[honeysky]

I dated the same guy for almost four years. He could be described as the perfect guy: he always care about others and me, is kind and polite, cares about the environment, mature, always does his best, is good with money, loves children, positive attitude, loves life, selfless, etc.
Towards the end of the third year he started working his job and started caring about me less.. well he still cared about me, but he started getting cold to me, not giving me attention or calling/messaging me, and being downright mean to me. I loved him a lot though, and we always talked about getting married(I'm 21 he's 24) etc, so I didn't think it was enough that I couldn't put up with and just stay with him.

But this February, we broke up. I decided to break up.. and the guy I'm dating now(he's 22) is a really nice guy. For the most part he fills the gaps where my ex boyfriend wasn't enough, like giving me attention and lots of love, but in all other areas I think he is lacking, he's kinda immature and I couldn't see myself having a future with him really.. I feel like being in a relationship with him he is how I was with my ex, and I am how my ex was, so I can really see my flaws with my ex-boyfriend. I really like him a lot, but I'm wondering if I made a big mistake with my ex-boyfriend.. I think about him everyday and I feel bad because of what I'm doing to my current boyfriend. My heart hurts everyday because I'm so torn. I need some advice from someone who doesn't know either of them so I can get some unbiased opinions.

So what do you think I should do? Do you think I should try to get back with my ex? Or just forget about him and stay with the guy I'm with now. Please give me your advice guys <3

[Lie]

I feel you're doing far too much settling. You knew the last guy wasn't right for you so you broke up with him, you got with the new guy and you sort of know he isn't right for you, why go back with the first guy just because he's the lesser of two evils (pardon the expression)? Go out there and find a guy who IS right for you, I think.

[blueokami]

ehh I don't have as much dating experience as you prolly, lol I''m still young! but anyway, was there some reason you broke it off with your ex? was there lots of communication? like why he was being 'mean' to you? o_O how was he? lol details details! we can't tell unless we know what happened! =]

[C4Y [[Crazy 4 YeongSaeng]]]

It kinda sounds like your current boyfriend is just a rebound.
I mean, you did date your ex for 4 years. How long did you wait till you started dating this new guy?

If I were you, I'd cut both boys loose.
Your ex is your ex. And your current, right now is only a rebound (as I see it)
It's best to just be single, get over your ex, and enjoy it.
You're still young, so you have much time before marriage :]

But whatever your decision, good luck. :]

[honeysky]

ehh I don't have as much dating experience as you prolly, lol I''m still young! but anyway, was there some reason you broke it off with your ex? was there lots of communication? like why he was being 'mean' to you? o_O how was he? lol details details! we can't tell unless we know what happened! =]

I'll go into more detail sorry~ I think he started being mean to me because he was taking out his stresses from his job on me. he used to say to me stuff like, "i didn't message you today because my job is more important than you." and he thought he couldn't give me the attention that i wanted. but for every bad thing he did like that he has done lots of nice things too. one of the reasons why we broke up is because he is going to brazil for his job for at least five years and I needed some time to think if that's what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

It kinda sounds like your current boyfriend is just a rebound.
I mean, you did date your ex for 4 years. How long did you wait till you started dating this new guy?

If I were you, I'd cut both boys loose.
Your ex is your ex. And your current, right now is only a rebound (as I see it)
It's best to just be single, get over your ex, and enjoy it.
You're still young, so you have much time before marriage :]

But whatever your decision, good luck. :]

I guess the guy now is just a rebound haha~ but he's made me open my eyes to a lot of things with my ex. I just feel like if I let my ex go I will never find a guy as good as him again~

[blueokami]

Heyy I see, lol, he seemed a bit stressed o.O... did he realise he was hurting you that much by saying his job was more important than you? because if it was, then yea, you should have left. If not well, maybe you should discuss it ^^;

Guys around 22 aren't very mature yet o_O... though someday he'll mature up, I think he's like a 22 year old version of your ex! and when he reaches 24, he'll be like your bf lol, less of those txts and calls and more focused on life, those txts and calls never last forever ^^;

right now I think your ex is better, because girls mature faster than guys, and dating an 'immature' guy doesn't usually work out I think, gotta go for the more mature guy =]

anyway goodluck with that! hope to hear how it went later on!

[HaplessChild]

I went through the same exact thing a few years ago. It takes time but you'll get over it.

[hannieoon]

Well... you had a long term relationship with your first guy. Why are you looking to go from a LTR to anothe LTR? Just go out and have some fun. The guy you're dating is obviously going to be rebound. He's just there to help you get over your first boyfriend.

And no... you shouldn't go out with the first boyfriend. You did not make a mistake. He was being really mean to you.

[dramaprincessxox]

You made the right choice when you left the first bf. If he doesn't show you enough caring now, it'll be hell when you get married. I know that since the new bf isn't measuring up, you feel like you made a mistake, but you didn't! You just met two mismatches, one after the other. There are many guys around and it's harder to find the really good ones. You must be aware that almost every guy you meet will not be that good. The good ones are in the minority.

You will have to shop around a bit until you find the perfect one. When I say shop around, I mean just learn about them. Observe from a distance first, then later you can get to actually know him personally and go out with him, and get into a relationship. Of course, never sleep with them. Just get to know their strengths and flaws. When you know enough about the guy, leave him if you can't see yourself marrying him. It's that simple. If you aren't picky now, you'll reget it later when you marry him and he just ignores you and starts cheating as well. It might be hard, because you might leave one because he doesn't care enough, then leave another because he was a liar, leave another because he only wanted sex etc., but that's just how the world is. Don't stay with/marry a guy just because you've been with him for a long time and "don't want to start over" or because you "don't want to be alone". You will regret it and long to be single again after making that mistake!

[plegend2007]

Before you decide about who you want to be with or not...

First, you need to find out about yourself..who you really are, what you really want in life, and love(including the type of guy). If I were you, I wouldn't be in a relationship right now until you figure things all out b/c you just seem very confused at the moment. Sometimes it's better to take a step back, in order to move forward.

Once you figure out what you want and what you're looking for, you'll be less confused, therefore, making your choice or choices a lot smarter and with the possibilities of having more success.

Good luck.

[8D_heeeeeeeee]

It's not a matter of whether you made the right or wrong choice, you made choice that you felt was best for you and that's all that matters really.

Never get back with an ex. If you still have feelings towards the guy it just shows you need to give yourself more time to get over him. He was Mr. Almost Right, now go find Mr. 100% right.

Oh you might want to lose the rebound guy. Don't want him thinking it's a serious all term relationship, now do you?

Good luck :]

[l3lo]

saw you come by my page and saw your topic post so i decided to post something to help?

anyways, i think right now you might not need to find "MR. RIGHT" but maybe find yourself a little bit more? or
maybe give some space and time for yourself? a lot of people get into these little dead ends in their relationships
when the problem lies within themselves. the two guys have things that you like but are also lacking other things.
people aren't perfect and aren't made to be, so is relationships. the thing is what do you want right now? and is it
what you really want? you had "MR. ALMOST RIGHT" but now you have "MR. RIGHT NOW". just give yourself some
space for the time being.

if you already derived a conclusion then just ignore this .

[thesisoflove]

don't date a guy you can't see a future with
>___<

[des monstres]

I'll go into more detail sorry~ I think he started being mean to me because he was taking out his stresses from his job on me. he used to say to me stuff like, "i didn't message you today because my job is more important than you." and he thought he couldn't give me the attention that i wanted. but for every bad thing he did like that he has done lots of nice things too. one of the reasons why we broke up is because he is going to brazil for his job for at least five years and I needed some time to think if that's what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.




I guess the guy now is just a rebound haha~ but he's made me open my eyes to a lot of things with my ex. I just feel like if I let my ex go I will never find a guy as good as him again~

yeah. from reading your story, i could tell your current boyfriend was a rebound.

that's what my mom does to me. she gets really stressed out at work and takes it out on me. but i know at the end of the day, she always loves me. and i know it's kind of.. not similar comparing a mother's love and a relationship. although yes, having a job is stressful and should be up there in priorities, he shouldn't have been so rude about it. instead of breaking up, you should've went on a break to give each other some space.

i mean.. you don't see yourself with the guy you're with now, so why are you still dating him? maybe you should just stay friends.

give yourself time to be alone. be single. ya know. ;0