[realization]

boyfriend first

i love my boyfriend, i really do
but there's this kid that's always on my mind
idk....
my boyfriend and i ... we have this spark
but the other kid, we'll call him "X"
X and I have a history
I know X like the back of my hand
and idk .....
it's not thoughts like
GAH X is cute
but more of " I miss him, and how it used to be. "

Is that cheating?
I told this one kid, and he told me it was basically mentally/emotionally cheating on my boyfriend.

and on top of that, my boyfriend is in college.
i'm in high school.

what happens when he leaves for college?
i mean i can take the distance, but can he?

he's always like "i miss you." "i need to see you"
an hour a day isn't enough for him

so....




friend

so i had these amazing group of friends
but one day, they started walking down ....... the horrendous path of drinking, smoking, and drugs.
i tried to help them, but there was this one fcking unnie that b.itched at me like crazy
telling me it was their life and for me to try and help them make other choices in their life was selfish on my part
but what pissed me off most was how she was the one influencing them to do all that sh.it

and now this amazing group of friends is separated into three different groups

and i have this one amazing best friend that's been with me thought thick and thin <3
but.. the others ones
i still miss.

idk, i try to be nice to all of them because theres no point in making animosity and hostility rise (:
but i mean

i know one of them talks smack
which idk why cause i havent done anything to her

one of them avoids me and gives me mad attitude
and when we actually confront eachother
she never makes eye contact
and cuts conversation short

and yet the third one actually tells me about her issues
and how she misses me
and what she goes through
and if i have anything on my mind

(:

so i mean
wth do i do with them

do i just .. cut communication off or what?

[Mannosuke]

Is that cheating?

Sure, if "mentally dating" and "mentally cheating" are now officially accepted and people are going to make a big deal about it. As long as you keep it to yourself or you be a proper gf and tell your man about it. Even if it's not cheating, it'd be bad if he finds out from 3rd party sources with a little biased flavor to it.

so i mean
wth do i do with them

do i just .. cut communication off or what?

Do what you're doing now and see what happens.

[Lie]

It doesn't sound like you're all that interested in X honestly, it sounds to me like the sort of secondary interest that people develop when their first relationship gets kind of boring and stale. Your bf does sound pretty needy, so if I'm to be completely truthful with you, I don't think it's likely you'll last with the distance. When a needy person gets even LESS time with someone they like, they become even MORE needy (usually suffocatingly so), and it becomes too much to take for the object of their affection. That said, I'd just ride things out and see what happens. Few relationships work these days anyway, so just take the relationship as it comes, don't develop any unrealistic expectations, and if it lasts then great, if not then accept that as gracefully as possible and move on.