[Metamorphosis]

So i have this friend, i'm not sure if he likes me or not (i'm pretty sure he does, not positive). So school ended and he lives more than an hour away from me but he keeps on asking me to hangout. He would texts me almost everyday, and every week he would asked me to hangout when we're off (he'd be willing to drive down to where i live, pick me up and hangout). We went out for ice cream and played pool 3 weeks ago. when we got ice cream, he got out his wallet and about to pay for the two of us, but i told him i can pay for myself (i'm not interested in him or anything, he's just a friend to me, i didn't see why he had to pay for me). anyways, so we payed for our own ice cream and went to play pool. we played pool for 5 hours, i know..a long time! but we were having fun so time went by pretty quick. he was kind of flirty, he'd slap my lap playfully, which i just laughed it off because again, i'm not interested in him..lol when we were about to go, he again took out his wallet and about to pay. but again i insist and said i'd pay. he didn't hesitate and said "alright". 5 hours of pool cost me 45 bucks, which isn't a lot for 2 people. but what bothered me was the fact that he let me pay for it. After that night, he still kept on texting me, IMing me all the time, asking me to go to beach and go out and drink or what not. Its such a turn off for me when a guy lets you pay, especially on the first date, so i always tell him i'm busy. now i think he got the idea that i'm not interested and he hasn't text me at all this week (which doesn't really bother me because i don't want him to get the wrong idea that i like him or anything lol)

so the question is, am i a bad person because i stop hanging out with him cause he let me pay? i feel that if i was inetersted in him, i wouldn't mind. it would still be a turn off but i wouldn't mind paying as much. but i'm not interested in him so i didn't see why i should have paid for both of us. I admit, i'm an independent woman, if you're my nobody, its very unlikely i let you pay for me. idk. if you're a guy and you're gonna let a girl to pay for you? even if its just a friend..it just kind of bothers me. not a very manly act

what do you guys think?

[azn3dvietboy]

he was trying to be nice, thats what NICE guys try to do, pay for their "date"
but if u insisted in paying for the game of pool, then thats not his fault.
and i donno what else to say...but u just have a different way of thinking thats all.........

[Malice_Kaiser]

Well you offered to pay, so why are you shutting him out now that you did? You shouldn't have offered if you didn't want to, or you should have just offered to pay for half.
He could have been more polite by offering to pay for his half even after you said you'd pay, but still, you said you would. And even so, you guys obviously had a good time, but you're still not gonna hang out all because of something that isn't really his fault?

It's just conflicting. One minute you say "I want guys to pay for the first date" and then later you're like "I'm independent, I don't want people paying for me" and then right after that you say it's "not manly" for a guy to let a girl pay. You need to make up your mind.

[honeysky]

how old are you guys? if you're young i don't think it's a big deal, but if you're older than i think a guy should pay on the first date. if he doesn't pay then i would assume it's not a date and he just wants to be friends with me.

[SayurixPark]

Well you offered to pay, so why are you shutting him out now that you did? You shouldn't have offered if you didn't want to, or you should have just offered to pay for half.
He could have been more polite by offering to pay for his half even after you said you'd pay, but still, you did offer. And even so, you guys obviously had a good time, but you're still not gonna hang out all because of something that isn't really his fault?

took the words outta my mouth....

[azurette]

I hate stingy guys, and normally I'd say "ew" but you offered, so... it's your fault too.

[Metamorphosis]

Well you offered to pay, so why are you shutting him out now that you did? You shouldn't have offered if you didn't want to, or you should have just offered to pay for half.
He could have been more polite by offering to pay for his half even after you said you'd pay, but still, you did offer. And even so, you guys obviously had a good time, but you're still not gonna hang out all because of something that isn't really his fault?

haha offering to pay for half would be kind of awkward. it was one pool table, i can't imagine saying "wanna pay half half?" so when i said i'll pay, i just paid for the whole thing. true about the second part, but he lives far away, sometimes i feel it's almost unnecessary to drive down every week just to hangout, maybe i'm just weird because i'm not interested in him so i don't think it's necessary

how old are you guys? if you're young i don't think it's a big deal, but if you're older than i think a guy should pay on the first date. if he doesn't pay then i would assume it's not a date and he just wants to be friends with me.

we're 20
maybe you're right that he just wants to be friends. i'd just be surprise that if he just wants to be friends he'd texts almost every day asking about my day and telling me his day...kind of too much, you know? and he also told me he's interested in getting to know me better and tells me he wishes that he lives closer to me so we can hangout all the time. i don't know

[shim shim hae]

well personally i would never let a girl pay for the first date... especially if i was the one who invited her out. i've had girls try to rip the bill out my hand or hand their card to the waiter, but the guy should pay for the first date.

i think you should stop hanging out with him either way.. if his texting and all that is too much for you, you're just sending him the wrong signs by hanging out with him.

[JJM]

If you don't want to pay for all the outings, just go dutch. You're just friends, pay for your own self. $45 split down the middle. If you offer to pay, it's your own fault for creating your own monster.

My bf and I have been together for almost 4 yrs. We split bills unless one of us is treating, but he does pay more often than I do.

[Mannosuke]

he got out his wallet and about to pay for the two of us, but i told him i can pay for myself (i'm not interested in him or anything, he's just a friend to me, i didn't see why he had to pay for me)

He had his wallet out, and he was ready to close the transaction. However, you stepped in and told him you'll pay for yourself.

he again took out his wallet and about to pay. but again i insist and said i'd pay

Now he took out his wallet again, but before he got the chance, you told him you'll pay. Yes, YOU WILL PAY. Is this your idea of a mind game or test? To see if he's "manly" enough to say "I must disagree, since I'm the man and you're the woman, it is MY responsibility to pay the bills"

If you wanted him to pay, just shut up and let him pay.
Don't tell him not to and then come on soompi forums and start talking about how inconsiderate he is and how he lacks the balls to pay for you.

if you're a guy and you're gonna let a girl to pay for you?

Ya, why not? I have so many OTHER expenses to deal with, I don't want to put "girl expense" on my income statement. I can't count it towards tax credits either, so what am I losing out? Especially when she's the one that offers. Am I supposed to refuse her hospitality?

Not much of a gentleman if I'm not respecting her wishes.

[Metamorphosis]

He had his wallet out, and he was ready to close the transaction. However, you stepped in and told him you'll pay for yourself.


Now he took out his wallet again, but before you gave him the chance you told him you'll pay. Yes, YOU WILL PAY. Is this your idea of a mind game or test? To see if he's "manly" enough to say "I must disagree, since I'm the man and you're the woman, it is MY responsibility to pay the bills"

LOL you must get a kick out of hearing such outdated lines.

If you wanted him to pay, just shut up and let him pay.


Ya, why not? I have so many OTHER expenses to deal with, I don't want to put "girl expense" on my income statement. I can't count it towards tax credits either, so what am I losing out? Especially when she's the one that offers. Am I supposed to refuse her hospitality?

hahaha i know i offered to pay, my own "fault". and yeah, i feel more "manly" (is there another word..? haha) than he is, i mean it's not like i didn't have my wallet out. i would be happy even if he would have stopped me and paid for half of it. sorry, i'm a girl, i'd like a man to pay for me before i pay for him. that's just me.

i think you should stop hanging out with him either way.. if his texting and all that is too much for you, you're just sending him the wrong signs by hanging out with him.

i agree =) which is why i dont mind that he stopped messaging me. in a way though, i feel like i'm a bad friend

[secretlyjustyours]

not like you gave him a chance ^


and some girls get angry when the guy doesnt let them pay. so idk

[Mannosuke]

hahaha i know i offered to pay, my own "fault". and yeah, i feel more "manly" (is there another word..? haha) than he is, i mean it's not like i didn't have my wallet out. sorry, i'm a girl, i'd like a man to pay for me before i pay for him. that's just me

Paying has nothing to do with the definition of being a man, nor does it describe whether one is or is not "manly" for some definition of the term.

Nor does personal preference have anything to do with gender, but I will accept the fact that it was out of sarcasm (since many others also accept the fact that it's normal).

You claim to be independent, and we have seen that through your offers to pay. However, if you like a man to pay for you before you pay for him, don't play mind games and just tell him what you want. You're 20, this isn't a high school drama that we've left behind a couple years ago.

In the future, just throw down half and expect whoever you're with to cover the other. Surely you'd want to date someone that can do basic arithmetics. It's very pre-21st century to have to ask for permission to split the costs, it should be done naturally since he wasn't the only one that was enjoying the feast.

[BaboJen]

jeez, i don't get why you making a big fuss out of it..
If you don't want to pay, you should've shut up and let him pay
it's not like he asked you to pay or something
and yes, maybe he should've insisted on paying when you said you'll pay

[Metamorphosis]

Paying has nothing to do with the definition of being a man, nor does it describe whether one is or is not "manly" for some definition of the term.

Nor does personal preference have anything to do with gender, but I will accept the fact that it was out of sarcasm (since many others also accept the fact that it's normal).

You claim to be independent, and we have seen that through your offers to pay. However, if you like a man to pay for you before you pay for him, don't play mind games and just tell him what you want. You're 20, this isn't a high school drama that we've left behind a couple years ago.

hahah ok ok, i get the idea. gees, you sound intense
i'm not really playing mind games, not my intention at all. offer to pay is just my personality. i guess i like men who offer to pay. everyone has their turn offs for the opposite sex, i guess this is mine?

jeez, i don't get why you making a big fuss out of it..
If you don't want to pay, you should've shut up and let him pay
it's not like he asked you to pay or something
and yes, maybe he should've insisted on paying when you said you'll pay

i'm not trying to make a big fuss about anything
i'm asking for opinions
i think you're the one who needs to calm down?

[Mannosuke]

hahah ok ok, i get the idea. gees, you sound intense
i'm not really playing mind games, not my intention at all. offer to pay is just my personality. i guess i like men who offer to pay. everyone has their turn offs for the opposite sex, i guess this is mine?

Although I do somewhat understand your situation since I've run into my own share of women that get whiny about me not paying for her, I don't meet many that tell me not to pay (note, this doesn't imply that they will pay instead)

Everyone has their turn-offs, yes, and most girls probably share the same preferences as you with regards to who pays for the first (or even ALL) dates. But most of them will just sit back and watch the guy pay.

To me, your independent nature is conflicting with your preferences, thus leading to situations where you appear to want one thing, but then it's really the opposite the next moment.

I personally see nothing wrong with the girl paying. I only see a problem when anyone feels it's an obligation to pay. You should also live that way if you want to be self-proclaimed independent woman. After all, independence isn't just you having a little confidence and self-esteem.

EDIT: I noticed I forgot to mention that guys are thick-headed slow creatures, so if you tell us not to pay with your cash already in your hands, we will just nod our heads and step back.

[emma007]

A gentleman will pay for dates, but like so many have said, you stepped in.

[XlYesterdaYlX]

You offered to pay. I fail to see your reason to be upset at this situation. You can't expect to say one thing, but in reality you are saying something different.

You are the perfect example of when women say one thing they actually mean something else. In your case. "It's ok ill pay." What you're really saying is. "I am testing you to see if you really are willing to pay for me even when i offer to pay."

Next. I like women who stays quiet and makes sandwiches all day in the kitchen.

[ohb0yitsMEL]

i'm a girl, and when i offer to pay for dates i actually mean it. i make more dough than most guys i know anyway HAHA. girl power! [:

[Painterlyy]

I think if it's the girl that asks the guy, she should pay. But usually, the guy should pay.