know put her mouth around his genitals instead of the alligator

[jennych]

the first made me go 'oooh' >.< bit disrespectful o.O I got them all but none made me laugh.. the paint my house ones clever though

[ovaltinejenkins]

i liked number 4!
and for number 5, my psych teacher always mentioned that in every lesson... so it got kind of old lol.

[kimlovesminhwan]

ROFLROFL @ JOKE 2, 3, & 4
i think i just pissed in my pants ;D