[sandy.s2.yu]

I feel like a monster cuz I feel like I’m not feeling the way I think I should. My grandfather is hospitalized right now and we’re going to Toronto tomorrow to visit to make sure he’s okay (not sure if he’s conscious yet).

I didn’t feel anything when I heard about my grandfather. Shouldn’t I feel shocked, heart-broken, distraught, anything, when I heard he’s collapsed (I think that’s what happened) and he might pass away soon? I feel like a horrible granddaughter for not feeling the way I should. He’s had several health problems and he had a stroke during March and got surgery, so….

I felt the same way then as I do now. When we were in TO in March visiting him, I saw an elderly who has bowel problems (he was wearing a diaper) and he looked so alone and stuff. I felt sadder for him than I did with my own grandfather! I think it's just because, my grandfather had a room overflowing with people everyday while he's there, someone always by his side, and this person had no one.

My friend thinks it’s because I don’t know him and that we haven't developed a granddaughter-grandfather relationship, even though he’s my grandfather. Like, in my childhood, before he and my grandmother moved to TO from our city, I don’t remember ever seeing him, perhaps at dinner time when we had dinner with them? He was always out or something when I had to go there after school till my parents came to pick me up. I only remember my grandmother in my childhood of my grandparents, so my grandfather and I never bonded, I suppose. We barely talk to one another when we do see each other (perhaps cuz of the language barrier or just that we don't have anything to say?). Unlike his other grandchildren, my cousins, all of whom live in TO with him and see him regularly, they got to know him and stuff. I feel like a stranger or something instead of feeling like he's my grandfather.

I dunno, I just feel so confused and conflicted about this. Is it normal to feel like this, concerning one's own family? Am I just cold and unfeeling? Is there a way for me to feel? I don't like feeling so cold about this.... He's my grandpa after all.... I want to feel the way I should be feeling about this.... T_T

[Mannosuke]

My friend thinks it�s because I don�t know him and that we haven't developed a granddaughter-grandfather relationship, even though he�s my grandfather

That makes sense.

[morimi]

My friend thinks it�s because I don�t know him and that we haven't developed a granddaughter-grandfather relationship, even though he�s my grandfather.

^ I think that's why you didn't feel distraught because you didn't have any memories of him and the old man you saw you probably just pitied him. I think this feeling should be normal, but it really depends on how you process your thoughts, that makes you feel a certain way.
Same goes for me too, I don't know my grandmother at all, don't have any memories of her (but I heard she's evil) and when I was told she had a stroke and can't walk or always needs a machine to breathe, I was shocked, but nothing else, but who knows maybe I'm a monster too that's why I felt nothing.
I also remember when my father died I bawled like crazy (I was really close with my father) the first day and a half and then I suddenly went quiet yet my cousins were crying- I think the reason to why I went silent was probably was because I was too traumatized/shocked/disbelief of his death.

Also recen't it was my father's two year death anniversary, we went to visit his grave and my mother bawled and I just stood by her not feeling anything. Reason to why I felt nothing=I feel like its just his body, btu since he's not alive anymore I don't know what to cry for?

I don't know, but I think the feeling of no emotion really depends on your thought process and how you see things....

[Teeeee]

Maybe you're in shock?
But it's probably because you didn't know him enough.
But...you do love him...RIGHT?

[ebolainmemphis]

Well my great grandmother died on a holiday, and a lot of people in my family cried. I didn't feel anything though because I didn't know her that well.

[Cheri.B*]

I didn't cry when my grandpa died.
I never even talk to the guy, I never even created a bond with him.
There were no good memories I had with him to cry about, so...
it happens.
You shouldn't force yourself to be sad.
False sorrow or pretend to be sad is worse to me.
It isn't like you're going to dance around about his condition.

[nxtlvl]

My grandfather is hospitalized right now, too =( He's got liver cancer.

Don't feel bad about it. The first few days I was in a bit of a shock, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I got. But yesterday I kind of just broke down and started bawling like mad. And I never had too close of a relationship with my grandfather either. He lives on the other side of the planet and I only visit during summer vacation every few years.

If the same thing doesn't happen to you, I wouldn't think you're a monster. Different people react to similar situations in very different ways. It doesn't mean you don't care.

[AresJK]

Its not something you should feel 'monster-like' about, you just don't know him
blood or no blood, relationship is based on knowing each other
although you 'should' feel a little bit bad

[koezane]

i dont know if you will get enough private time with him for you both to get to know each other before he passes on...

he sounds like a pretty popular guy. i think you should write him a private note and tell him how much you wished you knew more about him. i suspecthe will give you a private audience. hoep you speak his language.

[MisterLy]

I'm rather apathetic.
Sometimes I watch movies (ie. One Litre of Tears, which I didn't finish anyway. Oh and in this case it wouldn't be a movie, but whatever) just to get to the part where I'm supposed to cry.
I know it sounds sadistic, but don't write me off as inhuman, please. xD

But uh, like others have said, you don't know him. That's a big factor.

[justinparrk]

don't feel like a monster. i went through this too.

my grandmother was fighting pneumonia and she was bed ridden and got super skinny. i didn't feel any emotion but just annoyance becuase my parents forced me to be there (i know i'm a jerk). i guess it was 'cause i wasn't really close to her. but at the funeral, i cried.

you might cry, you might not but it doesn't make you any less human if you don't.

[shining_star[:]

agreed with your friend i felt the same
when my grandpas died i felt like how you felt i had no feelings
maybe its because i wasnt close to him and i didnt devolpe the granddaughter and grandpa relationship like i should of have=[

[eggball]

It's 5 years since my grandpa passed away.
I was 12 that time.
I didn't cry,
My bro was 9, he cried like crazy.
I thought something was wrong with me, it's not, it's just that he's always in your heart,
you know it.

[Sam Sik]

I think it's just shock. My friend said pretty much what you said. But at the funeral, he started to cry.

[Exquoise]

I know what you mean, my grandpa's brother who is staying at my house collapsed once, I was shocked but I didn't feel as concerned as everyone else was and that's why I felt like a monster. I don't know him and I rarely see him. But i know he is an amazing person and full of life, and I really pity him..and that's why it breaks my heart. I'm growing fond of him and maybe you should give your grandfather a chance? Don't make it too late...I really hope your grandfather is going to be fine.

[ANJEE<3]

i'm grandmother died when i was 12... but i felt ABSOLUTELY NOTHING... i tried so hard to feel SOMETHING.. i tried to be sad.. but honestly.. i just felt normal

it's because i've NEVER met her.. i've seen the odd picture and that's it... she was in HK all along and i was here in Canada..
she never came to visit me and we never went to visit her.. we were going to go see her in the hosp in HK but she passed before our passports were done.. so i never got to say goodbye to her either because after she passed, we didn't end up going
dad/family never talked about her much either.. i guess we are just a family that doesn't keep in touch much =\


i feel guilty as heck sometimes because i never got to know her.. but that guilty disappears really quickly
i don't know anything about her at all actually
i don't even have a clear picture of her in my head.. =S..


so i guess i can tell you that it is NORMAL... as much as family is and how you try to guilt yourself into believing how you can not feel something...
it is just the way it is.. you never got to know your grandfather and i never got to know my grandmother.. we never bonded..
honestly my grandmother was a stranger to me.. i felt grief i guess.. but when i heard she passed.. i tried to feel sad, i made myself feel sad..
and then that was it, i felt all normal like it was just another day and i woke up feeling fine having completely forgotten about it..

[koshu]

I think it's completely normal to not feel much when someone you don't know too well dies. Of course you shouldn't treat the matter as if it was not that big of a deal, but then... I dunno.

When my grandparents (mom's side) died, I didn't feel a thing. However, I did all I could to cheer my mom up. I lit the incense sticks for her, I did my chores around the house and I made my own food (well, tried to at the time). Same thing happened when my dad's parents died nearly a year or so back. I felt sad for my parents, not for my grandparents...

[xjuiiccy]

The depth of the situation probably hasnt't gotten to you yet ..
But take this time to get to know your grandfather
and develop the grandfather-granddaughter relationship .

[Octopus__]

I was young when my close grandfather died.
Sure we were close, but I didn't understand
the whole concept everyone was going through.
Everyone was crying and distraught. I understood
he was dying, but I felt like it was alright and it
would be better since he was never that good in
health. You could be feeling like the same way, or
that relationship was never connected. It's fine though.
You can always just think about him. Tears don't
always have to fall when someone dies.

[lil_miss_kawaii]

I think your freind is right

When my grandma was hospitalized I didnt feel anything either
And when she was put in a care home I didnt feel anything either

I was more sad for the other people who didnt have anyone (like you said about the lonely person)

I didnt have a grandma-grand-daughter relationship with her
Which is probably why I didnt get that upset
But once I found out she actually passed away ~ I cried like crazy ~

I think its normal and make sense because you dont have that bond so you dont worry as much
If you were closer you would probably feel more ~ but it make sense in your situation so I think its fine

Dont feel like a monster ~ Its normal