[kyung mi]

It's finals atm and i haven't had time to see my bf for about 2 -3 weeks. I missed him so much.

When i saw him yesterday (the day before our 4 month anniversary) i asked him what would he do IF i fell pregnant with his baby.

he answered with "i would go crazy, i can't handle it, i wouldn't let you, my family would kill me, I would give my family a bad name, i would be a bad person, i can't support it financially, he would drop out of Uni" etc.. (we're both currently in Uni)

it kind of made me sad because that's what i didn't want to hear!

i wanted him to man up and say that he would take care of me and the baby, even if it made him look bad, he would try his best, he would love me and the baby and not talk me out of abortion etc (i'm kind of against that, but that is my opinion, please don't judge me)

He is 18 and i am 21

I KNOW we are too young, and we're busy with university and all that but it was juat a question to him out of curiosity, i wanted to know how he would react...

he said everytime i asked him those kind of questions it made him feel "worried" (he kept on hitting his head saying "stupid" to himself, then kept questioning me if i was really(?) pregnant.. (which i am not)
he also said it would be okay in another 5 years or so, but not now...
which i understand but his reaction to my question just made me a bit upset...

I don't know if his "I love you(s)" are genuine, because what he said, it kinda made me feel like he didn't want me in the long run or something.

what do you guys think?

[supa'Wanki]

You have to understand that it's not easy for an 18 yr. old guy to say that he'll support his girlfriend and a baby. Especially at his age, it's going to be hard for him to decide if that is what he actually wants. He has a dream that he wants to fulfill, and having you and a baby in the picture will just ruin it. I say it in a harsh way, because that is the way he'll think of it. It'll shock him to hear something like that. You CANNOT question his love for you because he would want you to get an abortion. You have to be understanding in his situation. It's not about being a man and all that bull, that's just an ignorant way for a girl to think. It's a lot more complicated than that. It's his life that will be on the line, and it's just not that easy. If you give him a couple more MONTHS to think about it, he'll say that he'll want to keep the baby because he'll gain the confidence to face the shame from parents and relatives and accept the responsibility to take care of a baby. But as an 18 year old who does not have financial stability, he KNOWS that he won't be able to raise a child. It's expensive, I know forsure if he was rich and financially independent from his parents, he would keep the baby, no doubt about it.

It's not something you can just expect the right answer for right off the bat, it's not that simple. If I had a request, please be more understanding of him.

[kissez*]

After 4 months of dating you're asking this guy how would he feel if you were pregnant with his kid?
God, you girls... what a complete mind f***.

[kyung mi]

I've known him much longer than the 4 months.

[kissez*]

I've known him much longer than the 4 months.

OK.
But what was the point of you testing him?
Why do girls do this? I just don't get it.
If I were the guy, I would've just been like...
"Get rid of it. There's my answer. Happy?"
Kidding. Not really.

[Frozy]

You have to understand that it's not easy for an 18 yr. old guy to say that he'll support his girlfriend and a baby. Especially at his age, it's going to be hard for him to decide if that is what he actually wants. He has a dream that he wants to fulfill, and having you and a baby in the picture will just ruin it. I say it in a harsh way, because that is the way he'll think of it. It'll shock him to hear something like that. You CANNOT question his love for you because he would want you to get an abortion. You have to be understanding in his situation. It's not about being a man and all that bull, that's just an ignorant way for a girl to think. It's a lot more complicated than that. It's his life that will be on the line, and it's just not that easy. If you give him a couple more MONTHS to think about it, he'll say that he'll want to keep the baby because he'll gain the confidence to face the shame from parents and relatives and accept the responsibility to take care of a baby. But as an 18 year old who does not have financial stability, he KNOWS that he won't be able to raise a child. It's expensive, I know forsure if he was rich and financially independent from his parents, he would keep the baby, no doubt about it.

It's not something you can just expect the right answer for right off the bat, it's not that simple. If I had a request, please be more understanding of him.

I like you. LOL.

But seriously, this person is right. Your boyfriend is thinking realistically. Even if you question him hypothetically, he has plenty to think about already. No need to add more to that, ya?

[colloquy]

This is beyond ridiculous. You're 21, and still playing these stupid mind games? He's 18, he's not at the time and place of his life to have a child, and he's telling you the truth about his feelings. Get over it.

[joie.de.vivre]

well, at least he is giving you an honest answer and reaction, right ?
some of the things he is saying are actually realistic [ie not being able to fully support a child financially], considering he is still a college student and merely 18.

the problem with even asking a question like that is that you already have your answer formulated in your mind. if he doesn't deliver it exactly and perfectly, then of course you'd be disappointed.

i think that if you were really asking that question out of pure curiosity, then you wouldn't expect any answer beforehand.
i get the feeling that you are feeling a tad insecure...that's why you're questioning him about issues like pregnancies [which, like other long-term situations, tend to put off a lot of guys if they're asked about them]. just because he says he doesn't want a child right now-right now doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't think about you two in the long-term. anyway...sometimes, bearing a man's child =/= snagging him long-term

imo, he is a pretty genuine guy [going back to how he reacted to your question in the first place]...so don't worry so much (:

[azn3dvietboy]

will u have my baby?
i'll take care of u both

[kyung mi]

no need to bash on me, gee..

yes i am insecure, okay..

and thanks for those who actually answered my question, much appreciated : )

[chamisul]

Guys, perhaps all she wanted was a caring response, but I agree too that 18yr guy can't handle this shiz, at least not now...

Don't worry 2much about it, from what you say, he seems to be a guy that tries his best to accommodate, I should suggest you not to mention this again tho... ^^

Good luck! kk

This is beyond ridiculous. You're 21, and still playing these stupid mind games? He's 18, he's not at the time and place of his life to have a child, and he's telling you the truth about his feelings. Get over it.

Your mentality disgusts me -__-

[supa'Wanki]

This is beyond ridiculous. You're 21, and still playing these stupid mind games? He's 18, he's not at the time and place of his life to have a child, and he's telling you the truth about his feelings. Get over it.

Hey don't be so hard on her. She's just insecure and it's normal for a girl to be curious if their boyfriend will support their baby. Obviously they already had sex and it's better for the guy to think of what he would do if she really was pregnant. He'll grow up from this experience... in a very very hard way. It's not a bad thing for them two to get hit by reality.

[『ⓢweet°ⓣea』]

This is beyond ridiculous. You're 21, and still playing these stupid mind games? He's 18, he's not at the time and place of his life to have a child, and he's telling you the truth about his feelings. Get over it.

AMEN


seriously ... why would you ask him that kind of question? i respect his answer. at least he was straight up honest with you. i like those kind of guys. no messing around.

[kyung mi]

well, who doesn't want a caring response?

thanks, yeah girls.. remember that : )

[Sasami]

lol, I totally feel you XD. I recently hook up with a 18 year old (he's turning 19 this year) and I'm 21 (I just turned 21 this year). I asked him the same question and he said he would shot himself or run away. Joking aside I personally don't care for that much. I asked as a joke and either if his answer is kidding or personally as a hint if he loves me or not because heck if I get pregnant at my age not only do I think I am not ready because I will have to drop out of uni and etc but it's too much burden for me to take care of at my age so think how he feel is he's 18 year old. You are giving yourself unnecessary stress. There are other ways for a guy to show that he loves you and give you security.

[onhotwires]

What's really upsetting you is not whether he cares about you or not, it's whether he's ok w/ abortion.

[colloquy]

Hey don't be so hard on her. She's just insecure and it's normal for a girl to be curious if their boyfriend will support their baby. Obviously they already had sex and it's better for the guy to think of what he would do if she really was pregnant. He'll grow up from this experience... in a very very hard way. It's not a bad thing for them two to get hit by reality.

Well, insecurity is an issue, then I think she should openly talk to her boyfriend about this, instead of setting him with a loaded question that creates pain for both sides. The right answer to such things is not for the guy to lie to her. I know lots of men that straight out lie towards their girlfriends, therefore, I respect the guy for coming out with the truth. I see that he's a younger man and she's about four years older than him, and this seems to be a common issue in such relationships.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

well if you think of it in a different perspective, the answer will help a lot!!!!!!!!1

So the moral of the story is
Don't have Sex before marriage with this dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feel free to do it with someone else.

[supa'Wanki]

Well, insecurity is an issue, then I think she should openly talk to her boyfriend about this, instead of setting him with a loaded question that creates pain for both sides. The right answer to such things is not for the guy to lie to her. I know lots of men that straight out lie towards their girlfriends, therefore, I respect the guy for coming out with the truth. I see that he's a younger man and she's about four years older than him, and this seems to be a common issue in such relationships.

I really don't know how else you could have a conversation with someone other than asking, "what if i was pregnant with your baby?" Idk, it wasn't like she asked a "loaded question" like you said. It was just a question, and her boyfriend just got worried. So just by looking at the cover of this whole issue, it really wasn't a loaded question, unless she made it sound like she was or she said she was, then thats different. But like I said before, even if it was harsh, it's better for him to grow up haha.

[aubrei]

i think he gave you a fair, and honest answer.
man up and take care of the kid?
although it would be great if everyone could just do that, but that just isnt how life works.
both of you probably would have a very hard life ahead of you if he just 'man'd it up"

have a kid when you are able to take responsible for it. i wouldnt want to have a kid if i am unable to give this child everything he/she deserves. being unprepared financially and mentally, i mean you guys havent even graduated from uni, or barely even from high school. it would be VERY irresponsible for you to conceive that child.

why wouldnt his 'i love you's be genuine? sometimes, a child's birth in improper circumstances can ruin people's lives.