[oceansea]

Hi,
I just graduated from college not long ago but as I reflect back on my past life there is something missing. I've never been in a relationship before and I feel its time that I put myself out there. For those of you wondering why I've never had a girlfriend its pretty simple. I've always took studies pretty seriously but also friends and sports were a big part of my life. So in some sense I never thought there was any urgency in trying so hard in finding a g/f. Now that I'm done with school and now working I have a different perspective on my future outlook. In college I did try to put my efforts towards a few girls but it never really materialzed into anything. It was definitely a tough feeling to swallow however it could be a result of my inexperience. Please feel free to share with me some advice you might have for me. Continuing my post....Recently I did go to a cafe and noticed a cute girl that worked there. I've seen her one other time and it was only this time that she caught my eye. I would like to introduce myself and possibly have the chance to get to know her but i don't know how to do this without being awkward. FYI she only works at the register and prepares drinks. One of my concerns is not only that it would be awkward, but her age is something that i'm uncertain of. I'm hoping it would only be a 2-3 years difference, however if it was more than that i wouldn't consider purusing this. On another note there was another girl that worked at this bakery that i thought was nice. Again I'm not sure how to approach this girl because she's constantly moving from one table to another and its a busy place. So what would you recommend i do to start talking to her? I would appreciate any advice you could give me in terms of getting me started to break the ice with both of these girls.

[naoto]

You walk over, smile at her very kindly and say hey my name's oceansea it's nice to meet you. Trust me being kind but confident works it will get you a conversation.

[moot11]

A couple of things to realize.

1) First, you need to get her out of "work" mode where she is paid to be nice and chatty to customers. This is done by engaging her on a personal level. Introduce yourself, ask for recommendations, banter, banter, banter, and above all be confident and smile.

2) Become a regular. Realize that you won't be able to close during your first introduction. This will take some time.

3) Avoid talking to her during busy hours.

4) Bringing a female friend is a great way to disarm the person of interest, as it shows that you're not some crazy rapist, gives you creditability and lets her feel safe. Your female friend does not need to introduce herself, only you. The conversation should go something like this:

You- "Hi, I'm oceansea. What is you favorite drink and why, at this cafe?
Her- blah, blah, blah (doesn't matter what says)
You Alright, I'm going to trust you. *You order whatever it is that she says* And this point, you turn to your friend and ask her what she wants. You repeat the order to the person of interest, making sure that you refer to your friend as a friend (i.e. "my friend will have _____").

At this point if she has already introduced herself, and you have her name, simply end the conversation. If she does not introduce herself, smile, and tease her about being rude, but make sure that you SMILE. When you leave, say good buy to her.

The next time you come, come by yourself. If you're worried about her not remembering you, say hi to her while mentioning her name, and ask her again about another favorite item on the menu.

Drink/eat whatever it is that you ordered, while reading a book, doing work, etc. When things at the cafe get quiet, bring her out of "work" mode and engage her as a person: Smile and say, you look tired, long day? She will most likely say yes, at which point you can jokily insist that the two of you trade places, you work the cash register and she takes a seat to relax. etc. The point is, the connection is worked on, little by little. Avoid typical work related questions, instead go for things such as "what are you passionate about". Try to have one conversation with her each time you are there.

5) Don't visit her too often, try to set schedules, let her go to work wondering if you will show up.

6) Realize that it's not important what you say, but how you say it. Speak with confidence, have good body language, and above all, smile.

7) A lot of guys fear asking someone out at a public place because they are afraid that other people will see them fail, or talk about it. This is not true. What you are doing is brave, and more than likely, people there will be rooting for you.

8) If she declines, realize that is may have nothing to do with you. DO NOT avoid her by never going to that cafe again. A lot of guys will get stuck up on this. Just because she declined, doesn't mean that she will not ask you out herself, at a later date.

9) If all goes well, say something along the lines of: "listen, I would love see on (give a specific date), under different circumstances, and cont. to have stimulating conversation. You should give me your number."

Good luck and best wishes!

Free free to ask me to clarify. I'll be happy to answer questions if you should happen to have any. Let us know how it goes!


Edit

I forgot, perhaps most importantly, gauge her body language and attention spent on you. This is a great indication if she is interested in you or not. If she's spending a lot of time speaking to you, while there are other customer behind you, this is a good sign. And of course, this goes without saying, seat yourself next to her, if at all possible, and make sure to bring something to read, or work with you.

[caramelon]

^what moot said is perfect.

i'm a girl who works at a cafe, and the whole "regular, but not every single day" thing, as well as "make pleasant conversation" are the best tips! start to talk to her and make yourself familiar so that she will remember you, you have a great chance! and don't worry about starting up conversation, i'm sure she is very bored with just working with no real interaction.

[ebolainmemphis]

Might as well ask . Are there any different rules if the girl in question is a waitress at say... a small restaurant?

[caramelon]

Might as well ask . Are there any different rules if the girl in question is a waitress at say... a small restaurant?

waitresses seem to have more things to do, so i'd assume it'd be the same, only "make sure it's not busy" is doubly important!

[moot11]

Might as well ask . Are there any different rules if the girl in question is a waitress at say... a small restaurant?

I think the primary difference for a waitress is that the longer you stay, and talk to her, the longer you occupy a seat, and the less money the waiter or waitress will make. So, after you finish eating, it's best to tip her depending on how much longer you are planing on staying. In addition to the 20%, I usually tip another 5 dollars for every hour I'm planing on staying, after I finish. This way I'm not preventing the waiter or waitress from making more money, and he/she will be in a better mood while interacting with me.

And yeah, like Caramelon said, make sure you read the body language to ensure that he/she is open to being interacted with. Don't cont. to engage if he/she is not being receptive, you'll just be digging yourself into a whole.

[oceansea]

interesting comments.