[Shiiine]

Well here's the story; If you don't wanna read it all, just skip down to the last bit

I have a really bad relationship with my mother. No it's not like..abusive or really unfair or anything o.o which is why i feel really badly about the way i feel about her
But i always believed that feelings is one of those things that people don't really have too much control over, you can't really help it if you feel a certain way or not.

So anyway, long story short (I don't wanna go into a lot of detail why) i can't stand her. I wouldn't go as far to say that i hate her though sometimes when i'm angry at her i'd say i do (dont we all ).
I can't stand being in the same room as her if it's just us two, i can't stand talking to her,
But honestly, i really don't care for her. It's more of an indifference and ignorance towards her more than outright hate. She's pretty much shut out of my life, I don't tell her anything about what's going on (friends, school, etcetc)
& I know she feels really hurt about this.

About my mom, I really don't want to go into a lot of detail but she says a lot of things that aren't true about me, assumes a lot of things, complains ALL the time and constantly accuses me of one thing or another. I try my hardest to do what she says but if it's not one thing, then it's another and she's pretty much never satisfied. Im pretty sure she doesn't know how hard i try, and i try because i know she's hurt and angry and all that. Also, in all honesty she handles things extremely immaturely. When we get into fights or arguements i'm the one acting mature and she has to resort to being petty and pretty much downright mean about anything =/ She becomes like a whiny brat that's impossible to deal with. The way she acts pretty much disgusts me.

I never tell her anything about my life because once i let even one little thing slip, it leads to a whole bunch of things, so i've just learned to not tell her anything. I haven't always been so cold to her, but gradually throughout the years this is the way i've learned to deal with her. It's terrible but this is pretty much how it happened >_<
I usually ignore her and agree to everything she says just to avoid arguement. When she starts whining, complaining & yelling i also just take it in silence no matter how angry i get and no matter how wrong she is.

This has basically affected my entire life in anything that involves her in the slightest. Including family, and family friends and so forth. It's simply just because she's around that i always look pokerfaced and unfeeling and angry. Cuz yknow when you keep a straight face it automatically looks as if you're angry or unpleasant. So i think most of my family has noticed this as well as our family friends and such. But really it's only because of my mother being there. Most people have also noticed its because of her but i try not to let it show, but its a lot harder than it looks

I've tried for 6 years to change myself, to convince myself that deep deep down maybe i love her, communicate better with her, i've tried so many different ways of trying to deal with her or handle her and to no avail.
I've even tried just pretending to like her and pretend to be nice and put up with all of her demands just to make her happy and make our relationship a bit easier and better. But no it never lasts for long and eventually I got tired of trying and lying.

I know as a teenager, i'm still irresponsible, immature in a lot of ways and make a lot of mistakes. But yeah i'm a teenager o.o i'm probably going to grow up one day and realize how stupid i was and whatever. But, i never complain to my mom, I never yell at her or express my anger/dislike in any outright manners. I try my best to do what she asks but again, as a teenager obviously i can't be perfect.


Wow so i didn't even know how to properly explain more than half the stuff i wrote x_x and i left out a lot but basically a lot of our problems stem down to the fact that I don't like her nor do i care for her. Though I try my best not to show it, i can't help the fact that my disgust for her shows in my face and the way i act. I know it's bad but it's true.

Our relationship is so bad that I just suggested we go for counselling because really, i think we need it. But i'm not sure it'll help because I know that the real problem is that I don't like her and it ends up showing in everything that I do towards her. I haven't told her this because I know of course this would hurt so much and of course make our relationship even worse..
So is it possible for me to change this? Is it possible for me to try and change how i feel? o.o Is there any way to..fix this? o.o

[jhealizzie]

one question,
is she really your mother?

[Emiso]

WOW. I never thought someone felt the exact same way about their mom. Like I assume a lot of people will tell us it's cause we're teenagers and all teenagers are going through this. But this started for me when I was in grade 6 and I'm about to go to University this year. So I'd like to think I just stopped feeling for her. Like you I tried to put up with it but it's gone to the point that I honestly can't anymore cause our arguments, the way she talks, acts, and handles situations is just really unbearable.

To be honest I don't know what to do either. I've been at a loss for years. But what I tell myself is to just put up with it until I move out and start my own life. However, my mom is a single mother and I don't want to just abandon her cause in some ways, yes this will be harsh to say but I pity her. But to be frank I'm not sure if I love her and if I ever will. But you should just put up with it, if you can't pretend try to avoid it. Not all mother daughter relationships end up beautiful and maturely and progress over the years as friends. Some just end. And I think you and I are in similar situations.

I think time will probably tell what will happen to your relationship with your mom. It's always sad to think that you can't maintain a healthy relationship with your mom but it happens. If you tried, maybe you should let go and try in a couple of years. Perhaps your mom will change. And to be honest, I don't know what counselling would do for you cause I never tried it but my mom has a strong sense of pride so she'd never go with it. D:

But yeaaah. Sorry for wall of text. I wish you luck, and hope things will end up for the best.

[spixder]

one question,
is she really your mother?

Why do u even bother posting at all?

Back to the topic, Shiiine, your mum gave birth to you, had sleepless nights because of you, fed you, wash your clothes, change your nappies, provide for you...etc etc. Now imagine if your mum suddenly disappeared from your life, who's gonna cook for you, wash your cloths, pay for things that you want to buy, pay for your education, clean the toilet etc etc? What will you do then?

Yes you're a teenager and you said so yourself that you're not perfect, well your mums a human and she's not perfect either, as like me and every single thing that roams this planet. When she yells/argues with you, take a step back and see where she's coming from, consider her past and how she was brought up and etc.

If you want to change then let go of your fears and worries about how you might make the relationship worse, sit you mum down and have a good talk with her and be honest. Although u cannot go back and rewrite your past, you can start a new ending now onwards, good luck.

[hannieoon]

Everyone goes through that stage. Yes there are always exceptions to the rule.

I agree with spixder, though. It used to be the exact same way with my parents. I used to have a bad relationship with my parents throughout high school. I wouldn't talk to them and I couldn't communicate with them at all. I didn't tell them anything because I knew that they wouldn't understand. But I started to really appreciate them after spending time apart. Seriously.... it takes a lot of effort and patience to take care of a child. I'm sure you're Mom loves you. Think about it, without your mom you probably couldn't do half the things she does. I understand the resentment you feel because I've been there. I think the fact that you cant communicate with your mom is really bugging you. You're sick of being nagged by your mom and just sit silent because you want to avoid argument. My parents did all the yelling and they were always right and that really bugged me so I didn't say anything to them because it wasn't like they were willing to listen.

And you're right about the growing up and looking back and realizing how stupid some of the things you said or have done. Some of the stuff that happened when I was still in high school is nothing compared to what you experience in college. You're still young. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder. So give your mom a break. She wants the best thing for you. Sometimes, adults forget that being a teenager is stressful. You have the expectation to get good grades and go to a good college, get a good job, marry, and have a happy life. Sounds pretty lame but I used to vent in my journal/diary. Yepp.... I still have one of those. LoL.