[phoenix rise]

you hear it all the time regarding relationships and attracting the opposite sex, "you just need confidence." or "confidence is such a turn on."

but what exactly is confidence and where does it come from?

[ShadowMax76]

from your own philosophy in life.
and perhaps a little fear of the pessimistic/dark/weak feelings.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

Since urbandictionary is my best friend, I will take some answers from there
CREDITS: goes to urbandictionary LOL

Since most answers are pretty lame and stupid and plain not making any sense, I will attempt to translate them.

absolut could-care-john teshing-less-what-every-john teshing-body thinks
confidence is sexy.
confidence is sexy.
confidence is sexy.

Okay what this human (I don't believe any person can write that bad, so I say human) means, is that a confidence person don't care what other people think.
You can look fugly, but still look happy or not afraid or not look like a loser.
this also means, that you just don't care. You can do stuff that make you look like a dumbmini cooper, but you still look fine. Or not worried
You can make the biggest mistake of your life, but still look calm, or not worried.

Yeah I think you get it, you just don't care about what people think. It's just YOU.
You kinda get the feeling that he is nice and friendly, but at the same time, he also STFU you if he think you are annoying. You just can't control him too, it's like he's the boss.

An excuse used by woman to decline men without seeming shallow
Allen has no confidence I can't possibly date him.

This one is self explanatory I guess

Seperates the men from the boys.
Man, you can tell that guy has confidence. He does what he wants, when he wants to, and he doesn't put up with mini cooper from nobody!

Lame, but what can we say? Urban Dictionary IS lame. Good lame example though.

meh I think that's all.
And for the second question, then It comes from yourself I guess. I mean who else.


Well hey, let me ask you, What do you think confidence in general means?
It's the same thing

[ShadowMax76]

^ in essence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ25o7iYZ50

_ i guess the insecure, and we all are, get "confidence"/reassurance from other people..

it's not a bad thing, but depending too much on other people for your confidence/life drive... is not a good thing.

it's like a suicidalsuper obsessed + melodramatic gf who thinks you're the only thing that is keeping her breathing. :/

[hobobear]

too much confidence turns into cockiness.. which is not appealing

[bonitagirlx]

id like to know too, since i lack so much of it.

[Mannosuke]

I sat in some social-psych lecture and the prof was talking about confidence (amongst other stuff). Too bad I can't remember any of it except people comparing themselves to others, or putting others down to make themselves feel better. A lot of terms were flying around and I had no clue what was going on.

I don't think girls can define what confidence is, cause if they could, they'd probably already have some. But we know that's not the case, and thus how social norms are defined in our current time period.

In fact, most people including myself probably can't define it and give you some idea what exactly we mean when we say the word "confidence" or use it some context. You can say what it's NOT, but just cause something is NOT such-and-such, doesn't mean you have any idea what it actually is.

To illustrate my point, imagine an apple. Numerous attempts to describe what an apple is to someone that is completely oblivious to what an "apple" will all be in vain if we constantly tried to explain it by saying such things as "it's NOT a banana" or "it's NOT an orange."

Fortunately, an apple is a tangible object, so to save myself the time and demonstrate complete understanding of the phrase "a picture speaks a thousand words" I would just pull out an apple from my pocket and be done with it; up to you to accept that it's an apple.

However, an interesting point was raised: can we derive the idea of "confidence" through the concept of "cockiness"? It seems one leads to the next, so technically it might be possible to define what confidence is through cockiness, so that would be the best place to start. It's not even an implication since the user defines "cockiness" as "too much confidence."

Of course, let's hope the user that mentioned it comes back and elaborate what she means so the OP and other members would be greatly enlightened.

Girls should also provide some input cause they seem to be the ones that are telling you to get some "confidence"; it'd be sad if they couldn't describe what they want.

[supa'Wanki]

Confidence IS attractive. Some people have it, some people don't. You can either fake it, or you can't. Just don't be too self conscious. Who care's what others think of you, you're who you are, and express your individuality. Don't be a vagina and let your emotions get to you.

[blueskiezgurl]

someone has confidence when they know what they want, who they are, sure of themselves..they have dat strong conviction..i believ u either have it or not

[oceansea]

confidence is when you believe in yourself and when you believe you have something to offer. It is then that you would feel comfortable approaching someone without having to feel you are anything less than the other party. Confidence will come if effort is put into being yourself, but also removing yourself from your shell and allowing people to get to know you. The best way to have someone get to know you better is to make the first move. In order to make the first move you must feel good about yourself and it is then you'll feel that sense of confidence to move things forward. good luck!

[h0ney]

comes from within...? like an attitube
its a sort of presence thats hard to ignore
yet the person is still sincere and modest
optimism towards life in general?

[Mannosuke]

lol OP's going to be disappointed when he comes back cause all the replies so far are pretty much "you'll know when you feel it" or "either you have it or you don't"

One attribute that most people can agree on is "not caring what other people think" but then again, doesn't that borderline "arrogant"?

[Painterlyy]

I guess confidence comes from within.
You stay true to yourself and don't care what other people think

[linguazn]

confidence comes from believing that you're good enough or better. not to a point where you are narcissistic, but to a point where you are comfortable with yourself.
confidence makes people more attractive, b/c they are happy with themselves.

[phoenix rise]

confidence is a funny thing. i could be confident about holding my own in a fight yet i could be the biggest wuss when it comes to talking to the opposite sex.

am i still a confident person?

[SweetJuice]

Confident ... ? hmm..m...m..

I am keep asking myself about this question for over 20 years ...

It's somewhere in you and you need to practice with it ...

Find more books about Confident ... It helps

[MRLEE]

confidence is a turn on.
i dont want to be with someone who is always whiny.
you get the drill? lol.
but basically a confidence person is some who believes in themselves, and believes they can achieve great things.
its okay to be insecure, everyone is.
but to be always putting yourself down, is just a waste of time and a waste of emotion.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

lol OP's going to be disappointed when he comes back cause all the replies so far are pretty much "you'll know when you feel it" or "either you have it or you don't"

That's what they all say!
Even when I ask them about wth is "Chemistry", they say you can feel it!
Well I sure was dissappointed!
And when I say that they are n00b, I get flamed!
Shouldn't have said that again

Meh you should check this girl's 411 which I forgot her username.
She got a pretty good definition of "confidence"

It says something along the line of
"Confidence is being able to do something that you are afraid of"

Meh something along those lines.
Pretty good eh? I use it as my motto now.

[hamoosta]

Yeah, I agree with all of the posts above mine.

I get my confidence from my appearance. lol
If I look good, I feel great towards myself with others.

[Mannosuke]

"Confidence is being able to do something that you are afraid of"

Makes sense.

When a girl musters up the strength to approach a guy, initiate conversation and/or ask them out on dates, that is so ridiculously wonderful. Like damn, what courage! Such an act of confidence is clearly worthy of praise.

On the other hand, when a guy does it, there's no welcome party; no one goes nuts over it and makes a huge commotion. In fact, it's as if he was supposed to do it in the first place and if he doesn't do it, then he's a big loser that has no confidence whatsoever.

Why don't we get that kind of attention for displaying acts of confidence?

Some say people gain "confidence" when their actions are acknowledged and liked, but clearly the guy that struggled to form his thoughts into words was just shrugged aside cause he was too slow and uncool lolololol