[yomama]

I started dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and it's been an off and on relationship.
After a couple of months into the relationship I realized I had jumped into a relationship without really thinking about it
and truly did not have strong enough feelings for my bf. Feeling guilty I tried to break up with him only leading him to become depressed and him telling me about how he hasn't eaten or left his room in days all because we broke up.. feeling guilty I decided to get back together with him and try to work things out..
the relationship was becoming more burdensome to me and at time I felt suffocated because he would become angry with me just spending time with my family instead of him and put me through a lot of guilt trips.
I broke up with him again only for him to resort to alcohol this time and drinking to the point where he it was life threatening everyday
once again I was back into the relationship with him out of the guilt he made me feel
he said he couldn't function without me and was even considering death everyday.
but when I am with him he's great to me but there are more times when he is mad at me because of some very stupid things such as
playing with my best friends or family or going to church instead of spending the time with him when most of the time is actually spent with him

He has friend who I have known before my boyfriend
his friend and I have always been close
to the point where people thought we were dating so it was a surprise to all when I ended up with his friend
my boyfriend always suspects something is going on between his friend and I and will criticize me for everything and I denied everything
till recently his friend actually told me he has liked me the whole time and was upset I hurried into a relationship without giving him time to ask me out.
Till this day his friend and I have not brought that conversation up at all and my boyfriend has no idea. I don't know what to do because since I have known his friend longer
and actually had a mutual crush on him before I feel I would be happier with his friend and his friend is everything that I want in a guy
but I know that would be wrong but how much longer could I stay in this relationship
every time I try to leave I'm always brought back through guilt
I'm not happy at all but with his friend I am always the happiest

*edit*
I actually haven't seen him in a couple of days already since he is on vacation with his sister
and that is what got me to realize how I am a lot less worry free and more laid back with him not around
and I'm not constantly on my toes making sure I didn't miss a phone call or a text message from him
because every time I missed a phone call or replied a little to late to a text he would go off into his little world
and act like a baby and assume the reason why I didn't respond or pick up the call is due to the fact that I don't like him
and that I forgot about him
the time apart has actually helped me realize all the bad situations he put me through the past year
He always makes me feel as if it was my fault and even when it was his he would apolgize but then immediatly follow with a comment making it seems as if i made him do what he did
I know he cares a lot about me but I want to spend time for myself and would like the independency of learning to do things on my own and making my own decisions and figuring out things by myself
but he always makes decisions of me, figures things out for me, does everything
not in a nice way like he does it cause he wants to help but because he doesn't think i'm capable of doing anything without him

i guess i just needed to vent about the frustration i have had with him

with me breaking up with him for good
I tried many times to explain why I was breaking up but he just doesn't get it
I even tried being mean but that didn't work either
I feel that even if I do break off all contact with him he will somehow find a way to come find me and the cycle will happen all over again

*edit edit*

Thank you everyone for your advices
I took everyone's advice into consideration and actually sat him down and explained to him how I really felt
and told him everything that was bothering me and on my mind

..............

in return I got a very childish reaction from him where he was giving me those little childish remarks
like when I said that I wanted to break up he was like
"fine whatever I don't care fine~~~~!"
In a very whiny and childish way and he is 26 years old. He also started crying which totally caught me off gaurd.
I sat there spilling out everything to him and he was being very childish and hard to get through
After I left I cut off all connections with him
but now his friends are coming up to me telling me that I am probably the world's most horrible pinkberry
not knowing what I went through or felt they only heard his side of the story and now I am currently known as the gold-digging, ungrateful, selfish witch
Through all the rumors that may go on around me I am just glad that if this what he has to do and as long as I dont have to go back into this relationship
than I am fine with these rumors

[Lie]

Well, you have to break up with him. You're quite aware of that, I think. There's really no way around it. But what you should work on is a plan of action, particularly, how to avoid getting guilted back into a relationship with him. Seems mean, but perhaps ignore his cries of distress this time when you break-up? I guess I'm sort of a cruel person, but I feel like if people aren't strong enough to handle some difficulty in life (like a break-up or the death of a family member), it's not a horrible thing to let them sort themselves out however they may see fit. I feel like we live in a culture these days that dictates that we should coddle the weak, and as a result of which they're never forced to get any stronger or to build a backbone. The best thing you can do for him is to recommend a good therapist, not to continue being with him as part of this cycle of guilt. You can't continue to be in this relationship out of guilt. Even though he may not see it, it's not helping him any either. He needs to spend some time working on himself before he can ever have a fulfilling relationship.

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

when you break up with him, do it in a short, clear cut straightforward way. i dont think there's anything wrong doing it over the phone. the point is you have to do it. have a friend stay by your side if you do it in person(like have her sit in a corner as you guys talk, make it as short as possible) if it's over the phone, it's easier, say you have to go and hang up. it does sound mean but you just have to do this, you dont want him to linger on any feelings. after that you want to change your phone number and use a new aim screen name. you shouldnt have to feel guilty for breaking up with him because he's emotionally blackmailing you. you keep this lingering on, you're only hurting him more.

ive been through a similiar situation, and when he tells me he's suffering, he's sick, he's gonna drink until he doesnt feel anything anymore, it's become so routine, it's kinda funny/sad and i just completely ignore it. he's went through phases like he couldn't live without me to using hateful words back to apologizing then.........well you get the picture.

best of luck

[haneul]

Nobody should ever be in a relationship with someone other than the reason that they actually want to be. He's not your son, you're not his mama, you can't be looking after him like this. I think you know that you have to break up with him but this time, stick through with it. Even if he comes to your door holding a knife saying he's gonna end his life.. you can't get back together with him. Besides, if he truly loved you, he'd want you to be happy and would know that forcing you into the relationship isn't doing you any good.

Break up with him, give him time to cool off. If he decides to be your friend after, great. If not, well, I don't think that would be a terrible loss considering his other friend whom you used to like and who liked you back.

Good luck. I know breaking up sucks, I've had my fair share, but you just have to do it. If you don't, you'll be hurting yourself and the other person more in the long run.

[naoto]

This one is harddd... I pity him man and I bet you do too. If he is a nice person and everything I wouldn't want you to just dump and leave. Of course if you break up you make it clear cut and everything but the fact is breaking up will hurt him period no matter how good you word it. So let's try to think of some solutions here:

-find him a nice girl. somebody he clicks with. Emotions are just that, I've been heartbroken for 2 years and then find someone new and poof the hurt disappear instantly.
-tell him what haneul said. "Besides, if he truly loved you, he'd want you to be happy and would know that forcing you into the relationship isn't doing you any good." This might work. It might make him think of it differently.

I can't really think of much, I will come back when I do. But be sensitive eh? He's only hurt because of the strong feelings he has for you. I pity that.

[Alice16uy]

I feel sorry for you and him. At this point, I think it's pretty clear that you are ready to break up.
I guess he's too emotional unstable to ever accept the end of your relationship.
BUT you need to break it off. You need to live your own life for your own happiness to. From reading this, I think he's really selfish. He's not your responsibility. There's no reason for you to sacrifice your happiness because he can't handle his emotions.

[joxxy]

Break up with him without beating around the bush.
Recommend for him to go talk to a counselor because he sounds really unstable.
And don't date his friend.
Your bf will literally go crazy.

[JazzyMina]

I agree with everyone.

Ur mostly with him because you feel guilty and thats not even a good enough reason to stay with a guy.

Your suppose to love being with the guy and be happy atleast.

Leave the guy and if he does any more black mailing, ingore his ass!~

[Swtess]

I had a friend like that. Honestly, there will be no way you will have all ties cut with him. Only way is for some guy to come along and sweep you off your feet. He's an unhealthy individual and a big baby. All the drama so that he can get his toy back. Does he really love you? Maybe or maybe not. It could be that he just can't let go or he just can't express his love for you properly. Either way, you're both not happy in this. No matter what he says, he's not happy as well. He's overly paranoid and is always on edge as well.

You need to break it off either with as few words as possible or explain it all to him.l You need to know that no matter what he says, you're not in the wrong. You lost all feelings and continuing the relationship will just cause more pain as time goes by. You should know his tricks of always guilt tripping so you should not listen to what he says.

[EMPORIO]

We'll that sucks, you just need to drop him like it's hot

[metallicbunny]

make the breakup very clean and tell him you just dont want to deal with him anymore, then, stay away from him as much as possible, dont let him get into you, your an independent woman who deserves so much better, if he still persists, go get the police involved, ur done ;3

[reno2200]

He's either seriously emotionally unstable or he's a control freak/is screwing around. Either way, he's bad news. Don't date him because you pity him.

[korean_boy]

my best friend just recently recovered from a very similar situation over the past year. he was going out with his g/f for about 8 months and his g/f just recently broke up with him. he told me she did it over the phone and the convo was only like 5 minutes.
she said she left him because he was becoming too controlling, envious, and would guilt her all the time.
she cut him off from virtually all sorts of contact after that too.
He was very depressed for several months. but he just recently got over it.
it's just like how people always say sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better, which in this case is very true.
you should do what the popular opinion on this thread is saying, which is to break it off in a very clear cut manner.


i know it may seem extremely hard, but in all fairness and in reality, this is always a risk everyone takes when they get into a relationship.
you have to be willing to get hurt in order to find someone that will equally love you as you love them. it comes with the nature of dating and relationships. even if he doesn't realize this, it's not your fault. it was his responsibility to accept the possibility of breaking up one day when he decided to be your boyfriend.

i guess for him, he shouldn't hate the playa. he should hate the game.

[5.mystline]

If you're In a relationship that only makes the opposition happy and not yourself eventually It Is you that will become more unhappy and depressed, QED just break up with him and perhaps book him in for a psychology check up because It seems he's some problems.

[chickyl3aby]

you should watch "how to lose a guy in 10 days" lol


well in all seriousness, sit him down and explain to him that u want to break up, u don't have the same feelings, etc etc.... make sure he really understands that u just want to be friends...

and if he attempts to do anything to hurt himself... he's just doing that to hurt u... very childish. no matter what, you can let that get to u and tie u down..

[Agashi]

Damn. I know how you feel. But it wasn't half as bad, because I actually tried to get away from the relationship before it started to go anywhere.

[bbyxwinnie]

i know that guilt feeling ;/ but i gues im not as nice as you since i chose to ignore it. but i think you should show him this thread to get it through his mind. if a relationship is a burden to you then you shouldnt bother with it

[yomama]

thank you all for your advices
It helped me realize what I had to do

[naoto]

wait he spread rumors about you and said you were a golddigging horrible person? I take back my comment. I don't feel for him then. Destroy!!!!!