[Mistress Dee]

So I've recently moved down to the beach with my boyfriend and two of his friends (a guy and a girl). Now, they are complete polar opposites compared to me.

They like to "party hard" and "not be lame", as they kindly put it. I'm okay with having a good time but I find it a bit rude of them [not my boyfriend mind you, he hasn't instigated any of the parties] to bring people to the house at 1 or 2 in the morning while I'm trying to sleep or my boyfriend and I are trying to sleep.

I've told my boyfriend to please talk to them because he's closer to them than I am and I think they already placed me under the "lame, no fun" roommate.

Now, my boyfriend just told them probably 10 minutes ago to please lower the music and be a bit quieter because I was trying to sleep..... the music is now almost exactly as loud as it was before he told them.

I'm five seconds away from getting all kinds of odd jobs and moving out. Not because I'm angry with them, but it's painfully obvious they don't listen or have any disregard for others. Maybe it's because they're not used to living with other people or whatever, but this is plain common sense.

Am I being too hasty?

[小甜密]

Ah don't you hate it when you get uncooperative roommates? You, should go out to lunch with them and have a chat about the issues you have. Lay out what you dislike and what you will do if they don't comply. Give them 'a take it or leave it' option. Some people just need to get a quick wake up call.

PS. You want them to agree with you so talk to them in a way that is both pleasant and at the same time, what you're saying to them is serious.

PPS. Better yet, get a good compromise with your roommates. That might be win win for both parties.

[dannn]

yeah try talking it out in maybe a house meeting or something. discuss it like adults and see what that leads to

if things dont work out, then im sure you can all figure out new living arrangements without anyone getting too upset

[kuroimisa]

If you feel the music is too loud, you can try calling the cops and pretend you're a neighbour complaining of loud noise.

While I havent'had any bad roommates, I've had bad neighbours. Like you they played loud music (the building I live in is a 7 storey apartment of sound concrete construction - and it was vibrating) until the wee hours of the morning. They also had fights and did stupid things like burn cigarettes on the balcony for fun and make us annoyed because the smell was so gross. Slamming doors, emotional cries on the balcony, breaking up with the boyfriend, throwing objects at each other, screaming "YOU DONT LOVE ME ANYMORE"

Anyway there were a few ways of solving it:

1) We made large bang noises (say the noise you drop a 5kg dumbbell onto the floor). It sounded like it was serious. People will immediately turn off their music, wonder what it was and then in about half an hour they would carry on. So you drop it again. Repeat. This is only a temporary fix.

2) Call the police.

3) Kick them out.

4) Move out.

5) Ignore it.
This was probably the best solution. We ended up ignoring it and they moved out on their own. Think of it this way: the more you concentrate on the music and loudness, the more you can't sleep. It's okay for them to stay up all night and be cool - imagine how they'd be like in the morning - that's right, they'd feel awful. Whereas you ignored the music and fell asleep. You will be better off than they are.

6) You can try talking to them about it.
Make a curfew. No music after lights are out. USE HEADPHONES. Not sure how they'd take it, but I guess they'd ssunshine since they're being pretty inconsiderate.

It's their lifestyle, they're not going to change much. Do try to talk to them first though and see their reaction. Don't be too passive. These guys need to be taken by brute force (in the sense that they are not scared by pleas, warnings or maybe even police - it depends on the extent of their hardcore partiness). Good luck, and move out if you need!

[joogrlpekaun]

You pay a quarter of the rent, right? That should entitle to you to some consideration unless the rest of them want to pick up the slack if you move out because you can't take it anymore. It's kind of heavy-handed, so I wouldn't recommend this sort of blunt money-is-power talk with friends of your boyfriend and people you're otherwise fine with, but you might want to remind them of that fact if you've already exhausted all the ways of negotiating with more finesse. And if both you and your boyfriend have the same issues with the late-night partying at your home, that's a full half of the rent between you, so it's just as much your place as theirs. Can those roommates find other places to go at 2 a.m. where the people don't care if they're loud? That way you can sleep and they can still have fun the way they want to.

At the same time, though, I would think about finding someplace else to live when you can, because it's frustrating for both you and them if your lifestyles conflict. Everyone will be happier if they can find new roommates who love to stay up and play music and talk until two in the morning, while you find people who respect your wish for quiet by 1 a.m. and don't feel like it's cramping their style.
I lived on a dorm hall with a mixture of quiet people who slept or studied at 1 a.m. and habitual latenight weekday partiers, and the partiers DID NOT become more considerate by the end of the year, even with a ton of complaints and the obvious ill will of some of the people around them. It worked for a very short time each time there was a complaint from someone, but it made the partiers as resentful as the people who couldn't sleep, and then after a couple of days it was just as bad as it had ever been. You probably can't change them for good, and they'd just resent you for it if you did, so either they should move out or you should. Life was a lot better this past year when the hall I lived on was all people who were reasonably quiet late at night or went elsewhere. Even if you can convince your roomies to be quieter at night, parting ways is probably best in the long term.

Either way, you (and not just your boyfriend acting as proxy) should discuss with everyone together why living together is not working right now, and decide who needs to do what to make it more bearable in the meantime and who should find new living arrangements if you can't find another permanent solution. I would stress that it's not that you don't like them as people (well, unless you actually do, and maybe even then since they're still your boyfriend's friends) but that everyone's dissatisfied with the difference in lifestyles. Phrase it not just as a matter of your personal frustration, but also knowing that they'd be happier living without having to worry about disturbing someone else, too. You'll be less likely to be hated for the rest of the time you're there if you state your case as reasonably as you can and without seeming to fully blame them, even though they've been inconsiderate. Who knows? Maybe knowing how seriously you take this issue--enough to move out--will make them realize it's not okay to just ignore your needs as a paying roommate and the girlfriend of a friend, which would make the rest of your time together more pleasant. Just don't bet on it and be ready to move or ask them to if talking to them doesn't work.

[lil_miss_kawaii]

I had this problem with my room mate ~ he played music SO LOUD all the time and was complete and UTTER MESS but ya know what I did ~ TALKED TO THEM!

Be mature about it ~ they would probably appreciate it more if you spoke to them rather than have your boyfriend do it. If someone was annoyed at me but got someone else to tell me I'd probably think "well they are obviously not THAT fussed if they cant do it themselves" ~ its about being mature about something and getting respect than being scared and gettin someone to do your job for you

Just talk to them ~ simple as ~ if they dont co-operate THEN you can go ~

[HaplessChild]

Sit down with them, set rules. If you're all paying rent, you're all intitled to your comforts to a degree.

When they're all home pull everyone into the living room and say "I just wanted to talk to you guys for a few minutes. I don't want to come off as prude, so please forgive me if I do, but right now I'm a little sad and a little uncomfortable. I really don't want to impede on your good times but I feel like your kind of impeding on my peace sometimes.

First, I want to ask you if there's anything I do that annoys you around the house and if there's anything I can do to make you all more comfortable. I know living with other people requires some give and take but I like to think we can all live here comfortably.

Really guys, for me, it's just the noise. I know I'm really lame and like an old maid when it comes to my quiet time but I have to implore that after midnight please try to be a bit considerate and keep it down a bit. Basically, imagine if, as loud as you guys have your music at 2 am, that me and my bf were having sex that loud at 2am. No one really wants to hear that.

So really, if I'm asking too much or if this sounds outlandish let me know."

Other than that or moving out I would say get an ipod or some ear plugs.

[[HyuNi]]

Maybe it's just me but if you're young and live next to the beach in the summertime, you're asking for the 'party hard' type of atmosphere.

I know if I had a chance to live on a beach, I wouldn't waste it!

I'll probably sound rude by saying this, but you probably should have thought about it before you moved in.

[joogrlpekaun]

^ Yeah, it does seem like you'd expect it to be a party environment, especially during the summer. But hey, what's done is done. The OP didn't really say what the circumstances were when she and her bf decided to move, and they were friends of his, so I can sort of see how it could happen even if it seems like an obvious scenario to avoid, looking at it from an outside perspective.