[walkingmuse]

I'm not sure if anyone can help much here... but I've already talked to a few of my friends about this and I'll take whatever advice I can get lol

There are two guys, Shiva and Ben, who are both really good friends, but I've known Shiva for several years
Shiva and I had this on and off thing for a while. I would like him but he would say he didn't want a girlfriend, then he would like me but by then I would have overthought things and shut myself out and pushed him away, then I would like him again but by then he would've moved on, and it continued like this for a while.
Eventually he asked me out and I said maybe and after a few days ended up saying no. After this, he said this was the last time. We're still friends and talk and stuff, by the way.

So then a friend of mine suggests that if a decent guy likes me, not a typical bad boy, even if I don't completely like him right away, I should try like adapting to him, you know?
And Ben is pretty much that kind of guy; he's a really good guy, and he likes me. And I like him a bit, and we have only been having a sort of a "thing" for the past few days, so it could maybe like him more over time if we kept at it? I'm trying to warm up to the idea of him basically.
So I hung out with Ben today and we're just talking and stuff about whatever and I realize I'm telling a lot of funny stories about Shiva and me. He's the kind of guy I feel really comfortable with. You know.. like we both know really embarrassing things about each other and its like neither of us mind, we keep it between ourselves. Like what could be a good relationship. And I kind of realize that I miss him and want to be in a relationship with him... but then again.. maybe I just want him because I can't have him?

And the problem is that Shiva will be in Switzerland until August.. so maybe this is another issue of wrong timing. Obviously he couldn't be in any sort of relationship until August, and by then I could overthink things and freak out and back out again.
Ben is here now and he definitely likes me and I don't want to ruin things with him and end up regretting it.

Any advice?
I really really appreciate anyone who read all of this.

[walkingmuse]

sigh. anyone willing to help?

[ShadowMax76]

x_x' tired + that =

so there's only really just one guy. seeing ben was just a catalyst to re-ignite your indecision for shiva.

let it go. move on. use ben as a weird rebound. probably the easiest thing to do in this situation.

why is it important that you get into a relationship with someone? i'd just let go of the first guy and play with the 2nd for a bit till i feel like making a decision. lol.

[walkingmuse]

It's been a while since I've been in a decent relationship.. kinda wanting one now lol.. so that's why.

Thanks so much for your advice!

[_shineXO1]

I think you should give Ben a chance. But only if you like him back. And don't force yourself to feel something that's not there. That would just be problematic for you and Ben.

[walkingmuse]

Yeah I'll definitely keep that in mind

Thanks so so so much

[xwinnie_lovex]

omgoodness
this is just like my story with my current boyfriend, sherwin, and my friend, richard

i've known richard forever and we've been best friends ever since we met
we had on and off thing going on too
and we dated twice

i would go out with other guys
but always end up liking him and talking to him

after i started going out with sherwin
richard still talked to me
and he said he can do better than sherwin
i almost broke up with sherwin TWICE cuse of richard

i got super SUPERR confused
and in the end
my shallowness made me choose sherwin
but im glad i did
cuse richard sometimes gets too greedy
even tho i did miss him alot cuse i couldnt have him
i reminded myself of my choice and stuck with it

sooo
i suggest you list out the good and bad qualities of each guy
ben might have less good qualities atm because i just met him
but think about shiva's bad qualities, can you stand them?
do you think he would really make a better boyfriend than ben?
long distance relationships are hard
so do you think you can last a long distance relationship with shiva?
is it fun talking to ben?

just take a few days off of these guys to think through your options and decide :]

good luck!!

[walkingmuse]

well it wouldn't be a long distance relationship with Shiva because he'll be back in a little over a month
his dad lives in Switzerland, that's why he's there for part of the summer.

But thanks so much I think I'll do that

[MNLV27]

Just talk to Shiva before he leaves about what you're feeling. Just so that the both of you can think it over while he's gone and that way if he has feelings for you then there won't be a chance of him starting a fling or something over in Switzerland. When he get's back that's when you two can talk about it and see where it goes from then.

[walkingmuse]

He's already left ><
but we have facebook to talk over
his phone doesn't work in Switzerland

Thanks