[Lionheart]

My girlfriend recently cheated on me with another guy. She didn't sleep with him. She basically went out on two dates with him. The first time, he leaned in to kiss her and she stopped him. She didn't tell me this and then went BACK for a second date where they made out and he groped her. To make matters worse, she didn't tell me what happened until I pried. She claimed that she didn't want to lose me and that she didn't tell me what happened because ... get this ... "you didn't ask me." I mean, seriously? What kind of faulty logic is that?

She says she doesn't love him, it was just an accident. She's actually really distraught with herself and she called me sobbing talking about how she's suicidal. I was surprised to discover I wasn't all that moved by her remorse.

I'm understandably angry. Actually, I'm furious. I'm struggling with being betrayed like this. She's coming over so we can work things out but at this point I don't think we can be together again romantically. However, I'm wrestling with intense anger because I visualize what happened in my head and it's driving me insane. I feel like I deserve justice in some way, but I want to be better than her and I don't want to hurt anyone. The guy who did this was some cocky kid who wouldn't stop even though she told him she had a boyfriend. Then afterwards when she told him the problems it caused us, he said to her, "Well, you liked it." I have half a mind to go after him.

But as a boyfriend, I've never been overly possessive or jealous. I trust my girlfriends. I let them hang out with who they wish because I want the same freedom. It's just that my girlfriend has low self-esteem and she has no fight in her. A part of me feels stupid for being as naive as I was but another part of me feels like a relationship should have trust. Even now, I'm paranoid that when I'm not around, something's going on. Isn't that a sign that it's time to cut her off completely?

The problem is that I'm so used to talking to her every single day. I wake up to her and fall asleep to her. Love is like a drug and I feel like to get over this hump, I have to weather the storm and accept the withdrawl symptoms. So how do you do it?

Has anyone felt this intense anger? How do you overcome it? I feel like I really want to find them and hurt them both. What do you put your energy into? I need help because I feel like I'm losing my mind here. Thanks in advance.

[HaplessChild]

Honest answer? Rebound. It works. It doesn't have to be anything serious or even really romantic. Just someone else that you enjoy enough for them to take your mind off of the she-devil.

Pick up some new hobbies. Get a Netflix account.

The anger itself... the rebound helps with that too. Find someone that makes you laugh to abate your anger until you just don't think about it anymore.

[donporkuloin]

Wow. That's messed up. That's some idiocy for logic your gf has. This girl I was dating for a few months got pregnant by another guy. The guy that got her pregnant left her. I was really starting to catch feelings for her before this happened. It looked like she was happy with me. What pissed me off the most was she told me, "it was my fault for catching feelings, and she slept with some random guy." I had that intense anger, because I felt that b**** duped me. To be honest I did a lot of drinking for 3-4 months straight. My mom got me to stop. I think about that girl from time to time, but I know in my heart I deserve better!!

[Yuyu<3]

Damn...That's some situation you're in
But it's always the same saying "If you don't love yourself then you can't really love anyone else"
If your gf isn't okay with herself then who can she be okay with?
Even though its hard to think about being away from her, you should get yourself together
Take a break and relax. Scream and get it all out
Don't do anything you'll regret and just forget about the guy
He'll get what's coming to him one way or another.
Anger can destory a person and can mess up your life if you let it rule you
If you can't scream about it or cry about it, just let it all out when you're on the mat
Just don't kill the guy

I can't say I've ever been as angry as you
but I have felt like there was nothing I could do after falling in love with the wrong type of guy.
He didn't treat me right and things like that but I would always say Oh I can change him.
That was a useless thought. I loved/liked him so much but my self esteem was low at that time so everything I did was about him and for him and never about me.
I broke up with him and just stayed by myself. I learned about myself and now I love me for me and my talents.
Hope that helps

[kg123]

If I were you I'd breakup immediately...If she went to see the guy 2 times [knowing the guy wanted to kiss her after the fisrt date]..is because deep down she wanted it. Also, you know that your feelings toward her isnt going to be the same...i mean...of course you can forgive her..but I think you'll never be able to trust her the same way as before cause you wont forget what she did to you.. I dont know if its true but isnt there a quote like 'cheater is always a cheater' or something like that?

[shim shim hae]

do you like the girl enough to stay with her? if you do you can try to work it out and rebuild the trust.

for me personally, once the trust is lost there isn't much left to a relationship.

what would really bother me in your situation is that the guy attempted something on their first date, but she went out with him again knowing he might try it again.

[Amaranthine Memories]

Let me say this, i've been through the same thing you have gone through. Cheating does hurt, but the anger it brings weighs a lot more than the hurting. Just take your mind off it and do some intense activities, like heavy lifting, running for a long time, something that is physical. Cut all contacts with the girl, she isn't worth wasting your time anymore. You'll get over the "loss" of talking to her and stuff like that. Talk to other girls and friends if you feel that emptiness. If you really want to go hunt the guy down, then go for it. Kick his ass and make him regret it. But that isn't really neccessary...

FORGET THE GIRL AND LET HER BE SUICIDAL IF SHE WANTS. ITS HER FAULT.

[Babycremepuff]

It's ironic that given your situation, you also have a picture of Kobe Bryant in your signature. Kobe Bryant's wife survived a very publicized case of an affair.
In terms of your situation, I'd have to ask, "are you willing to fight to keep this relationship together? how much do you value having her in your life and how deep is your love for each other"?
I think just being a human means we're weak and we have our weaknesses, we have our breaking points too of course, but we also make mistakes. And she sounds like she's being completely honest with you even though it's late. However, I think this delay is from her realization of how much more important you are compared to this sick fling that may have grossed her out but intrigued her too, which means for some reason she may have been curious about what this guy had to offer - enough to entertain him with two outings.
The reason I ask you about how deep your love is and how important is this girl to you and you to her because if you love, you have to bury and cover her failing in order to be able to love wholly. And if you cannot possibly do this, then you really can't be together again because it will come back. What if this type of situation were to occur when you're married and how would you work through it if you never learn how to forgive? I even wonder about her family upbringing because it could help to know where her curiosity is coming from. And like I've said before I think most (i'm not saying all) girls need a deep sense of belonging and security in order to commit fully and if this isn't met then it would spur more insecurity and curiosity elsewhere.
Her suicidal sentiments can just be a cry of help or a cry to fill a need or void. We can be quite dramatic when we want to be perhaps because we have more estrogen and we have the ability to think and act more with our emotions and feelings?
Your sense of betrayal is understandable and again if you can't bear the betrayal or find it in yourself to forgive and burden yourself with working on her issues together then you have to do what you have to do and that is to cut the losses and remove yourself from your addiction to her daily existence in your life.

[bonjour tristesse.]

ive been cheated on before too, not a nice feeling so i feel your pain.
i say break every tie you have with her as of the moment. its better if you have time for yourself.
just let things be and when you feel as if youre ready, talk to her and if you want, even befriend her again.
but cheating is something you shouldn't tolerate. so getting back with her? really? thats your basic
sole trust so that wouldnt be a good idea on the long run if you ever think of doing that.

[kuroimisa]

I was in a very similar situation, only my ex bf did a lot of things I didn't like. Unlike you though, I was probably a little possessive (moreso, protective is a better word) yet he always did stupid things. Believe me, the way I found out about what he did was posted on Facebook as a series of photographs. Though he thought of them as nothing, I would not appreciate his behaviour at all. I'll just say, it's not something I'll be proud to show my friends. Of course, the relationship is over.

Having introduced my standing point a bit, I'll apply it to your situation - she clearly had a choice to back off. Nobody in their right mind will go out again on a date with another guy if they made them uncomfortable the first time if they had a boyfriend. For instance, I don't care if it wasn't the boyfriend/ girlfriend who initiated it, I believe they have the power to shove, push, avoid or just stay away from situations where other people try to kiss or touch them. If no effort was made to prevent these kind of things from happening, I feel it's really unforgivable; I don't think it's okay at all, especially since it's not something new (happened previously or was given warning about it).

The way I've dealt with my situation was to simply talk to people. I went out and saw my friends more. Spent time with my parents at night instead of hanging on the computer. Started rereading my books. Thinking about things I need to buy to replace the things that reminded me of him. The first thing I did actually was to remove him from any form of contact possible that would share my personal information with him. This is just the way I deal with it, but I'm sure if you think really hard, there are many things that you've probably neglected. I understand how you feel because it's how I felt - the s/o was everything. Everything in the sense that they were my happiness, my sadness but also my life. Now that half of you is gone, it'll be very hard to pick up the pieces you gave them and paste yourself back. But you can slowly reconstruct yourself, and you'll end up whole again.

The first thing I noticed was how quiet my life was without him. It still is. But like my friend told me, "enjoy" it while it lasts. It's an experience, and there's no need to be entirely negative about it. I grew to enjoy the silence because I realised I can finally be myself again, without having to worry about being judged or told a bunch of bs why he didn't do this or prevent that from happening.

So you're not alone in this! I'm pretty much in the same shoes.


BTW about whether or not you should break with your girlfriend and such, it's ultimately your choice. If you feel that you can't forgive and that you won't ever see her in the same light, it's time to move on. It sounds cruel, but if she's going to make you sad, she's not worth it.

As for her claims of being suicidal, there are two types of girls as people have previously mentioned: those who really mean it, and those who say it as show.
I don't want to jump to conclusions because I don't know your girlfriend personally, but if I was exceptionally cunning and knew I screwed up, I'd definitely try to use that as a cover up for what I did wrong. No doubt you weren't touched; I probably wouldn't be either.

Anyway, hope the best for you. I know it's a bit harder for guys to talk to friends about problems like this as a way to deal with the sad feelings or anger - perhaps you might want to just reflect on yourself only.

Final words: when I broke up I felt like nobody loved me any more. It's not true, because at least you can love yourself. You have friends and family and a lot of things to do in life. I was touched by all the support I was given, so yeah. Hope it'll be the same for you!


PS: I just noticed the last bit about catching them both and hurting them - there's no use in doing so. Karma will eventually get them back. Let them be - they won't last long. I've had a long history of trying to get back at people, but it was proven to be pretty stupid. Just let them be and don't let them get to you. The thing they want most is for you to not ever be able to pick yourself up again, so don't let it happen. Just keep moving on, or else you'll dwell on the situation and never progress. *thumbs up*

[Lionheart]

I want to thank everyone who replied to my post from the bottom of my heart. I read every single one and they had a profound impact on me. I think I'm choosing to cut ties with her and make an effort to move on. I can't change what happened, but I don't want the anger to consume me. I have a bright future ahead and I want to focus on myself and the people who matter.

I haven't forgiven her but that comes with time. Either way, I'm not wishing bad luck on her because I still care for her. I wish SO MUCH that things had worked out differently, but this is life. This happens.

We move on.

[mintcracker]

^ don't worry...stay strong. I'm guessing it's over with her? You made the right choice. Staying with her will mean her doing this again adn again in the future.
You don't want that.

[msupky]

Don't worry - she's not the only girl in town. You'd find someone else.

To be honest, I don't think she "loved" you that much anyway. Yes, she pushed him away the first time. But a second date? Even though she knew the other guy was coming onto her? That was just plain stupid. AND she made out with him too. You just don't do that to someone you LOVE - no matter how insecure you are. Don't buy into her sob story. Dump her already. She's SO SO SO not worth it. Her excuses are lame and she clearly thinks you're dumb. You'll find that special someone someday - so just take it easy : )

Annnnd the best solution to get over her? The fact that she's someone else's problem now! CONGRATS! : ) If you don't get rid of her, how are you going to open yourself to better opportunities?

[aubrei]

i think you should drop your relationship with her. if it just happened accidentally, whats stopping things from happening accidentally again?
its really pathetic that she can give you a lame excuse like that, expecting you to buy it.

dump her.

when i need to get my mind off things, i go for a long drive. dont know where, dont know how long ill be gone.
my friend says she (lol) punches holes in her dry wall.
ive also heard of people going to the driving range and just destroying the golf balls. just swinging as hard as possible..dont care about form, distance, or direction. just smash the ball.

hey, whatever works!

[d-0ne]

It will never be the same with her.. ever again. Even if you try to get over this, this is always going to be at the back of your mind. Please quit her and find something else.

[meiming8]

Contrary to everyone else, I think you should actually talk to her. Not to get back together with her, because I think you'll (justifiably) never be able to get over the fact she cheated her, but to express your feelings. From what it sounds like, she probably wasn't fully content with the relationship or was feeling insecure about it. The guy seems like a real jerk and she probably knew that as well. When she cheated, I'm certain she knew what she was doing was wrong, but because she may have been a bit discontent and/or insecure with your relationship, this was her way of lashing out. From the first date, she stopped herself at the end, but on the second date she probably lost control of herself and gave in to make her temporarily feel better about herself. Her excuse of blaming you is probably just to temporarily deflect the blame, and lashing out again. When she said she was feeling suicidal, she probably meant she is feeling very depressed because she is guilty and feels confused. If you talk to her again, you might be able to release your anger (because she deserves it, no matter how she was feeling) and you also might get a chance to talk about your now-ended relationship and how you both felt and feel.

Anyway, that's my take, lol. Might be looking too deeply into it

[Panda Kisses]

First off, I despise cheaters. No matter what excuse they may have, it honestly takes two to tango. And her logic to back herself up is well, stupid. But with those comments aside, I was wondering how long you've been with her? If it's only been a matter of months, I say this is a red flag to escape. Her whole ordeal of calling you and sobbing about how she's suicidal (probably over her guilt and wanting you to feel sorry for her and give her forgiveness) reminds me of a lot of girls I know. I'm not saying she's one of them, but I have a feeling she might be one of those "Omg I'm sorry, noooo I wanna die, I don't deserve to live" people who commit an offensive act against their loved one but then repeats it in the future.

Just saying, trust your own instincts based on how well you know this girl and don't let an ugly cycle occur. Two dates? Come on. She could've said no, stayed at home or told you about it but instead, she was "weak" and went out with him. No good girlfriend does that (unless the other guy threatened her or your life, which is not the case).

Just my two cents. You deserve better than a weak-willed girl who doesn't know right from wrong, or chooses not to follow her own common sense.

EDIT: Lol, just read your update. Good for you. That is all :]

[[A][C][E]]

well here's a story about someone getting cheated on and releasing his INTENSE anger by getting revenge...

This guy that goes to college at my uni found out that his girlfriend slept with another guy...
He found out, but she didn't know that he knew...So the guy just kept it cool, u know, pretended as if nothing happened...
Then he goes over to his girlfriend's house one day when she's not home...and guess what...he slept with her mum...
A few days later he approached his girlfriend and said straight to her face something along the lines of
"u F****n b**** i slept with ur mum AHAHAHA ur both dirty whores"
i actually found it weird that he's worshipped by everyone at his college, but still entertaining none the less....

i'm sorry if this sounds harsh but unless ur thinking about revenge....lifes a b**ch...ur a guy...deal with it, move on..
it's not like she slept with him or anything....

[ziemah]

yeah you should leave her.That would be the right decision.theres a lot of girls which is much better than her.Even if you accept her things will not be the same like before.There will be trust issues and stuffs like that which can worsen you relationship more.Just move on.Find a new one.Create a new love life.The moe beautiful as ever!

[AznMonkee]

i hope that u have decided to cut all ties with her.
i knoe it sounds mean but itz better for her to get hurt rather than u. you have not done anything wrong and i think that there is certain responsibilities for everyone.
i understand what u are going through right now, but u just gota be strong.
i think you can put your energy into helping others so they might not have to go through what you are going through now, put your energy into goals which you have always wanted to achieve and so on. remember this, new memories can be created as long as you let it happen.
i do understand your pain but sorry i just don't really how to express it here, but if you do anything feel free to PM me.