[hobobear]

I'm so confused... Why are guys so confusing?!

I'm sorry if this is really long.. but I hope someone can give me advice.

So my current best friend is a guy.
He and I were together for a few months in gr 10. It was a pretty innocent relationship. A month later was xmas, and we exchanged gifts and he wrote me a card, thanking me for giving him a chance and telling me that he feels like he can just be himself when he's with me and doesn't have to wear a mask. For my birthday he did something i totally didnt expect which was giving me a box filled with stars which he made himself, and put a bracelet inside that box. I think it was the middle of January when he told me that he wanted to take a break with me and this was because he was getting ready to apply to an IB school and would be too busy to hang out with me. Then valentines came and he surprised me by putting a bouquet of roses in my locker which I totally didn't expect. I didn't make him anything (like cookies) because I didn't know if I should. At the end of march I broke up with him because he was going to switch schools the next year anyways.. so I didn't think it would work out. After that, I didn't talk to him much.

In gr 11, he came to visit my school during a school event. That day, he told me he still liked me and asked if we could go watch a movie together or something. I'm a really shy and awkward person, so I was feeling shy and awkward and unsure... so I declined his offer. And in the middle of gr 12, he told me on msn that he had always liked me. And this is when I started to talking to him more often but still rarely hanging out.

Graduation came, and now we go to the same university. This is where we reunited. We started doing a lot of things together through out the year. On facebook he even put "in a relationship with (me)" just because.. I don't know. We went skating together when it was near xmas. We decided to get each other $50-60 presents. We spent New Years together at my house. For my birthday he got me a $100 bday present, and for my bday dinner I decided I would wear a pink buffalo plaid shirt, and he told me he had a green one like that and decided to wear it too. For valentines I bought him chocolate, and he surprised me with roses, and we went on a date and movie. Whenever we watch tv at my house, he would sit really close to me on the couch and put his arm around me. For his birthday I spent a butt load on him. I got him a $80 hoodie, and $55 input into a lomo camera.

There was one night when he texted me asking if I liked him. I either said "no" lying, or didn't reply. But when he said he was going to bed, I texted him "yes" and smacked my forehead. He didn't say anything back though.

One day I told him about this necklace I wanted that was in the shape of a bear.. and he said it looked nice. I asked him if he wanted one because there was a black coloured one of it, and he said he'll get it if i get it.

Eventually all this time spent together made me like him again, and I thought he liked me too.

So in the beginning of May, I went to HK for 2 weeks and would occasionally talk to him on msn if he was online. I bought the pair of necklaces in HK because its cheaper there than here. And when I come back from my trip, he wanted to come over on the day I landed but I was tired, so he decided to come the next day. He comes over the next day to pick up his necklace and I noticed hickies on his neck. I didn't say anything about it but I was just shocked. The next few days pass, and my relationship status on facebook changed. I was no longer in a relationship with him. I got kinda upset cause he didn't even tell me he was going to change it. And then he told me that he was dating someone. That week I barely got any sleep, because all I could think about was him.

So now I'm totally confused. I thought he liked me..? Or do you think he see's me more of a sister? Should I tell him how I feel? Cause I mean he told me that he doesn't have to put on a mask when he's with me, so should I be doing the same? I'm sorry this is so long.. I don't know what I should do. Thanks for reading it though.

[Lie]

I don't think he led you on. I tend to think he got discouraged that night when he (as far as I can tell from his perspective) didn't get the answer to his question he wanted/when he wanted, and though he has feelings for you is kind of just letting the whole thing go and pursuing other opportunities.

[hobobear]

soo should i say something to him? or just keep quiet? :X

[Sam Sik]

soo should i say something to him? or just keep quiet? :X

You should speak up. You're not going to get any answers to the questions you've asked us Soompiers without talking to him yourself. Obviously he was sudden with his actions and you deserve some questioning.

[b.changg]

^ .


I think you know what to do at this point,

tell him, straight up.
After all you have kinda been, and with the feelings you have for him,
you can't exactly just sit back and give up .
you never know, if he just put that mask back on, because he didn't get the answer he wanted.
He may still have those feelings for you, and it seems like he does.
i doubt that he had moved on, so take your chances. (:

gogo, fighting! (:

we're here for you .
gooooddd luck .

[JASON;]

He kinda figured that since you told him you didn't like him, he moved on and went to look for other girls.

[damyoungji]

From my point of view, it was more like you were leading him on and not him leading you on.

He confessed to you so many times, but even when he sent you a text message asking you if you like him, you kept on say "no". Even though you were lying, he probably thought that you were pretending to be hard to get when you actually don't like him. That is probably why he didn't respond back to you after you sent a "yes" answer back to him.

If you don't want to lose him, confess to him. He has done it so many times before, and it is your turn now =) Good luck!

[hobobear]

thanks for the replies.

you never know, if he just put that mask back on, because he didn't get the answer he wanted.

hmm i don't think he put it back on... cause he told me something really personal a week ago :X and i dont think i should say it here.

From my point of view, it was more like you were leading him on and not him leading you on.

hmm maybe but i never intended to do that X_X lol.

[Cγиσsυяε`]

Aww you should just talk to him. Tell him that you really like him and see if he still feels the same. If he doesn't then there's nothing much you can do about it. =/ I hope things turn out well for you, though.

[ANJEE<3]

kinda.. only because you guys were still "in a relationship".. but otherwise.. err not really.. kind of?

it's hard to say..

[ertylu]

Speak up girl!
Tell him how you feel! And talk to him to find out whats actually going on!

[vanggirlie]

agree with what the other people said. it seemed like you led him on because you went out with him then broke up with him but he was stilll chasing after you. it does seem like he got tired of the relationship you guys had together where he'd always had to ask you what your feelings were for him. were you ever sure about him because it doesn't seem like you ever voluntarily told him that you liked him...everyone needs assurance. neways, maybe that other girl gave/expressed more towards him then you.

with all that said, he also cheated on you. if he was a great guy he'd have told you that he'd moved on instead of letting you find out on facebook. do you really want that kind of guy back?

again tho, the next relationship, whether it's with him or someone else...you've got to work as hard as your s/o is on the relationship. express your feelings for him.

oh and your question, i personally wouldn't give a fig about him (with how the way he ended it with you) but that's just me. you seem to be a person who needs closure so maybe you should talk to him about what happened...but be prepared that it might not change anything and you may hear things you don't really want to hear about.

[bluberri_oreo]

As everyone else has pointed out, seems like you were the one leading him on. From the sound of it, it didn't seem like you were all that interested in him, besides being a good friend. The whole "who led who on" isn't even the big issue here. He cheated on you while you were away in HK. The least he could have done is break it off before making out with some other girl. Now you know that you shouldn't get into a relationship if your heart isn't really in it.

[hobobear]

thanks for the replies..

it seemed like you led him on because you went out with him then broke up with him but he was stilll chasing after you. it does seem like he got tired of the relationship you guys had together where he'd always had to ask you what your feelings were for him. were you ever sure about him because it doesn't seem like you ever voluntarily told him that you liked him...everyone needs assurance.

well after we broke up, we still remained friends... =| so we went out this past year as friends. but i don't know if he was necessarily chasing me.. in gr 10, i was the one who volunteered to confess first :X i guess i'm just scared to express my feelings and find out if he likes me or not. and i guess i rather have someone confess to me first than me to confess to him first. but i guess people are right, that he's confessed a lot of times to me already.. UGHH why do i suck =(

He cheated on you while you were away in HK.

he didn't really cheat on me... cause we were never together.. even though i felt at times that we were. =| idk about his POV though T~T

[kathoz]

but you said he put you guys as 'in a relationship' on facebook. thats kinda telling everyone that hes with you.
you should talk to him and set things straight - he did receive your message bout you telling him you like him.
also like bluberri_oreo said you shouldnt be in a relationship if you're not really going to pour your heart and soul into it.

[mistahbang]

You should speak up. You're not going to get any answers to the questions you've asked us Soompiers without talking to him yourself. Obviously he was sudden with his actions and you deserve some questioning.

LOL! I don't know why but when you spoke on behalf us as "Soompiers," it cracked me up. Made me feel like we are a family. hahaha But yea, I feel like he got discouraged and by the looks of it, he put a genuine effort. Definitely not a lead on but you should talk to him. You are not going to get any answers to the questions from us Soompiers. ROFL!

[[HyuNi]]

soo should i say something to him? or just keep quiet? :X

in all honesty... what's the point?

If you tell him, are you hoping that he would break up with his current gf and come to you?
You can talk to him about how you thought or expected that you two were in the relationship and how you feel like you were led on, etc...

but what are you expecting to hear back from him?

He'll most likely say he's really sorry, blah, blah, blah, but will that make you feel any better?
Sounds like to me that the train has left a long time ago and it's time for you to leave the station.

In my opinion, I think it's selfish of you to dump your emotional baggage on him when he's already embarked on a relationship. You had your chance and didn't take it. Of course how you feel is important, but your actions will directly impact that guy and his gf's, most likely in a negative way.

Remember now that he's in a relationship now. If you really like him, you can still go after him, but keep in mind that you'll be ruining another. If you think it's worth all the headache, hardships, extreme risk, and potential social outcasting; go for it.

[babymicky]

It sounds like you led him on... & he probably felt betrayed and exactly the way you're feeling right now. if you really really really like him and not just like "oh i guess i like him" then tell him. you're the bad guy in this situation here.

besides, hickeys can happen. it's called hook-ups and if your'e not together it's perfectly reasonable..

[Yuyu<3]

I kinda believe you were giving him mixed signals
You got to fight that shyness and tell him how you feel
It seems like he really gave you obvious signs that he liked you
Stop being so scared and go get him!!
~_____~

[RYUUSEi]

Yeah, you were definitely giving him some mixed signals. Were you not sure of your own feelings or something? Because you led him on in the beginning and then it was like, he just stopped caring because you didn't seem to respond to him. He probably needed you to confirm that you two were an item but it never came ... I wouldn't just change my Facebook-status to be in a relationship with someone "for fun" like that, especially if it's two people of the opposite sex doing it. He was either just playing around with you, or he found someone else that was ready to be with him officially and returned his feelings openly. Showing off hickies after your return was a little cruel though. You should just forget about this guy, I think he's kinda over it.