[sunwoo_shinae]

Basic facts are: I'm 18, my brother is 29... (I was a late baby... accident? lol), my sister-in-law is 26....

My brother is pretty cool most of the time, but my parents were always working when I was born so my brothers (I have 3) basically raised me (they're 11, 12, and 14 years older than me.)
My parents are visiting Korea right now, so I have to live at my brother's house (with his wife) cause my mom wouldn't let me stay home by myself. (I'm home from college btw)
I work 3 days out of the week, but the rest of the days, I just stay home... so I am really, really bored, especially since I don't have a car anymore (had to sell it)... so I go out a lot with my friends. I usually come back home by 10 or 11, but sometimes, especially on the weekends, I get home at like 1 or 2. My parents don't really care.

Now, at my brother's house, I went out 3 times in one week, and he got mad at me, like, yelling me... I was like, why are you getting so worked up about it? Even our mom doesn't care. And then last night, I went out and came back at 1am-ish... and he was waiting for me and so we got into a HUGE fight about me not respecting him (since he's older) and talking back and not respecting the rules of his house...
And then my sister in law woke up and came down, and at first, she was sticking up for me, and then she switched sides and started telling me not to talk back to my brother...

It was REALLY frustrating.

I don't feel that I'm disrespecting the rules of his house.. I'm 18 years old and I don't think I should be locked up in a house for 3 weeks.

And the other thing is: I haven't lived with any of my brothers since I was 10 or 11 so of course I'm not really that used it... but I always talked with them comfortably... But my brother is making a really big deal out of me talking back to him (which I don't think I'm doing in the first place). I'm his sister, not his daughter, so I don't think there is such a thing as talking back. (Is there?)

So... I'm only going to be living with him for about 2 more weeks so I don't want to be on bad terms with him. Should I just suck it up and stay home? I hate being stuck inside all day... but he hates it when I go out and come back late.
Am I disrespecting him?
I just need some other people's perspectives and opinions... (because my friend's are all taking my side of course... but I they might be just lying to me lol)

EDIT:

Ohhh.... maybe I should also mention really quickly that I was a spoiled little b!tch when I was in high school, caused a lot of troubles... basically your stereotypical bratty youngest child. I used to run to my oldest brother for EVERY little thing... and after I almost got expelled, I REALLY straightened up, and stopped acting so horrible. Anyway, I think all my brothers still think of that time and judge me a little for it (which I understand), so now my brother is like, thinking I might be turning into a party girl again...
So he doesn't like that I'm going out in the first place... and the fact that I'm staying out so "late" suggests to him that I'm with a bad crowd or something. (But I'm really not...)
I've talked to him and told him that I'm not ever going to be like that.. but he always says I look evil.
I guess he doesn't really trust me?

UPDATE:
Well, so like everyone was saying, I kinda figured that I was probably disrespecting the rules of his house or whatever, so I decided to talk to him about everything. I told him that I don't like being stuck in the house all day so if I come back home earlier, can I go out during the week? And he was like, fine, but you have to be home by 10pm.... and I was mad about that so we compromised at 12am. Which was fine.
So yesterday, I told him I was going over a friend's house (for her birthday) and sleeping over.. and my brother was like, no, you can't sleepover, just come home before 12. I was like, WTF are you talking about? Our mom doesn't care if I sleep over her house, she's one of my best friend's, what's wrong with sleeping over??... and he kept talking about he didn't feel comfortable with it, and I should just come home blah blah.
Then basically, we got into an argument again, like yelling at each other.
And then I was walking away from him but then he was like, "야" (which means like Hey) so I said, "왜" ("what") and he got super pissed at me, like I can't believe you're talking to me like that, I'm your older brother, you are 버러장머리없어, etc, etc...
So in the end, I ended up not going to my friend's house, and now my brother and I are not really speaking to each other, and now I cannot wait to get back home..
I don't believe I did anything wrong in that case. I admit that I said "왜" kind of rudely... but I was mad, he was mad, and I couldn't be nice at the time. I know he's trying to protect me, but isn't he overreacting? I was going to my close friend's house for her birthday... we sleep over each other's houses all the time, it's not a big deal, we're not going to be doing anything bad, and my brother just basically cut me off, and started yelling at me about the way I speak to him..
I want to apologize, but at the same time, I don't think I did anything wrong.

[stylebubble]

ohhh. he's obviously just worried about you~
and doesn't want to be responsible if something bad happens to you?
because he's not used to you coming home late like your parents are, hee,
especially since you guys haven't lived together for a while.

I don't think you're being too disrespecting unless you keep doing this without compromising.
maybe just come home a tad earlier? ask your brother's permission to have your friends over?
stay close to home? and reassure him that you'll always stay in contact with him, blah. and tell
him what you're doing. and if that doesn't work, just tell your parents to tell him themselves it's no big deal.
and if that doesn't work, just listen to him. use the computer at home or something, lol.
i'm the eldest so i would worry if my baby (well, 4 years difference lol) brother is coming home late
when I haven't lived with him for a while and don't know if it's common or not. @_@

[ny-sw / ny_sw.]

His house, his rules. :/ You couuuld talk to him calmly to try and compromise, but yeah, keep in mind your brother is responsible for you while you're at his house and it only makes it harder for him when he doesn't know where you're going or whatnot.

He is kind of overreacting a little bit, but. it is kind of disrespectful, no offense.
I get where he's coming from though - if you get hurt, it's his ass on the line.

[ebolainmemphis]

Is it your going out that bothers him, or is it your staying out late that gets him angry? Either way, his house, his rules.

[STAR_x.]

it's not like it's impossible for you go to out and come back home at an acceptable time (maybe 10 or 11 PM)
just compromise with your brother. and if you're bored at home, then you can text, go on aim, go through soompi, do some chores around the house or something. it's not that hard to find entertainment these days o_O

[jaejoongie <3]

yea 2 weeks goes by quickly... i agree with star x.
His house, his rules.

The talking back thing is sort of mean though. But maybe as a guy who had lots of experience knows what guys are thinking when they're with you so he feels really protective. ^^;; who knows.

[ihigh]

u should talk to him and compromise.
i think the reason he's being this way is because he's responsible for you while ur parents are gone and if something were to happen to u, he'd be worried dont u think?

of course im just assuming[i know its bad xD] but if i were in his shoes, i'd feel that way. and even though he's your brother, elder siblings still should be respected, he's your elder..its like when i argue with my older siblings[they're 7 and 9 years older than me] my mom tends to tell me im being disrespectful and yell at them for something else. XD

i personally think the best bet is to talk to him...

[Ida]

Compromise. In a way, you have to understand that he only cares for you. I don't want to sound traditional, but I am someone's older sibling (by quite a number of years) so I know why he is overreacting. You have a history in the past, it is just natural for him to be cautious of that. In order to regain his trust, you must earn it. Not only that I don't want to sound sexist but you have to admit: guys being out late "hanging out" < (to be worry about) < girls being out late "hang out".

Honestly - I know being locked up for two whole weeks is painful but it doesn't kill you. Why not just compromise to come home earlier, and keep that compromise to let him know that you have changed? Tell him where you are at, who you are with...and keep to it. I will tell you right now, if you can't get pass this two weeks - it'll just be worse in the future between the two of you. So why not sacrifice a little to make the relationship better? He is family, and trust me you cannot fight family and ever win.

Just my two cents, take it or leave it.

-ida

[plegend2007]

You should know not to talk back at your brother, especially, if you're Korean lol.

Honestly, it doesn't matter what you do b/c your brother's always going to look at you as his baby sister until you get married. He probably feels like he needs to make sure you're ok until you go back to your own house. At least you have a brother who cares for you enough to worry that much about you. He is only doing what he thinks is right in his eyes, so I would just take it as coming from a loving brother, and don't look too much into it.

I say, suck it up some, and when you go out, come home earlier than usual. If you just sacrifice a little now b/c you never know when you might need help from your brother in the future. If you make things tough now, he might be reluctant to fully help out a bratty little sister. If you abide by his rules now, later on when you really need his help, I'm sure he will bend over backwards to help you out as much as he can. Give up a little now, and you'll get back a lot more in the future.

[AngieK]

Okay, so I'm going to say things you probably won't want to hear, but I hope you read through this anyway.

I live with my aunt and uncle now. I've lived with them for the past three years and I understand your situation completely. I am currently 20 years old and more then able to make my own decisions but I did go through a period of time where I was extremely frustrated with the rules my aunt and uncle placed on me, especially since my parents were really lenient. But, of course, this isn't about me, it's about you.

Now, I think you should take the time to look at this from your brother's point of view. First off, you're a girl. Yes. I know you hate having that thrown in your face, but the truth is, it counts against you. The chances of you getting into trouble late at night (rapists and whatnot) are higher. And yes, you can claim that it won't happen to you but that's what everyone says before something bad happens. Now why am I bringing this up? I don't think you'll ever truly understand it unless you have kids or you have a younger child you look after but when you are responsible for someone, you worry about them. Their health, their safety, etc. Now if you look at it from his point of view..here he has his little sister whom he has kind of grown apart from. He doesn't really know the type of friends she has nor does he know what type of girl she's become. Now because of that, he can only worry about where your going and what situations you put yourself it. It may not seem like anything to you, but he probably worries every minute you aren't home. And no, it's not because he's trying to 'hold you down' or anything, but it's because he cares about you, and your safety. It's a scary world out there..and even though you are eighteen, you are not indestructible. Things happen. And the chances of those things happen increases a lot the later you stay out.

Now I have to ask. Did you tell him what time you would be home? Because it seems like the only reason he would be so pissed off is because he didn't know before hand that you were going out. It doesn't matter what age you are you should always tell him (or your parents) where you are going, who you are going with and what time you'll be home. This is done not only for your safety but for their peace of mind too. Say, you were supposed to come home at 1. If something bad happens like you get kidnapped or something (extreme) and you don't come home. Then if he can't reach you after 1am he can at least call the cops or something. The chances of you being found would be a lot higher the sooner he contacted the police. If you don't give him some sort of heads up, then if something bad were to happen, how the hell would know? Do you expect him to wait until the next morning when your bed is still empty? What if you are dead by then? I know this is a very 'extreme' example, but it serves it's purpose. The bottom line is that it's respectful to let him know ahead of time.

Now I know how a lot of people are saying it's his house, his rules. And that's the truth. It really doesn't matter what age you are. You are, I am assuming, living there for free? He's providing you..what? Food, housing, etc. And what are you giving him in return? Think about that a bit.

Age is just a number. The fact is, no matter how old you are, you will probably always be his baby sister to him. And sure, he may be a bit protective, but it is because he cares about your health and wellbeing. If you can't understand that, it's quite sad. I know it's frustrating that you can't do whatever the hell you want, but that's life. You're ONLY eighteen. You have tons of time in the future to go out and party or whatever you want to do. It's only three weeks. I really don't see the problem. Three weeks you don't get to do what you want. You need to learn how to compromise. If you can't get your way, work something reasonable out with him. Maybe go out w/ ur friends a little earlier so you can be home earlier. You never NEED to be out past eleven imo. Unless you're clubbing or partying. And I doubt you go clubbing/partying three nights a week.

Feel free to add your thoughts, I'll clarify if you want.

Oh P.S I saw your edit and I just wanted to ask, if you don't party then what exactly do you do so late at night that you can't do earlier in the day?

[emceej]

you're brother is just being a brother.
he's worried that something bad might happen to you. so he's being the overprotective bro which you should be appreciative about. besides, 2 weeks is nothing. go do some chores, watch tv, soompi. or go home earlier when you go out.

[cand12]

I am pretty much the same as you, not the 3 brothers.. haha
i'm the last child in my family, and yes i am spoiled.
I have older sister and older brother as well.
We lived together in Melbourne (study + work), my parents are in Indo.

And yes, if i go home really late, they would get mad at me esp my sister...
But i can understand my brother because normally, if you have an older brother, he'll treasure his younger sister like 24+ carats.. lol
and yes.. the last time i kinda argue with them to allow me go home a bit late.. not argue but i just talk to them.
Say it nicely to them (even though i tell them when we argue..)
Guess they would understand..
Again, considering you were a bratty kid (u said so~) guess you better listen to your brother.
I mean, he's still your older brother, 11 years difference is BIG. His status is even higher than just a 'brother'.
also, of course there are things like talking back to him.
When he said that you talk back to him, try to remember the tone of your voice.
Stay at home for at least 1 week, that should be good enough to prove that you respect them.
After that one week, you should be able to go out again by telling them NICELY.

Anyway, this is just my opinion~ ^^
sorry if my opinion may annoy you or sth..

[damyoungji]

It is normal for your brother to be overprotective and uptight about where you are and how late you are returning at night (especially when you weren't exactly a good student back in high school). After all, you are eighteen and it hasn't been that long since you graduated from high school, right?

You are living under his roof right now, so my best advice is to just listen to him or work something out. Maybe have a set time when you have to be home by? If you stick to some of the rules, hopefully he will begin to trust you. As for the whole issue about how he is not your mother, of course he isn't. But everyone is different, so even though he is not your mother, he is currently in charge of taking care of you. If something happens to you, who will your mother blame first? Your brother.

[sixth.]

as many other people have said, his house = his rules. and, he's doing what most other older brothers will do.

i always switch between living with my mum and living with my older brother.
when i'm with my mum, i can get away with anything - she's pretty laidback and carefree.
my brother, however, watches me like a hawk and hates it when i go out. and if i do go out, i have to be home by 1am at the latest. his friends have told me it's because he's just protective and worried about me. it's not that he doesn't trust me, it's because he doesn't trust the people i'm going to be with, and if anything were to happen to me, he's the one who will get into the most trouble.

it's only 2 more weeks. i'm not saying you should stay home locked up, but just go out and come home at a reasonable time... compromise is the best solution.

[xoxoknlove]

yes i guess you should follow his rules... he sounds like my dad almost but a lot better

just try to compromise, like tell him you'll do this if he lets you go out with your friends
or call him to let him know where you are and approximately when you'll be back

good luck ;D

[Annersx3]

his house his rules. simple as that. when u go bak to ur house with ur mom, do what you want. now this is his house, and he gets to have a say in what u do. u can still go out just come back early. it good manners to do that since ure a guest.

[BEBE_AN]

just thank god that you have a caring brother. if he stayed up and waited for you until you came home at 1 am, it shows that he loves you and that he cares about you. there are people out there who want someone to care for them and yell at them if they come home late. you're lucky. your brother is a lot older than you and is more mature than you. he is only being an older brother.

then again, i also understand where you are coming from. you are a college student so you are mature enough to take care of yourself (hopefully). so just go and talk to your brother. you did mention that you had that party girl history when you were in high school. tell your brother that you understand that he's worried, and that you have changed. suggest to him that you could call if you plan to come home later and tell him where you are going before you leave the house. just knowing where you are and what you are doing would ease his anxiety. by doing that, you might gain his trust.

just wait until you have kids of your own who come home late. you would understand his worries.

[ig0r0ar]

HIS HOUSE, HIS RULES. You should be thankful that he is letting you stay for 3 weeks.

[kellyalster]

Well he's just worried about you, and he's probably even more worried since you haven't exactly been an angel your entire life. He doesn't have to care, but he does. Be thankful for that. I would just respect his rules since you're living under his roof. Just go home early for the next two weeks 'cause it's JUST two weeks. No biggie.

[Swtess]

His house, his rules. If you know he doesn't like it then refrain from it. If you're gonna go out then come home at a reasonable time or else call him. You're his responsibility now till your parents get home. So basically, stop being a brat and think that its like living at home.