[EAU]

What is your race/ethnicity?

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?



A while ago, I was out with some friends watching a lion dance in Chinatown NYC. I made a remark saying that I would love to be a part of that dragon. My friend replied "Ew, but thats so Asian" And she was Asian herself.That made me think, how can something be too "Asian" for an Asian person? Sometimes I feel that my friends (Mainly minorities in the U.S) have been brainwashed by the media. Saying that their traditions are wierd, and their language sounds funny and that their culture is not normal. Eventually some people believe it, and I feel sad when I see it. Does anyone else feel the same way?

[HaplessChild]

If you've lived in the US, grown up in the US, speak English everywhere you go and live your life generally in an American fashion it's completely understandable that one would identify MORE with being American than Asian. Especially if you've never lived in Asia, maybe only visit every other summer or some such, rarely speak the language at home, etc.

My mother doesn't speak spanish even though she's puerto rican. I do. I will teach it to my children. They'll decide if they want to use it or not. I personally don't even use it that much because none of my close friends speak it, none of my family speaks it and even the few hispanic friends I do have, we all speak english to each other.

I was raised by several different families, my own parents were only in the picture part of the time. I've been afforded a fantastic freedom from social norm responsibility just from being multiethnic and never living in one country longer than 2 or 3 years. I would give my own children no less freedom.

[Meenuh]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?

I think my parents gave me some-what of a base as to how I will teach/raise my children. There are still a few things i'd do differently but i'm sure it's easy for me to say this now. I bet it'll be a lot different when I do have kids and I have a feeling i'll understand my parents. I may say that i'll give my children as much freedom as they want now, but I know 100% it'll be different when I have kids of my own. I don't think i'd give them 100% freedom. I'm their parent for a reason and i'm there to guide them.. not throw them into the world and let them do whatever they want. I think as parents it's important to show your kids what the limit is. What you can/can not do. That's the way my parents raised me and I think I turned out okay.

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?

I'll try to teach them as much as I know. I think it's important to know your culture.

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?

Definetly. I think it will benefit them in the future not only as a person but I have a feeling it'll help them in the future. I'm not saying they'll be horrible people for not knowing their own language but my parents always said to me that if a Korean person can't speak Korean then they are not Korean. Haha. They're just saying that to get me to learn Korean but I think it's important to know your roots. Yes, we live in America but that doesn't mean we should give up our culture and who we are because of it. I think everyone should be proud of who they are and not forget who they are. I am in no way saying that anyone should be proud of who they are to the point they think they are better than everyone else. I think it's important to learn about yourself and then embrace other cultures.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?

Depends on the conflict. I guess i've always learned to obey my parents so I suppose i'd do just that. It's not that i'm brainwashed or anything like that.. it's just that I know my parents wouldn't put me into a conflict where i'd have to choose between family and what I want. Obviously if I know that what my parents are asking me to do is completely WRONG i'd try to talk to them about it but that has never come up in my 22 years of living because my parents aren't like that at all. I know my parents know between right and wrong as do I so our family beliefs don't really conflict.

[somegirl]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?
I will probably raise my kid the same way my parents raised me. Maybe with some minor differences.

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?
I will definitely teach my kids the traditions and values of my ancestors and family.

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?
I can speak the language of my race and I will teach my kids to speak it also.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?
I don't really understand the question but I'll try to answer. If I'm in conflict with a family member I will try to compromise. If compromising is impossible in the situation I would ask a relative, who we both respect, to give his/her opinion on the subject matter.

[clockwatcher]

My heritage is very important to me, after all, it shaped who I am today. I did grow up in my home country so it's probably a different experience. What I've noticed is that a lot of immigrants or children of immigrants do try to hold on to certain traditions and beliefs in an attempt to stay connected to their ancestry, whereas, people in that country may now think differently.

Culture evolves and I think it becomes static to an individual when the person relocates. A simple way would be that if one isn't really that connected to their country via travel, relatives, internet etc etc, 10 years after relocating, they are still wearing what might now be considered old fashioned clothes in the country they emigrated from.

Assuming I do get marriage (cos the future is not promised),

I'll raise my kids the way I feel best. There are some things I like about how I was raised and some others I don't. It really doesn't have that much to do with my culture but mainly to do with my parents' personalities.

Yes, they will learn values but many of them are universal - respect, honor etc etc. There are also somethings I won't teach them like consciously or subconsciously treating women like second-class citizens.

Language - only time will tell. My husband will speak a different language so I think it's something we'll have to figure out together.

My nuclear family comes first. My husband and I will decide what's best for us.

[BAZINGA!]

I'm making my kids go to chinese school like I did. haha!!

Otherwise, I'm not gonna think about how to raise my kids and worry about it at that time.

[-_-]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?

Yes and no.

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?

Yes. For instance my SO wants to raise our kids with church and even though I'm pretty much the antichrist, I will tolerate that because I respect other people's beliefs. We will allow them to choose whether or not to continue with Christianity when they become older.

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?

Yes. Being able to speak multiple languages is an advantage any way you look at it. Also, I wouldn't want my kids to resent not being taught the language. They may feel alienated not being able to speak to and understand other people of the same ethnicity and identity issues may arise from that.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?

Life is about compromises, that's all there is to it.

[ayahuasca]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?
Pretty much. The number one duty is to the family


Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?

Oh definitely. I find that too many traditions and knowledge of one's culture is falling by the wayside. Especially for asian children born in western countries. That's not to say that my children will have live their lives according to what tradition and culture dictate but I think it's necessary for them to know and understand them so that they don't become lost. Also when they return to the birth place of the family at least they'll be able to connect to the long history of their people


If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?
I'll make sure that my children know how to speak our language. It's another way for them to connect with their heritage

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?
That's never happened yet, probably because I think my belief aligns with the family's so well that conflict never arises.

[Temoin la Nuit]

Yes to all three.

If I end up marrying someone who's not Chinese.. it'll pretty hard for the kids to learn their native language fluently. I think most kids learn languages from hearing it at home. But will deal with that when kid-having-time comes along. English-only is not an option.

In any case, I swear I'll never have or raise kids in this country.. bloody hate this place for anything beyond the almighty dollar, and can't imagine it working out well.. when it comes time to start a family, it's back home to either Hong Kong or Canada.

[shotamerican]

i laughed at your friend saying, "ew, that's so asian." to the lion dance thing. ehehehe. wtf! seriously!

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?
half and half. minus all the beatings (HA!).
i'm gonna ask my folks for guidance if i need help, i'm not gonna lie.
i mean, my brothers and i turned out fine. graduated uni. living adventurous but responsible lives. so my folks must have been doing a lot of things right, eh?

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?
hrmm. from my side of the family (filipino), probably yes. from his side (japanese descent but grew up in brazil as a child), just the japanese part.


If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?
my mother tongue, nope. my husband's first language, probably not. we've decided to just focus on english and japanese. i'm thinking japanese school on the weekends. or just keeping the home environment japanese-only. for this, my husband encourages me to study japanese every day to get ready for it (we're expecting). i speak japanese fine, so much that our neighbors in japan had no idea i was foreign. but i can't read or write it. that's what you get for only learning things by ear! makes you feel like the whole skill is useless without being able to do all 3 (read write and speak).

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?well. luckily my family is a big believer in the "listen to your husband" clause. so i just say, "but my husband says no." and they usually leave it at that. i imagine if i were a guy, i wouldn't get that luxury. it would probably be more of a "control your non-filipina wife!!!"

[Grumpelstiltskin]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?

I plan to integrate the good parts of how my parents raised me into the way I raised my kids. My parents are a hybrid of many things Chinese, American and British and used methods that they thought were good for raising kids. For example my grandparents use to beat my parents when they misbehaved as kids. My parents didn't think that was a good way of punishing kids so they didn't do that to me and I won't do that to my kids.

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?

Once again it depends. While I grew up in the states, I have spent a lot time in China and see the value of teaching the traditions of both places. After living and studying in Hong Kong/China which is where my family is from, I would prefer to not raise my kids there due to a vast number of reasons. I'll probably be raising them in the states, but they'll be bilingual if not trilingual chopstick using, chinese character writing kids that speak english.

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?

If this were the case yes. The world is a place where most people can speak multiple languages and where that skill is extremely useful. My kids will be learning how to read and write Chinese when they are young, but when they are older (middle school and beyond), I will leave it up to them if they want to further their language studies.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?

There are certain behaviors and beliefs that my extended family have in China that I absolutely detest and I feel the same way about some things in American culture. I don't see this as a traditional/East(Chinese for me) vs. modern/West(American) because there are bad things in both cultures and since culture is not a static thing, I believe I am justified in taking the good parts out of both cultures I belong and transmitting those to my kids. I hope to use whatever will teach my kids to be respectful to people no matter what race or social class they are from.

[ickboo]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?
i would like to. i want my mom to teach my future kids to speak vietnamese even tho i don't.

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?
i still don't know all the traditions and values, but i would like to. it's good to have traditions passed down.

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?
i'm not really making an effort right now, but deep down inside i wish i was able to have a conversation in vietnamese...but most of my relatives speak/understand english.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?
i pretty much share the same beliefs and we haven't had any conflicts as of yet. my mom is open to new things, but she has a strong base, yenno?

i love everything and anything asian. it's part of my culture and i'm surrounded by it all the time. i appreciate the hard work and beliefs that my mom has instilled in me and i enjoy listening to the stories of how she live in vietnam. the way she lived life in vietnam makes me appreciate life even more. you don't need a load of materialistic things like here in the U.S. to be happy. you need good people and good food. haha. sure, i've come across some people who ignore their parents if they spoke to them in their native language. yes, i have friends that are totally white washed and don't know how to use chopsticks! but it's good to know where you come from to help make the person you are today, yeah?

and...i'll speak vietnamese...one day.

[Muddie Murda]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?
Most likely yes, with a bit more encouraging words haha I learned how to cook and clean since I was a kid, and I think this is a very important responsibility for everyone. Better to learn it from young It's sad knowing "adults" don't know how to cook simple stuff or wash their own clothes. I want my kids to be independent and know how to survive when I'm off vacationing in Thailand

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family? If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?
I'm debating on these two questions. I can speak and understand my language quite well, but I put more effort in twisting my language and forgetting it. People say I speak my language funny, and I thank them I'm trying to get as far away from my heritage as I can, but it's sad knowing that my kids won't be growing up with one. I think it's really important to grow up with one too. e_e It teaches value, respect, appreciation, and of course, so they can answer the question, "Where did you come from??" with a great detailed answer instead of answering, "Um...America?" I think I'll have to discuss it over with their father.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?
My family is very traditional and very superstitious. I will have to draw the line at their superstitious beliefs. I will simply tell my family to not teach such silly things and if they continue, I'll just teach my kid how to rebel lol. Some family members are also very um...prejudice? This is a huge irritation of mine. I will not allow it to reach my kids' ear. If keeping my kids away is the only thing stopping my kids from listening to their dumb racist/prejudice comments and remarks, so be it. I know this kind of stuff can't be avoided, but I'll avoid it every chance I get.

[fresh]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?
Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?
My parents weren't really strict on enforcing Korean culture and customs. For example, most Koreans do some ritual to show respect to the dead ancestors, but we never did that. Also, most Korean parents tell their kids to study, study, study, but mine never did that. Likewise, I also wouldn't FORCE my kids to study. Advise them to study, yes, but not force.
But I like how Korean culture shows respect to their elders so I would like to keep that.


If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?
I do speak the language of my race, and I will also make an effort to teach it to my future children. Knowing multiple languages is a very valuable trait!

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?
I don't ever see this happening. My parents aren't religious people nor are they strict.

[missakky]

i want to raise my kids to have values and morals and to give them a life like mine. i was raised all over the world and would love for my kids to experience living amongst others who are not like them in ways of speaking, looks, etc.

[cuddlepig]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?
The way my father raised me yes, the way my mother raised me probably not

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?
Yes, it's very important to know who you are. I live in the Bay Area which has a large Asian community and because of the way I look, have always been treated more Asian so that's what I identify myself as.

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?
I cannot speak Korean. My dad is white and we spoke English growing up except when my mother was angry. I studied basic Korean and college and will teach my future children what I know, and when I have time will continue studying. I always felt like I was missing out and that I wasn't seen as a Korean b/c I can't speak. My children will most likely speak Mandarin since my bf is fluent.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?
I can probably compromise with everyone except my mom. We just won't listen to her LOL

[swtanjel012]

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?

yea probably. But i think i will def have different moral and liberal grounds unlike my parents.

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?

I would but I wouldn't put the pressure on them to follow those values. its their choice.

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?

I can speak korean but I know I can be better. I would teach my future children korean knowing it doesn't hurt to learn you cultural heritage and language is the key to understanding your culture.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?

I respond back firmly that I respect their beliefs but I will not let them force their beliefs upon me. I am my own person and I can make that personal choice.

[Kraka]

Who really cares about ethnic. Ièm beating my kids like every other asian person. Not only will it teach them not to john tesh with you, it'll put them in their place. Plus, it's fun.

[ginger]

In response to the OP's comment on her friend, I have to disagree. If you live in America, you are...foremost...American. Why should someone who was never born or lived in Asia feel any more Asian than another random American?

What is your race/ethnicity?
Ethnically Korean, but adopted. My parents are white-Americans (mom's grandparents were from Italy, dad's great grandparents were from Ireland).

When you have a kid, will you raise him/her the way your parents raised you?
Yeah. My parents were fantastic, which is more than I can say about most of my friends' parents.

Will you teach them the traditions and values of your ancestors and family?
It depends on what you mean. I wouldn't mind sending them to Korean culture camps, but also, my fiance is half-Chinese/American (his dad's grandparents were from China and his mom's family has been in America for many generations), so we'd probably also send them to Chinese culture things? Also, I grew up eating Italian food more than anything else so...with food...I don't know. I never grew up with any Asian traditions or values.

If you can't speak the language of your race, will you make an effort to learn it more? Will you teach your future children?
I try to learn Korean, but I don't feel like it's necessary. If my kid wants to learn Korean, fine. That's great. But honestly, I speak Spanish much better than I speak Korean, so if they want to do language immersion with Spanish, that's great, too. Hell, if they want to learn Swedish, Swahili, or ancient Greek, it's all cool with me. I think that knowing more than one language is necessary, but I don't think it should have anything to do with respect for bloodlines.

If one of your families belief comes into conflict with yours, how do you respond? Where do you draw the line?
Obviously, I'd draw the line where the conflict occurs. Whatever is best for the child is the best in the end.

-ginger

[EAU]

In response to the OP's comment on her friend, I have to disagree. If you live in America, you are...foremost...American. Why should someone who was never born or lived in Asia feel any more Asian than another random American?

Depends on how you define American.

I would say I'm an America for believing in the amendments and I'm also a big fan of the founding fathers. Brilliant thinkers of their time, I can recite quite a few quotes from them.

Why should someone who was never born and lived in Asia feel more 'Asian' than some random "American"? Well because that someone may be Asian.

When you say American, it's quite vague - do you mean people who are living in the U.S? People who identify themselves as 'just' American with no ethnic background?