[rezo]

>_0 first time posting in L&R ..

to the guys ;

a little bg - i met this guy at my school towards the end of the semester, and apparently i caught his eye and stuff. and so he started to hit me up and we'd go eat, he'd take me out to get bubble tea and what not. after a few times chilling with him, he admitted to me that he had a crush on me since the first time he had seen me, which was in my residence hall's laundry room (he was doing laundry with a friend since the laundry machines in his apartment were full or something). anyway.. at first i wasnt sure how i felt about him but the more time i spent with him, the more i started to realize i was developing feelings for him. then a few weeks later, i left for home for summer vacation and he wasnt leaving for another week or so.. and when i got home, we would talk here and there on aim/text/calls. i'd tell him i missed him and what not . then he comes back to the city and we'd still talk, and i'd ask him to chill or just to see him cause i missed him. but he would act so disinterested .. like sometimes he would ask me if i could come to the city to chill with him or ask me what im doing.. but then he would stop talking to me for a few days..

basically.. i gave him a lot of attention to show him that i liked him. but when i did that i got nothing out of it. at that point i figured it wasn't a mutual feeling ? so i stopped telling him that i missed him and backed off.. a few days later he texts me and calls me and asks what i'm up to.. and then asks me why i stopped hitting him up and telling him that i missed him.. then he goes on to say that i'm so 'cold' and mean to him. i don't get what's going on .. he told me that he missed me and he was the first one who told me that he liked me and stuff.

so my question is.. why is it that when a girl shows a guy attention, the guy doesn't do anything and then when the girl stops, the guy goes off on how the girl's not showing him love ?

:/ i know about that whole playing hard to get stuff but seriously .. is he just playing games with me ? should i just forget him?

sorry if this is confusing let me know if i need to clarify !

*EDIT

this happened like two nights ago i think.. and i think it's helped me make a decision to cut him off..
out of impulse, i texted him, 'i wish i could see you..' not as like a booty call or anything like that.. and his response was 'Not tonight, sorry'
i know it was a really really stupid move for me to do that, but.. i think this is it. a clear sign to just forget about him. -____-'

[ShadowMax76]

no person is made to spout affection for his/her mouth 24/7 . but besides asking him yourself before you jump to conclusions, and lessening your expectations of what a guy in love does from what you see in the movies...

i think i'll just say .. is that guys aren't the only ones who can shut off when they've won the chasing game.

[Mr-->Shang]

Well maybe his just not ready for a relationship yet and his still sorting things out but he doesnt want to lose you so his putting future insurance on you so later on you guys can date hmph! maybe its like that =/

[shim shim hae]

hes playing mindgames. he was just ignoring you on purpose so that you would come around to him. honestly he couldve been busy, but i guess nobody is busy enough to not be able to text.

if i had a girl to the point where she was already saying "i miss you", then there really isn't anymore need for mindgames.

[Mannosuke]

Men don't know what they want.

/orly

[BAZINGA!]

Men don't know what they want.

/orly

YEP. Until they start hitting around 30.

[ShadowMax76]

YEP. Until they start hitting around 30.

one would hope.

[BAZINGA!]

one would hope.

Hahahaha. Well, hopefully you will

[rezo]

if i had a girl to the point where she was already saying "i miss you", then there really isn't anymore need for mindgames.

you def have a point there... hmm.. it seems like guys in college just don't want to be tied down.. i should just quit looking for or considering relationships in college

&thank you guys soo much for your replies. def helping me out

[nagel]

hes playing mindgames. he was just ignoring you on purpose so that you would come around to him. honestly he couldve been busy, but i guess nobody is busy enough to not be able to text.

if i had a girl to the point where she was already saying "i miss you", then there really isn't anymore need for mindgames.

no... lol

He obviously doenst know how to read your 'signs' if you can even call them that..
why not make it more obvious.. just because you tell someone you miss them doesnt mean its a sign !

[HERMIT]

Men don't know what they want.
/orly

YEP. Until they start hitting around 30.

Then when they get past 40 like me, they realize what they can't get anymore.

[maverickrocker18]

WOW. i love how we're basically in the same situation, although i think mine was a little more complicated than yours =/

what i learned tho is that don't let yourself get too caught up unless he really wants a real relationship with you. in my situation, i thought things were going to turn out that way, but it turned out that he still couldn't get over his ex, and it sucks because i'm back home in norcal and he's back home in socal which is where his ex is from too. PLUS i was his original date for his frat formal, but some shiz went down and he ended up taking her instead. and he lied to me too, saying it was just a friend from hs.

i got nothing out of it too because i realized that in the end, i was the one putting in more effort than he was, as in he fell "out of like" with me when i fell "in like" with him. haha i know it sounds silly, but love is too strong of a word to use for this situation. i felt like i didn't really do anything wrong either, but i guess there was just some misunderstandings. *sigh*

what i also learned is to harden your heart a little because it's not fun to feel sunk in and then crushed. i wouldn't say my heart was broken, but i felt numb in spirit for a while. i mean, we also text/aim one in a while, but we would just talk like friends normally talk on aim.

so i'd forget him if i were you. i know it sounds harsh, but you do NOT want to be just another option for this guy........you want to be his ONLY option and pshhh, he should be the one saying he misses you if he was interested in the first place. ughhhhhh boys...

[5.mystline]

Maybe you should guide him, because he might not know what to do in the situation?.

[RequiemForLove]

What you should do is ask him a simple question, "How do you feel about me and our relationship?" To lessen to hurt for you, assume you are the rule; assume he's just not that into you. There is a chance that you are the exception (the latter case), but make the assumption anyway. You will feel better if it is really the former case. Good luck!

[rezo]

no... lol

He obviously doenst know how to read your 'signs' if you can even call them that..
why not make it more obvious.. just because you tell someone you miss them doesnt mean its a sign !

:/ i'm not sure what more i can do to make it more clear, i mean.. i told him straight out how i felt i was like.. i like you! and.. i want to see you again! and... yeahh! and we did make out before... ._.' i don't know how much that changes things

WOW. i love how we're basically in the same situation, although i think mine was a little more complicated than yours =/

what i learned tho is that don't let yourself get too caught up unless he really wants a real relationship with you. in my situation, i thought things were going to turn out that way, but it turned out that he still couldn't get over his ex, and it sucks because i'm back home in norcal and he's back home in socal which is where his ex is from too. PLUS i was his original date for his frat formal, but some shiz went down and he ended up taking her instead. and he lied to me too, saying it was just a friend from hs.

i got nothing out of it too because i realized that in the end, i was the one putting in more effort than he was, as in he fell "out of like" with me when i fell "in like" with him. haha i know it sounds silly, but love is too strong of a word to use for this situation. i felt like i didn't really do anything wrong either, but i guess there was just some misunderstandings. *sigh*

what i also learned is to harden your heart a little because it's not fun to feel sunk in and then crushed. i wouldn't say my heart was broken, but i felt numb in spirit for a while. i mean, we also text/aim one in a while, but we would just talk like friends normally talk on aim.

so i'd forget him if i were you. i know it sounds harsh, but you do NOT want to be just another option for this guy........you want to be his ONLY option and pshhh, he should be the one saying he misses you if he was interested in the first place. ughhhhhh boys...

omGOSH! i definitely feel numb in spirit right now.. but its definitely not a feeling that will last forever.. you're totally right ! i definitely DONT wana be 'just another girl'.. thank you so much for posting your experiences.. i'm definitely NOT going put out anymore =l & i wish you luck (if you need it that is o.o') as well!

Maybe you should guide him, because he might not know what to do in the situation?.

i don't know :/ i feel like he does know what he's doing .. playing around with my head and stuff.. he replicated the same feelings back to me before, said things like 'i miss your scent' >_> which is weird and all but .. he later admitted that he missed me and stuff. hmm..

What you should do is ask him a simple question, "How do you feel about me and our relationship?" To lessen to hurt for you, assume you are the rule; assume he's just not that into you. There is a chance that you are the exception (the latter case), but make the assumption anyway. You will feel better if it is really the former case. Good luck!

i did consider the 'maybe he's just not that into you' thing, so everytime i felt that way, i'd step back and stop trying to contact him and what do you know, a few days later, he'd call or text me to ask me what i was up to that day, or what i was doing.. how my day went.. but at this point i think it's stopped happening that way . cause the last time he spoke to me he said to me was that i was cold lol. i am definitely not going to keep my hopes up that i'm the exception :/ i am extremely grateful for your advice, thank you SO MUCH ! it really helped, and i am definitely going to cut him out of the picture..

[visuelz]

I can tell you he's playing the game, but he's being a big jerk at it. He thinks he got you hooked on him already. So I'd forget him. He probably flirts with a lot of girls.

[nagel]

:/ i'm not sure what more i can do to make it more clear, i mean.. i told him straight out how i felt i was like.. i like you! and.. i want to see you again! and... yeahh! and we did make out before... ._.' i don't know how much that changes things

oh now that u said you told him.. and u guys did make out, that changes the whole thing ! haha
so here are my thoughts. He obviously doesnt want a relationship with you, he problems thinks as just
as a 'sex buddy(?)'. That or, he just watned to make out with you so he can say that he did, then leave.
bottom line, dont go for him.

[iDoof]

I'm a guy. And, uh, THAT GUY'S A JERK.

Yeah it feels great when the girl shows all the love and I can just play hard to get. So I understand that guy's urge. But it's not right. Relationships go 2 ways. Both parties are supposed to show each other love.

[rezo]

oh now that u said you told him.. and u guys did make out, that changes the whole thing ! haha
so here are my thoughts. He obviously doesnt want a relationship with you, he problems thinks as just
as a 'sex buddy(?)'. That or, he just watned to make out with you so he can say that he did, then leave.
bottom line, dont go for him.

ehhh i don't wanna sugarcoat things but like.. when it happened i shoved him away and stuff . & told him i wasnt ready for that type of thing &he seemed to be okay with it, and stopped! seemed respectful and ..
but regardless.. you're probably right...